Your soulmate can also be your downfall.
― Guillaume Musso

When you stop fighting, that's death.

― John Wayne

Man's courage is reflected in his ability to bear the truth.

― Guillaume Musso

Sometimes only when leaving the scene you realize what your role was.

― Stanisław Jerzy Lec

Chapter 5

His consent made me so happy, people would think that I had inherited a million dollars from my long lost cousin. However, they just didn't understand how big of a problem it was when you can't cook to save your life. Over the years, I got so many odd stares when someone discovers my inability that I got used to it, it didn't even bother me anymore. I tried to do my best, I really did, but I quickly realized that the best thing I could do was to stay out of the kitchen. A few times I, maybe, almost caused a fire. Despite that, I was able to make pasta that tasted good, a bit overcooked, but good nevertheless.

I noticed that he was constantly opening and closing his mouth while we were in the kitchen. He was probably telling me what we were supposed to do, although I wasn't really sure, I was too distracted by his lips. It was a matter of time when I would start drooling, which would be so embarrassing, I would rather die right then and there.

Slowly, I started lowering my eyes so I could sneak a glance at the bottom part of his body. Dressed in his usual outfit, he looked like sin. Blank, black shirt stuck to his body like a second skin. This time I had a chance to confirm my suspicion that his body had plenty of tattoos. There almost was no place on his arms and collarbone (that was exposed) that wasn't covered by ink. Usually, tattoos meant something, however, I wasn't sure if that was the case with Mateo's too. He had too many to count, let alone connect to something, and I hadn't even seen most of them. However, one thing is certain, his tattoos made him even darker and more mysterious than he already was.

"Tara!" the sound of my name startled me. I needed a moment to realize what was going on. I raised my eyes and noticed that he had already had his arrogant smirk plastered on his annoyingly beautiful face. I blushed when I realized that he must've understood that I was checking him out. Better yet, I was undressing him with my eyes, which was even worse.

"Are you even listening to me?" I frowned and scrunched my eyebrows together. He asked that on purpose only so I would feel even more embarrassed. He knew perfectly well that I had no idea what he was talking about.

"You wanted me to borrow your apron?" I looked at him with my innocent eyes, rapidly blinking, which only made him roll his. I was actually curious how he would look in the apron, though. In fact, I had already imagined him in my head, wearing nothing but my hot pink one. I had a sudden urge to lick my lips, however, before I could zone off again, I concentrated on him, trying to understand what he was saying.

"Why don't you put some flour in a bowl and I will prepare everything else?" he asked me. I nodded my head.

I can do it, that shouldn't be hard, right?

I said that way too quickly. Before I could even realize what was happening, I dropped the flour. The kitchen was a mess. The sight of a completely white floor would probably even look aesthetic had it not been for the simple fact that I was the one who would have to clean it up later on.

I looked at Mateo biting my lips, not sure of what to say. He had already had his eyes set on me and he didn't look very pleased.

"You had one job." he pointed out and shook his head in disbelief. I wondered if it would help my case if I acted like my apartment was hunted by ghosts. To be fair, no one could claim that they have never existed.

"In my defense.." he raised his eyebrow stopping me from saying something stupid. "I have nothing to say." I finished.

"That's what I thought."

Not wanting to look at the mess I made longer than necessary, I started cleaning.

The moment later, I felt the same intense gaze I had felt the first night I met Mateo. Although I spent quite some time afterward, my body tensed.

He slowly started approaching me with quiet and confident steps. After what felt like an eternity, even though in reality were only a few seconds, he was right in front of me. His eyes weren't their usual chocolate color, they were very dark, almost black. The want that could clearly be seen in them made me shiver. The way he looked at me, with such intensity, made it seem like he knew every part of me, my whole being, inside-out. My palms were sweating so bad. I was sure I was going to faint.

He lifted his hand to my face. He touched my cheek, wiping away the flour. After he finished, he didn't move his hand, in fact, he started caressing me, making me almost scream in pleasure. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, craving more. He was so close, I was starting to lose my mind. Although I found myself in similar situations with him a few times already, nothing helped. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it would jump out of my chest.

