gabby, why is it that after discontinuing every fic on here, disabling notifications, literally deleting and redownloading this app 6 times, and only opening it once in a blue moon to find like 70 comments you should respond to, but end up not responding to, why, after all of this, did you decide to write this?

honestly what a great question. umm to be frank i uh got bored and came running back to this hellscape.

also the vibes were just here today. like, i did a full weekend of cleaning and wondering if i had some weird cardiovascular disease or just had really bad anxiety or epilepsy or POTS, i threw up a few times, i spent five hours researching for a project, i looked at sims cc, then i washed and styled my hair and i'm now sitting in bed and i thought to myself wow this is just like when i'd grace my wattpad readers with my bullshit

then i was like, omg let's make pjo characters in sims for my fic and publish it on here

but that was like a lot of work and i don't really want to sit here for a week straight when the vibes are here now, so i was like, why not bombard people with an unreasonably long chapter where i talk about literally nothing important! doesn't that sound fun!

ok so quick little life update that no one asked for, I HAVE BEEN SICK FOR THREE GODDAMN MONTHS

I FUCKING HATE IT HERE, I DONT KNOW WTF IS WRONG AND JUST ASHEVAKDV UGH

anyway, how are you guys? it's been a while.

i say this like more than one person is going to read this shit, hi selene.

anyway (look, just like old times we have an unecessary amount of paragraph breaks and an overuse of "anyway(s)" simply magical), i no longer have any fics published on any platform. it's all gone. they've all been deleted.

why?

well, shelper was a good idea, absolute shit execution. and when i say that, i mean like that fic sucked absolute ass, it was so bad, i hated it. like, i get what i was trying to do, but goddamn. it's impressive how much i managed to fuck that up.

the first chapter was 4,000 words. NOT ONE THING HAPPENED IN THAT TIME

THERE WAS A BAR FIGHT THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT

PIPER SPOKE ONCE

IT WAS TERRIBLE OMG

and why the fuck was there a bar fight??? i get that i was trying to be like haha this fic is soooo unserious and silly and goofy lolz but then the next chapter would be so serious.

baby, pick a side.

i was trying so hard to be like The Good Place, or Jane the Virgin, or Ugly Betty, and shows of that nature (side note: there are people who would have heated arguments with me about jane the virgin and i know that you knew about Ugly Betty, and you didn't tell me about it?? rude. also rip, you deleted your account and all your comments).

anyway, i didn't like it, so i deleted it.

as for new greece, i don't think i planned enough for it

and also allow me to read you an excerpt:

Hazel briefly considered being a decent sister to Nico, who had just arrived in New Rome the night before and in the seconds that they talked before she gave him the room he'd said, quote, "Don't bother us for a solid 12 hours. I'm fucking dying."

    But it had technically been over 12 hours and they'd planned on meeting up in ten minutes. She also wanted to bother him.

    She banged on the door and in a split second it was opened.

    "Why did I know," Nico said, "that you'd be a fucking menace to society."

    Hazel snorted. "First of all, you little shit, I fucking run this place–"

    "Is this threatening I hear? From the praetor?"

    "--I will kick you out. You will never be allowed in here again."

    "Wow," Nico laughed. "The blatant disrespect. I saved the world three times."

    "Bitch!" Hazel exclaimed, ignoring Nico's rude laughter. "I saved the world twice. You ain't special."

    Nico cleared his throat. "The key word here is three. You've only done it twice."

    Hazel gently shoved his shoulder. "Fuck off. Wait, where's what's-his-face?" She gasped. "Where are my children?"

    Nico blinked. "It's been almost five years. How do you not know Will's name?"

    "I obviously know Will's name." Hazel rolled her eyes. "I just blanked for, like, half a second. Get off my dick, please and thank you."

    Nico reciprocated Hazel's eye roll and gestured to come inside. "He's on a run; the Cocoa Puffs are with him. I swear, he wakes up before his fucking dad does and decides to be productive instead of crying over shitty ramen like a normal pers–Are you okay?"

