a/n: this is a little wolfstar oneshot for the wonderful Memoria08!! i hope you like it, love you a lot <3

Some days simply were doomed.

This rainy Thursday certainly felt like one of them, Remus thought, looking outside of the window of the transfiguration classroom. Somewhere in front of him he heard Professor McGonagall lecture his classmates about how to turn a pin cushion into a porcupine. Usually, he would be excited to follow the lesson, but today, his mind couldn't focus. Tomorrow night was a full moon and his entire body itched and tingled at that prospect, making it impossible to pay attention to his professor.

In addition to his already weary mood, the owls had brought letters today. For Remus, they had borne the information that his grandmother lay sick and was treated in a hospital. Way to ruin an already terrible day.

That was why he'd spent the last hours trotting behind his friends, head hanging low, smiling tiredly at their attempts to cheer him up. On other days, Sirius' spot-on impression of Professor McGonagall sent him laughing until he teared up, but today, he could only manage as much as a weak grin.

Even as they left the classroom, their last hour finally finished, Remus couldn't join his friends' cheery mood. His mind spiralled between the news of his grandma and the agony that filled him when thinking about tomorrow night.

He rushed through his homework in the common room, only half aware of what he was writing about. But he didn't have the energy to care. He just wanted to get into his bed and sleep away this awful day.

"I'm going to head upstairs," he said to his friends, gesturing towards the staircase that led to the boys' dormitories. The others nodded understandingly, wishing him a good night.

Just as Remus turned around, he heard Sirius ask, "Is there anything we can do for you?"

He smiled softly, knowing fully well that his friend didn't like being out of control, feeling helpless. But this kind of problem couldn't be fixed by any kind of act, this had to be endured.

"No, but thank you. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow," he said, though it was no more than an empty phrase to console his friends.

He saw Sirius wringing his hands, desperate to do something, and let his fingers gently touch the other boy's shoulder to signal that he shouldn't worry about him.

When he finally left, he didn't see that Sirius' gaze lingered onto him as he ascended the stairs and stayed long after he had already shut the door behind him.

In their room, Remus exchanged his robes for his comfy pyjamas and quickly crawled beneath the sheets, trying to shut off his mind and fall into a good night's sleep.

But even though his body was exasperated, his mind still raced, switching between scenarios of what could happen to his grandmother to what he might do at his next transformation.

He tossed and turned, just until his friends entered their dorm, talking amongst themselves in hushed voices. Now, he tried to lay down as silently as possible, pretending to be deeply asleep.

The other marauders got ready for bed and soon, Remus was alone with his thoughts again. And Peter's snoring, of course.

When he was certain that the others were asleep, he started moving again, trying to find a comfortable position. Just as he had turned his pillow and laid down on the cold side, he heard a noise coming from Sirius' bed. "Moony?"

The word hung in the silence of the dorm, an invitation that he could either accept or deny.
Now that he knew Sirius lay awake too, he figured he might as well answer. After all, maybe a problem troubled his friend's mind, something Remus could help him with.

"Yes?" he replied, his voice kept low as to not wake up the others.

"I can't sleep. Can I come over?"

"Of course," Remus whispered back, already making room for Sirius. Laying in one bed in late hours was nothing new for them. They both struggled with insomnia sometimes and had discovered that cuddling up together could help to ease their minds.

Remus was pretty sure that Sirius needed the company in the nights when he felt most alone, a boy abandoned by his parents. Remus, on the other hand, needed Sirius' arms around him to remind himself that he was loved, despite the abomination he was, even if Sirius didn't love him the way Remus did.

Despite their shared need for this kind of nearness, they never spoke about it in the daytime. There was a safe haven for vulnerability that could only be reached when the moon's silvery light flooded through the castle's windows, with everyone fast asleep, the sheets covering their entangled limbs.

Remus didn't mind it this way. When Sirius crawled under the blanket, bed warmth radiating from his body, he stretched out an arm and the dark haired boy snuggled up next to him, Remus' arm fitting perfectly around the nape of his neck.

"You know, cuddling is the only time when I can make peace with the fact that you're taller than me," Sirius whispered, turning his face to look at Remus. He could feel Sirius' breath brush against his cheek now. Remus chuckled but didn't shift his posture, afraid of the intimate position they would be in if he turned to look at Sirius, too.

"Lie," he replied, lips parting into a small grin. For the first time today, he noticed that all the things that had busied him before had left his mind. Now the only thing in his mind was Sirius, his warm skin so near to Remus' own, his long hair tickling Remus' arm, his scent of leather, the fresh air after a storm and a good amount of trouble.

