𝙗𝙮𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙘𝙩, 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.
SECTION ONE: LOSS—0004.

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Yulissa, if ever asked, would confess that cleaning apartments for a living was never the life she had envisioned for herself.

As a little girl, she had fantasized of attending university—of becoming a successful businesswoman, a professional, everything that her mother never had the freedom to do; daydreams so vivid that she had known everything from the color of her future office walls to the sound of her name being announced at graduation. By the age of ten, she had decided that she would attend la Universidad Católica Madre y Maestra; by eleven, that her graduation dress would be a deep shade of burgundy; and by twelve, that her heels would be the loudest as she walked across the stage to receive her diploma.

She was thirteen when she met Bernardo.
By the following year, she had given birth to Alvie, and the money she had saved for her education was spent on diapers and a secondhand crib.

Yulissa, if ever asked, would admit that she wasn't resentful of how her life had turned out.

God, in His infinite wisdom, simply had other plans for her; her life is good, even if cleaning cupboards for the richest while struggling to provide school supplies for her children felt like harvesting penance every day.

It must be the lies, she reasoned; no matter how earnestly she tried to live a decent life, dishonesty was the one vice she could never seem to shake. At least, the loneliness of New York and her thick accent ensured she didn't speak to others often—it would be too much for her heart if she had to lie to more people about being happy.

"You did amazing today, Jewel." Her client, an all-American white man with powder-blue eyes and thinning hair, spoke to her slowly, overemphasizing each syllable as if she couldn't understand English. He lived extravagantly and tipped generously, so Yulissa didn't complain about his patronizing tone or the way his fingers lingering on her forearm as he spoke. She simply smiled and thanked him, accepting the wad of cash he handed her with a gracious nod, even if he touched her in a way that made her skin crawl on her way out.

But it was all fine, Yulissa reminded herself, because the fare of taking the subway to Grand Central Station did not hurt her wallet as much as it would have another week, and today, as if La Virgen was smiling down on her, the cloying sweetness of sugar and syrup from Sweet on America didn't bother her as much as it usually did when Sally pulled her in for a hug.

She waited for her friend to close the candy store, unable to stifle the smile that crept onto her face as she watched Sally lock up for the day, and when the younger woman turned to her, a twin set of dimples appearing on her cheeks, a happiness so immense filled her heart that Yulissa could be alright with not having what she had dreamt of—that all the dead aspirations and loneliness of the past were alright if it meant she had this moment of pure joy as Sally threw her arms around her and exclaimed, "You did it!"

It was without hesitation; without doubt that Yulissa could accomplish anything she set her mind to.

No one had ever believed in her as much as Sally did, and that was worth more than any dream she had ever held onto. Yulissa melted in her friend's arm, resting her forehead on a strong shoulder, feeling a sense of gratitude wash over her.

"I did it," she said with amazement, her voice light as she closed her eyes and savored the moment.

Sally's hand gently caressed the back of Yulissa's head, her fingers threading through her hair. Yulissa hadn't felt this way since she left home so long ago.

If they ever saw each other again, would her mother greet her like this?

Yulissa's heart ached at the thought.

Her friend pulled back, however, beaming up at her with sparkling blue eyes that crinkled at the corners. Bubbling giggles flowed from her lips like a brook in spring, and it did not matter as Sally asked, "Ready to go shopping?"

It didn't matter anymore; losing her parents and the man she'd left them for no longer meant anything, not when it paled compared to Sally's unconditional love. From now on, they could be each other's only family.

"Ready," Yulissa grinned back.

They walked hand in hand, chatting about everything and nothing at once. Yulissa felt warmth in her heart, and when they walked to the toy aisle at the Walmart near their apartment building, she felt like a child again, filled with wonder and joy, like all she would ever need in life was a friend and the pleasant smell of new plastic toys. "I'm so tempted to get one for myself," Sally said, picking up the box of a princess with a pink puffy skirt as they walked through the children's section, admiring the intricate details of the gown. "My uncle used to buy me all the latest Barbie dolls when I was little," she added, a nostalgic smile lighting up her face.

Yulissa grinned, envisioning a young Sally surrounded by a room full of dolls that all looked like her. She hoped her early life was filled with moments like this—walking through aisles happily, choosing a new toy to bring home and cherish.

