Please don't look at me, I thought, attempting something like a mindmeld as I stared nervously at the back of Matt's short brown hair. As much as I'd begged not to go, my mom had sent me to Joey's for pickup. Of course, Matt just had to be on staff for the Friday rush.

I angled myself so that I looked like just another random customer in line. I so didn't want to talk to Matt, not after that whole Olivia business. I still had a funny feeling about that, but I couldn't figure out why.

I heard Matt call something out as he toted around clinking dishes. A few times his head turned in my general direction, but I could duck my head. Or so I thought.

"Alexa, how long do I have to pretend I don't see you?" His tired voice, suddenly very close to my ear, made me jump.

"Crap. Um. Hi, Matt." I felt a blush blossoming on my cheeks.

"Hi," he said awkwardly. He smiled at me unsurely, his mouth skewing to one side. His presence and attention, after being ignored for a week, was refreshing. I smiled back.

"How are you and Olivia doing?" I asked after a pregnant pause.

Something changed and hardened in Matt's face. "Fine. It's fine," he repeated, like he was assuring me and himself. "She's, um...she's great." You could tell she really wasn't, but how could I call him on that?

There was this awkward silence as Matt waited for me to say something, and I tried to rack my brain for something to say. Finally, he said, "Do you think we could talk? Like, soon?" He sounded so nervous and unsure.

"Sure," I replied quickly. "Text me, yeah?"

"I'd rather we do it in person." I looked up, and his wide brown eyes were anxious, and he was biting his lip. For some reason, that face made me ache deep in my chest.

"Okay," I agreed.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow, yeah? And we can, I don't know, walk somewhere?"

"Olivia won't mind?"

Matt looked at me very seriously. "You and I both know that I really don't care."

I couldn't think of anything to say after that. I paid for my pizza, gave Matt one last look, and scurried out of the pizzeria.

~

"Hi."

"You've gotta stop with the awkwardness, Alexa."

Jeez. I slid the rest of the way into Matt's passenger seat and gave him a confused look. "Um. Okay." He didn't take his eyes off the road even though we weren't moving. The muscles in his jaw worked.

"Look. I'm not going to go around this: I'm very close to being in love with you. I don't know why, but, um, yeah." He was trying to keep his voice free of emotion, but his voice kept breaking.

"Should I be offended, or..."

"You know what I mean."

I bristled at his blunt answers. "I'm sorry, okay? I can't just shut off feelings just because conflicting ones come up-"

"So there are some?" Matt interrupted, sounding a little too hopeful.

"Slow your roll. That kiss was...confusing. That's all I'm saying."

I watched Matt nod, eyes still trained on the road.

"Where are we going?" I asked, peering out the window.

"Don't worry about it," Matt said. For something, it didn't sound quite so friendly as it was supposed to, and that irritated me.

"You've got to stop making me the enemy here, Matty. It's not my fault, and it's not your's, either. It's nobody's fault. It's just feelings, okay? We can work it out, but you're going to have to stop being so hostile."

Matt looked at me strangely. "You're right, I guess. It's just been weird, s'all."

"Yeah. No helping that, I guess."

We parallel parked in front of a beaten wood gate. There was a sign out front, announcing that we'd arrived at Sawyer State Park. A trail weaved through the tall evergreens and bare oaks.

"A hike? It's cold."

"It's relaxing, stupid," Matt said good-naturedly. "I need to do a little letting go, and so do you."

I started singing the chorus of Let It Go, and Matt slapped his palm over my mouth.

"I get that enough at home. Could we maybe relax quieter?"

I pouted, but felt my heart swell. Finally, we were getting back into the routine of things.

We started on the pine-chip lined trail, the path a little damp with frost and past rain. It smelled pure and new as we got deeper into the woods, like earth and pine. It was silent save for our soft voices making small talk.

I hated to kill the good vibes, but we were here for a reason. "What's up with Olivia, anyway? She doesn't seem like your type. No offense."

"None taken. She's not my type."

"Where'd you even find her? I've never even heard of her."

"A dinner party. Dating her is killing two birds with one stone: I get over you, my parents get in good with her parents."

"Matt. That's awful."

"What am I supposed to do?" he replied, shrugging.

"You're supposed to not use people!" I hissed at him. "Girls hate that."

"Do they?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, catching the implication. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Matt," I sighed. "That's so wrong. You can't use her to transfer feelings. That's just..." I shook my head.

"You don't get it, do you?"

"I understand, you like me, but-"

"She doesn't get it," he mumbled to herself.

"What don't I get?" I pleaded.

That boy, that stupid brown-haired boy, he grabbed me and he kissed me. I sputtered, completely surprised.

"Do you understand?" Matt asked, a little out of breath. "The feelings I have for you...they're way too intense for me to just ignore."

I nodded. "Mmhm. Look, I change my mind. Maybe keeping Olivia around is a good idea." He had to take those feelings out on someone, I guess, and it may as well have been her.

"Yeah." We made a silent decision to go back to the car. Matt drove me home, and he didn't say another word.

A/N poor lil Matty
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