"Fear is a lack of time. Fear is the absence of pain. Fear is formless. Fear exists before and after. Between before and after is an animal. Before and after you're only human."

― Zarko Lausevic

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."

― William Shakespeare

"A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart."

― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'

'That is the only time a man can be brave.'

― George R.R. Martin

Chapter 19

Fear, anger, confusion. Three completely different emotions, and yet they affected my body equally. I wondered if it was normal for me to feel that way. My thoughts were all over the place and my mind was slowly losing control of my body. I was seeing him for what felt like the first time, for who he really was. I refused to admit to myself that the man in front of me was the same one who had held me in his arms a few hours earlier and kissed me with his heavenly lips. Yet, somewhere deep inside my very being, the truth I wasn't ready to face was fighting to break free and come to light. If I had listened to that feeling then, that ray of light in the sea of lies, maybe everything would have been different. Maybe. Maybe.

Mateo's eyes were so dark that in their blackness one could barely make out the fire burning in his body. It was clear by the way he looked at me, by his clenched jaw, furrowed eyebrows and hands formed into fists. He looked ready to kill, and I was the one on the receiving end of his wrath.

After a few moments of absolute silence in which it seemed as if the whole world had stopped, I pulled myself out of the trance and hugged my chest in an attempt to lessen the damage my actions had already provoked. That brought him up back to reality and, next thing I knew, he was taking huge steps in my direction. He was in front of me before I could even blink. He gripped my upper arm tightly with his big hand and, without a shred of tenderness, yanked me out of the water towards him. I stumbled due to his actions but, before I could fall, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his body, not caring that I was completely wet.

"Hey!" I heard Lena protesting when, with a force I wondered if he was even aware of its amplitude, he snatched my jacket from her hand and threw it over my shoulders.

He cursed when he realized how short it actually was and, in the same rude and aggressive way, he removed it from my body. Then he took off his own jacket and processed to put it on me. The piece of clothing looked so big on me, I felt like I would drown in it. However, I did not dare oppose him. The way he carelessly squeezed, pressed and pulled my hands made me realize that something sinister was going on inside his head and I knew that I would regret opening my mouth.

He didn't wait a second before he turned in the direction of the woods and, with his hand around my wrist, pulled me after him. He was walking so fast I had to scurry to catch him, tripping a couple of times along the way. His grip on my arm was tight and painful. I tried to free myself, but he only tightened his hold. I was sure that a trace in the form of a fairly visible bruise would remain there.

After a few minutes we, finally reached our destination. We were in the middle of the woods, surrounded by trees and the chirping of birds, though Mateo's deep breathing overpowered the sounds of nature. He finally let go of my wrist and with quiet but dangerous steps walked to the enormous SUV that I had only then noticed. I started rubbing my wrist to at least a little bit alleviate the dull pain, carefully watching him the entire time. When he got to the car, he put his hands on the roof of the monstrous vehicle and then rested his head on them. It was obvious that he was trying to control himself, calm his breathes and anger that was burning in him, thus I decided to keep quiet.

I was furious too, only I didn't show it the same way he did. There were several reasons for me feeling that way. First of all, I didn't understand his behavior and the fact that I knew what his reaction would be was worrisome. I didn't do anything wrong, yet again he acted as if he had experienced something unforgivable on my part. Second, I hated his deportment. I was pretty sure that even a caveman wouldn't comport the way he did. I was sick of him ordering me around, pulling me wherever he wished to and basically controlling my body. And like icing on the cake, I couldn't help but wonder why he was here. It was a bit strange to me when the night before he had agreed to not see me off just like that. In fact, his whole attitude towards this trip was rather casual. I should have known he was up to something.

"What the hell were you doing with that fucker?" He asked me not raising his head. His voice was calm, too calm. My heart started beating fast. I knew he wouldn't physically hurt me, or at least I hoped so, but I couldn't help but feel a bit scared. As much as we got closer lately, he was a dominant man who screamed danger, so fear was my body's natural response to his aura. And yet, there was that other emotion in my body that almost overcame that one, an emotion that, as much as I knew it would be my doom, kept me from succumbing to my own boyfriend.

"Obviously not what you think I did," I snorted. I was proud of my voice because at no point did it give in to the pressure. He laughed. His smile wasn't the genuine, sweet one. Oh no, it was sinister, threatening, the one that made my blood run cold.

Like he was in slow-motion, he slowly raised his head and turned around to face me. He scanned me with his gaze, from head to toe. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"Mateo, look..." I tried to calm the situation, however. he interrupted me before I could finish.