"My mom used to make me ragdolls," she shared, reminiscing about the handmade toys. "She'd use cornhusks for the skirts and damaged fabric for the bodies. Bernardo once gave me a doll before we started dating, but it was all wrong—everything from her hair to her skin."

Sally's expression dimmed. "We can get one today," she said with resolve, hands reaching for the dark skinned doll on the shelf.

Yulissa smiled kindly at the effort but shook her head. "It's okay, Sonrisa!" she said sincerely. Yulissa was far too old to be upset over toys or the could've beens of her childhood. She needed to save up more money this year for Percy's birthday present, anyway—for Sally's too.

Sally, in her boundless kindness, nodded with understanding, never one to push. "Alright," she said, placing the doll back on the shelf. "But if you happen to find a gift under the Christmas tree suspiciously shaped like a doll box, at least pretend to be surprised. Deal?"

Yulissa huffed a light laugh. "Deal,"

Shopping for Wilmarie had always been easy: her daughter looked adorable in ruffled skirts and jewel tones, A-line dresses already flattered her tall frame at just nine years old—ten tomorrow!—and even though tights made her cry in discomfort, Wilmarie learned quickly to never complain in front of others. Yulissa had already purchased her birthday outfit, and the Salvadoreño photographer who would be taking family portraits next week had confirmed the appointment.

All that was left was to find the perfect gift to go with the new outfit—and, like everything else, that would be easy too.

Sally seemed to agree, squealing in delight as Yulissa paid in cash at the checkout counter.

"I'll bring it when I come over in the morning to help with decorations," her friend told her as they hauled the massive box through the subway. Bernardo would be taking Wilmarie and her friends to a Build-A-Bear Workshop in the evening and keeping her for the rest of the week. But in the morning, Yulissa had the chance to prove that, despite not having her ex-husband's income, she could still make her daughter's birthday extraordinary.

Yulissa nodded; they hugged at the corridor outside of their apartment doors before separating for the night. The second she opened the door, her favorite sound in the world greeted her.

"Mami!" Wilmarie shouted, sprinting into her embrace with a radiant smile.

Yulissa lifted her daughter into her arms and laid a cascade of kisses on her cheeks. When she pulled away to admire her, it was looking into a mirror—Wilmarie's hair was still sleek like hers, smelling of jojoba oil and perfectly combed, a reassuring sign that Percy had kept the roughhousing to a minimum while they were gone. It had taken them a while to understand that boys and girls shouldn't play in such a way, not understand that it was inappropriate yet.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Percy's eyes, as deep as the ocean, remained fixed on Yulissa from his place on the couch, his intense stare never wavering. It was hard for Yulissa to reconcile how a woman as gentle-hearted as Sally could have raised a boy like Percy, whose withdrawn demeanor and untidy hair made him appear more and more like a troublemaker each day as he grew older.

"Hola, bichito," she pinched his cheek, laughing at the way Percy scowled and pulled away from her touch with a grumble.

Wilmarie frowned at her, moving her hand away from Percy. "Mami, he doesn't like that!" She insisted. "And he isn't a bug either, you know? He is more like—like—a starfish! Or a caramelo!"

Yulissa smiled indulgently, though she couldn't help but want to roll her eyes at her daughter. There was no hope for Wilmarie when it came to her best friend. She had been kicked out of too many schools defending Percy's antics for Yulissa to imagine she could ever get through to her. "Fine, fine, you're right, dulce," she said, ruffling Percy's hair once last time to see him squirm; the children didn't know, but soon, Sally would be sending Percy to a boarding school to straighten him out. Yulissa could only hope Wilmarie would finally see the truth about him before it was too late.

"Are you excited for tomorrow, Dulce?" She asked, removing her shoes and jewelry before settling down on the couch with a sigh.

Her daughter gleamed like a ray of sunshine as she nodded eagerly. "Yeah! I get to eat cake without any rules, and Catalina and me are going to match our bears, and Papi said I can stay up late watching movies with Alvie since I am ten now! And when I get my skateboard, me and Percy can ride around the neighborhood together!"

Yulissa shook her head firmly, her lips pressed into a tight line of refusal. "Mami, I told you skateboards are for boys. You could fall and get hurt ."

