"The entirety of hell is contained in one word: solitude."

― Victor Hugo

"The little girl's dependency on her father made [his] abuse more insidious."
― Joan Frances Casey

"There are no heroes...in life, the monsters win."
― George R. R. Martin

"Power resides where men believe it resides."
― George R.R. Martin

"...I ran away today, ran from the noise,  away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin' up in World War three
Never knowin' what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family..."

- Pink – Family Portrait

Chapter 24

The moment when I saw my father standing proudly at the entrance of Mateo's penthouse would forever be sealed in my memory. His brown hair was neatly arranged with a few grays that gave him an even more serious look than the one his demeanor did. That was probably the reason why women were still going crazy about him. However, it only aroused even greater nervousness and hidden fear in me. The way he looked at me, with his cold and calculating eyes, made my body tremble. Maybe I would have laughed at such a fast and strong change of my feelings if the scene wasn't as terrifying as it was.

I turned my gaze to my mother, whom I only then noticed standing hidden behind her husband, whose body was supposedly protecting her from an unknown, potential danger. That might have been sweet if I hadn't known otherwise. Our family was anything but sweet. What he was doing was just a way to show his dominance and masculinity, nothing more. There were moments when I wondered if he loved her at all, if he was even capable of loving. He didn't love me, that much was obvious, but maybe he loved her. That thought was the only thin thread that kept my childhood hopes alive.

I was brought back from my thought by Mateo's hand around my waist which suddenly became seriously tense. I glanced at him and saw him clenching his jaw as he stared coldly at my father. I didn't even notice that he pulled me completely to my body as if my parents were a danger. It was comical how similar Mateo and my father were. I just hoped my mother and I weren't.

"Alexei," my father introduced himself. His dominant voice would scare anyone away, but the person he was speaking to used the same tone, the same way of frightening people, so he didn't exactly get the effect he expected.

"Mateo," my boyfriend shook his outstretched hand and squeezed it firmly, using a bit more force than necessary. My father returned the gesture with the same measure. I rolled my eyes at their apparent fight for dominance despite the tense atmosphere.

"Tara, baby," my mother's uncertain voice made me look back at her. She seemed sad and a little tired. She tried to hide it with makeup and she almost succeeded in that, but I knew her. Although we were not on the best of terms, she gave birth to me, we understood each other better than anyone else. Whenever I would see her in this state I would feel guilty because of the way I addressed her, but then she would put on her mask again and all that guilt would evanesce.

"Mother," I shortly replied, trying not to sound too cold.

"I missed you," her voice cracked a little at the end. Although she was only a few steps away from me, she ran up and wrapped her arms tightly around my body. I almost suffocated because of the pressure seeing as Mateo decided to grab my waist even tighter and pull me impossibly close to him. However, despite the discomfort, I patted her lightly on the back, not wanting to make this mother-daughter moment even more intimate. I felt weird and I couldn't help but be suspicious and wary of her actions. I felt almost the same way when I last went to visit them and when she hugged me just as tightly. Maybe we both had some weird personality disorder where our behavior would change according to some variables. I couldn't think of a better explanation for our often contradictory changes in behaviors and mood swings. After I stopped whatever awkward thing I was doing with my arms, she kept on hugging me for a while and kissing me on the top of my head a couple of times. The whole situation felt quite strange and uncomfortable, until the moment when my father coughed and thus made her step away. She obeyed him, as was to be expected. She stepped away from me and straightened her clothes as if she had just been caught in something she shouldn't be doing. She turned to Mateo and held out her hand.

"Maria."

"Mateo," he quickly shook her hand and brought his gaze back to my father's who finally decided to address me.

"Tara," he nodded stiffly in my direction.

"Father," I greeted him, but not in the same cold way. I was never capable of that, maybe that's why he never respected me.

Deciding that it was enough, Mateo moved to the side, dragging me behind him, letting them enter.

"Nice apartment," my mother told Mateo with a smile as I was taking their coats.

"Thank you, I'm doing my best," he answered her with a proud expression on his face, to which my father snorted. To some extent I thought it would upset him, having in mind how temperamental he was, but Mateo was also very calculated, he wouldn't let my father make him lose his cool this early.