"Wh- what?" Sirius asked as if he had been caught off guard. From the corner of his eye, Remus could see him looking at him from wide, storm gray eyes.

"You also find my height useful when you make me get ingredients from the top shelf in potions class," he joked.

"Oh, that, true," Sirius replied, potentially sounding a tiny bit relieved.

They both smiled and went silent for a few moments. Sirius buried his face in the spot between Remus' shoulder and his chest and Remus concluded that he finally wanted to sleep when the other boy asked, "What's your greatest desire? Like... what do you wish for the most?"

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had not been ready for such an existential question and needed a few seconds to think about it. "For no child to endure what I have," he whispered, knowing that Sirius would understand what he was hinting at. "For all of us to grow up in a safe world."

But there was something else. "And sometimes, when I feel so trapped in my own body, I wish that... I wish that I could fly. I envy James for that freedom he has on his broom, with all of the sky to conquer. I know it's silly because I... I need the floor beneath my feet. I'm made for narrow libraries and class rooms, not for the wide air. But I still wonder how it would feel, if I were a different boy, someone who could have that kind of freedom."

Now he turned to face Sirius, desperate to read his reaction right from his features. Sirius' lips parted into a smile and he raised his arm, pushing a hazel curl from Remus' forehead.

"That doesn't sound silly at all. I know what it's like to wish to be someone else, but, Moony, you wouldn't have to be a different person to fly."

Remus released a soundless laugh. "Could you imagine me on a broom? I would probably puke right away." It had been stupid to share these thoughts with Sirius. They were a frightened child's dream, something he should have gotten over a long time ago. He was confined to the grounds, sometimes even on all fours, as he thought with biting self irony.

"Do you want to do something crazy?" Sirius asked, a mischievous grin on his lips. Oh no, he was scheming.

"What do you have in mind?" Remus replied, hesitating. But Sirius had made some kind of plan and already got up, pushing himself out of the bed.

"Get your coat," Sirius ordered, pulling his own over his pyjamas. "We're going outside."

He strode towards the door of their room and Remus rushed to get into his shoes and follow the dark haired boy, ready to stop him from whatever crazy idea he had gotten.

"Padfoot, please tell me what we're doing," Remus whispered in his most authoritative voice as they ran through the empty corridors.

"You'll figure it out soon enough," Sirius said mysteriously, giving him a smug grin.

"Idiot," Remus muttered below his breath but followed his friend nonetheless.

In silence, they left the castle through a secret passage they had discovered a year ago. The grand entrance would long be closed and this way directly led them near the quidditch field. Wait- the quidditch field? Suddenly Remus understood what Sirius intended and caught up with him as they emerged next to the viewers' towers.

"Pads, I sure hope you're not planning to do what I think you are."

His friend smiled at him excitedly. "Why not? You want to fly and I intend to help you with that, being the fantastic friend that I am."

Remus replied with an incredulous laugh. "Just because you're the quidditch commentator doesn't mean that you know how to ride a broom."

Sirius huffed. "I say, if Prongs can do it, it can't be that difficult."

Remus rolled his eyes, though he couldn't hide his excitement. Sure, this was a mad idea, but that was kind of their expertise, right? And if he was honest, the idea of flying with Sirius, his arms wrapped around his body, didn't seem too bad either.

Silently, they made their way towards the changing rooms. After a whispered alohomora the door opened and they entered, casting light with their wands. Remus grimaced at the smell of unwashed uniforms and sweat. "It smells awful in here."

Sirius just chuckled, already busy with searching for a broom. Finally, he seemed to have found a fitting one, and waved Remus towards the door.

Now that he saw the broom, Remus wasn't so sure anymore. That thing was huge, and what would happen if they lost control over it?
But at the same time, seeing Sirius' eyes glowing with anticipation made him smile involuntarily. It was really sweet that Sirius did that with him, for him, so that he could experience something he never thought he'd be able to.

They stopped at the border of the playing field and Remus put his head back, taking in the night sky and the stars that spread above them as well as the three rings at both ends of the playing field, seeming impossibly high.

Suddenly, he felt the warmth of Sirius' hand against his cold fingers. "Don't worry," the boy said as if sensing Remus' thoughts. "We're not going that high."

Remus nodded and smiled at him. "Thank you for doing this with me."

Sirius returned his smile. "There's no one I'd rather steal a broom with in the middle of the night."

Remus laughed. "We're borrowing it. There's a difference."

