We accept the love we think we deserve. ― Stephen Chbosky

How you choose to feel today should not be dependent on others. ― Anthon St. Maarten

Chapter 9

"Tara."

"Father."

If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.

How does a person even get to that stadium? The child is supposed to feel the safest when he's near his parents, no far away from them.

So many times I tried to discover the point in our lives when everything had gone wrong, but I never found the answer. Perhaps the turning point had never happened, maybe it was always like this. Even if that wasn't the case, I couldn't remember a time when we were a happy family. I sometimes wondered how that would look like, I was certain that we weren't a valid example for that.

My father and I were standing in front of each other. There was nothing more than an air separating us, but it felt like there was some invisible barrier that kept us from truly sense the presence of the other. I felt the burden of that fact on my chest. Never in my life have I experienced such pressure.

"Come in," he told me and moved a bit so I could have enough room to pass by.

I debated if I should even walk further, scared that, in one moment, I would trip and fall. I wasn't sure if my legs were stable enough to carry on the weight. Nevertheless, the fear of my father's reaction won over my insecurity. I entered the house that should feel like home, yet it was anything but.

Nothing has changed since the last time I've been there. Actually, it would be odd if something did change. Everything was supposed to be perfect and decorated by specific rules, otherwise, my mother would flip.

"Oh, Tara, honey!" Speaking of the devil.

Before I was even able to completely turn in her direction, she had already had her arms around me, which put me in a rather funny position. Her grip was almost as strong as Mateo's. Maybe I could introduce them one day, they would surely be thrilled.

"I missed you so much!" She carried on with her affectionate speech that made no effect on me whatsoever. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes which demanded a lot more than strong will.

"Tara! Respond to your mother," My lovely father ordered me.

"I missed you too," I listened to him like I always did. This time, however, I couldn't control so I had to roll my eyes.

Finally, she got her hands off me and looked me in the eyes- My mother was a beautiful woman for someone her age. I looked like her a lot. The only difference seemed to be that she had her naturally brown hair changed to black and she also had it cut, now it was almost to her shoulders. That contributed to her femininity, she looked like a real lady and she acted like one too. I would probably envy her if I hadn't known how truly unhappy she actually was. She would probably have succeeded in hiding that little fact from the world, but I knew better. No matter how strained our relationship was, she was my mother nonetheless, I knew her, and I could see past her mask. She was essentially a very, very empty and sad person.

"Are you hungry? Would you like to..." She started but was immediately interrupted by my father.

"Later, Maria. We have more important matters now," He said coldly, with a warning tone. I noticed that her body turned rigid for a moment. She tried to hide it, composing herself a moment later, giving him a small smile, however, I was able to catch it before that, and everyone was aware of it. I anticipated his next moves, I was nervous due to the reason he wanted me home in the first place. I knew that it wouldn't bring me any good, but I still had a small hope that, somehow, everything would end well.

When we entered the room, my father went to his desk and motioned his hand for us to sit in the chairs that were in front of it. Not wanting to procrastinate the whole situation more than necessary, I did what I was told.

I scanned his appearance. As usual, he had on a black business suit and navy blue tie. His short, brown hair was neatly combed and slicked to the side, a three-day beard was beautifully shaped to follow the line of the face. He looked a lot younger than he actually was, so my mother had a tendency to act jealous whenever they were out with their associates.

"So, Tara," He started in his deep voice, resting his elbows on the desk, clasping his hands.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked him in a surprisingly confident voice.

"About your future engagement in our company," He simply said making me frown. I didn't understand where this all came from.

"What are you talking about?"

"I decided..." He emphasized as to make it clear who was in charge, like I needed a reminder. "that after you finish your sophomore year, you will come back here and for the rest of your studies you will attend the local university," As soon as he said that, he leaned back in his armchair, looking at me like that was the normal thing to do.

"What?!" I practically yelled, while abruptly raising from my seat, He wasn't a bit taken aback by my outburst. Rather than that, he carried on with his serious tone.

"I gave you too much time to get that rebellion out of your system. In order for you to take over the business, you would actually need to know about it. I realized that It would be a lot easier if you worked with me as an intern in the meanwhile," He said it in a way that made it seem like that was the most logical thing to do.

"But I don't want that, you know it. You both do!" I glanced at my mother, but she just lowered her head, avoiding my eyes. I laughed dryly and looked at my father in disbelief. I should've known that she wouldn't support me.

"What you want doesn't really matter. You are too young and stupid to know what's good for you. On the contrary, I had a lot of experience in my life, so unlike you, I can make proper decisions," He carried on. His seriousness and control over himself were slowly fading away, leaving a shred of anger in his tone.

"If I'm as stupid as you say, why do you want me to replace you?" I raised my eyebrow, provoking him.

"You know perfectly well why I said that, girl. Don't even try to play mind games with me," He threatened me which made me roll my eyes.

"You have no right to do that."

"I have every right in the world."

"Well, I won't do it anyways, deal with it. I won't come back here, you can trust me on that!" – I screamed

He abruptly jumped out of his seat and came to stand right where I was, invading my personal space His calm demeanor was completely replaced by a cold and angry look. My anxiety levels rose, but I didn't want to back down, not this time.