"You don't agree?" he looked at him with daring eyes, raising his eyebrow.

"No, not at all, I can see that you're a young man with taste," my father replied with a dangerous smile. There was no need to explain why he emphasized the word he did. He tried to let Mateo know who was more powerful. It's a shame he didn't know how insane my boyfriend could be.

-

"The food is amazing, I haven't eaten something so well prepared in a long time," my mother said after a long time of awkward silence. In fact, the silence lasted almost from the moment we sat down at the table till now. Admittedly, that too was better than if there was a battle going on right in front of my eyes.

"Thank you, we tried," Mateo replied while I kept quiet. It wasn't like I had a lot to say.

"My daughter cooks? Since when?" I clenched my fists at my father's words. Even though I knew he was telling the truth, even though I was mad, it still hurt. How could it not? I never managed to meet his expectations, and that was worse than anything else. I tried not to let it affect me much. I tried to be strong, to hate him. I acted accordingly like I wasn't interested in what he had to say one bit like I was so disappointed in him that it would sound crazy that I could care about him. And there were days when those same thoughts were running through my head when I hated how he treated me. When I was angry, furious, disappointed. When I thought that I could do pretty well without him and that I could live without him for the rest of my life and that that wouldn't be a problem at all. It's comical how far from the truth that was.

"Since forever, it's kind of strange you don't know that," Mateo gritted his teeth, looking him straight in the eye. I looked gratefully at the dark-eyed guy, even though I knew he couldn't see me. He and I both knew how much he hated lies and he did just that. He lied. He lied to make me feel better.

"Really? Well, at least there is something you can do on your own."

"She's completely independent, you don't know what you're talking about," Mateo replied. The anger in his eyes was so noticeable that he almost suffocated everyone around him. I knew he was about to burst completely, but somehow he refrained because the person his rage was aimed at wasn't just anyone. He was my father, a man whose blood was flowing through my veins.

"Really? Then why is she stuck here with you then?" I looked at him in confusion, not understanding what he was implying.

"What are you trying to say?" Mateo asked sounding annoyed. At this point, the steam was coming out of his ears.

"I think you know," my father said stubbornly, bringing a glass of red wine to his lips and taking one long sip, looking Mateo directly in the eye. I saw that the angry guy had every intention of continuing their bickering, or whatever that discussion should be called, so I gently touched his arm, trying to let him know that there was no need to take this thing further. He looked at me for a moment and relaxed slightly. He was still furious, but at least he didn't jump and did something reckless to my father.

"So, Mateo, where do you work?" My father asked after he finished eating. He didn't address me once during the evening and, as much as it was a relief, on the one hand, it also hurt, a lot. I was afraid of him, terrified even, but that didn't change a thing. If I could, I would laugh at myself. Caring about someone you are afraid of at the same time. Maybe some neurologist could take a look at my brain if it exists at all.

I shifted my gaze to Mateo who completely ignored me. I couldn't wait to see how he would get out of this question and whether my father would be half as successful as I.

"I'm businessman," he replied shortly, uninterested in further deepening the conversation. I let out a low breath as I felt his hand on my thigh. I was lucky to wear pants otherwise the evening would've quickly turned awkward. I gulped as he began to move his hand with such tenderness as if it was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

"Interesting," my father commented, watching him with his calculated eyes. He tried to see through him, to find even the slightest lie on his face, to make him burst under pressure. The tension between the two of them made me awfully nervous and I felt rather uncomfortable. I could hardly wait for the evening to end.

"Indeed," Mateo bit back. Testosterone levels in the room threatened to suffocate us all, it was completely unbearable.

"Anyway-" - my father decided to change the subject and finally shifted his gaze to me. I shivered a little under his stare. I tried to cling to Mateo without anyone seeing, but the operation was far from successful. My father noticed that and frowned, shooting me a dirty look. "How's Paul?"

He asked that on purpose. His smirk was proof enough, and the special glint in his eyes let me know that he would stop at nothing to humiliate me and make my life a mess, just to prove a point and make me do what he wanted.

"I don't know," I responded nervously, barely able to maintain eye contact. I didn't dare look at Mateo, not even out of the corner of my eye. I felt like I was between two fires.