He started getting impossibly close to me, slowly but surely. I was aware of his intentions, it was more than obvious what he was about to do. However, I didn't back away, not even an inch. I wanted him. At that moment I didn't care how rushed this all seemed, or how dangerous it could turn out to be, I just had an inexplicable need for him, whatever happened afterward.

I could almost feel his lips brushing mine, my breath caught in my throat in anticipation of what was about to happen, but before he was able to do anything more, the ringing of my phone made him stop in his track.

I didn't know if I was more disappointed or furious, but I didn't have to bother trying to guess his emotions. For the first time since I met him, he wore his heart on his sleeve. He looked like he was about to murder someone. His face was flushed, I wasn't sure if the reason for that was the fact that we were interrupted or our almost-kiss, but that didn't really make a difference. Enraged, he put his forehead against mine and almost deadly spat the word "fuck". I had an indescribable urge to nod my head because I felt the same way.

The ringing never stopped. I wanted to break it like nothing else in my life. I inhaled, trying to keep myself calm and control my breathing. I took the evil thing out of my pocket to stop the unbearable sound.

"Why the hell are you answering?" Mateo yelled at me and tried to take it off my hold. However, his hand stopped before he reached mine, hanging in the air. He probably changed his mind when he saw my expression.

I froze when I realized who was calling me, earlier excitement, as well as rage, long gone. Speechless, I just stared at the screen, like it would disappear if I did that. It would be better if I was the one to disappear, though.

Somehow mustering courage, I answered.

"Hi dad?" it was more of a question than anything else. I wasn't sure if he even heard me, I said that rather quietly.

"Tara, why didn't you answer your phone?" I could hear my father's cold, always serious voice coming from the other side.

"I was taking a shower, I didn't know you were calling me." Mateo frowned when he heard that lie.

"I don't care, next time don't make me wait this long."

"Yes, father." my voice was shaking so bad I could hardly speak.

"When I'm supposed to send a car to pick you up?"

"What do you mean?" confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and asked him.

"Your mother and I are expecting you to come home this weekend, I have important things to discuss with you. Hence, at what time?" he said that with such dominance I didn't dare say anything that he wouldn't agree on.

"Um...I don't know. I will have to check the flight schedule."

"I will look It up and let you know. I'll see you soon." he didn't even wait for my response before he hung up.

I stared at my phone, confused and a bit scared, not that I was really seeing it. I wasn't really thinking of anything, I just felt insecure, anticipating what was going to happen. The thought of having a conversation with my father was intimidating on its own, and now that I knew he wanted to discuss something with me, I was terrified. I had no idea what he wanted to talk about, nor did I want to find out.'

"Are you okay?" Mateo's words brought me back to reality. I looked at him, quickly realizing I totally forgot that he was standing there. His face was completely void of emotions, his eyes staring deeply into mine.

"Yeah, I am," I murmured even though we both knew that that was far from the truth.

The very next moment, Mateo's hand found its way around my neck. Shocked, I stared at him trying to figure out what was going through his head. His eyes were so dark, and not in a desirable way like minutes before. They were narrowed and ready to kill.

"What did I tell you about liars, Tara?" he said slowly, making me realize how serious the situation was. His hold wasn't exactly painful, but it was firm, letting me know who was in charge.

"You hate them," I muttered, not wanting to provoke him more.

"Exactly. I hate them with passion. This time I will let it pass, but I'm not sure if I would be as forgiving the next time." he moved his thumb caressing the skin on my neck. As much as that was his way to show affection, it was also a threat. I nodded my head, telling him that I understood.

"Great! Now, tell me, are you okay?" he kissed my cheek and lifted his hand off me. He leaned on the dining table, waiting for my response.

"Not really, I'm a bit shaken up," I told him truthfully. I didn't know why, but I felt myself relax having said that like that was what I needed.

"Why?"

"My father and I, well, let's just say we are not exactly on good terms."

"You are in a fight?" I was annoyed by the way he constantly pried into my business, I was sure he had never heard of boundaries. I responded regardless, I wasn't ready to face his wrath.