Her smile faltered slightly, but she quickly regained her enthusiasm. "It's okay, Mami. I'll be careful and save up for a helmet, and if I fall, I'll just grab Percy's shirt! He won't fall down with me—he is super strong, remember?"

She wishes she could forget Percy's strength; the countless snakes he's choked and Gabe's frequent rants about him breaking locks with his hands alone left a pit in her stomach. The woman sighed, already exhausted despite being home; it was so difficult to deal with a child like Wilmarie, who never quite took after Alvie regardless of how hard he tried to set a good example. "No significa no, Wilmarie."

Her daughter huffed. "What about a Nerf Gun, Mami? I promise to be careful with it!" Wilmarie pleaded, her eyes wide with anticipation. "Or—or night mission goggles? You remember those, Percy? Like in the commercial, and we could be secret agents together!"

Percy smiled at Wilmarie's enthusiasm, meeting her excitement head-on. "My mom said she'll get me Iron Man's mask if I bring up my grades to a C! Maybe you could get Thor's hammer or Hulk's fist! We could be superheroes together, fighting off the bad guys!" Wilmarie's eyes lit up at the idea. "That sounds so awesome, Percy! Mami, mami, please! Can we get those superhero costumes too? We could have our own secret lair and save the world from evil!"

Yulissa prayed to God for the patience to refrain from hitting her daughter. "Wilmarie, no significa no. Dejame tranquila ahora—Percy, your mom is home, okay? She's making dinner, so let's go clean up and get ready to eat." Percy nodded, disappointed but understanding; before he walked away to pick up his toys, Sally's son whispered to Wilmarie, "Don't worry, we don't have to play heroes. We'll come up with another fun idea for tomorrow, Wils!"

Her expression stayed gloomy, biting her bottom lip as she watched Percy walk away. Yulissa sighed, standing up to go to the kitchen to escape the inevitable crying that was about to come from Wilmarie. It took a few minutes, just as she was about to dial Bernardo to check on Thiago and Ilaria, when small footsteps approached her from behind.

Yulissa rolled her eyes and yanked the juice carton from the fridge. "If you're going to cry, go to the living room," she said sternly, the phone propped on her shoulder as she poured herself a drink. The ringing call drowned out everything else, including the sound of Wilmarie's sniffles.

Her daughter watched her with tear-filled eyes, half hidden by the fridge. "Do you love me, mami?" She asked in a small voice, causing Yulissa to pause mid-pour.

"Of course I love you, Wilmarie, pero tú sí jodes." Yulissa replied with annoyance; Wilmarie's bottom lip quivered as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "You don't have to be so difficult all the time, you know? I love you more than anything in this world, but you make it hard sometimes. Mira at Fatima— She doesn't like playing with you any more because you're always so pushy. Look how pretty you are today, instead of looking all abandona like you do when you play with Percy. If you keep going like this, how are you going to find a husband in the future, mami—Oh, hello? Nardo?"

When her ex-husband's voice came through the phone, Yulissa turned around, smiling.

She hadn't even noticed that Wilmarie had left the kitchen at all.

It's better that way, she reasoned.
At least now she could bake the cake for tomorrow 's party without any distractions.

A soft, familiar voice stirred her from sleep.
The blinds were still drawn, filtering a gentle, dim light into the room. "Estas son las mañanitas, que cantaba el rey David..."

Even half-asleep, she recognized Alvie's voice, filling the room with warmth and nostalgia; it filled the room, wrapping her in memories of those early years of motherhood—when it was just her and her husband, cradling their newborn son in a tiny one-bedroom apartment.

Everything had been so much simpler back then, filled with contentment despite the all the struggles they faced. As the song continued, she couldn't help but smile, recalling the joy and love that had embraced her life back then—before all the pregnancies took such a toll on her body, and jobs called her husband away, and all endless worries of raising children in a world that seemed to grow more complicated with each passing day ended their marriage.

But today, her youngest turned ten. There were no more little ones to fuss over and care for; she had done it, hadn't she? And she had done an amazing job, she thought, as she sat up in bed. Yulissa watched Alvie, her pride and firstborn, as he knelt on the bed in front of Wilmarie, whispering to her with a voice warm and tender, brimming with a love and wisdom far beyond his years.

