"Mom? I'm nervous." Louis said quietly.

Marlyse Willis turned from the stove and watched her son sit at the table. He was still in pajamas, dried tears on his cheeks. The bandages on his hand bothered her, but it almost seemed that he was unaware they were there.

"Why? She's just a girl." She shrugged as she set a plate of bacon and eggs in front if him, followed by a glass of orange juice.

"Yeah, I know, but . . . I like her, and what if . . . well, what if she doesn't like me back? After I tell her about Lisa, I mean."

Marlyse sighed. "You can't keep blaming yourself for this, Louis. It was an accident. You heard the doctors. She was in trouble before the accident even happened."

"But I was driving, mama. I'm the one that should have noticed the car coming, I'm the one who could have hit the brakes. I'm the one that should have died, mama, not her. It should never have been her."

"Honey, I know how much you miss Lisa. But guilt is not going to bring her back. Nothing is going to bring her back." Marlyse sat across from him and cupped his cheek. "You're wrecking yourself, Louis. I thought you were getting better."

Louis swallowed hard and looked down at his plate. "I'm not very hungry, mama."

"Honey, you need to eat."

"I'm think I'm going to be sick."

"No you aren't, you need to eat."

"No mama, I really--"

"Louis you hardly ate the past few days, I need you to eat. This isn't healthy."

Louis' face paled, but he picked up his fork and ate some food. After a minute or two he looked up with bright eyes.

"I can't eat anymore, mama." He whispered.

"Louis, please." She begged.

"Mama, I really don't--" Louis gagged and held his hand to his mouth, eyes going wide.

"Shit," Marlyse sighed as her son darted from the table.

She waited a minute, then heard him gagging and went to the bathroom. Louis was standing over the toilet, breathing hard. His shirt had vomit on it, and a minute later he was heaving into the toilet.

"Louis, baby. . ." Marlyse sighed, a hand on his back. She instantly felt his muscles relax, and she tugged his shirt over his head before pulling him into her. He was taller than her now, but he was still her baby.

"What's wrong, baby?" She whispered as he sobbed into her shoulder. "You were doing so well."

"I t-tried to dr-drive your caaar." Louis wailed through his sobs.

"What, when?"

"The night you found meee." His voice broke. "I remembered how much she wanted me to driiive and I thought I cooouuuld. I'm sorrry mama, I'm sorrry. I couldn't dooo iiit."

Marlyse breathed out deeply. "It's okay, baby, it's okay. You don't have to."

"I keep letting her dowwwn." Louis coughed out. "Mamaaa."

Marlyse positioned him over the toilet again, and a muscle in his jaw twitched as his body forced the last of his breakfast up.

"Mama," he croaked, saliva dripping from his lips. "Mama help me, mama, please."

Marlyse took a small handful of toilet paper and wiped his mouth off before pulling him back into her. His body was shaking and there was sweat in him.

"What do you mean by you keep letting her down? What happened after you tried to drive the car?"

"I g-got out and went ins-side for a b-beer and then I f-felt sick and I started throwing up and then I was w-waking up in the ambulance. I r-remembered L-Lisa when she d-died and I th-three up again and then I was in the hospital. Mama I was so scared, I kept thinking ab-bout L-Lisa."

"And what did you mean by 'you keep letting her down'?"

"I l-let her down wh-when I tried to impress her b-boyfriend and when I couldn't say her n-name and when I ruined her birthday."

"Louis, wake up, wake up!" Lisa jumped on his bed, her voice hardly below a shout.

"Whaaa?" Louis groaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes and through his hair. "Lisa, a ten year old does not need this. I'm a growing boy, I need my sleep, and--"

"It's my birthday!"

Louis leapt up. "Why didn't you war me sooner, lady?"

"I let you sleep, silly!"

Louis threw his arms around her, momentarily forgetting the sharp pain in his head.

"It's love you, Lisa Lovebug!" He cried happily.

"I love you too, Lou Bug!"

"Ouch!" Louis screeched.

Lisa pulled back, looking worried. "Did I hurt you, Lou Bug? What's wrong, what did I do?"

Louis bit his lip to try and stop his tears. "N-nothing, Lisa, I'm okay."

He leapt off the bed and landed on all fours, and this time he felt a sharp pain in his side.

"Owww!" He yelped.

"What is it?" Lisa demanded, concern seeping through her voice.

"My head hurts," he said softly. It was only a half lie, right? The pain in his stomach came back, and left just as quickly. "It's making my stomach feel funny."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Louis. Come on, we can get you some medicine from mom."

"Okay," Louis sighed in frustration. "I'm ruining your birthday, Lisa."

