I'm aware I've romanticized him.
I've tried to imagine him as a bad partner
(it was too cruel to continue)
or in a disgusting state;
nothing has been strong enough deterrent.
He can't be mine.
He has no interest in being mine.
I don't want him to be mine.
The loss that would cause that would change him fundamentally.
His fundamental being is what I love so much.
I would be sick at the thought of always being his second love.
Neither of us would be happier than we are now: apart.
There will be someone else for me.