When I got my grandpa's letters after his death, my plan was just to mail them to the French address on the envelopes. However, after I spent the last few months thinking it over, I didn't feel so confident in that plan. It's been decades since my grandpa was in France, so that address probably isn't right anymore. I went through a few ideas with myself, and I ended up deciding that I wanted to fly them to France myself and hand-deliver them.

My mom was beyond herself when I told her my plan, and it was hard to sell the plan to her, considering I didn't tell her about the letters. And the fact that I'm only eighteen, barely out of high school, and traveling across the world by myself is terrifying to her. Honestly, it's terrifying to me too, but I feel like I need to do this. For my grandpa, and for myself. I'm so curious to learn about what life he lived before he met my grandma and started his life with her here.

Now that he's gone, I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and so many things that I want to know about him that I never even thought of asking him. Maybe I can find some answers from this Audrine lady who apparently took his heart and never fully gave it back.

After hours of discussing, promising, and begging my parents to let me do this, they eventually agreed with the promise that I call them every day and that I'm back in the States in time for me to start college in the fall.

My grandpa left me a pretty large inheritance that I am dipping into to fund this trip, and I've done my research on the town of the address on the envelopes. Ladaux is a small town in the south of France with only a handful of nice hotels, but I was able to grab a room in one of them. I'm not sure how long I'll be in France, but I book the room for the entire summer. It's expensive, and when I book it, it makes my stomach drop as I realize everything that is at stake. But I really want this to work out. I want to meet this woman and get to know her, and get to know more about my grandpa through her. I have to keep reminding myself that it's very possible that this won't work out though.

She could have passed away, or moved away, or just not even want to talk to me at all. It's so much more likely that this won't work out than the chance that it will. But I know that I have to try.

It takes me an entire day of traveling through airports and sleeping through flights to get to France. I'm mostly worried about the language barrier here, because this is not a very touristy area and I don't expect a lot of people in Ladaux to speak English. I've been studying French for the past few months, but that's definitely not enough time to learn an entire language.

Using icons through the airport and some Google Translate, I'm able to find my way to my luggage and then out to where the taxis are lined up ready to take people to their destination.

Once in the taxi, I just show the driver the name of the hotel and try my best to get a few sentences of French out, trying to explain that I don't speak French well. Which leads to a very awkwardly quiet and lengthy car ride through the French countryside.

I take some pictures and send one of them to my mom, but other than that I just sit back and try to relax. All of this traveling has been very stressful, but I'm relieved that it's almost over. I can't wait to get to the hotel and take a nap.

I've never done anything crazy like this in my life, or ever have done anything that my parents didn't approve of. Although they've reluctantly let me do this, it was still the most convincing I've ever had to do with my parents. Of course, I am eighteen and the money I used was my own, so I could have done it without their blessing; I'm not sure I would have had it in me though. I can't even remember the last time that I did something without their permission.

The hotel is beautiful, built in cobblestone like most of the other buildings around it. There isn't a huge sign with the name of the hotel, and it takes me a minute to find the small brown sign in front of the porch that reads Hôtel Ensoleillé . That sign is really the only way that I could tell that this place is a hotel. It really just looks like a large house with a big garden in the back. I can hear the laughter of children behind the building as the taxi driver gets my luggage out of the trunk.

After I thank and pay him, I'm left on my own in front of the quaint hotel.

My worn out sneakers drag along the stone path up to the door of the hotel, and I'm rehearsing my basic French sentences in my head.

Inside, I find the small front desk where a polite lady is standing behind it in a pink cardigan. She greets me in French, and then I bumble my way through a few sentences until she stops me, realizes that I clearly don't speak French, and then starts talking to me in English.

Feeling very relieved that she speaks English, I am quickly able to get my room key and directions to my room. There's even a bellhop who helps me bring my bag up to my room.

Once inside the small, comfortable room, my first stop is the bathroom. The circular mirror above the sink shows me exactly the torment that so much travel has put on my body.

I usually think that my wide brown eyes make me look youthful, but with the deep circles under my eyes, I look like Jack Skellington. When I started this journey in Colorado, my long sandy brown hair was up in a messy bun that has slowly fallen out, leaving long hairs escaping and falling all around my heart shaped face.

My denim shorts have been chafing my thick thighs for the past five hours, so I'm quick to take them off, toss my large suitcase into the empty closet, and then I lay down on the bed. I know that my mom wants me to call her so that she knows that I found my hotel safely.

"Are you okay, Maisie?" my worried mother answers her phone before the first ring even finishes.

"Yes, I'm okay," I assure her with a long yawn. "I just got to the hotel. I want to take a nap, but I just wanted to let you know that I got here safe."

"Oh, thank god," she mutters under her breath. "And you have all of your luggage?"

"Yes, I got everything."

"Okay. Good," she still sounds very worried. I've never heard her so worried about me. Probably because she's not used to me doing anything on my own, or that she doesn't want me to do. I know that my dad is concerned about me doing this on my own too, but my mom is definitely more of a worrier. Especially when she can't control every aspect of the situation. And with me halfway across the world, it'll make my situation very hard for her to control and to keep me safe under her wing.