"No you aren't," Lisa smiled and shook her head before giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

Louis took her hand and followed her downstairs in his pajamas. The medicine helped his head, but the pain in his stomach kept coming back. It was just as the cake came to the table thst he started to cry. At first nobody noticed, but halfway through the birthday song, Lisa heard him sniffling.

"Louis?" She asked, panicked. "Louis, why are you crying?"

All of Lisa's friends stopped singing and their eyes turned to him. A couple of the girls murmured "awww"'s, and one even tried to comfort him, but he was having none of it.

"My tummy hurts!" He wailed, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"Where?" Lisa asked, her voice suddenly suspicious as she glanced at her mom.

"I'm d-dizzy, Lisa!" He cried harder and yelped as the pain seared through his body again.

"Louis, talk to me, please." Lisa begged him.

"I feel sick, Lisa." He moaned. Seconds later he threw up, all over the table. His eyes widened in horror as he saw the mess he had made. "L-Lisa, your cake."

"It's okay, we can buy a new one." Lisa assured him. "Are you going to be sick agai--"

Louis coughed and vomited in Lisa's lap. "Lisaaa! I'm sorrry! I d-didn't mean tooo!"

"I know, I know, Lou Bug." Lisa stroked his hair back, somehow ignoring everything but him. "We're going to bring you to the hospital, Louis, and they'll make you all better."

At the hospital, Louis heard the word "surgery," and went into a panic. He clutched Lisa's hand, eyes wider than anyone would have thought humanly possible.

"Lisa, I'm scared! Don't leave me, Lisa!"

"I can't be in the room when they're fixing you up." Lisa explained softly.

"Why not?"

"It's procedure."

"Lisa, what does procedure mean?" He asked with knit eyebrows.

"It means that it's their rules." Lisa explained with a smile. "But guess what?"

"What?"

"When you wake up, I'll be sitting right here, and I'll be the first thing you see. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Lou Bug?"

"Yes, Lisa Lovebug, I would." Louis smiled, some of his teeth missing. "And then we can have your birthday all over."

"Yeah, we can. And I'll have a present for you."

"But it's your birthday, not mine." Louis knit his eyebrows again in confusion.

"Not a birthday present, silly, a get well present."

"What will it be?"

"A surprise!"

Louis giggled. "Is it a teddy bear?"

"Teddy bears are my favorite, Lou Bug, you like dolphins!"

"Is it a dolphin?" Louis shrieked, his grin growing wide. "Is it, is it? Is it a dolphin, Lisa? Oh my goodness, it's a dolphin! Can I name him Squirt? I'm gonna name him Squirt!"

Lisa giggled. "You should name him Squirt."

The doctor began to administer the anesthesia, and Louis' eyes drooped.

"I'mma name him Squirt," he said decidedly, albeit sluggishly. "And you'll get to open your birthday presents."

"Yes, and you can help me!"

"I'm a good, big helper. . ." Louis mumbled as the anesthetic took effect. "I wan' pickles, Ladybug. Pickles. Pickles, pickles, pickles. Cucumber. Pear. Green beans. They're all green."

Louis broke off in a snore.

When Louis woke up Lisa was smiling at him, holding a box wrapped in green.

"Is that for me?" He narrowed his eyes at the present.

"Nah, it's mine." Lisa joked, then handed it to him.

"Oh my goodness, he's the cutest little Squirt-head ever!" Louis screamed in excitement as he threw the paper on the floor and held his stuffed dolphin to his chest. "Welcome to your new master, Squirt."

"I got these, too." Lisa giggled, holding up a jar of pickles. "You were so brave, Lou Bug. I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"I'm always proud of you. Ask mom about it one day, she'll tell you."

Louis sniffled and looked up. "Was she proud of me? Was Lisa Lovebug proud of me, mama?"

"She was so proud of you." Marlyse whispered, kissing his forehead and pulling him into another crushing hug. "She was so proud of you, love, so proud."

Lisa watched as her brother splashed around in the pool.

"Mama, I'm doing it!" He was shrieking, a huge grin plastered on his face. "Lisa, look at me, look at me! I'm doing it, Lisa, I'm swimmin' all on my own! Look, no floaties!"

"He's getting so big," Lisa whispered, leaning farther into her mom's side.

"He's not so little anymore, is he?" Marlyse chuckled, but she was sad to see her youngest child didn't need her help as often now.

"I'm so proud of him though, mom. He's so strong. He can do so much on his own now. . ."

"He's growing up."

"Yeah, he is. I'm proud of him, mom. I'm really, really proud of him."