"Not officially. It's just...we have always been like that. He is not exactly a loving and caring person, we rarely even talk," I was aware that he knew that that wasn't the whole story, but this time he let it go, and I was more than thankful. I wasn't someone who liked to talk about her feelings, especially not the ones regarding my father.

"So, are we going to make those pancakes or not?" he said, but immediately shut up, probably remembering what had happened the last time he told me to do something. "Actually, I have a better idea. You go and pick some movie we are going to later watch, and I will make pancakes for us." I nodded my head with a smile on my face, happy because he veered off-topic and because I was about to put some food in my stomach.

-

I was awoken by the unbearable sound of my alarm. Like that wasn't enough, I felt stabbing pain in my neck. I tried to lift my arm so I could press that place to ease the pain, but I was prevented. I quickly realized that I was in a rather weird position, laying on something hard. Slowly, with an inexplicable desire to kill somebody, I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was Mateo's irresistible face, still in his slumber. However, I blushed the moment I noticed in what position we found ourselves in. We were sitting on the sofa in my living room, I was leaning against his chest with one leg thrown against his lap and an arm around his waist. He had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, surprisingly strong for someone who is still asleep. I kept on staring at him, trying to figure out how we got into this situation in the first place. After a while, something clicked in my head and I remembered everything.

After Mateo made unbelievably delicious pancakes, we ate and right after we started watching a movie. I picked Goodfellas. He was more than thrilled with my decision. It wasn't like I didn't expect it, I noticed that he was a sucker for good, old, mostly crime, films. I was debating if I should suggest the Grease next time, just to provoke him a bit, aware that that will end badly only for me. Although, I didn't really know how some people weren't fans of that movie, I would laugh like crazy whenever Danny Zuko and his palls walked like they were possessed by an evil spirit.

It was rather late at the time, I wasn't sure we even finished watching the movie. However, while we were awake, we were in this exact position. He played with the strands of my hair. It seemed like he really liked it, considering he threaten me to never have my hair cut. I rolled my eyes when he said that, it wasn't like I intended to, in the first place.

The night went wonderful, even though we didn't finish what we started back in the kitchen. He helped me to, at least for some time, forget that I would have to face my father soon.

After a while, I somehow managed to get out of his hold, wanting to reach my phone. I turned the alarm off, and then I realized that I didn't really have a lot of time to get ready so I could attend my classes. Right when I was about to get up and go shower, Mateo grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. I fell right on his chest so hard that, if it was anyone except him, I would probably kill the person, however, he wasn't even a bit shaken by it.

"Where are you going?" he asked me with his deep, sleepy voice. He was so cute at that moment that I would pinch him if I didn't know better.

"I was about to take a shower, I have to go to uni pretty soon," I answered him and he nodded his head in understatement.

"I'll drop you off."

"There's no need, it's not far away," I told him, but I should've known that it wouldn't end that easy.

"I don't care, I've already said that I will take you there and I intend to do that," he said with a bored tone, like that was inevitable and that I was unnecessarily making him upset.

"And I've already told you that it's nearby, there's no need for you to go with me!" I didn't know why I was so against it, the only logical reason being that I was maybe sick of him ordering me around.

In a second our positions were changed. Before I could understand what was going on, I found myself laying on the sofa, beneath him. He put his knees on both sides of my body, catching my hands and putting them over my head, successfully trapping me.

"I don't fucking care if there's a need or not for that, the discussion is settled," he told me furiously.

"You can't decide for me!" I spat. I was aware that I was exaggerating, but I didn't want to let him act like some tyrant. At times he could be so thoughtful, but other times he was unbearable.

"I believe I can, baby girl." I didn't like the way he said the nickname he gave me, it was obvious that he was threatening me yet again.

"Mateo, stop acting like that!" I yelled in his face. Big mistake.

He grabbed my jaw so hard I was sure he was about to break it at any moment. His eyes turned black so much so they looked terrifying. He got closer to my ear in what seemed like slow-motion. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I shuddered and not in a good way.

