I can't do this.

"You can do it."

I can't do this.

"He's right there."

I can't do this.

"Just tell him."

"How?" His voice was muffled by his sleeve as he slumped forwards onto his arm.

The quiet hum of the café only created more tension. Everything seemed louder. He couldn't breathe.

"Walk over to him and tell him how you feel." Grace repeated. She didn't know how else to help him. It wasn't the sort of thing you could say for someone else.

"But I don't know how I feel." Awsten whined. The paper crinkled in his hand and he looked down, reading it again.

Awsten,

I just want to say it but I can't. I can't find the courage to walk up to you and say it. I can't ask you how to ask you because that will give it away.

I'm scared you won't want me.

But if you do. If I've managed to extract a sliver of any emotions or feelings from you then let me know.

How? You may ask. Meet me at the park tomorrow at 1pm.

You deserve to know. You deserve to know how much you mean to people and how beautiful you are.

- Moth People xox

A smile ghosted the young man's lips. "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna tell him. Wish me luck." Grace patted his shoulder and shot him double thumbs up as he stood and shakily walked over to the brunette sitting alone.

Awsten slid into the seat opposite and took a deep breath.

"Hey Aw-" Awsten waved his hand, cutting Geoff off. "Please don't say anything and just listen. If you interrupt me I'm gonna forget and then everything will be fucked up. Ok, so. That night a few weeks ago confused me and brought on a lot of unwanted and unsure emotions but I know what I feel now."

He paused to let Geoff process his string of words before continuing. "I do have feelings for you but I have stronger feelings for someone else."

"It's the note dude isn't it?" Geoff asked. He felt his heart sink as Awsten nodded. That's not what he wanted. Not at all.

"I'm sorry Gee." He started. "Don't be. I'm happy for you. Glad you've figured it out."

"Are you sure?" Geoff nodded, although he could feel the weight of Awsten's confession drag his heart further down until it cracked and splintered into millions of bloody pieces.

The blue haired boy needed and slid out the seat, exiting quickly to avoid the awkward silence that sat waiting to pounce. Geoff felt tears prick his eyes and lay his head on the desk before anyone could see the tears fall.

"Why didn't you choose me, Awsten? It was always meant to be me."

-

The cold air hit Awsten like a brick wall, forcing tears to surface and comfort his stinging eyes.

Tilting his wrist to check the time, he saw his forlorn reflection behind the glass.

12:30 pm. I can't do this.

A whirlwind of words whipped around his head as he walked. He couldn't piece them together to form sentences, they were moving to quickly.

The worn path finished at a grassy bank adorned with vibrant flowers and vivid green blades. Upon the bank sat a freshly painted, wooden bench.

Awsten moved to sit on the bench, watching runners and their dogs pass by. Children squealed with laughter and delight, babies cried as they tripped and met the ground. Parents rushed to their side, others just waited for them stand up and toddle away.

The wound Awsten had managed to close over time reopened as a brown eyed labrador ran up to him and sat at his feet, panting heavily. Reaching out a shaky hand, Awsten stroked the top of its head.

"I miss you Gee." He whispered. A sharp whistle caused the dog to prick it's ears and bound away. Once again Awsten was left cold and alone. He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands and curled in on himself.

Minutes later someone sat beside him, a black hood hiding their face from view.

1 pm. I can do this.

Awsten slid the crumpled note over to the stranger and waited. They picked up the paper and placed it in their pocket. Neither of the spoke. Awsten shifted uncomfortably until the stranger removed their hood.

Soft, brunette hair flew around their face and familiar blue eyes pierced Awsten's. It took a few seconds for Awsten to realise; when he did the overwhelming wave of emotions washed over him.

"Hi."

"No." Awsten shook his head viciously. "No. No. No. It's...you're not...but you...no."

"Yes." Awsten stopped. He didn't believe it. He couldn't. "You lied to me." The young man didn't know how to feel. "You lied to me. You told me you didn't know who Moth People was. You made me have feelings for you."

"I didn't lie, Awsten. I never said I didn't know and I didn't make you have feelings for me. We both got drunk that night, it's how we felt in the morning to realise if it was a mistake or not." Geoff's tone was calm as opposed to Awsten's accusing tone.

"Well why couldn't you just tell me? Why leave notes randomly and get me to fall in love with someone else?" Confusion replaced betrayal.

"Because I wanted you to think that this person wasn't the one for you. They would never meet you, only tell you how they felt. It was a way of telling you my feelings without freaking you out. I wanted you to think that I was better and that I would always be there for you." The brunette looked out across the park as he finished speaking. "You were supposed to choose me."

"I was supposed to choose you? I was 'supposed' to? You don't know me at all do you?" Awsten stood up. "I almost did. I almost picked you. God knows why. You're pathetic." He shook his head again and walked away, leaving Geoff with his feelings and the fragments of his broken heart.

-

Awsten was still shaking when the heavy shop door slammed shut behind him.

The quiet conversations paused as customers assessed the situation and turned back round to resume.

From behind the counter Otto raised an eyebrow at him. "You couldn't have waited five minutes until my shift finished? I thought you were on a date anyway."

Awsten shook his head and walked over to the counter. Otto nodded and walked into the back room. Two minutes later he emerged and walked out the shop followed by his gloomy friend.

"So what happened?" Otto asked.

"He lied to me." Awsten replied. "Moth People doesn't exist. It was Geoff. Why couldn't he just tell me? It's not hard. Just say, 'hey Awsten I think you're amazing and wanna ask you out.' It's not like he's trying to defuse a bomb."

"Maybe he was worried about how you would react. You live together, it would be awkward as Hell otherwise." Awsten fell silent, contemplating it.

The two walked in silence as cars and people zoomed past. Like the world was moving and they were just stood still. A chill blew through them causing Awsten to shiver.

He went to put his hands in his pockets and felt old screwed up paper. He pulled it out but stopped.

"Wait, you gave me the notes. You saw who...oh my God you knew! You knew and didn't tell me, what the fuck Otto?"

Otto frowned and scratched his head. "I..uh, oh look. This is my house, thanks for walking with me. Bye!" He hurried up the drive and dissapeared through the brown door.

"Ugh fuck you!" Awsten screamed, throwing the paper ball at his door. Seething, Awsten turned and anger walked home. He felt betrayed, let down and unwanted.

If Geoff really cared, why couldn't he just say it?

I can't do this.

This is just getting worse I'm sorry xox