    Hazel collapsed onto the bed–which was significantly more comfortable than her own–and groaned. Gods, she wanted to sleep. "I haven't had a break in, like, months," she groaned, rolling around on the bed. "Why is this so fluffy?" she squeaked as she continued to roll around and adjust her extraordinarily uncomfortable bra. Gods, it must have been a new record for a solid 90% of her boob to be either in pain or just uncomfortable in a bra. Just wow. "And who the fuck invented fucking underwires? They need to be fucking jailed!"

    "Hades help me," Nico muttered. Hazel flipped him off. "Scoot over. You need a break."

    "No shit." And also probably new bras, she thought.

    "No, dumbass. Like, a long one," Nico said. "What are you going to be doing this week?"

    "Probably sit at my desk until someone plays a stupid game of fuck around and find out." She sighed. "They always–without fail–find out. And I," she rolled onto her stomach to face him, "am the one who deals with it."

    "What about Frank?"

    "He's dealing with the other dude who decided to play fuck around and find out."

    Nico was silent for a moment before gasping. "Oh no! It looks like you guys are preoccupied with a... um... diplomacy thing with Camp Half-Blood. The actual conflict is classified, so no one but Frank and Hazel are allowed to know." He sighed dramatically. "Dang. I guess you guys are going to have to hang out with us. You know, it would be a shame if you decided to play a game of fuck around and find out."

    Hazel gasped. "That's magical."

    Someone gently knocked on the door. "I forgot the key, please let me in," said Will, fake crying.

"What's magical," Nico said as he went up to answer it, "is that Will is nicer to me than you are."

    "He's required to. Besides, being nice is boring."

    "Die."

    Hazel snorted. "Been there, done that. You, of all people, should know."

    Nico flipped her off while he opened the door. "Hi."

    "Hey," Will saw Hazel splayed on the bed, the Cocoa Puffs jumping and running around her. "Are you okay?"

    "She's just so stressed because there's something going on with Camp Half-blood! And now we have to spend the entirety of our visit making sure to keep the peace!"

    "Tragic," Hazel said, placing a melodramatic hand to her chest and attempting to pet every single one of her children at the same time. "Just... so sad."

    "Truly."

    Will grinned. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that's like." He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. "Where's Frank?"

    Oh, right. There was a reason for coming here. "Oh, he's getting Piper and Shel. I was supposed to pick you up and take you to Annabeth's apartment."

    Nico looked at Will. "It's been an hour, how are you not sweating?" he muttered, poking his boyfriend's side.

    Will shrugged as he grabbed the key he'd previously forgotten. "Don't know."

    Nico glanced at Hazel. "How far away is the apartment?"

    "A mile-ish."

    Nico hummed and grabbed a backpack. "They're gonna break my fucking back," he muttered.

Before Nico even had the chance to knock, Annabeth swung open the door. She took one look at him before screaming and engulfing him in a tight hug. "Holy shit!" she yelled. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Ow," squeaked a suffocating Nico.

"Oh, sorry." Annabeth let him go and looked behind him, giving Hazel a quick hug.

"Nico!" exclaimed Percy, literally lifting Nico up as he hugged him.

"It's literally been a month," Nico wheezed.

"I know," Percy sobbed. "It's unacceptable." He squeezed Nico harder for emphasis.

Annabeth hugged Will. "I feel like we need to make these biannual visits a once a month  type of thing," she sobbed, for dramatic effect. She left Will and joined Nico and Percy's hug. "I can't go this long without my son."

Nico rolled his eyes but hugged them back. "Don't think that's going to work very well."

"I know, but we can dream," Percy whispered. He indulgently petted the Cocoa Puffs that rubbed at his legs.

Annabeth snorted. "Okay, I don't want to get a noise complaint. Please enter my household." She gestured to the door dramatically.

The apartment wasn't unfamiliar to Hazel. She'd visit whenever she could, but she still found herself marveling at it. Every time she came, there was something new. The kitchen by the entryway was always clean, yet homey. Herbs, spices, and seasonings were displayed on spinning racks by the stove. Chives, parsley, cilantro, and corsican mint were potted on a small windowsill and pans were hung between the small amount of cabinetry the apartment provided. Barstools were placed behind the island cluttered with drawn models and plans of buildings Hazel couldn't quite make out.

