Serenity takes Ceyla's hand, dragging her to the front door.

"Where are we going?"

Serenity's mind turns in circles as she contemplates the decision she's thinking about.  "Do you want your letters back?" She asks with a smile.

"I don't know... maybe."

A hm leaves her mothers lips. "Let's visit the boys we can. I'll go find the letters."

Ten minutes later, Serenity and Ceyla sit in the heated car, parked outside of one of the boys' house. The boy who used Ceyla to hide his sexuality, Noah.

"The things I do for you kids." Serenity mumbles when staring at her daughter who makes no attempt to leave the car. So she walks to the door.

Her knuckles tap against the wood as she waits with patience. A young boy opens the door, dressed in a striped polo shirt and denim shorts. There's earphones hanging around his neck and his brown hair is a disheveled mess. His features are soft and approachable. He stands tall and instead of expected confusion on his appearance, there's familiarity in his olive eyes and he greets Serenity.

So this is the gay boy that hid his sexuality from his friends and the rest of high school by dating Ceyla, thinking she wouldn't fall for him romantically-

"Hey... I'm looking for Noah?"

The boy raises his brows, not surprised by her appearance. "That's me." He averts his gaze from Serenity. "Are you here for Ceyla's letter?"

"How did you-"

"You're her mom." Noah states. "I've seen you before, from school- parents evenings and sports days." He nods in recognition and Serenity now recognises the young boy that's been in Ceyla's classes ever since she was in school.

"I'm surprised you remember me after all that time." She laughs.

Noah hums. "Yeah, does she want it back?" He refers to the letter and doesn't give Ceyla's mother a chance to confirm. "I'll be right back-" And he goes back inside the toasty house, to retrieve the letter he wasn't expecting at all.

The teenage boy is about to hand her the letter, stained with thoughts that were shifted from Ceyla's mind. Her emotions tied together, into an envelope addressed with his name, an intimate letter that was meant for no one but herself. "Is she with you? I'd like to talk things through, clear the air you know?" He asks.

Serenity huffs. "That's actually a good idea-" She trails off. Ceyla is the kind of person to push away clashing situations, thoughts and emotions which is why she's been having several panic attacks ever since the letters got whisked away to their recipients. Serenity wants her daughter to be brave. "I'll go get her, she's in the car." She offers a smile.

Serenity turns around, determined for Ceyla to talk about the hidden conflict with Noah, they both need to address their past and current feelings. She starts to walk down the front of the house, down the small path until she stops.

An older man walks up the path at the same time, a few steps away from her. They both freeze at the same time, perplexed, shocked and filled with anxiety.

"Serenity?" Their voices collide. "Yoongi?"

Just like they always did.

Serenity feels her legs weaken at the sight of her first love, the man she hasn't seen in years and never thought she would come across again, never see him in front of her. She's thought about seeing him again many times but she's completely caught off guard, woeful. She suddenly wants to get in her car and drive home, because he's looking at her like he did when they were forgotten, needy teenagers.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

Serenity stays glued to the spot, furrowed brows and edgy breaths, as she forgets about the retrieval of her daughter for Noah. Instead, she unintentionally focuses on the appearance of the man stood opposite her. Dyed snowy hair, no longer black, it covers his eyes now, growing around his ears that hold no piercings like they used to. His eyes still hold bareness, sharpness and fierceness as they maintain eye contact with her. The swirls of copper and black were something she once thought she would never get over. His posture is slumped, clenched hand carrying a leather briefcase as the long coat on his body protects him from the blistering cold, the glimpse of a carmine flannel peaking out as his pale cheeks turn slightly flush. He seems just as bewildered as her.

"I live here." His reply is simple and straight to the point. The house that stands behind Serenity is Yoongi's, one she never noticed, one she never knew held one of the men that she had loved. She always thought he'd move out out of town but he stayed which is the biggest surprise.

"What? So you're Noah's-"

"Dad, yeah."