"Come here," he said in his authoritative voice. I frowned, not liking the way he was speaking to me.

"Excuse me?" I said a little rudely, to which he raised an eyebrow and pressed his lips together in a thin line. I knew that he was on the edge and that he could lose control at any moment. Actually, it was only a matter of time before he snapped and I had no idea why I was challenging him at all.

"Don't make me fucking repeat myself. Come here now," he hissed. The smart thing was to listen to him, however, I wanted to finally make him understand that I was my own person and that he couldn't treat me like that. I had to stand up for myself, although I probably was a bit late for that.

"I'm done with your orders, Mateo," I said confidently and crossed my arms.

I could see the exact moment when he lost control of himself. His body began to shake, and his eyes darkened. He needed less than three steps to come to stand in front of me. He pulled me roughly by the arm and pushed me against a car with so much force I felt dizzy. However, he did not stop there. He raised his hand and, before I could blink, grabbed my jaw tightly and brought my face closer to his.

"This was the first and last time you spoke to me like that, am I clear?!" he shouted. I felt saliva on my face as a result of his barking. I closed my eyes trying to calm my breathing, but it didn't help. Fear and anger mingled in my body again. I didn't even know where one started and where the other ended.

"Fucking answer me, Tara!" he roared and I flinched when he slammed his fist with all his might against the car door. That action certainly left a bruise.

"You can't treat me like this," I exclaimed. My eyes filled with tears, and I invested all willpower to stop them from falling. I refused to let him see me weak.

"I'll treat someone like you the way I fucking want," he spat. He didn't stop screaming, but his eyes were looking at me with such disgust I wished I was anywhere in this world but there.

"Someone like me?" I emphasized with a dose of sarcasm. I didn't know where that bust of confidence and courage came from, but I was proud of myself. Yes, I was scared, but brave too. The two didn't exclude each other.

"Yes, like you. What the hell were you doing with that cunt?!"

"I have no idea what you thought that looks..." I tried to explain but he interrupted me.

"What I thought? What was I supposed to think? I drove for hours like an idiot to come here and spend time with my fucking girlfriend and then I see her getting all cozy with some fucking bastard!" he angrily said making me frown. I raised my hands and grabbed his, trying to remove them from my face, which I succeeded in doing. Although he probably let me, he was way too stronger and I wasn't that stupid.

"What are you talking about? Do you even realize that you're imagining things? We were literally arguing and you saw that as flirting!" I said in disbelief and threw my hands up in the air.

"You often flash your tits for the world to see when arguing?"

"Mateo, I fell into fucking water. My top is white, of course something like that would happen as a result. It's not like I wanted it!" I said in despair, still having a hard time believing what I was hearing.

"Why were you in the lake in the first place at this time of year?!"

"I surely didn't intend to go there. He pulled me with him when I pushed him."

"What?" his voice was murderous. I looked at him with wide eyes realizing what I had said. That was probably the stupidest thing I could tell him at that moment.

"Nothing," I said quickly, trying to get myself out of a hole I dug myself. However, it was in vain,

"Tara, did he fucking touch you? And don't you dare lie to me again," he asked me in that quiet, frightening voice.

"No, it was an accident! It was all my fault. I was the one to..." I tried to cup his cheeks, but he pushed my hands away and looked me directly in the eyes.

"I'll kill him," he said whit such determination and left no room for the doubt.

He turned and headed in the direction we came from, but stopped in his track when Sarah, Stephan, Luke and Lena suddenly appeared. Hot on their trail were Hannah and Leon, whom I hadn't even noticed back at the lake. All six of them watched us carefully, trying to figure out what had happened. I could only be grateful to whatever force there was that they had not arrived a few moments earlier, otherwise chaos was inevitable

Mateo's gaze was fixed on Luke's toned body. The heavy movements of his chest showed the amount of rage boiling in him. I had to come up with something to fix the whole thing, to calm him down, whatever the cost, just to prevent the catastrophe.

"Get away from her!" Luke was the first one to speak. Unfortunately, he said the wrong thing. I was shaking my head in his direction, but he didn't pay attention to it at all. Mateo laughed humorlessly. I shivered because I realized that was the same laugh I was faced with a few moments earlier.

"You really think you're in a position to tell me what to do with my own girlfriend?"

"You really think I'm scared of you?" Luke retorted in the same manner.

"For your own sake, you should," Mateo threatened him. Everyone sensed that judging by a pregnant silence we were in. It was as if we were holding our breaths and were anxiously waiting for their next move. A move I hoped would not be fatal.