"And what would you do?" He started, with venom in his voice. "The apartment you live in is paid for with my money. Your tuition fees are paid with my money. The clothes you wear were paid for with my money. Everything in your life comes with the price that I'm paying. I'm ready to cut you off completely if you refuse to follow my orders."

I glared at him with a shocked expression, on the verge of tears. He was right, I was financially dependent on him, however, I wouldn't give up that easily.

"I'll find a job." As soon as those words left my mouth, I realized how stupid of me was to think such a thing. Judging by his reaction, he shared my opinion. He was laughing with such intensity I was sure the neighbors heard him, even though our garden was pretty spacious.

"And how exactly do you plan to do that? Who is going to hire you If I forbid them?" I lowered my head knowing that he was right and that probably was what would happen.

"Why do you even want me back?" I asked him, my voice barely audible.

"I wouldn't care if you weren't my only child. However, considering the fact that your mother is incapable of producing another one, let alone a male heir, you are the only one that's left, and I don't plan to leave the company in the hands of someone who's not related to me," I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway: one small, treacherous tear slipped down my face. His words were painful. I was used to them, but that didn't make the difference.

"As far as I know, it takes two tango. If someone is incapable of such a thing, that's probably you," I was so hurt by his words I didn't even think before those words left my mouth. I wanted him to feel at least a fraction of the pain I felt, but I should've known that it was all in vain and that it would only end badly for me.

I didn't expect his next move, but I couldn't say I was surprised by it when it was all said and done. Immediately after I told him that, I felt a sharp pain in my cheek. I heard my mother gasp. The hit was so strong it made my head turn to the side and I fell on the floor right after. With a trembling hand, I gripped the spot where my father slapped me. I was sure it would live the mark.

I lowered my gaze and stared directly at the floor, not daring to glance at any other way. I was way too scared of what I could see. My eyes were full of tears, my vision was blurred, it was only a matter of time before I start crying like a baby. I didn't want him to witness that. I didn't want him to know what his actions did to me.

"I hope that you have learned your lesson! Go to your room, put yourself together, and get ready before our guests arrive, I don't want them to see you in such pathetic state. The discussion is over, in three months, when you finish your semester, you are coming back here," He simply said, like he didn't do anything wrong. He just turned around, got back to his seat, and started reviewing some papers.

He didn't have to tell me twice. I quickly get up and ran to my room. I slammed the door and leaned on it, slowly lowering my body until I fell to the floor. It seemed like that was the trigger for my tears. I started crying like never before.

I wanted to ask him what I did to deserve this treatment, to demand the answer, but there was no point in doing so. Nothing of that mattered. The only thing I could do was to sit there and cry, the reality wouldn't change regardless.

Most people thought that I had It all, that there wasn't anything bad going on in my life, I most likely seemed like that, too. In fact, I probably convinced myself that I felt that way, that I was fine. I should realize once and for all that I wasn't okay, let myself crack, but I was afraid that It would only make things worse.

I acted like some little girl, hiding in my room, and crying. I didn't want to feel defenseless, worthless, still, I had no choice. Actually, the choice always existed, but I was obviously too weak to find it.

Before I could go deeper into my thoughts, a ringing of my phone was heard. I took it from my back pocket, surprised that it still worked. Like the cherry on top of the cake, I realized that it was Mateo who was calling me.

Great.

I quickly whipped my tears and tried to pull myself together, however it didn't really work. My heart was beating like crazy and I was breathing fast, it was rather obvious that something had happened. I could only hope that he wouldn't notice that, even though, deep inside, I knew that that wouldn't be the case.

"Hello?" I almost cursed due to how much my voice was trembling.

"What's wrong?" He asked me that first things first. I could hear the worry in his voice, although it might be just a fragment of my imagination, I wasn't really myself at the time.

"Nothing," I responded with a shaky tone.

"Tara, don't fuck with me! I asked you something!" I jumped a bit, scared of the volume of his voice.

"I got into a fight with my father," I wanted to say as little as possible, but knowing him, it wouldn't be enough.

"What happened?"

"I really can't talk right now," No matter how much I tried to, I couldn't stop my voice from betraying me. It cracked when I said the last word, clearly letting him know that there was something more.

"Tara, did he do something?" He asked me cautiously.

"Mateo," I literally begged.

"Fucking answer me!" He yelled, making me jump out of fear yet again.

"He slapped me," I finally said it, realizing that there was nothing else I could do. Afterward, we were surrounded by deafening silence. I could hear his uneven breathes on the other side of the phone. I gulped, waiting for his outburst.

"Come back home," He sounded calm. Too calm. Mateo calm.

"Mateo, I can't-" I started but I was immediately interrupted by his loud growl.

"I don't fucking care, Tara! Get your ass back here right now or we are going to have a serious problem, is that clear?" He was practically yelling at me.

I couldn't take it any longer, I started crying yet again. I had never let myself cry that much, but there I was. My father was right, I sure was pathetic.

"I can't, you know that I can't!"