"This is the first and the last time you spoke to me like that." he started, his voice ice cold "I will drive you to your damn university, end of discussion. And now, lift that hot ass of yours and go get fucking ready. I don't want to hear a word coming out of your mouth, am I clear?" he said that in such low voice I thought it would be better if he yelled at me. My jaw was throbbing due to his hold. Fear slowly engulfed my body in a way that I had no other choice than to nod my head. Pleased, he smiled and left a light kiss on my cheek. Furthermore, he got off me. Automatically I raised my hand to my jaw and started running it gently with my hands, hoping it would ease the pain. If I had a mirror, I was sure that I would see a big bruise forming where he had held me.

"It wasn't that hard, was it?" he said that with a cheerful voice, like nothing bad ever happened.

-

The whole time during the incredibly short drive to my university we spent in deafening silence. Not one of us wanted to give in. I spent full 5 minutes looking out the window trying to make out at least a glimmer of something, not that I succeed anyway. Mateo was so fast that everything was blurred and unclear. I didn't complain, even though I had a big need for that. I decided to give him a silent treatment for some time, hoping he would finally understand what he did. Unfortunately, I had a feeling that that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Lost in my thoughts, I shifted my gaze on him. He looked very tensed. His hands were gripping on a steering wheel so hard I thought he was going to smash it. His eyes were fixated on the road, however, it seemed like he wasn't really focused. I wanted to get inside his stupid head so I could, even for a second, understand what was going on in there and what made him act the way he did. At one moment he was caring and kind, but In the very next he turned into someone who could destroy me with his bare hands. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, however, I didn't dare voice any one of them, scared of what would happen otherwise.

Not long after, we arrived at our destination. I quickly unbuttoned my seat belt and was about to get out of the car. However, he had other plans.

"Not even a see you later?" he laughed bitterly and locked the doors.

I kept quiet, like I said, I had no desire to look at him, let alone talk with him.

"Tara?" he tried one more time. Nevertheless, I continued on with my silent treatment. He didn't deserve my attention.

"Answer the fucking question!" he yelled and slammed his fist into the steering wheel. I jumped, scared of the force of the impact and the strength of his voice. My heart was beating fast in my chest and tears started falling down my face.

"I'll see you later." I nervously told him, my voice shaking. I didn't want to look weak in front of him, but that wasn't even an option.

He laughed sarcastically, clearly not too thrilled with my response. I thought that he would continue to torture me, however, a moment later I could hear a silent click. Shocked, I turned my head and realized that he had opened the door. I didn't stop for a second to consider what I was about to do, nor did I want to wait for him to change his mind so I quickly jumped out of the car and walked straight to the big building ahead of me, but not before I heard him say something that made me at the same time scared and excited as hell.

"Of course we will see each other again, babygirl, don't ever doubt that."

-

"Do I look bad in this dress?"

We were currently located in one of the many boutiques of the largest mall in the city. Sarah, Emma and I decided to go shopping, considering that it was Friday and we didn't have any classes we had to attend. We were going out in the evening, so we used that as a perfect excuse to spend our money on the things we didn't actually need. Although to be fair, Emma and I were the ones who used that as an excuse, Sarah was practically forced to come with us. A bottle of deodorant and a lighter may or may not had something to do with it. Lena on the other side didn't want to come with us no matter what, her excuse being that she was sick, which was obviously a lie. She did wish us to have a good time, though. Surprisingly, I didn't bother her too much to make her join us, probably because I wasn't too excited either, for the first time in my life. I had too much going on already. I haven't heard from Mateo since the day we practically fought in the parking lot of my university. I would think that he got bored of me if it wasn't for a message he sent me a little after I exited his car letting me know that he would be out of town for a few days because he had some unfinished business to take care of. He didn't go into details, not that I asked him anything else anyway. Unlike him, I had manners.

"Tara!" I jumped hearing my name. I looked at Emma who had her eyebrow raised, clearly irritated by my lack of response.