Honestly, it's scary to me too to not be under her wing. But I really think that this is what my grandpa wanted, for me to go out on my own to explore who I am without my mom there to control everything. Maybe this will be good for both of us.

"It's a really cute hotel," I add in an attempt to comfort her. "I'll be fine."

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"I'm just going to nap probably, and maybe explore some of the hotel," I answer her through another big yawn. "Nothing too crazy."

"Your father wants me to tell you to be careful. Are you communicating with people well?"

"Kind of. One of the hotel employees speaks English, so that'll help a lot. I have this French/English dictionary for travelers that has helped too," I continue to try to comfort her. I have these same anxieties, but I don't want my mom to know that I'm also anxious because that would just make her worry more. I don't want her worry to get so out of control that she changes her mind about this whole trip and decides that I should come home early.

"I've been a nervous wreck since you left," she admits to me. "We both already miss you so much."

"You know I'll be gone longer than a day when I go off to college," I remind her.

"I know that, Mace, but that's different. You won't be in a foreign country all by yourself. I'm just going to worry about you every second until you come back." She pauses to listen to something that my dad says to her. I can hear the rumbling of his voice, but can't quite make out what he's saying. "Yes, and we hope that you have a good time too. Of course. I want you to find whatever it is that you're looking for."

"I do too," I sigh.

"And you did bring the books I suggested, right? Just to prepare you for Brown in the fall, if you have any down time while you're over there."

"I think I have them," I assure her, even though I doubt that I'll take the time during the summer to study an economics book. That's what I'm studying when I start in the fall, a major that my mom had suggested and in fear of disappointing her, I just accepted. It's not really something that I would say I'm passionate about, but I don't hate it either. And it'll help me become an asset to the family business that my great-grandparents started, handed down to my grandpa, who then passed it down to my parents and Aunt Marie. My mom is the most active in the business and expects me to help her out after I graduate.

"Let me know what you think of them, they're pretty interesting reads," she tells me.

"I'm not sure if I'll have time to look at them, but I'll try," I try to give her some hope, even though I really don't think I'll be even touching one of those books. "Anyway, I'm tired. I can call you tomorrow when I wake up. I'm about to fall asleep."

"Okay. We love you so much, don't hesitate to call us if you need anything at all."

"I will. I love you too. Bye, Mom."

"Bye, Maisie," she sounds like she doesn't want to hang up, but I really feel like I'm going to pass out right now whether she's on the phone or not.

Once the phone call is over, I sit my phone on the nightstand and bury myself under the white and gray floral duvet.

I've read a few of the letters that my grandpa wanted to send to Audrine, and I could tell that he really loved her. He talks about how he misses her embrace, the smell of her hair, and the sound of her laugh. He talks about how he imagines a life they could have lived here together. Where instead of going back home with his family, he would have stayed here to live his life as a painter. Reading such intimate details of their relationship in these letters felt like a total invasion of privacy, but I still glance over three of them because I feel like I'm learning about a completely different side of my grandpa.

The Grandpa Charlie I knew wasn't very romantic at all, and didn't paint very often at all. I never knew that at one point in his life, he'd wanted that to be his career. I'd never heard him complain about being part of the company that his parents started and I guess that I always just assumed that it was what he wanted. By the tone of these letters though, it seems to me that his parents pretty much forced him to come home and help them with the business.

It makes more sense to me now why he has always been so accepting of who I am. When my mom would tell me that I should be studying math more instead of drawing or sketching (she calls it doodling), he would buy me charcoal and show me how to use them. He would let me draw outside of the lines, and I never had to worry about disappointing him because I knew that he'd be proud of me no matter what I did. That's why he's always been one of my favorite family members, and because I always felt so understood by him.

I really hope that tomorrow, I'll really be able to find this Audrine lady, because I want to know more about the Charlie that he left behind here. Even though he's not on this Earth anymore, just being in this town that he'd fallen in love with, makes me feel like he's still here with me in some way. And that feeling is enough to comfort me into a deep sleep.

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Picture: Aesthetic board

Song: Tomorrow Never Came - Lana Del Rey

Story Spotlight

Title: The Dinner Party
Author: sofiagv_writes

Summary: Just a few weeks before her dinner to celebrate her future wedding to Matt McCoy, Starmore Hills' sweetheart Olivia Montgomery meets someone new and exciting. New-in-town Lucas Huntington barely knows anyone except his cousin Matt and is considering hopping towns again; however, when he meets an entrancing beauty by accident, he decides he might just stay there for a little while longer.

As their strong bond blossoms, they both forget of the impending big date and everything that comes with it. What happens when they realize their feelings are not as easy and friendly as they seem? Sparks fly, drama arises, and a big choice has to be made.

~~

"I think I'm allowed to fall out of love if that is the case. I never meant for it to happen, but I guess I'm glad it did. I deserve to be selfish for once in my life, and if it's regarding my happiness, then I'm going to be completely selfish and go for it. And if you don't support me in this decision and think about me for a second, then I guess you're not the person I thought you were".

See external link for a link to the story!