"How so?" He insisted, putting his elbows on the table and resting his head on his hands. That position of his body was very strange and immature for him, but it wasn't difficult to understand that he enjoyed the fact that it made me anxious.

"I don't hang out with him, you know that." I tried to sound annoyed and angry, but my voice trembled. I cursed it for it, especially because my father's smirk deepened even more as a result.

"Ah, it's fine, you'll have time to get to know each other better," he down his glass of wine after he said that. Mateo squeezed my thigh hard, which is why I let out a low moan to which he did not react at all. His face was flushed and he looked like he was going to attack my father at any moment. I grabbed his hand that was inflicting pain on me and intertwined our fingers, gently stroking his knuckles with my thumb in an attempt to calm him down. He held my hand so tightly that blood barely reached it and it almost turned completely pale. However, the motion still didn't bring him calmness. Luckily, my mother noticed what was happening and did the first smart thing after who knew how long.

"Honey, I noticed this penthouse has a balcony, why don't you show me?" my mother looked at me with serious eyes that spoke more than any words. Uncertainly, I pulled my hand out of Mateo's, who at first didn't even want to let me go, and walked toward the wanted destination. I heard my mother's footsteps behind me, so I didn't try to turn around and check if she was there.

I finally went out and got some fresh air. I inhaled and leaned against the railing. I glanced at the city consumed by darkness. The view was really beautiful this far from the ground. The only bad thing was that within half a second the situation could turn from magical to fatal.

"Tara, baby," I felt her hand on my shoulder but I didn't push it away. As much as the two of us were not on good terms, I needed her support, even if it was not genuine. "I missed you," she said in a sad voice. I scoffed but said nothing. If she thought we were going to cry and hug and pour our hearts out, she was terribly mistaken.

"Okay, I see you don't want to talk to me," I scoffed once more at her words, but she ignored them. "Just tell me, are you happy?" that, however, drew my attention. I turned in her direction and raised an eyebrow.

"Where did that come from?"

"This boy, honey, he doesn't seem like a good person," she said uncertainly. She was sure of her words, I could see it in the determination in her eyes, but she was afraid of my reaction, and she should be.

"You don't seem like a good person either and you don't see me whining about it, do you?" I crossed my arms over my chest and almost spat those words at her face. Who does she think she is to say something like that about him?

"I know you're angry with me-" she started but I interrupted her.

"That's an understatement."

She ignored my remark and continued.

"But I see things. I'm your mother, you can lie to anyone else, but not me," she tried to cup my cheek but I tilted my head to the side, not wanting to feel her touch.

"Listen, mother dearest, first of all, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Second, how do you even have the nerve to call yourself my mother? When I needed you the most, you weren't there, now I don't need you, accept that," I was very rude, but it was for the best for both of us. I may have exaggerated as far as she was concerned, she wasn't even half as bad as my father, but I couldn't force myself to think rationally. There were days when I needed a motherly hug, and I seldom got it. Some things can never be forgotten, especially when you finally start to feel what it's like to have protection.

"Tara, the guy is obviously dangerous. Someone who looks like that and behaves like that... Tara, I sat with your boyfriend for an hour and I already noticed that he has anger issues. Don't think I didn't notice what he did to you under the table."

"You said it yourself, you've known him for barely an hour. I know you are a person who judges people by their appearance, but you have no right to do so. He makes me happy, he loves me, that's the only thing that matters," I snapped.

"And what if a day comes when he takes his anger out on you?" She replied in the same tone. I looked at her furiously and was almost on the verge of bursting and was about to tell her that I had already gone through that, but I bit my tongue before doing that. Knowing her, she would blow the whole thing out of proportion and Mateo would look like some abuser doing disgusting things to me. Yes, we had some bad moments, but the better ones always prevail. There were times when I wondered what it would be like if he wasn't in my life, and I never liked the answer I came up with.

"Tara, I'm just worried about you," she told me in a shaky voice, and I looked at her with tears in my eyes. I wouldn't let them fall for sure, but it was nice to finally feel some emotion from my mother's side. For the first time, she seemed honest to me, only it came at the wrong time and with the wrong guy.

