"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it."
― Flannery O'Connor

"We are all born mad. Some remain so."
― Samuel Beckett

"Be worthy of love if you want to be loved."

― Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"...Twisted like wire in your arms
A dangerous place for my heart
But you know I love getting off on the thrill
Turn me from water to wine
I'm wasted all of the time
So do it, baby
Go in for the kill..."

- Mad Love – JoJo

Chapter 21

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, and days into years, or at least that was how it felt like. Sitting nervously on uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hospital wing and waiting for any glimmer of hope for the betterment of your friend could do that to a person. The room reeked of different emotions, mainly shock, disbelief and worry. Not one of us was able to come to terms with what had happened. Victor, the person who had never in his life even thought of consuming any type of narcotics, and who spoke against them with such passion and fire, was laying in the intensive care unit and was fighting for his life due to an overdose. We all wondered what had really happened, what made him do that. The doctors were trying everything in their power to save him, to keep him alive, but it wasn't easy at all since no one knew what kind of drugs were on the verge of killing him. To make matters worse, nothing was found in his belongings that could help us figure it out.

"How's this even possible?" I was brought back into reality by Emma's weeping voice. We all silently agreed with her. "I mean, he never used that shit, you know, because of his father..." her voice cracked in the end. She was literally breaking down right in front of us and yet, no one could do anything. Sarah tried to comfort her, pulling her to her body and running her hand through her hair, but nothing helped.

No matter how complicated their relationship was, Emma loved Victor, and waiting helplessly while the love of your life was fighting to survive just a few meters away was much harder for any comforting words to work. It was almost like an insult. Nevertheless, I admired her strength at that moment. Yes, she was a crying mess but she was still strong, still hoping, still believing. I couldn't even imagine how my hysterical self would act in her place. I shuddered at the very thought and clung to Mateo's upper arm who was sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me up and made me sit on his lap. He finally kissed me on the top of my head and I let out a breath, resting my head on his chest. The steady beating of his heart gave me at least some kind of comfort.

"Who could've done this to him?" Stephan asked, interrupting the uncomfortable silence.

"Some dickhead, that's who!" Luke spat.

I felt truly sorry for them. Victor was their best friend and yet, the only thing they could do at that moment was to suppress their emotions as much as humanly possible. The toxic masculinity that seemed like a requirement in society, had such a strong and awfully wrong impact on men that sometimes I wondered how they were even able to live with themselves. There was a time when the only thing I needed to feel better was to cry, but could they? They would probably be seen as weak, even though the truth would be far from it. Life can be damn cruel.

"Why do you all think that someone put drugs in his drink? Maybe he just wanted to have fun," Mateo spoke for the first time since we arrived in the hospital. Felling beyond confused, I raised my head and looked at him. He usually avoided talking to my friends, and yet there he was, initiating the conversation.

"His dad died because of drugs, you moron, he avoids that shit like communist church," Luke rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but that was a party, he probably didn't even know what he was taking. Maybe he just wanted some weed," Leon shrugged his shoulders and I couldn't help but roll my eyes too. Who the hell would have mistaken some other drug for weed?

"Weed is also a drug," Luke said in a stern voice.

"Actually, it's used in medicine," Mateo interrupted their stare-off.

"Yes, with doctor's approval, but that obviously doesn't stop you." Luke's odd way of emphasizing certain words made me a bit suspicious.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, confusion evident on my face. Mateo's hands that rested over my shoulders tensed significantly.

"Ask your boyfriend," Luke spat and turned his head in the opposite direction, letting me know that the conversation was over. I was annoyed by his actions but I couldn't really hate him for it. He wasn't taking the situation very well. No one did. I looked up and sent a questioning stare in Mateo's direction.

"Ignore him, he doesn't know what he's talking about," he told me immediately and kissed my forehead. Luke snorted but, besides that, didn't comment.

After that, silence found its way to the room again. None of us knew what to say. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. The only movement was made by Stephan who tried to take a seat next to Mateo and me, but the dirty look my boyfriend sent his way made him change his mind.

An eternity later, an older, bald doctor walked out of the operating room. We jumped and ran up to him, asking a million questions, but one more important than others.

"Your friend is stable. While his condition remains somewhat serious, there is no immediate danger to his life," he finally said with a small smile. We let out a breath of relief. I turned to Mateo and jumped into his arms, closing my eyes, feeling a relief wash over me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and once more left a lingering kiss on top of my head.

"So, he's going to get better, right?" Emma asked the doctor, her voice slightly shaking.

"Yes, but he probably won't wake up anytime soon. We are going to keep him in hospital for a few days for observation and to run some tests to determine what kind of substance he used," he said in a soft tone but I couldn't help but frown. I turned my head in his direction while Mateo's arms were still firmly holding my body to his.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, confusion clear in my voice.