"Sure. Now, get behind me. It's time to fly." Sirius had already taken a seat on the broom and beamed like a child on christmas eve.

Cautiously, Remus swung his leg over the broom and sat down behind his friend, carefully wrapping his arms around Sirius' waist.

"Hold on tight, okay?" Sirius instructed and Remus nodded, excitement cursing through his veins like liquid fire.

"Are you ready?" the other boy asked, his voice triumphant.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Remus replied and pressed himself against Sirius' back.

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Sirius pushed his feet hard against the ground and pulled the broom upwards. Just like that, they took off, rising towards the dark sky, the nearly full moon greeting them from above.

Sirius' hair brushed against Remus' face and the wind tore on his clothes, making him shiver beneath his coat. But he could taste freedom on his lips and when Sirius cheered, he erupted in laughter, facing the sky.

The wind cradled his face with a thousand invisible hands. Welcome, boy of the forest.
Sirius joined his laughter, turning backwards to smile at Remus. "Isn't this great?" he exclaimed against the howling of the wind, his face glowing in the silvery moon light.

"Yes!" Remus called back, smiling widely. He had never felt so light, as if he had left all of his problems on the ground. Up here, there was only Sirius and him, their bodies so close together.

Just as he leaned his cheek against Sirius' shoulder, he heard the call of a bird, and suddenly he saw a dark shape crossing them just inches in front of their broom.

Sirius abruptly pulled the broom down in surprise, a belated reaction to prevent collision with the animal. Remus heard himself gasp as they flew towards the floor and gravity pressed his body against Sirius. The other boy tried to pull the broom upwards, but it was too late.

At first, Remus felt his feet graze the ground, then his knees, and then suddenly he rolled on the floor as he had lost grip of the broom. When he came to a halt and opened his eyes, he saw the starry sky above him once again. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes again. He could feel his knees aching a bit, but otherwise he felt great.

"Moony? Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry," he heard Sirius pant and then his face came into view above him. "Shit, I'm so sorry, I- I'm such an idiot," the boy blabbered, giving Remus a hand to pull him upwards. "Oh, your knees are bleeding, fuck, we'll have to go to the changing rooms to clean the wounds... I'm sorry, Moony."

He lifted Remus into a standing position and pulled his arm around his shoulder the way they did when James had had one butterbeer too many. Remus thought this was hilariously unnecessary just because of a scraped knee, but Sirius already dragged him forwards.

"Are you sure you don't want to carry me bridal style?" he teased and Sirius looked at him as if he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that himself.

"Of course! Come here," he started, but Remus waved his efforts off.

"I was joking, Pads," he said. "I'm fine, don't worry-"

"No, don't give me that speech," Sirius interrupted. "Nothing's fine, I'm an idiot and I let you get hurt because I destroy everything that I love."

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed in shock.

"Shh, stay calm. You might have a concussion. Does your head hurt?" Sirius opened the door to the changing rooms, leading Remus to one of the benches and watching him sit down.

"It doesn't, Pads, I'm alright." Attentively, he watched his friend taking a clean towel from one of the closets and wetting it with water before turning around to him.

Sirius sat down on the floor in front of Remus and parted his cloak to examine the damage. Both of his knees were scraped and the fabric of his ripped pyjama trousers was stained with blood.

"Shit," Sirius cursed. "I'm going to roll up your pants now, okay?" Remus just nodded and watched his friend carefully pulling the fabric of his pyjamas upwards until he stopped just above his knees. He could feel his heart beating fast at the sight of Sirius in front of him, his fingers occasionally grazing Remus' skin.

Carefully, Sirius pressed the wet towel against the wound, making sure that it was clean. He repeated the same procedure with Remus' other knee, endlessly careful.

Then he got up again, checking the closet for something to patch up the wound. When he had found plasters, he returned to his position and opened the first one.

"Sirius," Remus said softly, but the other boy kept his eyes trained on Remus' scraped knees. "I don't want you to feel bad."

"You're always too kind to me," Sirius whispered, pressing the band-aid against Remus' skin. His firm touch made Remus' heart jump in his chest and he opened his mouth to take a deep breath.

"I just keep failing," Sirius said, his voice so soft and resigned that Remus felt a sharp ache in his chest. "I wanted to help you, but everything I do, I mess up. And then I hurt you in the process. I should have known that we would fall-"

Remus bent forwards and took Sirius' hands in his, wet and stained with his blood.