"You might be successful in scaring other people off, but not me. I pity men like you," he spat and I looked at him with shock in my eyes. Mateo was clenching his jaw so hard I feared he was going to break it any second now.

"Luke, don't," I tried to reason with him and make him understand that the smartest and best thing would be not challenging Mateo further. He was already angry with him even before he saw him, Luke was only making the situation worse.

"Don't talk to him!" Mateo shouted and glared at me.

"Don't yell at her!" Luka intervened and ordered Mateo in the same tone. That was the final straw. The way Mateo run to where Luke was looked as he was going for his head. I let out a scream and tried to stop him by grabbing his wrist, however, he easily pulled himself out of my grasp. Before anyone could understand what was happening, the two of them grabbed each other by the collar, their faces inches away. They were similar in build and height, only Mateo looked more dangerous with all his tattoos and generally the energy he emitted. Their struggle for dominance acted as a clash of light and darkness, two opposites at the completely diametrical ends of one stick.

"You don't really feel like living, do you?" Mateo spat on my friend's face. Luka clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. Stephan and Leon tried to separate them, still shocked by what was happening, but the two wouldn't budge. They were completely focused on finding the right way to destroy each other's faces.

"You think you're so tough, huh?" Luke asked him with a smirk.

"Let me show you how much," Mateo said in the same tone and right after he swung his fist and hit him in the chin. I screamed. Due to the force of the blow, Luke staggered backward. Fortunately for him, he didn't fall down. He quickly recovered and started to fight back. Mateo avoided the first swing, but he was not as successful with the second one. I screamed again and without thinking ran in their direction with every intention of separating them. However, before I could intervene, I felt a hand wrapping around my upper arm and someone pulling me towards them. I was engulfed in a sweet scent of women's perfume when delicate arms hugged my body and pressed my back against the person's chest, not allowing me to move. I tried to fight for my freedom, but I failed terribly.

"You can't go between them, Tara, you're gonna get hurt," I heard Lena's soothing voice tell me but all my ability to think rationally disappeared the moment I caused an argument and eventually a fight between the two men.

"L, you don't understand! I have to fix this," my voice cracked. The tears I fought so hard to keep from falling betrayed me in the worst possible way.

"It's okay, T, Stephan and Leon have already separated them," she reassured me. She wasn't lying, they indeed were separated. When she finally made some room for me to breathe normally, I saw that Stephan and Sarah were calming Luke, and that Leon had put all his strength into preventing Mateo from attacking the innocent guy again. This proved to be quite difficult, even though Leon was significantly bigger and stronger than Mateo. The latter had too big of a need to get out of his grip. When there is something so powerful and primal that controls every fiber of your body and pushes you forward, there is nothing that can stop you from doing what you need.

"Don't think for a second that we're done here!" Mateo yelled at Luke who headed for him again, but Stephan stopped him.

"Don't worry, we'll finish this, be sure of that," Luke spat back.

"I'll ruin your fucking life, you get that, right?"

"I'd like to see you try," Luke chuckled. He was intentionally provoking him like he knew how short-tempered he was and that he didn't need much to break through the human shackles his friend had put around him.

"I don't try, I succeed," Mateo sneered.

"Right, I can see that."

"Do you know what I'm going to do to you? I'll fuck your entire life up."

"Did you chat-up Tara using that language?" Luke mocked him with clear bitterness in his voice.

"Don't say her name!" Mateo growled and somehow managed to free himself from Leon's grasp and headed for Luke's head again.

"Mateo, please stop!" I shouted, but, ironically, my voice sounded weak, broken even. I tried to go to him to calm him down, to remove Lena's hands from me, but my every effort was in vain. I couldn't understand how a gentle and fragile person like her managed to keep me in place. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice the other pair of hands, with a darker complexion, wrapped around my body, helping Lena in preventing me from going into the fire. I hated it when someone was holding me in that way. I felt trapped, claustrophobic. I found it hard to breathe. I hated being as weak as I was at the time. I hated myself because of what was happening and it was all due to my carelessness and stupidity. I didn't want either of them to get hurt, and yet, they were on the verge of bloodshed.

As expected, Mateo ignored me. I wasn't even sure if he heard me at all or registered my words for that matter. He was blinded by rage. The only thing he saw was blood, the blood of a person who had helped me several times lately.

