If you have ever faced a day where you are all out of options, you know what it feels like to stare at a future that has no shape or form.

When I couldn't continue with my business and didn't want to keep fighting a losing fight, I let go.

In March of 2022, I asked God if I should continue with the business or if I should let go and find my path. I was tired of following the course set for my dad that didn't work for me after losing him. The clear answer that came to me was: put your hand on the plow and don't look back. It links to Luke 9:62 - But Jesus told him, "Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God."

Of course, being human, I consulted others in this choice. Fearing that I had misheard or that I had allowed my heart to shape what I wanted instead of having heard the voice of the Holy Spirit. Human opinion came down to a simple: If you just stop your business, who will look after you? God doesn't just hand out money.

I let the world drown out the message I had received that night: Step forth in faith and know that I am God. I am in control.

Had I consulted the bible instead of people, I might have found this: God assures us of His constant presence and support as we step out in faith. Fear and discouragement may attempt to hinder us, but knowing that the Almighty God stands beside us empowers us to move forward with confidence. His strength sustains us, His help guides us, and His righteous right hand upholds us through every step of faith. Psalm 37:5

Instead, I clung on for another year until I had nothing left to lose, and God left me with the choice I asked for. To start over and to step out in faith.

I wish I could say there was no doubt in my mind that I had just done the wrong thing, but I was so tired that I couldn't go on. Then God opened the first door, and when I had to leave the house in which I had spent most of my adult life, He provided the place I wanted and needed to recover and discover myself in Him.

Also, in all honesty, I was the one who convinced my dad to sell the house, so we could start over somewhere else. We never moved, Dad got sick, life happened, and soon enough, the money had been spent, and we were still where we were.

It took me years to accept that we need to grow and prosper where God planted us and that, as much as I wanted to escape, God still had a purpose for me in the town where I grew up.

But, as I wildly and despondently veered onto this new path shaped by my feeling of being made small and insignificant, God spoke to me through the Holy Spirit, and with nothing else to distract me, I finally heard His voice.

It was not a comfortable time. Change is never comfortable because if we are comfortable, we will never change. The silver had to be purified and only heat can do that. There were days I felt like I was swaddled in a darkening twilight, but the light in me fought against it with a power that burned through me.

Every time I came close to giving up, the Holy Spirit in me rose and dragged me to my feet by my bootstraps until I turned my face to God and prayed. There were nights I walked that small strip of wooden floor beside my bed until it felt like I would wear a groove into it as I prayed, cried out, raged, and pitied myself until the storm would subside. Worn out, the Holy Spirit would lead me to truths I had been unwilling to face.

Tired to my soul, I would pray for rest, but until I submitted, I would find no rest. Submission did not come naturally, and I didn't even realize how much I had resisted it in my life, trying to do everything in my own power instead of just submitting everything to God.

It was a battle God won every time, and I am so grateful. Contrary to what others said, God did provide for me as He always had, so I would have the time to be alone with Him. Set apart. With no other council to cloud His voice until I learned to listen to Him and take my problems to Him.

NIV Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. People Will Fail You, But God Will Never Fail You. Psalm 25:3

At that point, I had little trust in people, and as I found my footing in God, he slowly introduced old friends and new ones back into my life. Teaching me to trust again in increments and see the good in others. He once again pried open the doors of my heart and taught me that it was okay to love others but to put my full trust in Him to guide me. That he would show me the true faces of those around me and lead me in how to handle each of them with a Christian heart.

Then, I ran out of money and options. As the end of August 2023 drew closer, I prayed and prayed without any idea how I would pay the rent or buy food.

Yet there was a peace in me I could not understand. A certainty that all would be well, and as he did countless times that year, just as things were at their darkest, God opened a door.

For the second time in my life, I saw His ways. The seeds He planted before I knew I would need them. The provision God made in my youth for the time of need. A school friend needed a caretaker for their family home, and I needed a place to stay. The key deposit from the flat provided me with breathing space, and as I had asked of God, I didn't have to worry about rent. Wonderfully, I also didn't need to worry about electricity. It was an undeniable miracle.

As I passed from my time of purification to the next stage of my life, provision, things unfolded according to His timing. A friend He introduced me to in my time of waiting, turned out to be a destiny helper. I found myself employed in a position I did not yet have the knowledge to do, but God already placed the skills in me, and He qualified the called.

It took a while before I realized that all of this was an answer to a prayer from 2019. A path that is mine. A work I like and that I am good at with people who are like me and that I can work with. That I would get to publish my books. So many other things, and as I realized that God hears my prayers and, in His time, he answers them. Sometimes the answer is no, or even not now, and sometimes things happen in a different way than expected, but God knows best.