"Mother-" I started and she looked at me with hope in her eyes. It's been a long time since I've called her that on my own free will and without rage. "I'm happy. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it? I won't let you talk about my boyfriend like that. You won't decide who I will be with!" I threw my hands in the air out of anger. I was overwhelmed by the situation I was in. Mateo was supposedly a bad guy, dangerous one, and Paul was the perfect for me, Paul who was more boring than the commercials on television.

"No one dec-" I didn't let her finish.

"Paul?" I raised my eyebrow.

"I have nothing to do with it." she defended herself and started to approach me as if that would make the situation better. I took a step back to make the distance.

"You may have nothing to do with that, but did you tried to stop father?" I asked her in total and absolute rage.

"Tara, you're acting like a spoilt child. You know your father, nothing I say could make him change his mind," she sighed. I knew she was right, but I also didn't want to admit it, at least not to her. She was obliged to oppose him, to protect me, whatever the consequences may be. Maybe I was a hypocrite seeing as. I was the first one who wouldn't oppose him if it wasn't for Mateo. Even with him the question remained whether I would have enough courage to stand up for myself. My father was a powerful man, and not just in the business world. Power came in every sense, in every form, and drove fear into the bones of those who found themselves near it.

"Anyway, let's just get out of here, we've left them alone for too long." I started to get out, but she stopped me, pulling me by the forearm and turning me around.

"Please, I need you to know I'm here for you. I love you, Tara, no matter what. I know I was a bad mother, but I love you." A tear slid down her face. I couldn't pull my hand out of her hold. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't hurt her even more. Some things couldn't be forgiven, but sometimes it wasn't even necessary. I squeezed her hands and looked her straight in the eye, hoping mine would tell her everything my lips couldn't.

-

When we re-entered the salon, we were struck by a rather strange sight. Mateo and my father were standing over an oil painting that was only liked by Mateo and they were talking in low voices, holding a glass of champagne in their hands. They were both tense, and it seemed as if they were in a heated argument. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I approached them in hopes to hear what they were talking about, however, they were far more intelligent than me and saw right through me. Mateo turned around when I was already close enough and wrapped his arm around my waist, pinning me to his body. He kissed me on the forehead and smiled at me with his million-dollar smile. I stared into his beautiful face. He really was magical.

My father cleared his throat and that brought me back to reality. I turned to him and could barely refrain from commenting on how similar my parents' position was to Mateo's and mine. My father also held my mother around her waist, but I wondered if she meant as much to him as I did to my boyfriend.

"Mixing drinks isn't exactly smart," I commented when the silence became unbearable.

"Having something like this hung on the wall in an apartment isn't exactly smart either," my father bit back, pointing to a painting they had previously very carefully observed.

"I know, no one understands why he likes it," I exhaled and Mateo looked at me indignantly. I shrugged. The picture was completely red with some black patterns. No one saw the point in it, but my boyfriend loved it so much that he spent a huge amount of money at the auction to buy it. He wasn't even interested in art, it was really weird.

"Love, just because you don't understand the meaning, doesn't mean there isn't one," He said in a fake, sweet voice. I was debating whether I should hit him or make some smart and rude comeback, but my father solved my dilemma. He didn't even give me time to do anything.

"Love? That fast? How long are you two even together?" he asked us. I was about to answer him but Mateo interrupted me. What's wrong with people today?

"Long enough," he winked at him. That made me feel uncomfortable. Suddenly I remembered what he had said to him over the phone and the indescribable heat engulfed my whole body. I blushed like pepper and decided not to say anything. I was afraid my own voice would betray me.

"That's sweet. It's so obvious that you two have a strong connection. Wonderful," my father sarcastically commented. "But what will you do when she has to come back home? A long-distance relationship is a serious test."

I knew this was coming, but I secretly hoped that somehow it would slip his mind. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at Mateo, who seemed like he was going to kill someone yet again. I sighed, preparing for the worst.

"She's not going anywhere," Mateo said firmly.

"You're mistaken, young man, she has a duty to fulfill," my father replied, also in a dominant voice.

"She only has a duty to me."

