WE STARTED OUR walk in an uncomfortable silence. I don't know why it happened that way. We weren't the best of friends, but I supposed we could have had at least a proper conversation as we walked, or I would have suggested that Squirrel took me home.

Jonny shouldn't have left. His leaving made things awkward. Or maybe its something else. His leaving probably has nothing to do with it. He's still the same person, I think. He just went away for some time, that's nothing. What made things awkward was us growing up. What made things awkward was me, having one of our best friends as a girlfriend. What made things awkward was general aura and personality.

I am an awkward person. I can't keep up a conversation properly. He's been away a while, so he probably doesn't know that. But he should. If he'd stayed he would have.

I sighed softly and ran my fingers through my barely kept brown hair. Then I felt his stare on me and I looked across to see him. He was staring. Just staring and not saying anything. He didn't even seem to care that I caught him staring and was staring back at him. Sometimes I want to be that brave, but other times I don't, because I know that that person wouldn't be me. I want to be me, with my flaws and all.

I probably sound so confused. I hate how I am, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That sounds like something a confused teenager would say -- which I am. Bingo.

"You know," I started, "your parents never actually told us why you left."

Jonny shrugged his shoulders and finally looked away from me. "Doesn't matter now, right? I'm back, aren't I?"

"Oh." I answered softly. Obviously he has zero intention of telling me about the reason for their sudden departure. I don't even know why he came back. I don't know anything about this new Jonny. He could have been a criminal back in New York and now he's back to take us down with him. Maybe his family in New York died and he needs something to bounce back to, which is here. Maybe he just got tired of it. Maybe he just wanted to finish the last year of high school with his old friends. Maybe his parents forced him back here. I don't know. The possibilities are endless, honestly.

"Well what classes do you have? Do we have any together?" I asked, desperate not for us to walk down the street in this silence. There are other students walking the street in our direction, but no one close enough so we could listen in and start a conversation with them, well Jonny.

"Probably not. You're obviously pretty smart, I can't be in any of your classes." He told me, which had me thinking. Yes, I take Physics and Additional Mathematics and Chemistry and what not but those subjects aren't the hardest to do. I mean they all link if you think about it. Besides, I'm only doing those subjects to become a doctor in the future (apparently doctors make a lot of money). Anyone can do them.

I don't even know what Jonny wants to become in the future. God, I know nothing of him. As kids we never talked about those things. But what kid actually talks about the future when there's an open field for them to play in. Playing is everything for children.

"It would have been nice to uh to have a friend." I said. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me or whatever, I'm just saying... Like I have no one to talk to in my classes and honestly its probably my fault but-"

"I'm gay." Jonny Cooper suddenly said. He stopped walking and I did as well, out of only shock. We stopped right in front of my mom's best friend's house, two houses down the street from ours. I'm not exactly fond of the woman because she's a bit pushy and is absolutely in love with ordering me around. Meaning, having him come out to me in front of her yard is the worst thing that could happen.

She could come out and tell me to go home, or send out her dog to bite me then claim it to be an accident. Or she could come out to recruit me to do some handy work that I'm supposed to know how to do, but I don't. And when I can't do it, she'll tell me off, saying something like, 'you're a growing male, you should know how to do these things' and that would just piss me off and then I'd cuss and she'd tell her best friend. God, I hate that woman. I can't see how my mother loves her so.

"You hate me now. I shouldn't have-" I snapped back into attentiveness when he began speaking.

"I don't hate you-"

"You hate the idea of having a gay friend, don't you? That's why you aren't saying anything? Are you homophobic?"

"No! I swear I'm not!" I said quickly to him. Jonny just stared at me, probably not believing a word that comes from my mouth. But I am being honest. I'm not homophobic. I like gay people, well I have no problem with them... I think. I've never encountered a gay person before.

"Really?" He asked and I nodded. Jonny began to walk again and I quickly followed. I stared at him. "When did you find out?" I asked as we walked, suddenly feeling as though my legs couldn't keep up with his. He was tall, but I wasn't short, and we were walking at the same distance.

"Its not something you find out. Its always been there, a part of me." Jonny said. I was silent for a while. We walked past two houses on the street, then we passed the third, then the fourth and fifth, and soon we were walking out of the neighborhood and towards the giant field without me even recognizing it. I was silent and thinking. He's been gay since childhood? I didn't even realize. Is that why he moved away, because he as gay?

"You didn't look gay. You dressed and talked and acted straight."

"There's a straight way to talk? Or dress? Or act?" He asked with the raise of his brows. My jaw dropped slightly. Is there a straight way of doing things? I don't know. Gay men usually dress differently and talk girly and act femininely.

"Well yeah.. I guess.. You were normal. You dressed and acted normal. Like one of us."

"What is normal?" Jonny Cooper asked me. What kind of question is that. How am I supposed to know what's normal? Isn't 'normal' what's according to the norms and what's following the rules? Is that what normal is?

"I.. I don't know." I said to him. We arrived at the field. It was no longer just a field. It was now a mini park for the kids. There was still a huge lot of greenery, but they installed a swing set, a merry go round and a slide for the kids. It would have been nice if we had that growing up, but in hind sight, maybe it wouldn't have been. That space had a grass probably reaching our knees back then. We'd dig up worms and caterpillars to scare the younger kids with. And I wouldn't change that for a swing set and a slide. Ever.

The field was empty. Kids usually got off school around three, while we get off at two in the afternoon. We have an entire hour without them, plus they usually have to go home and check in with their parents before they come here. So, Jonny took a seat on one of the swings. I don't know why, but I didn't sit next to him.

"There is no such thing as 'Normal'. Its just what everyone thinks is right because everyone else is doing it. Its stupid," Jonny said. I could tell he was angry, or at least getting angry. I don't really want to anger him more by saying anything stupid, well more stupid.

"I didn't mean to insult you, Jonny." I spoke sincerely. I really didn't want to sound homophobic, because I'm not. As I said before I have no problem with gay people. Go gays!

Jonny didn't reply to what I said, so I decided to say something else. I should sit next to him. I didn't want to make it seem as if I didn't want to sit next to him because he's gay. But I don't even know how true or false that statement is. I don't know why I won't sit next to him. Maybe part of me is a bit homophobic. Honestly speaking, if I didn't know he was gay I probably would have taken a seat. I don't want to feel this way towards him, I don't want to make him feel bad about himself because I'm an idiot.

I sat on the swing.

"Why did you tell me?" I asked him.

"You're my friend." Jonny said. I nodded my head then asked; "Did you tell the others?"

"No."

I didn't want to ask why. Maybe that would lead to something else that would make me seem homophobic again, so I kept my mouth shut. I should be thankful that he told me. I should be happy that he is brave enough and feels comfortable enough to tell me about himself. So I said, "Thank you for telling me."