BamBam's POV

It's been five years since I lost my entire family. The feeling of emptiness fills my body as I sit in my room by myself, thinking of everything. Yes, even after five years I still think of them. What else am I supposed to think? I'm an orphan with no family.

It still haunts me to this day to think about how they suffered before they died. Their story was so sudden and abnormal, that it was on the national news. For about a couple of years, they held an annual television broadcast that explained what my family tried to do for Thailand. After Chuan Juntasa found out about it, he shut it down.

On the night that my family died, we all had an argument. I couldn't stand our lifestyle, being in the countries most dangerous triad. Yes, Thailand is still the most dangerous country to be in. My parents and older brother never understood that I didn't want to live like this, it was such an ugly feeling to always live on the edge and in the dark because we didn't want to be found my Chuan. I was feared by my peers about being the son of well known gangsters and I finally blew up.

Funny how my family helps people leave this horrible county and they still get called gangsters, it's a great representation of people who don't appreciate the help.

A boy my age wants nothing more than to have friends, my only friend was Lalisa. And she seemed not to hate me, or fear me. Her father had them on edge and in the dark as well. When she found out that my family wanted to end Chuan Juntasa, she supported them. She didn't mind being my friend, which I wish she would have. Well, I'd always wish that she was more than that, but I didn't want to get her more involved than she already was. My family took a lot of risks and many times almost got caught.

Many times include helping families leave Thailand with a small price. That was my families biggest priority, not me, their son, but other people. I guess you can say that I became jealous of the people who took up all the attention from my parents. I was the black sheep of the family, no one ever wanted to hear my input or give me a chance to help, like I was some sort of child. I became restless with the whole deal about putting our lives in danger.

I was very selfish, I didn't want my family to get involved with helping the people of my country. But they kept telling me that it was their job to do what they could for their home land. I guess at the time I didn't understand.

The night of the argument I walked out of the house, infuriated and full of hate, leaving my parents exhausted, my hyung angry and my little sister crying. I had a plan to leave and never look back, I no longer wanted this life style. I guess at the age of seventeen, I thought I was capable of a lot of things. When really I wasn't, the answer wasn't to walk away from my family.

That was the worst mistake of my entire life. I didn't know that someone was looking for us. During all of the years, I should have known, I should have known that someone was watching. Chuan Juntasa is a smart and powerful man, I should have known that he'd find out. He's always watching, but because I was always complaining about my life, it had never crossed my mind until that night.

Someone dangerous came to our house with the intention of murder, one of Chuan Juntasa's men. At least, that's the easiest thing I could guess. A skilled bounty hunter, he possibly watched us like a wounded deer. And it seemed to me that I was the lucky one who made it out alive, being that I had just missed the dangerous man by a few minutes of arrival to my house.

Now that I think of it, he was prepared. This shit was premeditated, I could imagine all the disgusting vial things he had planned for my family. Being that I've worked with WPP for five years, I've seen and the impulsive acts they've done to families like mine. Sick people like this, intoxicated by evil, have done this for years. From what I understand, Thailand was never like this. I remember sitting down in the den with my parents and my older brother, much before my little sister was born, they'd tell us about how life was before Chuan.

Though, they knew very little about who was supposed to be the heir after Krit Lohla. But they knew for sure that it wasn't Chuan.

My mind bleeds from my imagination of every second and movement of what happened as if I was right there, watching intently. I was no longer in my room, I was back in time, five years ago. A helpless seventeen year old, a juvenile, selfish, and ignorant child. I shut my eyes, I can still smell my surroundings.

An inconspicuous van pulled up across the road from our home. The air was crisp, the sun was setting in the far distance and the stars came out to play with the navy blue sky that still had streaks of fern green in it. Our streets gravel was dry and you could almost feel the vibrations of the ground and the man's heavy footsteps stepping along the pavements. I can sense all the people around my house ducking for cover or going into their basements, scared to be involved with anything that had to do with my family.

The lights were on in the house, the vehicle's lights had just turned off. I wish I could scream and warn my parents, maybe I should have. Sometimes I wish it was me instead of them, but then again, how long would that last? My family would be on the run for only a few days, unable to leave Thailand before Chuan's men would have found them again.

This evil stranger then carried a 90 liter barrel of gasoline to the back of our house, completely emptying the contents into our pool. That one barrel was then followed by 12 more.

He was quiet, meticulous, clever and invisible. Not one of my family members noticed a black figure calmly pacing back and forth from the roadside to our backyard. They were unaware of the glugging sound of the gasoline being tipped into our pool. Maybe then I would have had time to warn my family, but still, I didn't.

It wasn't until they heard a knock at the front door that they were aware of anything outside of the house. They probably thought it was me, rushing to the door with worried looks on their faces and how it changed into a neutral expression when they discovered it wasn't me.