"El día en que tú naciste, nacieron todas las flores..." Alvie smiled at his sister, tickling her chin as Wilmarie attempted to hide her bashful giggles.

Yulisa grinned, reaching to place a hand in her son's hair, strraight and soft as his father's had been at his age. "What a handsome, handsome pichón you are becoming, Alvie!"

Her son pulled away with embarrassment. His eyes flickered away from her, however; he seemed disappointed. Yulissa frowned, placing a hand on his forehead to check for a fever; beside her, Wilmarie began to whine. "Are you feeling alright, papi?"

Alvie nodded hesitantly; Wilmarie tug on her arm. "Mami!" She tugged harder, her voice growing more insistent.

"What?" Yulisa turned to her daughter, irritated "What? What is it now, Wilmarie?"

Her daughter continued to grin at her. "It's my birthday!" She said, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Right—Yulissa's expression softened into a smile. "Feliz cumpleaños, mi amor!" she exclaimed, planting a kiss on her daughter's forehead; she turned back to Alvie, grinning. "Let's sing Las Mañanitas again with you siblings before we go get you ready for your special day, mami! Go wake up "

Wilmarie bounced off the bed with a happy squeal, running towards her brother to join in the birthday song. Alvie stared after his sister before sighing. "Sally came over earlier with the decorations; she looks like she didn't sleep at all." He told her. "And you left the cake outside last night—it was full of flies. I went to Wegmans and got a new one."

Yulissa's eyes widened; she got gotten distracted chatting with Bernardo. "Thank you, Alvie," she said, feeling a surge of pride in her children's thoughtfulness on her special day. But her son didn't smile back, his expression unreadable.

"Don't mention it," he replied quietly, before turning to leave the room.

Yulissa's smile faltered as she watched him go.

Before she could call out to him, Wilmarie came back into the bedroom, grinning up at her with a handmade card in hand. "Mami, look at what Conchita made me!" She gushed, holding out the colorful card for her to see.

Yulissa's heart swelled with love.

She'll talk to Alvie later.

The speakers crackled for a moment before a joyful melody started playing.

Yulissa grinned and took a step back to begin recording. "Miren la! Qué linda eres, mi amor!" she exclaimed as Wilmarie emerged in her blush-colored dress. Her smile was radiant despite the puffiness from her latest crying fit, ten times more gorgeous than usual with her straightened hair and sparkling tiara.

Sally's claps of delight and cheers filled the air as Wilmarie danced around the room. Percy, standing close by, blew his whistle so vigorously that he swayed for second, face turning as red as the cone hat sat atop his head. The room was filled with an air of celebration and happiness as Wilmarie twirled at the urging of her sister, her eyes gleaming and her laughter the most beautiful sound in the room.

Yulissa quickly sent the video to Bernardo, grinning as she watched the happy moment again.

He responded almost instantly with a flurry of heart emojis.

"Wils! You look like a princess!" Percy shouted a bit too loudly, a side effect of his supposed ADHD, according to Sally; Americans had a condition for everything, nowadays. Yulissa, who hadn't seen her daughter had walked over to them, reached down to adjust the ruffles of ger dress, her fingers deftly smoothing out the fabric.  "Don't get dirty!" She scolded as Wilmarie tried hugging her friend, recalling the blue frosting smeared across Percy's pants.

"It's fine, Ma," Thiago chimed in soothingly, gently patting at the frosting with a napkin. Percy offered a sheepish grin, his cheeks flushing slightly as he looked down at the colorful mess.

"Wils," he said. "I made you cupcakes! Here!"

Yulissa grimaced at the sight of the frosting mess. She opened her mouth to protest—Wilmarie would eat cake later, and she didn't want her daughter to end up gaining weight the way Ilaria had once she started her period—but before she could voice her concerns, Sally slipped her arm around Yulissa's, offering a comforting squeeze as her hand wrapped around Yulissa's wrist.

Sally's knowing look was enough to make Yulissa's resolve waver.

"They're cute," Sally whispered with a grin.

Yulissa didn't quite agree, but she's more wrong than right when it came to disagreeing with Sally. She just squeezed Sally's arm back.