"We haven't found out what caused all this, none of the commonly used drugs seems to correspond," he told me, equally confused. "Also, detectives are here to take your statements," with that being said, he walked away.

"Let's go," I didn't even have a chance to speak and Mateo was already pulling my hand towards the exit. I tried unsuccessfully to yank my hand out of his grasp, but it was obviously in vain. Leon and Hannah were hot on our trail, but my friends didn't interfere this time.

"Mateo, let me go! I want to see Victor!"

"You heard the doctor, he's not waking up anytime soon," he said sternly. I frowned at his sudden change of mood. The gentle and caring Mateo from literally a few seconds ago was replaced by the one I feared the most and loved the least.

"That doesn't mean that I can't make sure that he's okay," I finally jerked my hand away from his grasp, successfully stopping us from going further towards the hospital's exit.

He didn't turn around for a few moments. He stood buried in place as if trying to gather all the strength he could to prevent himself from doing stupid things. He clenched his fists and turned painfully slowly in my direction. He approached me carefully, his steps light but at the same time seemed heavier than ever. When he was in front of me, he quickly put his arms around my waist and pulled me to his body. The seemingly innocent movement, which had already been made several times before, looked like everything but at that particular moment. I let out a surprised yelp but he ignored it, as he did to my painfully obvious questioning look. Instead, he tucked a wandering strand of my hair behind my ear. That gentle movement very quickly turned into a threatening one when, a moment later, he grabbed the back of my head and brought it completely close to his face. Our lips were almost touching with only inches separating them. His hot breath was doing things to my body that were completely wrong at the moment.

"Listen to me, love," he started in his usual, threatening tone that made me shiver. "I was patient because of what had happened to your retarded friend, but now I'm done. You have a lot of explaining to do. For your own good, do what I say, or..." he didn't finish his sentence, he didn't need to. The threat was almost visible. He left a quick kiss on my lips, turned around and carried on with his intentions to get out of the hospital as soon as possible, dragging me with him. I didn't try to fight him, rather than that, I simply let myself be dragged away without as much a single complaint.

We quickly found ourselves in front of his car. Just as I was about to get into the passenger seat, I felt a gentle hand wrap around my wrist and pull me back towards the back seat. Confused, I looked at Hannah who seemed pretty nervous to say the least. She was looking straight ahead, not wanting to meet my gaze. Mateo stared at her for a few moments only to finally mumble something I couldn't quite hear and get in the car. As soon as Leon settled in, Mateo abruptly stepped on the gas pedal jolting me forward. Immediately after, I fasten my seat belt on, not feeling particularly suicidal at the moment. I had no idea what made him change his mood, but I also didn't have much need to find out.

Yet, I couldn't get the scene that had happened in front of everybody before we left the hospital out of my head. Two detectives, who had most likely been working on Victor's case, had walked past us and had only nodded their heads in Mateo's direction, not stopping us for a second, not even to take our statements. He had hardly even noticed them. He had just returned the gesture with one of his own and had continued to drag me towards the exit.

How powerful he exactly is?

-

The whole ride to Leon's and Hannah's apartment was filled with tension. No one uttered a word nor made any significant move. The only signs of life were our uneven breathing. I couldn't wait for this nightmare of a drive to end.

It was as if someone was reading my mind, the car stopped after only a few seconds. I looked through the window I saw a nicely decorated, white building of about ten floors. I assumed that Mateo's friends lived there.

"I'll see you later, pal," Leon muttered and tried to say goodbye to Mateo with their usual bro-hug, but Mateo just nodded his head. Leon didn't even seem like he was confused, he took a hint pretty lightly seeing as he simply lowered his hand, returned the gesture and opened the door with the intention of leaving, but Hannah's unusually weak and uncertain voice stopped him from going further.

"Umm, I should go with Tara to her place," she mumbled. Leon's leg, which was already halfway outside, froze in the air. I looked at her in confusion, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Mateo watching me through the rearview mirror. It didn't take long for his calculated and sharp eyes to catch my bewilderment. We had no plans to hang out later. I wasn't even supposed to be home today and Mateo knew it.

"Postpone," he said shortly, but his voice was demanding.

"But...we...I mean..." she stuttered. "She has to help me with something," she said vaguely.

"Yeah? With what?" the ends of Mateo's lips stretched into a smirk.

"Girl problems," she replied simply. She, herself, was aware that it was more than obvious that she was lying. We all were. The only problem was that Mateo wasn't in a mood to play this game.

"Leon, I'm losing my patience."