Yoongi shifts awkwardly on the spot. He moves his briefcase from one hand to the other and walks past her, the scent of cigarettes and clean laundry is what Serenity takes notice of. He moves to his front door, patting Noah's shoulder before forcing a smile. "Come inside, we can talk and catch up. I see that you're still short." He sends a smile her way.

"I am indeed."

Catching up with Yoongi sounds like both a good and a bad idea. So just as she's about to politely decline, her head moves faster and she nods. Great!

"I'll meet you inside. Let me just get Ceyla for Noah." She walks away.

Serenity arrives at the parked car, ignoring her daughters confused expression as she looks up from her flashy phone. The mother of two opens the car door and Ceyla opens her mouth, about to speak but gets cut off. "Come on, let's go. Noah wants to talk things out with you."

"What? Mom no! This isn't what we came for." Ceyla replies.

"Oh you're coming." Serenity's voice is certain and serious which makes Ceyla gulp harshly, still not making the move to get out of the car.

"Please can we just go home now-" Ceyla is forced to follow her mother, out of the car and into the house with Serenity grasping her wrist.

The two of them enter with forceful smiles. Ceyla leaves to have a talk with Noah upstairs after throwing glares at her mother who sits with Yoongi.

"It's been so long." Serenity states, a shaky breath leaving her mouth. She makes herself comfortable on his living room, khaki couch, clasping her sweaty hands in her lap as she turns her attention to Yoongi who sits opposite her, asking her if she would like a drink or anything to eat. He usually never has guests and he can't believe his first guest in years is the ex girlfriend that left him for herself.

The house inside is decorated wonderfully, all the wooden furniture matches with the green coloured walls- the theme reflects nature and comfort. There's no photographs on the wall, not many ornaments and there's a heavy coat rack behind the door, with a row of shoes. But a weakness that Serenity has is that she knows Yoongi too well, always has which is why an apprehensive feeling sits in her stomach when she thinks about how he would never have decorated his house like this.

"It's crazy, I've wanted to see you for so long but you're always hiding I swear. Feels like forever man." He laughs, making her smile.

Serenity nods a little. "That's because it has been forever. I had no idea you stayed in town, I thought you would've moved out for good." She thinks about Yoongi when he was a teenager, an escapist, a rebel who couldn't stop smoking, couldn't let go of his first love as his future plans and dreams with Serenity were torn apart. He always wanted to move to another country, escape the suffocating air of people that held narrow minded beliefs and leave without a single glance back over his shoulder.

But he stayed, why?

"I wanted to." Yoongi mutters. "I had big dreams when I was a teenager but I gave up." And now that you have a teenager of your own, do you want him to be like you or never give up?

Serenity tries to ease the tension in the air, it's something that's always been evident in their relationship and even twenty years after, it's still there and it makes them feel uncomfortable. "That's not the spirit Yoongi." She laughs.

She notices the force of his laugh. "I guess I never had anyone to tell me what was good and bad for myself." And she remembers young Yoongi, never listening to his own decisions then being stubborn with other people's decisions. He was indecisive and he was tired of his life. Serenity feels guilt even after so many years.

"But here you are anyway."

Yoongi smiles at optimistic Serenity. She's always been good to me, he thinks to himself. "Yeah and here you are, never thought you'd be here."

"How's your family?" Yoongi asks, leaning back on the couch.

Serenity's eyes slightly widen. He knows? "They're good, how did you-"

Yoongi looks up from the carpet, glancing at a puzzled Serenity, the gloom of his eyes hold mischief and awareness and she has to look away. "I heard about your engagement and wedding. I even messaged you to say congratulations but-"

Serenity shifts through the files of past memories in her mind, struggling to find one of Yoongi texting her. "You did?" She asks with confusion.

"Yeah, didn't you get it?"

"No I-"

"You blocked me right?"

That's why she didn't get his message.

Yoongi scoffs, unsurprised. "I always thought you just read the message and purposely ignored me, so I guess that's better." And the thought of him laying on his couch, waiting for a reply from her, waiting for her until he got irked, shouted at the walls and throwing his phone is what Serenity thinks about. There's still similar qualities of him.