The stranger's ugly and sinister smile painted in my head, I can hear his gruff voice greeting my well known parents. They were basically the resistance. I can't imagine how he could've possibly been invited in, honestly the most idiotic thing my parents could have done. It made me wonder what kind of lie he had told them, if they were just so desperate to find out where I was, that even a lie of a child would fool them. All I can see in my mind is the blood pouring out of my father and Hyung from their lips as their bodies slump on the ground and the air leaves their lungs as the red liquid fills them.

The walls of the living room, once a champagne color with white trimming, now a deep red. There wasn't much of a struggle, maybe that's the only thing I'm grateful for, that they didn't suffer too much. It was quick, though it was bloody. But, when everything comes to gangs and Mafias.. it's always bloody. Being in this secret service, I've learned that now, more than ever.

I can see my mother frantically racing up the stairs to find my little sister, probably sitting on her bed, wearing her earplugs while she plays with her dolls, her cheeks still wet with tears over me walking out. I envision the swift bounty hunter making his way up, sliding his gloved fingers along the walls and peeking into each door until he finds his two helpless victims... my mother and sister curled into each other in the corner of the pink room, completely defenseless. Fuck, how I wish it had been me, that I would have done something to keep him busy enough to give them time to run.

My eyes fill with tears, my sister and mother's bodies are thrown apart from each other. My little sister screaming at the top of her lungs as the man pulls out a large knife, basically a machete. He presses my sister against the wall as he swings his arm over her head, before using both his hands to slash his knife straight down the middle of her head.

Though the deed had been done, my mother fought at him, though her little girl was only lightly gargling her own blood for a few seconds before the suffering was gone. He elbowed my mother in the face to back her off before hacking away at her with the same knife he killed me sister with, like she's some sort of bush of weeds he was trying to trim.

Her limbs falling to the floor, the room now decorated with red slurs of blood all over the white bedsheets that were once pure and looked like they were clouds. Then the house is silent. He shakes his arm, letting the blood drip off the knife and onto the wooden floors my sister once played on. After he's done with them, I imagine the blood trailing from my baby sister's long hair as he carries her lifeless body over his shoulder and tosses her into the poisonous pool, followed by father, then Hyung and lastly, what was left of my mother.

After all the lifeless bodies bobbed in the pool, he began to destroy all evidence of his existence in our house. Or even their existence. He had trailed flammable liquids all through our home, drenching the carpets, hardwood floors and all surfaces. He did a very thorough job, starting from the top of the house to the bottom then leading from the back door to the pool.

I dream of the water and gas swishing around as each one of my family members were thrown into it, the smell so strong that I can smell it even after I wake up. The color of their blood mixing with the toxic substance. The kind of smell that irritates your eyes, and makes you feel like you'd have a bloody nose sometime soon.

He digs his hands into his pockets, looking down at my family in the pool. It only lasted for a cold second before he pulled out a Zippo lighter, without hesitation dropping it into the pool, turning my loved ones into a fucking bonfire for all of Thailand to see. I'm sure all the neighbors could smell the gas and burning flesh, our house.

Visions of the stranger walking past and leaving quietly in his van plays out in my mind. Not a single cry, not a single soul of my family. Only me, watching in the distance as the fire quickly ran to my house.

Once the house is fully engulfed in fire, my neighbors called the fire department... all the "heroes" show up to put out the fire, hoping to take a patient to the hospital and the ones with flashing red and blue lights interrogate everyone on the block. A.k.a, the pigs that wait until everyone is dead to investigate, because they don't want to get involved with the Mafia. My family was long gone before the phone call was made, it makes me so disappointed to know that my neighbors would call the fire department long after the task of the mysterious man.

All because they didn't want to get involved, all because they didn't want to be brought down my by family who wanted to protect everyone. Who wanted to keep everyone from harm, and yet... they did nothing. And my family was taken because of them, and neither was I. I'm much to blame for it. I should have died with my family, and now I'm just a coward. And after officers started to search beyond my house..

I was nowhere to be seen...

They made it on the news exactly one hour and thirty-seven minutes from the time they were all died. They are known as "the family who drowned in fire"... it's creative - the title they came up with.

It's exactly what happened to them... it's horrific to imagine how one could drown in a fire. I wasn't there when it happened though my nightmares insist that I was watching it like a movie. I can still smell the gasoline, flesh burning, the house burning, the happy family memories turning to dust, I can hear the sound of their skin crackling in the flames like the bubbling sound of hot soup. My mother's parts burnt much quicker than everyone else's, because that they were just parts. So the investigators were only able to get samples of the skin residue that floated on the surface of the gas water mixture in the pool.