"But before we fell, we flew," he said passionately, his eyes glowing in the dim light. "We flew, Pads. That's incredible. I never thought that would be possible for me, but you took my hand and showed me. You've made me the happiest boy on earth tonight, Sirius."

There it was once again, the vulnerability and openness of the night hour's magic. Remus didn't regret a word he said even though his mind was racing, not knowing where his heart would lead him.

Sirius looked up at him, eyes dark beneath his long lashes. "Really? That's good, because usually you do that for me when my mind is dark."

Now it was Remus' turn to ask "Really?", his breath uneven, trying to understand what Sirius had just told him. The other boy nodded softly, still looking into Remus' eyes as if he was looking for something to hold onto in them. They stayed like that for a few moments, breathing into the silence.

"You've told me that I'm the smartest person you know," Remus said, gently stroking Sirius' knuckles.

Sirius nodded as if that was self-evident. "You are. But don't tell Lily because I've told her that she is. She can be pretty scary sometimes." He made a noise between a raspy breath and a laugh.

Remus chuckled. "She can. But so we agree, I am the smartest person you know. Then what I say must be true if not proven otherwise."

Sirius looked at him in silence, following his train of thought.

"And I say that you, dear, are not a failure. You are the strongest person I know, and the bravest, and the funniest, and the most beautiful." There was nothing in his voice but raw honesty now and Remus just let the words pour out.

"I'm not-"

Remus raised his finger in warning. "Hey, think carefully before you speak. Any objection is an insult to my infinite wisdom."

Sirius chuckled, a sound so beautiful and relieving that Remus wished he could capture it in a jar and always take it with him.

"Don't get cocky," Sirius teased him, a small smile tucking on the corners of his lips. Remus smiled with him, his fingers still caressing Sirius' hands.

"You have always stood up for me and protected me and my secret. You've made me laugh and you have comforted me when I broke down. You have cared for me. And you have shown me more love than I ever thought I deserved. Do you understand? Not one day, not one minute, not one second have you failed as my friend."

Friend. He had turned the word around in his mouth so many times until it didn't feel so sharp anymore. But still, even if saying it had stopped hurting him, his heart still ached for more.

"Thank you," Sirius answered, pressing Remus' hands softly. "Can you write that down for me? Usually, I'm aware of how great I am, but sometimes..." He trailed off.

"Of course." Relieved that Sirius was coming back to his usual self, Remus slid off the bench and made himself comfortable on the floor next to Sirius, their hands still intertwined. "I'll write all those things down. And then a thousand more."

He smiled and removed one of his hands from Sirius' grip to push a dark strand of hair behind the other boy's ear. His breath stopped for a second as his fingers brushed against Sirius' earlobe, the skin soft against his. They were closer now and Remus stared in Sirius' eyes, his hand still hovering next to the boy's face.

I want to kiss him. The thought came to him with unusual clarity, wiping away everything else that had occupied his mind. But he hesitated, his fear of rejection holding him back. What if I fall? He would be heartbroken then. And worse, his friendship with Sirius would be shattered, they would never be able to go back to the way things had been.

But this night had already changed so much and Remus could hear another voice in his head, careful, yet curious. But what if I fly?

In the end, his heart got the better of him. He was tired of pretending. And tonight, taking the risk had already once worked out. He leant forwards, laying his hand on the side of Sirius' face. This was in no way like the take off on the broom, not abrupt, but cautious and thoughtful.

He didn't want to force this kiss onto Sirius, so he moved his face towards his slowly, giving him room to pull back. When Sirius leant in closer, his heart made an excited jump. Their gazes seeked each other, faces nearly touching, only thin air between their lips.

Their noses bopped against each other and they both smiled, feeling clumsy and daring at the same time. Remus could feel Sirius' breath on his lips, could see the shadows that his lashes cast. He noticed the light gray ring just around Sirius' pupil and the tiny scar on the arch of his eyebrow. They danced with each other, taking in the other's appearance as if they'd never seen each other before.

And when their lips finally met, Remus could feel it again with all of his senses. The freedom that he had felt on the broom, as if the wind ruffled their hair again, as if the world became smaller beneath them once more. Sirius tasted like freedom, like taking chances and being rewarded for it. Like flying.

"What's your greatest desire?"

It's being the one who gets to love you. It's kissing you and holding your hand. It's picking flowers with you and driving on a motorcycle at 2am and dancing with you until our heads are spinning. It's you. It's always been you.

And just like that Remus discovered that no day simply was doomed. Not when he had Sirius by his side. Not when they were flying.

3810 words

hope you enjoyed it, ana xx