"Bro, why don't you and I go..." Leon was about to make some sort of suggestion, but Mateo's hard stare shut him up instantly. He exhaled and looked at Hannah in what seemed like defeat.

"Baby," he gave her a silent sign with his eyes that only the two of them understood.

"But..." she tried one more time, the last time, but Leon shook his head and this time, she was the one who looked defeated. She closed her eyes for a moment and turned around to face me, looking kind of sad. She hugged me tightly and I carefully wrapped my hands around her body, confused by the whole situation. And then she did something that threw me into an even deeper confusion gap. She brought her lips to my ear and whispered softly, "Call me when it's over."

After that, she just left a short kiss on my cheek and got out of the car with her head down.

What the hell just happened?

-

The road to Mateo's penthouse wasn't a long one. Leon's apartment was only a few minutes away from his and we arrived relatively quickly in front of a well-known building. I had mild problems with the seat belt so by the time I finally managed to get rid of it Mateo had already opened the car door for me. He didn't say a thing, just grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the entrance of a building. I was slightly confused as to why he didn't park the car in the garage, but I quickly dismissed the thought because I assumed he had to go out somewhere later, maybe to that job he so skillfully hid.

He closed the apartment door with a loud bang that made me jump. However, he didn't particularly care seeing as he completely ignored it. The rage from earlier was so visible on his face that it didn't even surprise me when he practically threw me on the sofa in the living room. He started walking back and forth without any goal, running his hand through his non-existent hair. For what felt the thousandth time, I looked at him in confusion and with a small dose of fear. His bipolar behavior had once again aroused various emotions in me.

However, fairly quickly that confusion disappeared and completely turned into complete fear. He stopped his hurried steps and turned abruptly to me, looking me straight in the eye.

"You have a minute to explain yourself before I explode."

"Explain what?"

"Don't act stupid when we both know you're not! What was that fucking pussy talking about?" he started yelling. At that moment, I realized that I had no choice and that I wouldn't be able to dig myself out of this hole. I had to tell him everything that had happened the day I went to visit my parents. I was scared of his reaction. Moreover, I didn't dare try to imagine it in the first place. The scenes of the conversation we had had when I had returned from that fateful trip found their way back to my memory. He had been so angry back then because of the simple fact that my father had wanted to get me back home so I could start working in the company and he hadn't even known the whole plan yet! I recalled how he had balled his hands into fists, had clenched and unclenched them, how the veins on his hands had been so popped I had been sure a paper cut could have fatal consequences, how his jaw had been so tight that I had thought he would break it. Because of that, somewhere deep down I knew what his reaction would be when I finally tell him what I was hiding. I was well aware that he would lose the ability to think rationally, if he hadn't already. I had been caught off guard by my father's intentions, too, but he would surly blow the thing out of proportion. I probably contributed to the way he was thinking seeing as in the beginning I hadn't taken the whole thing lightly ether. I had thought that I had been way too much dependant on my father, but as time went on, I had begun to ask myself whether my initial thought was wrong. Maybe he couldn't control me as much as he had made me believe. Besides, we were living in a free country. He was powerful, yes, but he wasn't omnipotent. Maybe there was another way out, other than the one that Mateo had suggested weeks ago. Every single day I tried to convince myself that there was something that could be done, that I was wrong when I thought that I was independent and that I wouldn't ever be able to free myself from my father's grasp. And yet, a small voice in the depths of my mind made it clear to me that those were just empty dreams. I was dependent, but not economically as I convinced myself was the case, but emotionally. If the naïve little girl managed to figure that out on time, she might have been able to see something else, very similar, that was going on right in front of her nose.

I was about to say something, even though I didn't know myself what I wanted. However, before anything came out of my mouth the verses of the song Shameless reached our ears. My phone was ringing.

Mateo and I looked at the back pocket of my jeans at the same time. I was a little surprised that the electronic device was still working, considering the force Mateo used to throw me on the bed, but what kind of clumsiness it survived on my part, maybe it wasn't such a miracle. I had every intention of ignoring the annoying ringing, but Mateo seemed to have different plans. I should have guessed that though. He hated it when someone called me while I was with him.

It all happened so fast that I almost didn't even realize what was going on until it was over. Mateo was in front of me in an instant. He put his hand down my ass and pulled my phone out of my pocket. He glanced at the screen and then his wicked smile that made people's blood run cold, worked its way across his face. I shivered when his eyes locked on mine and he whispered, "Since you won't tell me, I'd just have to find out from somebody else."

"Hello?" he said as soon as he answered the call, bringing the phone to his ear. I couldn't hear what the other person was saying, which made it clear that he reduced the call volume yet again. It was rather interesting how good he was in that.