"No, you look perfect. Trust me, that's the one." and she really did. She chose bright red, satin sleeveless dress that was in total contrast with her black hair. Emma was probably the only person I had ever met that changed the color of her hair from natural blonde to jet black. But no matter what, she looked like a goddess. In fact, it was rather funny how different we all were. Besides her dark hair, Emma had light brown eyes, as well as a slender figure. The only thing that kept her from becoming a model was her height. It wasn't like she was short, she was maybe just an inch shorter than me, but she still wasn't able to pursue that career. That was something that often killed her confidence, which was the sole reason why I didn't roll my eyes when she asked me if she looked bad.

Lena was her polar opposite. With sky blue eyes and golden hair, she looked like an angel. However, she was also shy, so more times than not she wasn't aware of her beauty. I have tried for so long to show her how much she illuminates the room she walks into, not only with her appearance but also with her Innocence and warmth. Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything to lift her self-esteem until she wanted to herself.

Sarah was a rare gem of a group, but she was very often uninterested in how she looked like. It wasn't like she didn't know what kind of effect she had on people, she just wasn't as superficial as Emma and I, so she didn't really care. Her green eyes and red hair always attracted attention wherever she went. Also, we found that the cutest thing was her height. She was pretty short, the shortest out of four of us. She often looked like a sweet, little timed bomb, so a lot of people wouldn't take her seriously long enough to not realize how crazy she was before she had already beaten them.

"Girls, have mercy on me, I can't take it anymore!" she was the one that started complaining. In her voice could be heard such pain I thought she was really going to cry.

"But S, we are not finished, I didn't even buy a dress for tonight!" I pursed my lips hoping that that would help me. However, I forgot the fact that the girls knew me better than anyone, so that wouldn't ever work on them. Even though I met Emma and Sarah only a year and a half ago, we spent so many days and nights together, I had a feeling that we have known each other since forever, just like Lena and I.

"Don't even try!" she told me furiously. "The only reason you still haven't found the dress is due to the fact that you were too busy picking not one, not two, but four pairs of shoes." exaggeration, but essentially true.

"But how am I supposed to go out if I don't have new heels?" I asked her with sadness in my voice which made her take a deep breath, clearly trying to stop herself from killing me.

"Tara, you have at least 20 pairs of heels back home, as well as 10 more in your parents' house you are visiting this weekend, are you fucking kidding me?" she was so angry it made her look like she was in one of those old cartoons when someone would blush so bad he would look like a tomato and steam would come out of his ears. Nonetheless, she was right, I maybe had a little obsession with shoes, so I couldn't really defend myself from this one.

"But S, you don understand, she had already worn those." but I did have my soulmate, Emma, who would have my back at any cost. Sarah shifted her gaze to Emma at the speed of the light. Both of us stiffened like we are about to get lectured by our mother.

" You don't have a say in this. The only reason why you are defending her is because you are the same way with purses." also true. Feeling embarrassed, we hung our heads low not knowing what to say. She quickly went to a part of the boutique that had night, sensual dresses. She stood there for a couple of minutes and afterward, she returned, bringing me one of them along the way.

"Here, now you have a dress. It's your size and it goes perfectly with the silver heels you have already bought. Let's fucking go now." we immediately agreed. We were truly scared for our lives. The dress was really beautiful, though. Short, black, with a sexy slit in beast and stomach area, letting my girls have some air. All in all, it looked pretty daring and seductive, exactly the way I liked it.

As officially the biggest jinx in the world, just when it was my turn to pay, my phone started ringing. I apologized to the cashier and paid quickly, almost flying out of there. The ringing never stopped so I took my phone out of the pocket of my jeans and answered, without checking the caller's ID.

"Hello?"

"Why aren't you answering?" that harsh, masculine voice was way too familiar for me to not know who the person was.

"I was paying for my dress, I couldn't really take the call," I responded immediately. Emma and Sarah looked at me with a weird expression, they probably didn't understand why I felt the need to explain myself to someone.

"Where are you, anyway?" I haven't heard from him in three days, but there he was, interrogating me.

"In the mall, we were buying some new clothes for tonight." I wanted to slap myself the moment those words left my mouth.

