I don't mind if you use it. To describe it better, I'm unable to properly think. I feel like my mind is clogged and weighed down by something. Instinct tells me to die. Today driving to work - after dropping my son off - I had the urge to take off my seat belt and hit something head on at full speed. I almost gave in to that urge.

Hey been there!!!! You read my memoir. I want you to see it in print, out there, to see your words, to see how other people respond to your words... This isolation you feel needs to stop. I've bloody been you Jeremy. So yeah, I want to use these words of yours. With your name or without?

You can use them with my name. I'm not afraid of my name being out there. Day to day I will describe everything you want.

You sir, deserve my faith in you. I am never wrong about people. Never. You will get through this. I will do everything I can to help you. But you have to be open to me and to trust me. And to write at least ONE happy observation, one thing that made you smile... every single day... The rest can be anything you want to write about. But I need that single smile every day. And thank you.

Such as:

Today was not a good day for me. I told myself I would try to follow my usual routine and sleep six hours. Well, 8 hours of sleep is what I got. I hate sleeping 8 hours, because I miss time with my son.

I woke up feeling odd. Last night I didn't feel good, but today I felt utterly hopeless. It was 11:30 a.m. I got out of bed and my 1 and a half year old son was waiting for me by the baby gate.

I think he knew how I was feeling because he gave me a kiss. My son is an ornery, hyper, outgoing, intelligent child and I love him with all of my heart. Yet, my clogged mind keeps that feeling away and holds on to my instinctive feeling to die.

I fight with him to take a nap - the boy dreads sleeping. I imagine he is just so full of life that he doesn't want to miss anything. Like me, he is observant. I fear that he will get the negative parts of me as well. I can't help myself, let alone my son going through the same thing.

I'll continue about my day throughout the night

That's perfect Jeremy, just keep writing this way, whenever you feel like it. Just keep writing to me.

Finally he falls asleep. I go outside to have a cigarette and to order food. Yes, time to indulge myself into bad habits again. I was going to order Chinese. I didn't need to look at the menu and their number is in my contacts; I think that kind of convenience made them more readily available to me.

Spare ribs dinner plate 7.25. Comes with pork fried rice and an egg roll. I changed the rice to lo mein and added a coke. Somehow that brought my order to 13.50. I knew I was getting ripped off but went through with it anyway.

I come back in and check on my son who is laying in an odd way staring at me. He would have broke his arm the way he was laying. So I fixed him, gave him his milk and went to the computer.

I felt dead inside.

I can't say I'm depressed. All I know is that instinctively it feels right if I just die. My wife tells me to think about her and my son. She says they need me. I don't think they do. I think I can be easily forgotten.

I've never really felt important my entire life; it's hard to think that I am now. My son is young. He would forget me at some point. Then again, I'm unable to properly think and that's just what my instincts tell me.

Sorry, that's all I can do for now. I'm starting to get anxious and rush. Getting aggravated by my own thoughts and writing. I haven't smiled today.

That's fine Jeremy. I smiled for you because you wrote some words down see??? So you made ME smile. That's a good thing too. Still battling a migraine but your words broke through and gave me a smile... Sometimes it's not about us, it's about the effect our words have on others. So I smiled for you today... Rest up. Look for that smile tomorrow. Or smile now, because you did it you bugger, you did it!!!!!

You can do whatever you want with the words I give you. If you want to write a piece about me, go ahead. If you want to include me in one, go ahead. You can use my name. I don't mind.

I think what I'm going through can help others. And you have a good fan base so you're able to spread that.

This will be your work. I am creating a cover and a title. This is going to be your first stepping out as a writer Jeremy. And exactly for that reason. You are not as alone and you are not as unique as you believe... Many Jeremy's out there, if you can help just one, then your life has gained purpose. And worth. This will transform you, focus your thinking on the positivity of helping others rather than wallowing in your OWN misery. Trust me. All I ask. You have the words, let me get those words out to people who need them as much as you do.