Hazel fell onto the extraordinarily soft couch and noted the new rug Annabeth had out beneath a wood table. She watched the Cocoa Puffs run around the small space, curiously sniffing every object they could find.

Nico glanced down at the papers down on the island and gasped. "Hazel," he screamed, scrambling to get his backpack.

That was intriguing enough. "What?" Hazel asked.

Will helped Nico reach the bag and he instantly started rummaging through it. "Where the fuck is–Here!" He pulled out the sketchbook.

Hazel gasped. No, it couldn't be... could it? She gently pushed the Cocoa Puff that had turned her stomach into a pillow and ran to meet her brother. The cover looked exactly the same: dark brown and filled with random marker doodles. She opened it up and gasped again.

"Shut up," she squealed. "Where did you find this?"

Nico had the widest smile Hazel had ever seen. "It was just in my cabin. Like, at the very bottom of one of my drawers."

She flipped through a few of the pages before coming across the house she'd designed. "Shut up! I remember this!" She displayed the drawing to Nico, even though he was, like, three inches away from her. "Oh my gods, and look; I'm also a praetor. I'm sure 14-year-old me is having a fucking meltdown right now," Hazel said with a devilish laugh. "Oh shit, is this my  house?" Hazel asked, as if she did not recall working on this home for exactly 14.5 hours while heavily sleep deprived. "Yeah, I think it is."

In New Rome, near what Hazel imagined would be the suburbs, they had big two-story homes. Farmhouse and craftsman painted beige and gray and the occasional blue-so-light-and-diluted-it-looked-gray. The trims were all an off-white and the doors either black or a deep brown. She always hated the boring colors and the way each house seemed to be exactly the same. Some weird governmental entity, the HOA (they didn't have much those when Hazel was growing up), had complete control over the way the fucking grass looked. The fucking grass. Next thing you know, they control the amount of fucking air you breathe or some shit. She never wanted to live in one of those houses, it sounded suffocating.

But when she made her little craftsman bungalow, she could understand the appeal. The house was oddly comforting. It had a large front porch with flowers scattered around the entryway. She'd made the shiplap exterior pastel blue with red trims and white pillars. A red brick chimney stood on the side of the house. In the corners of the page, Hazel had written I just had the most vivid dream about me living in this house that I woke up and cried when I was not, in fact, in a comfortable spot in my life with safety and a bed that doesn't feel like a rock. Nico responded with If you have dreams about a fucking house, then you are in desperate need of help. Like, in general. I beg you to just steal a mattress from somewhere. To this day, Hazel doesn't know how she would go about stealing a whole ass mattress.

Annabeth popped her head above Nico's shoulders and rapidly pat them as she grinned. "Oh my gods, Hazel, I have to show you something!"

Her enthusiastic pats got faster, and Nico pushed her hand off. "Ow, asshole."

"Wh–Oh, sorry," she said, pulling Hazel toward her computer. She quickly opened it up and showcased a little neighborhood, zooming in on a little bungalow. "Is that not your house?" It quite literally was that house. "I had some weird ass dream about it."

Hazel was going to scream. "I had a dream about it on the Argo. I was weirdly obsessed with having a soft bed."

Annabeth hummed. "That's weird as fuck."

"And you don't think it's telling that you had the same dream?" Percy asked, peering over Hazel's shoulder.

Hazel shrugged. At some point, shit just stops being weird. Like the fact that her stomach and boobs are starting to hurt like a bitch. She'd assumed that her period was coming a bit later than its usual 5 month gap. A part of her hoped that wasn't true because that would mean it's getting worse.

Being told that her infrequent menstruation was not because of stress and the endless waves of violence (though it did certainly play a part), but that it was infertility, broke something in her. It was an odd feeling. She'd always said that kids were something that she was fine with or without. It was like that ever since she was 13 she'd prided herself in being the only woman at her 1940s school who was completely indifferent about being a mother. But to be told that the chances of her ever getting pregnant were so low... Hazel didn't know why it hurt so much.

Her thoughts were interrupted by two Cocoa Puffs rubbing against her legs. She gently patted their heads as someone knocked on the door.

