dear you,

how are you? there were so many moments when i really, really wanted to ask you but i didnt. i remembered your words 'you have to let me go' and i did, i let you go because that's the least i could do. i tried my damndest to stay away and i am proud that i did.

i can only imagine the pain that you felt when you wrote to me telling me, reminding me that i had to let you go because i owed you. but you have to know that when we said our goodbyes it wasn't only your heart that broke, mine did too.

i knew that i was hurting you but until i said goodbye i didnt realise the extent of my crimes that i committed against you. what could be more hurtful than the fact that i kept you in my life only for my benefit, that i broke you every step of the way.

i know now that i could have stopped all of this, i could still have had you in my life had i not been so selfish, so self absorbed, had i not lead you on till the last possible minute. i have no excuse and i dont want to give an excuse, i want to take the blame because i deserve it.

i want you to know that i did love you just not the way you wanted me to and i tried, I tried so hard not for me but for you, because you were willing to give the whole world to me. i dont know if i was your first love or not but if i was, i am so, so honored to have been loved by you.

i hope this bad experience with me, all the scars that you got because of me, made you stronger and strengthened your belief in love because i want nothing more than for you to have your own love story.

know that i still think of you, of our bond and how much you meant to me, still mean to me. i fell in love too you know and had a heartbreak too and maybe that's a story i'll be able to tell you one day. until then i'm not going to contact you because i know i shouldn't.

i'll wait for you to reach out to me. i hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

yours truly.