Fortunately, Stephan and Leon reacted on time and prevented them from punching each other again. Sarah soon found herself between them and kept her arms outstretched on both sides to make as much space as possible. My heart stopped when I saw her there, between two animals in the middle of a fight over territory. She shouldn't be there, she could get hurt – they could hurt her. I tried to tell her to get out of there, but she ignored me too. Lena tried to calm me down by running her hand along my shoulder and upper arm, as a sign of support and comfort, but I could barely feel it. My eyes were focused on what was going on in front of me. I had to make sure that the people I care for get out of there alive and well. I didn't know how to find it, but a way to ensure that was needed.

"Calm down! Both of you," Sarah commanded.

"Who do you think you are?" Mateo asked her impudently.

"Your girlfriend's best friend so shut the hell up."

"I don't give a flying fuck that you're a woman so if you speak to me like that again, you're not going to like the consequences, I guarantee you that," he threatened her in a breathless voice, with adrenalin still running through his blood. I had never wanted to hurt him more than at that moment.

"Don't think for a second that I'm afraid of you," she countered, to which he laughed. He was perfectly aware of the fact that she was afraid. That was more than obvious precisely because Sarah was never afraid.

"Fucking bitch," Mateo muttered in her face. She just rolled her eyes, but that enraged Luke even more so he tried to once again get out of Stephan's grip and pounce on him. Of course, Mateo was right there, making the same efforts to break free.

"Stop!" Sarah tried one more time in desperation.

"Get the hell out of my way, woman!" Mateo raised her voice again yet it was obvious that he was hardly paying attention to her. He was way too focused on Luke and the clear need he had to beat him up.

"Don't you see what you're doing?" She threw her hands in the air.

"And what is that that I'm doing?" he asked but he didn't really sound interested in a response. Luke and he had a staring contest since they were physically restrained from throwing punches.

"Look at her," she whispered softly, pointing in my direction. At that moment, it was as if everything stopped. Mateo froze. There was no more yelling and trying to break free or any other movements for that matter. He stood there paralyzed as if he only then realized where he was and who was there. For a few seconds, he just stared into the distance, his eyes empty and not blinded by rage. Yet, after what felt like an eternity, he slowly turned his head in my direction.

He saw my tears, I know he did, that was unavoidable. And yet, he didn't know what to do about it. He had never seen me in that state. Yes, I was frightened by his actions and mere presence several times before and, on the other hand, most of the times he had made me feel happy, ecstatic and euphoric, but never during our relationship had he seen me so dejected. At that moment I was a helpless girl I never wanted to be. I always avoided crying, even refused to shed a tear, and then I found myself in a situation where my body was almost drained of the little water droplets colored by emotions.

He made his decision. Leon let him go and he was on his way, walking towards me. Hannah removed her hands from my body, but Lena still had an urge to protect me so she shielded me with her own body, standing in front of me.

"L, get away," I pleaded but st the same time tried to sound firm. Where did the anger from earlier go? I need it back so I could win this!

"No," she firmly said.

"L, please," I tried one more time. Whether she did it because of a crack in my voice or something else, I couldn't know, but I was relieved when I saw that she moved away.

Not long after, Mateo was standing in front of me. He understood everything, I saw it in his eyes. There was no need to tell him anything. If I was in a normal state of mind, I would probably wonder why he did what he did if he knew what it would lead to. Too bad I wasn't. It seemed that with him I never was.

He raised his hand and slowly cupped my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb, which, in spite of everything, burned because of his touch. He looked at me with longing, tenderness and some other feelings that I couldn't decipher. He looked much different. It felt like he wasn't the same man as the one from only a few minutes before. He was no longer a beast, he was more of a prince. However, there is one thing that can be learned through history lessons: Not all kingdoms and monarchs are the epitome of goodness and honorableness therefore not every prince is the reincarnation of the most beautiful dream. In fact, in most cases, there is something deeply rotten in their beings. It is truly tragic that they are served to young girls on a crystal plate.

"Forgive me, love. I...I just went crazy, I didn't even realize what I was doing," he apologized, sounding fragile and weak. Two states that didn't exist in his agenda.

"It's okay, just promise me that you won't hurt them," I whispered. He looked me in the eyes and, after a few moments of painful tension, kissed my forehead.

He didn't make any promises.

A/N

What kind of ending you prefer?

My question is not in any way related to the storyline seeing as I already know how this book is going to end, I'm just genuinely curious.

According to the plan (events that were supposed to take place) that I had for this chapter, the part was supposed to be twice as long. I honestly don't know what was going on through my head and how I thought that would work, but oh well.

How do you like the story so far?

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Sending you love xx