"What's tonight?" he asked me. I sensed how impatient he was so I wanted to think of a lie, however, I remembered what happened the last time I did that, so I changed my mind.

"I'm going out with my friends," I replied shortly, hoping that he wouldn't freak out. I didn't even know why I thought he would in the first place, it wasn't like that was his business.

I was met with complete silence. The only thing I could hear was his deep, almost uncontrollable breathing. I didn't know him for a long time, but something told me that he wasn't really thrilled with what I had told him.

"What club?" he asked me coldly, daring me to not respond to his question.

"Gothic." the moment I finished telling him the name, he hung up on me.

What the hell just happened?

-

"If she drinks one more shot of tequila, she will faint," Luke commented sitting next to me and looking at Emma who was about to perform a striptease on the dance floor. No matter how much I couldn't stand the guy, I had to agree with him, the situation was rather critical. No one could understand how did she manage to get wasted, considering that we arrived at the club only half an hour ago. I didn't know the reason why she acted that way, it didn't even matter at that point. I would take her out of there as soon as possible, but I didn't because of two reasons. Firstly, Victor was near her and he watched her every move, so I stayed calm. There was no one else that could take better care of her than him. Secondly, if I did that, she would definitely do something worse that would make it impossible to get her out of there, she was stubborn like that. Everything is fine as long as she was in a place where I could see her, at least until she starts doing something stupid, in which case I'd be forced to take some actions.

Gothic was packed as usual. We were seated at our booth. Being on great terms with a club owner like Luke was had its perks. Sarah, Stephan, him, and I were still there, slowly sipping on our drinks, trying to relax so we could let loose later on. Usually, I didn't really need alcohol for that, but I was particularly nervous tonight, seemingly for no apparent reason.

"Victor will handle it." Stephan voiced my thoughts. I didn't even know how we could hear each other, considering how loud the music was.

"Victor can't handle himself, let alone her," Sarah said angrily. She didn't really want them back together. Apparently he was a caveman who would only break her heart. Although, to be fair, she had always disagreed with our choices, supposedly because we are only attracted to bastards that are not worth a second glance. Stephan wasn't really pleased hearing her words, to say the least, not that she cared.

"You need a good fuck so you could release that negative energy." I heard Luke telling her. I looked at him, shocked. I was sure that Sarah wouldn't be hurt by his words, mostly because she considered him one of those guys too, but that didn't mean I would just sit there and let him say things like that. He was also unfortunate enough to be sitting next to me, so I didn't have to try hard to hit him on his head with all of my might. He winced and immediately grabbed hold of the spot.

"You crazy woman!" he yelled at me.

"You seek another punch?" I raised my eyebrow and he quickly shook his head. He wasn't that stupid, just a jerk.

"That's what I thought." I smiled, pleased with myself. I looked at Sarah and saw her giving me a thankful glance. She maybe wasn't hurt by his comment, but me standing up for her meant a lot to her. She was my girl, everything else was out of the question.

"We could, maybe, dance a little, before you guys get in the bigger fight than the one that took place in Dionis, last weekend." Stephan extended his hand for me. Sarah promptly declined the call and Luke was still in the process of recovering from the first-degree injury I inflicted on him. Shrugging, I put my hand in his. It felt familiar, but there was no spark whatsoever. The passion we once had was long gone.

Right when we were about to go to the dance floor, still holding hands because he was practically dragging me, I heard an animalistic growl that made me stop in my tracks.

I froze. For some reason, I knew who that was, even though I didn't even see him or hear him talk, I just knew.

I closed my eyes in fear, anticipating what was going to happen. Slowly, I turned in the direction where the sound came from, still not opening my eyes. My heart started beating loudly in my chest, and my lungs almost couldn't function, I was barely able to breathe. Feeling like I was in some low-budget Bollywood movie, I slowly opened my eyes. Even though I expected that sight, it didn't stop my body from falling into a state of total shock.

In front of me stood Mateo, in all his glory, with a look of a serial killer that had just found his next victim, and whose eyes were focused on one thing only - Stephan's hand that still held mine.