Serenity's words dissolve in her mouth. "No I... you know I had to."

"Yeah because... I know." The silence.

Once again Serenity tries to bring grace into the situation of their reunion, one that seems to be restraining due to their past. "You don't know how happy it makes me to see you with Noah. Are you married?" She asks as he stares at her.

"No, divorced." He answers quickly. "But he keeps me going, I have so much love in me for him and that's all I'm working on right now." Yoongi refers to Noah, his tall son that looks nothing like him. The sadness of him being his only purpose in life is hard to think about.

Serenity's heart feels warm. She can see Yoongi's hope.

"Your kids... how are they?"

Serenity smiles, thinking about her two lovely daughters. "They're good." She remembers a time when she and Yoongi could tell each other everything. "I can't have children, so I adopted the two of them."

Yoongi turns to look at her and he nods slowly. "Sorry." He murmurs and squeezes her shoulder. Serenity smiles and tells him not to apologise. "I'm sure you're a great mother. Got the experience."

"I cant believe I didn't get an invite to your wedding." Serenity laughs.

"Me neither damn." The climate between them feels more playful and snug.

"You still hate driving?"

Serenity groans, "I really do! Don't get me started."

Then Serenity's phone rings. She sees Jungkook as the caller ID texts him instead. He asks about dinner, for certain ingredients and he urges her to come home.

Yoongi stands up, appearing in front of her as she puts her phone away. "Hey, it seems like you have somewhere to be, I'll drop Ceyla off later if you want." He offers with a courteous nod.

"You sure?"

So he drops her to the front door of his home, saying their bye's and it was nice talking to you.

The last thing Yoongi says is best wishes and Serenity reflects back to the last message she ever got from Yoongi when they were eighteen years old. And now they're forty-four and his words are the exact same. There's no love anymore but there's care. I still care about you even if I don't love you.

—

Yoongi thought about a future with Serenity for the longest time.

Until he was forced to throw those thoughts away at the news of her marriage. Images he had in his head of her walking down the aisle, him taking her hands in his, calling her his for the rest of his life all washed away when he realised, she could never be his again and that's it.

Yoongi tried to be blissful for her. But he spent hours of everyday staring into a spot on the ground, wishing life didn't take her away from him. The memories didn't help.

Glimpses of her now laying in another mans arms, another mans chest and her lips no longer giving him kisses he waited so long for. He was her first kiss, he was a lot of her first everything's. And she threw it away.

Stop blaming her you asshole, she only did what you couldn't do, he told himself every time he looked in the mirror. He was lucky to have even met her.

But Yoongi came to the conclusion that, what he and Serenity had was bittersweet. There were more good times than bad. Spending two years with her was more than a blessing and he should be thankful that he got to see sides to her that no one else did, that he got to experience her love and return his love to her heart. Because loving Serenity was all he knew.

But things changed for Yoongi, they really did. His heart gave him another chance at life, at love. His son brings the joy he needed to bring for himself and he's seeing someone, a brilliant lady. He has hope it'll work out. He hasn't felt this good about himself in a long time.

Later that evening, after meeting his first love after decades, Yoongi saw the man that now has her heart. He's perfect for her.

He drove Ceyla home with Noah, the two had patched things up. The home that Serenity and Jungkook had built with their two daughters, one that contains fondness, homage and everything they all deserve in a pleasant life brought an ache to his heart.

But Yoongi's heart didn't pain with jealousy as he thought it would, his fists didn't clench as Ceyla said thanks as she left. He just smiled at the view through the peak of the blinds- Jungkook holding his wife around her waist, the two of them rocking back and forth as they swayed.

Home.

Noah places his hand over his father's on the steering wheel, "Let's go home dad." Home.

Before he left, Serenity looked out of the window, her hand waving at her once lover, now friend as she mouths thank you. Yoongi returns the smile, driving away with a tear sliding down his cheek.

I still care but I don't want you or need you.