"Since when? You're only her boyfriend. Today you are here, tomorrow you're not. You are neither her husband nor her fiancé."

"I'm going to be," Mateo said through gritted teeth.

"Ah, but the future is so uncertain. Who knows what might happen. One day we live life to the fullest, and the next, poof, we are gone, three meters below the ground in a wooden coffin," my father subtly threatened him, wrapping the threat in pink foil with a bow on top. Mateo walked towards him but I grabbed his arm, preventing him from doing something stupid.

"Mateo," I whispered, but he wouldn't listen. He stared furiously in the direction of my father, trying to swallow him up.

"Boy, I feel sorry for you a bit, you know?" my father looked at him with false sympathy in his eyes, a sympathy that Mateo hated nevertheless. "I see you love her, but you have to know, you won't be the one to end up with her, no matter what you told me over the phone," he said venomously, looking him straight in the eye.

That was the moment when Mateo snapped. He forcibly removed my hand and approached him with slow, icy steps. He got in his face. Since he was taller than him, the scene was disturbing, to say the least. He hadn't hurt him in any way yet, but I was afraid he would if my father didn't stop provoking him.

"Listen to me, sir, you are no longer the one who has the right to tell her what to do. The faster you come to terms with that, the better for you," he said quietly, but angrily, emphasizing every word. My father just laughed and glanced at me briefly. I immediately looked away from him. I couldn't stand that pressure.

"Boy, I will always be the one who has control over my own daughter. You are mistaken if you think otherwise. She may be listening to you now, but not for long. She always did what I told her to do and she always will. She is too labile of a person to do differently," his words hurt, and not just them. It hurt the way he treated me as if I was a thing he possessed. As if he didn't love me and all he wanted was an obedient puppy. The saddest thing of all was that I was exactly what he described, an obedient puppy and nothing more.

"Say something bad about her one more time and someone's blood will be spilled, and I can assure you, it won't be mine," Mateo threatened. I looked at him in shock and approached him to try to calm him down, but he just shot me a look, forcing me to stop in my tracks. I lowered my head in embarrassment, hoping that he wouldn't do anything wrong. I heard a loud laugh that I immediately recognized. My eyes watered.

"You see, I told you. Like a dog that thinks it has found fun with someone else, but don't forget, dogs are loyal beings, they always come back to their owners," I let out a breath of surprise at his remark. I didn't know why. I knew that that was his opinion of me, then why did it hurt?

"Alexei!" I heard my mother's horrified voice, but I didn't have the strength to look at her. If it wasn't sad, the situation would certainly be quite funny. In order for my mother to stand up for me, did this really have to happen?

A loud bang made me look from the ground. Mateo nailed my father to the wall and put his hand under his chin. He didn't press hard on his neck, but just enough to make him uncomfortable. My eyes widened in shock. I ran towards Mateo to remove him from my father, but it was in vain, he wouldn't budge.

"The only reason you're still alive is because you're her father. Don't make me forget that," he threatened him and after a few moments of simply staring at him, he moved and let him go. My father glared at him and rubbed his neck, which was a bit dramatic considering Mateo barely touched him. He shifted his gaze to me, his icy eyes pinning me to the floor. My vision was blurred due to the tears that had accumulated in my eyes, but I still didn't let them fall. Mateo tried to wrap his arms around me, but I didn't let him. My father was about to tell me something, and I knew exactly what. Before the words even came out of his mouth, I knew he was going to turn my world upside down.

"Consider the apartment, credit cards, college, everything canceled. You are a disgrace to this family. Only when you understand what you're doing and repent for your mistakes and crawl to the door of my house can we talk. You have deeply disappointed me, Tara, deeply," he shook his head and headed for the door. My mother started to walk to me to comfort me, seeing as I was about to break down, or at least I was hoping that that was her intention, but he shouted her name ordering her to get out as well. She looked at me sadly and muttered softly I love you. They left within seconds and took my heart with them.

Gone were the fear, the anger, the frustration, the disappointment, all feelings but one. I collapsed to the floor and burst into tears.

A/N

Well, that happened...

I sometimes have a feeling that I put not as much events in one chapter as I should.

Anyways, 

Instagram -> v_jelenaa

Love you all xx