The party continued on. Wilmarie grinned and laughed and giggled, bouncing from corner to corner with Percy, their laughter booming louder than the music blaring in the background. It was nice—it was the best she could do for now. Ilaria fixed her sister's lip gloss whenever she drank soda; Thiago made sure she had a full plate of food, and when the time to blow out the candles came an hour before Bernardo arrived to pick her up, Alvie took a place behind his sister as she made her wish, Yulissa hadn't thought much of it until she removed the last candle—and within seconds, he had pushed face into the cake, covering it in white frosting.

The room erupted in laughter; Yulissa stared, horrified.

"Alvie!" She covered her mouth. "Her hair! Why would you do that?"

But her eldest simply grinned as Wilmarie let out a delighted shriek of disbelief, her laughter bubbling up uncontrollably. Seeing the sheer joy on his face, Yulissa's anger seemed to dissipate. He looked far happier than he had that morning, and the sight eased the worry from her heart.

Thiago rolled his eyes and started, "But if it had been us..." He trailed off, mumbling something under his breath that Yulissa couldn't quite make out. He picked up a poorly wrapped box before heading towards Wilmarie, who was still laughing.

Yulissa's perked at the sight—the gift!

Sally turned to her, reading her mind. "I'll go get it!" She whispered with excitement. Yulissa nodded eagerly, feeling a rush of gratitude towards Sally for her quick thinking. "Oh, mami, you are not ready for the gift I got you!" She teased her daughter.

Wilmarie grinned, but her attention remained on the gift Thiago had picked out for her.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed, tearing off the wrapping paper to reveal a—helmet?

Yulissa frowned.
"Thiago..." She warned, but her son raised an eyebrow at her.

"You got her the skateboard, right?" He asked slowly, a teenager and full of rebellion. "Papi said you were going to get it for her if she got an A this report card. She earned six. She's been talking about it for months. Mami—you did get her the skateboard, right?"

Yulissa turned her nose up at her son's defiance.
"She'll like the gift I got her more." She reassured her son; Noticing the door opening and Sally's bright smile peeking through, she waved away Thiago, handing him the phone after double-checking that it was still recording.

"Oh, Dulce!" Yulissa teased. "Mami got you a present that's going to make every girl in the neighborhood jealous!"

Wilmarie sat up, her excitement evident. As Sally moved things around in the massive box, her daughter's eyes widened with hopeful curiosity, although her eyebrows were slightly furrowed. "Is it a scooter?" she guessed. Yulissa crouched next to the gift, helping her daughter open it.

"Ta-da!" She exclaimed as the Barbie Dreamhouse was revealed, complete with all the accessories and furniture. Yulissa had seen it in a TV commercial, and knew it was the perfect gift for her daughter's upcoming birthday; it had an elevator and a pool, and the sort of price tag that would've led Yulissa's parents to spank her if she had even dared to ask for it as a child—but for Wilmarie, her dulce, it was worth every penny.

Except Wilmarie's expression crumbled.

Her daughter bit her bottom lip, struggling to hold back tears. "But..." Her voice trembled. Alvie quickly moved to hug her, murmuring comforting words into her ear. He cast a look of disappointment at Yulissa, as if Wilmarie weren't the one being unappreciative.

"Great going, ma," Thiago said snidely, shaking his head.

Yulissa rolled her eyes. "Mami, mira," she said, pointing at the box. "It has a puppy, and a car, and look! Sally was kind enough to get you a doll, so don't be upset. It was really expensive, but we wanted to make you happy—"

Wilmarie looked up from her brother's shoulder; her expression was all mangled, bright red through the streaks of white frosting and tears. "I don't want any of this!" She cried, pushing the box away. "I wanted a skateboard! You said if I got good grades, you'd get me a skateboard!"

Yulissa doesn't remember ever saying that. "Wilmarie, you are being ungrateful—"

"Alright," Alvie said, picking up his crying sister. "We're going to wait for Papi outside. Percy, could we borrow your skateboard for a bit? We can go to the park and practice while we wait for him to finish work." Percy nodded, following after her children; he shut the door with enough force to drown out Yulissa's protests.

The only one remaining was Sally, standing with her cone hat askew and holding a still-wrapped gift.