"I've already told you that I don't give a shit. Start packing right now. This moment, do you hear me?" He carried on with yelling, not bothering to even think for a second how it would affect me.

"I can't, if I leave, he will-" I wasn't able to finish the sentence, nor did I have to, it was rather clear what I wanted to say.

I continued to cry loudly, hiccupping, and breathing uncontrollably. I was a mess, the mess that could become even worse if Mateo felt like it.

For a while, we both stayed silent. Not one of us dared to speak. Only after some time did I hear him exhale and, with a dose of pity, but with his usual threatening tone, he finally gave in.

"Fine. You will get back here with tomorrow's flight. I'll wait for you. However, when you arrive, you and I are going to have a serious talk, be ready for that," right after warning me, he hung up.

I didn't know if I felt some kind of a relief because he listened to me, or the fear of the conversation that cannot be avoided. Like the last one wasn't enough.

I get up and threw myself down on the bed, without the strength or the will for anything.

-

I heard a knock on the door of my room. It passed a few hours since I came to my parent's hours. I was able to conclude that only based on the fact that there were no sun rays lighting up my room, it was completely dark. I didn't sleep nor think. I just stared at my ceiling, without moving, like a plant. I probably looked like I was everything but normal, but I didn't care. I felt disgusted with myself and the only ones to blame for that were the people that lived here.

The person that knocked on my door didn't wait for an answer, he came in and turned on the lights. I closed my eyes and rubbed them a bit, so they could grow accustomed to the light. I felt the bed dip, signifying that someone sat on it.

"Honey..." I snorted when I heard the sound of my mother's voice. She sounded sad and guilty, but I didn't believe her. She was the same as my father, they deserved each other.

"Tara?" She tried one more time.

"What do you want?" I asked her rudely. I was aware that it was pretty hypocritical of me to act that way toward her when I couldn't toward my father, but I couldn't care less. She had it coming.

"You should get ready, your dad's business partner is about to arrive," I noticed that she was a bit surprised with my attitude, but she didn't comment on it. I rolled my eyes when I heard what she said.

"Of course that was the reason you came here."

"Tara-" She reached out to touch me, but I refused to let her,

"Don't you dare!" I said harshly.

"Tara, I'm sorry," She said sounding desperate. Her eyes were watery, on the verge of tears, but she still didn't convince me, she was a very talented actress, I should know, I had here genes.

"You are sorry?" I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I didn't want this to play out the way it did."

"Then why did you let it?" I asked her with venom in my voice.

"I had no other choice. I still don't," She threw up her arms in despair and stood up. Out of nervousness, she ran her hand through her short hair.

"You have a choice, mother. I do too. There is always a choice, it's just that you and I are too weak to choose the right one," I was bitter, it was true. However, I was also disappointed in myself, maybe even more. If only I had the courage to turn around and leave, to face the consequences of my actions, I wouldn't have to go through all this.

"I'm sorry because you feel that way," And she finally put her mask back. That way she was yet again the reserved woman I had known my entire life. I looked at her, her face was emotionless. How was she able to recover that quickly was beyond me, but it didn't make a difference.

"Get ready quickly, they will be here soon," With that being said, she turned around and left the room, not even once sparing me a glance.

-

Whenever we had guests around, my mother would literally order tons of food, however, this time she managed to surpass herself. She looked so proud of Its taste, like she was the one making it.

The three of us sat down in our living room, expecting those famous guests. I wondered if the one coming to our house was Prince Charles, but I quickly dismissed the thought – the man was way too smart to do so.

I fulfilled their request. I put on a knee-length, tight, black, formal dress with long sleeves. I had found it in my old closet which was fortunate because I hadn't brought anything with me that would go with this occasion. My makeup was neutral, but I had way too much foundation, trying to hide my father's act. Furthermore, I had put my hair in a bun. I looked like a real lady, like nothing had happened earlier. Like I had thought, the talent for acting was in our genes.

The deafening silence was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. My parents immediately got up, ready to give their warm welcome to our guests, which was rather funny to me. The butler would surely open the door, I didn't see the need to stand in the middle of the living room, but I didn't comment on it. I wasn't about to provoke him further, I just waited for this whole thing to end so I could go back home. That was another thing I feared, but I believed that Mateo couldn't be worse than them. I used to be such a naïve girl.

Shortly after, the voices were heard and two men entered the room. One of them was a middle-aged man with grey hair but had a very pleasing appearance. The other one, which was clearly his son judged by the dark green eyes they shared, looked rather familiar.

His long, curly hair was almost shoulder length, and on his face was plastered a huge smile. I checked him out. He wore a business suit, much like our fathers. He looked ravishing in it. I supposed that many women would crave to be in the company of those three handsome men, nevertheless, I would change my place with any of them. Even though he was pretty good-looking, I felt that there was something weird going on with him, considering how he acted a few days back when we had talked after the classes. I frowned and raised my eyebrow.

"Paul?"

"Hi, Tara," He smiled one more time, showing his gleaming white teeth.

There was something strange about this boy and I supposed I would find out what that was pretty soon.