I can hear my father screaming out for my family, Hyung screaming out of pain, Donsaeng screaming out of fear and Eomma screaming for her life.

I can see the smoke, the flame, the brightness. I can feel the heat of it reaching for my own skin, I can feel my heart break, I can feel everything that my family had suffered. It makes me tremble to the thought of it all. It should have been me, I should have been there.

This is what I carry everyday, this is how I torment myself. This is the least I can do for my family, it's what I deserve for being so terrible to them just before they died.

If I could go back, I would've booked us a holiday to Hawaii for a year, the day before they were brutally and maliciously murdered. I would make it that we moved to a new country before that one day, if it would have even been possible. The one day were I seem to die every second that passes, my breathing is pained and oxygen refuses to assist me. My heart seems to shatter and explode, cutting me all up from the inside.

Since then, I had floated through this life as a soulless body. I left everything. My school, my home, and I was like a sewer rat, trying to get through this all with such limited resources for my self, being that I was only seventeen. I promised myself I'd never see Lalisa again, I can't imagine her being killed because of me. I can't let her face what I've only seen.

I had no motive, no meaning and no sense to live as a person. The hardships that I had only imagined, had haunted my haughty ego. All because I thought I knew what was best for the family, that not helping our people was what was best for us. To fend for ourselves like everyone else does, basically to be a follower and not a leader like my family had intended us to be. I have put shame to my families name.

Everyone who knew of my family's death, had all looked for me. They judged me, they all said I had something to do with all of it. But that shit got dropped immediately when people came to their senses, remarking that being involved with trying to put an end to the Thailand Mafia is why they died. They were right.

And no one ever thought that there were reasons, possibilities that I wasn't there. They didn't think that I had no idea what was going on at that time. They believed I wanted this to happen or else I would have died along side them.

They thought I killed my own family.

**

On another fateful and slightly drunk night, one that was cruel like that night, I met a man at a club. I had changed everything about my appearance, and I even looked old enough to sit at the bar. I was now going on eighteen, a whole fucking year without my family and staying low like everyone else in this sad Country. He asked my name, though, strangely enough he seemed to know exactly who I was. Though I'm drunk and didn't care at this point, it had crossed my intoxicated mind that he was looking for me, because he was part of the Mafia. They've found me.

"Why the hell you wanna know my name for?" I slurred, the alcohol blurring my memories of my tragic past. A boy only my age would never want to remember such a thing when regret and complete guilt, was jammed into my head.

"You we're apart of the Thailand triad, right? You're the son of BoonNam, right? The pyro death story." His voice was deep and frustratingly calm, like it's casual topic to bring up.

Like it was a fucking weather report.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" I remember advancing towards him, ready to throw a fist but I missed and crashed to the floor. He didn't seem fazed at all, he seemed to know skills himself beyond my drunken knowledge that I know very well now.

The man stood over me and crouched down. His eyes look dangerous with a hint of sympathy. Though, reading any type of emotion off that blurry face was hard for me. So, I at least hope that he was sympathetic.

"You don't belong here Kunpimpook Bhukwakul, you're just a kid." He says, and it was like my legs went weak. No, they did, they went weak. "If you're here from order of Chuan, just fucken kill me already. Don't make me suffer as long as I have. I've been feeling guilt and regret, just put an end to me already." I began to raise my voice, catching some people's attention. I remember him smacking his hand over my mouth.

"Believe me, if I was from the Mafia I'd kill you already, in worse ways then that amateur killed your family." My eyes widen, I move his hands and stand up, he followed. "I know the fucker who murdered your parents, brother and sister." He said in a low voice. In that single moment, I was totally sober.

"And..." he pauses, "I know how to get revenge. So why don't you join the company I'm associated with, and we'll teach you how to kill that bastard?"

"Why would I even trust a complete stranger who clearly knows who I am? What if you're the killer and you're here to finish me off?" I challenged, only bold because of the whiskey I'm stuck on. "I fucking told you already, I would have already. You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. Shit, I don't even think you know how drunk you are.", "This is all just pure bull, with a side order of shit." I remember him yanking me to another part of the bar, he was trying his best to be patient with me. I guess that was back in the day when he was a little more patient, even after his experience in life. "Why should I trust you?" I remember asking.

"Because I'm Kim Namjoon, and it is my mission to kill that bastard, too."

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I'd like to dedicate this chapter to kinKtaes
She helped me write this chapter because I've had a horrible case of writers block. Though I have no idea how I wrote the last chapter, I never expected it to be so good.

Bby, I hope you like the way I kind of reconstructing it. I hope it wasn't too different from what you had envisioned it to be.

I had to add things because my chapters are usually 3000+ words. Thank you again.

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