"Mateo is on the phone, your daughter's boyfriend," he said proudly with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

I froze. Nothing else mattered at that moment. I looked wide-eyed at Mateo and started to shake my head, begging him not to say anything and to return the phone to me. He just ignored me, looking me straight in the eye as if he wanted me to watch him finding out the truth. I had to prevent it, but I didn't know how. I was afraid that if Mateo kept on talking to my father, his wrath would not be the only one I would have to face.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I am," he rolled his eyes, annoyance written across his face.

"Sure, why not? When are you free?"

"It works for me."

However, the very next moment, his attitude changed abruptly. He straightened and narrowed his eyebrows. His shoulders stiffen and his hand gripped my phone so tightly his knuckles turned white. That cold expression from earlier turned into something I had never seen in my life.

"Yes, I know who he is." My eyes were about to pop out when I heard him saying that. I knew who they were talking about just as I knew that my father was bringing the worst possible version of Mateo and that this wasn't going to end well for me.

I jumped out of bed and tried to get close to Mateo, however, he held out his hand, keeping me away from him as he continued with the conversation.

"Oh, but don't worry. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is who she ends up in the bed with after the sun goes down, and judging by how loud she screams my name at night, I would say that's me," he emphasized every word he said, looking me directly in the eyes. "See you at the diner, have a great day," he hung up and the very next moment he threw the phone across the room, which broke as soon as it hit the wall.

The strong feeling of déjà vu consumed my body. This was the second time he had done something like that, but now it seemed like I was in an even worse position. His mad gaze, shaking body and deep breathing aroused in me a well-known feeling of anxiety or fear. Probably fear, the situation I found myself in was truly dangerous.

"So, Paul, huh?" he asked me in a calm tone. Too calm. Mateo calm.

"Babe, before you jump to conclusions, let me..." I tried to say something to make things better, but that only backfired on me. It seemed like my words were a trigger for his anger seeing as he came out of whatever composed state he was in and practically jumped towards me. He grabbed me tightly by the hair and pulled it so my face met his. I closed my eyes and whimper softly. What he did hurt me, he wasn't gentle at all. Nevertheless, the pain wasn't exactly unbearable, so I kept quiet. I just had to find a way to calm him down and everything would be fine.

"To let you do what? Explain? What the fuck do you have to explain? I've fucking asked you a million times before if there was something more regarding that bastard, if you were hiding something from me, and what has just happened? Your fucking father asked me if I knew who that fucker was to you!" He shouted at me. A few drops of his saliva ended up on my face, but I didn't care. I had to calm him down.

"Mateo, we were never a thing! Or anything really!" I tried to reason with him.

"You don't say?"

"Yes! His and my father are business partners and then they thought..." he pulled my hair hard and brought his face inches away from mine.

"What?! What the fuck did they think, Tara?!" he began to laugh uncontrollably, almost hysterically. "If they thought they would separate you from me, they were very wrong, love. And if you thought the same, you better get that idea out of your pretty little head. I've already told you this and I have no problem repeating it – you are mine, only mine and no one takes away what's mine," he tightened his grip around my waist as to assure me further, but there was no need. I knew it. I knew I was his.

"Mateo..." I whispered his name.

"Do you remember our first date, Tara?" he suddenly changed the subject.

"What are you..." I started saying, but he wasn't listening. His question was rhetorical. He didn't care about getting a response, he was completely lost in his own world.

"Do you remember what I told you about liars, babygirl?" my eyes widened. The shiver ran down my spine and my heart started beating fast. I did remember. How could I ever forget? He was reminding me constantly. Of course I remembered. And now that memory was going to take me deeper into the abyss.

"What did I tell you about liars? Huh? What did I tell you about lies, Tara? FUCKING ANSWER ME!"

"But I didn't lie..." I didn't even manage to finish the sentence when a strong force knocked me to the floor. Nothing came out of my mouth. Not words, not moans, not sobs. There was only silence. Heavy, deafening silence. All that could be heard were repentant raindrops pounding on the window as I brought my hand to my numb cheek.

A/N

This chapter seems, idk, meh. It should've been posted a long time ago, I've been writing it for over a week, but I didn't like it, like, at all. But I had an accident and I kinda hurt my head a bit, so I was literally lying in my bed all day, beyond bored, so I decided to finish the chapter no matter how bad it is. I might get back to edit it (I probably won't, I'm lazy) because It's pretty important, but whatever, writer's block is a bitch...

So, the good news is, I'm done with my exams and I'll write and post chapters more regularly, as I did at the beginning. I originally planned for this book to have 30 chapters, but I don't think that's realistic anymore, there will probably be around 40 or so.

What do you think is going to happen next?

Instagram -> v_jelenaa

Love you all xx