She stared at Yulissa with disappointment. "You lied to me," Her friend pointed out softly.

Yulissa sighed with exhaustion. "I wasn't lying," she insisted. "Every little girl wishes for a dollhouse."

ally followed her into the living room and settled on the couch beside her. "You were a little girl who wished for one," she remarked.

Yulissa buried her face in her hands. "You did too," she retorted, struggling to understand why Wilmarie had to be so difficult about everything—hair, shoes, clothes, dollhouses, and friends. Nothing about her had ever been easy; absolutely nothing.

"But that doesn't mean every little girl does," Sally pointed out, as if she knew what it was like to have a daughter.

Yulissa hummed dismissively. "I just don't understand why she has to make everything so complicated," she muttered, feeling a pang of frustration. "I wasn't like that when I was her age—"

Sally shook her head. "She isn't you, Yulissa." She reminded her, the weight of her palm resting on Yulissa's shoulder a silent reassurance. "And you aren't her. If she wants a skateboard, let her have it. It's okay for her to be different from you."

"No offense, mami," Yulissa replied, "but you are white. In the Dominican Republic, we don't let our kids get away with that kind of behavior—there's no ADHD, or Dyslexia, or whatever other excuses they come up with here—"

Sally's hand pulled back abruptly, as if it had been seared.

"What are you saying, Yulissa?" Sally's voice was calm but her eyes showed hurt and disappointment.

"Maybe that parenting style is why Percy's gotten expelled from three schools already," Yulissa tried to explain, "He needs discipline, not coddling."

Sally's expression hardened as she responded, "Discipline is important, but so is understanding and support for children with different needs."

"Is that why you are sending him away?" Yulissa raised an eyebrow. "To support him?"

Sally seemed to shatter.
"You don't know anything about what's best for my son," she said through clenched teeth. "You have no right to judge my decisions as a parent either when when your kids are struggling just as much as Percy without you even realizing it!

"My kids are not struggling," Yulissa denied fiercely. "Alvie is top of his class, and he was awarded—"

Sally lifted her hand to stop her from continuing. "What about your other children, Yulissa? I know you forget that they exist sometimes, but they matter just as much as Alvie does."

"They would tell me if they needed anything," Yulissa replied defensively.

Sally shook her head with disbelief; something about the way she stared at Yulissa changed slightly, her eyes more narrowed and intense. "But you'd react the same way you did when Wilmarie told you what she wanted for her birthday—you just won't listen!"

"I listen!" Yulissa shouted, her hands lifting in frustration. Her husband used to make the same complaint; that she never truly listened to what he had to say, always too focused on her own thoughts and opinions, but what would he know about listening, when he wouldn't ask for what he needed either? He was just like Sally, swallowing and swallowing all her pain and misery like it would ever disappear on its own. "I listen to everything!" Yulissa insisted. "I listened to all of Wilmarie and Percy's plans to go to the park—the park, the same park your son almost got kidnapped from! Why the hell would I let my daughter go there? I'm not going to risk her safety just because your son is too much of a troublemaker to be around other kids!"

Sally stood up abruptly, her hands shaking; the gift fell to the ground.

"You don't know anything about Percy," she said, her tone distant and hollow. Tears threatened to spill, but she quickly wiped them away, hiding her distress. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you speak about my son like that," she whispered, her voice quivering with emotion. "I think we should end this conversation now."

Yulissa watched her leave with a heavy feeling in her chest.

She sat alone in the apartment, unable to identify any emotion she felt beyond sheer exhaustion.

The cake hadn't even been cut yet.

Yulissa sighed; with nothing else to do, she picked up the gift from the floor. The cheap wrapping paper had already started to tear, an orange-colored box peeking out from the corner.

She opened it slowly, taking out the doll—the perfect rag doll, with soft yarn hair and a sweet embroidered face. It looked just like her, from the dimples on its cheeks to the bronze skin tone.

From the pocket of its dress, a card fell out, fluttering to the ground.

Yulissa's eyes filling with tears.

She went to bed.

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𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! ! !

Oh Yulissa, you are such a Hispanic mother </3 i love both chapter fours being about the issues to lead the end of both friendships LOL i have nothing more to say except i am too should go to bed like yulissa AYE AYE AYE okay bye!!