Annabeth managed to be there in less than half a second and Piper flung herself onto her.

wow.

wasn't that just awful? omg i know!

what was i trying to do?

I WAS GOING TO HAVE HAZEL BE PREGNANT

i knew from the minute i started planning new greece that i wanted young and unplanned pregnancy to be a plotline for someone because the whole point of the fic was to ephasize how bad both new rome and chb were in their own ways, mostly new rome though. and i lot of the throwaway lines regarding new rome reminded me of what people think southern cities are like. it feels very judgmental in a way that isn't masked at all, it feels very traditional and conservative in nature. and it's super classist and i came up with this idea that young pregnancy is okay only if the child ends up being a demigod. or in other words, if your child is useful to us, then it's okay.

and i was dead set on it being hazel for some reason and it was just... bad.

eventually i thought abotu something else but i didn't know yet so i spoke to my friend who is not even a part of this fandom and this bitch goes

"what if someone baby traps their man"

and when i tell you i DIED, like i was crying.

and they go, "didn't you mention that you literally hate this one couple and that one of them curse the 'other girl' even though she was technically the other girl"

and then i was like, omg what if calypso baby traps leo because i'm calypso's biggest hater

AND THEN I DIED AGAIN BECAUSE BESTIE WHAT

would that be entertaining as hell? yes. however, i'm trying to remain in character and i wanted it to not be traumatizing in the way that it was for all these demigods, since they were all likely a product of teen/college pregnancy.

i think at some point i considered having the cocoa puffs grow up a little bit like actual kids because they are technically minor gods, but that idea was scrapped because... just no.

i really did enjoy the idea of calypso and leo having a kid and splitting up and having a healthy co-parenting relationship, but then a part of me was like leo probably has had many safe sex talks, though maybe calypso hasn't but blah blah blah

i've been going back and forth, basically.

but i also have this original character, Zhade. she's shel's bestie and i wrote her to be my drama queen. i love her so much. i was considering having zhade and leo end up together, but idk since i feel like ocxcharacter doesn't always go too well, but i was thinking that they do get together. but before, zhade has a baby when she's like 18-19 with her bf, and they separate but are on good terms because baby and yadda yadda.

i'm so set on the idea of leo being a young father and i cannot, for the life of me, figure out why. like, i think he'd be a good dad but idk if he'd be a good dad as his current self. actually, maybe that's why. it'd be a really quick way to jumpstart that arc. but who knows.

also another thing i hated about new greece was that i never took the time to do an actual character study. i'd never done one before so i was nervous going into it with piper, and i'm really glad i did it because

LMAO BECAUSE I GET TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, I ALWAYS SAID TRISTAN MCLEAN SUCKED ASS AND I WAS SO FUCKING RIGHT

anyway, i quickly realized after reading the lost hero and mark of athena, piper has absolutely no personality.

name one thing she likes.

surfing? okay, follow up question, name one time she mentions it unless it's in the same scene with her dad in which she tries to please him?

LMAO YOU CAN'T

so basically what happened was i read these books a bajillion times and was like, wow i'm not getting a personality at all

so i spoke to selene and was practically on my knees, begging to know if she saw an ounce of nunace in this kid

she did not.

so i was like, okay cool i'm developing this character from scratch

um.

cool.

usually i'm super excited about this, but here it was super daunting because of where i started the series. i started it right after she moved to tahlequah and 2ish months after jason's death, so she is heavily traumatized. (also, i'm fucking with the timeline, because there isn't even a canon timeline anymore) and i have a lot that i want to do that requires a lot of character work with her and i'm trying to make it a one shot, but it's looking like it's gonna be multi-chapter which is a problem because it's not focused on her and shel so much, it's mainly about her realizing that she does, in fact, have a life.

and because i'm trying to keep this in a one shot, i've been trying to smush things into one scene. for example, one i've beeen really stuck on recently is where piper got stabbed the day prior and is staying home from school. and in this scene i need to develop the relationship between shel and piper while also having piper feel depressed and really hone in on her disordered eating and also showcase what she is interested in.

i don't really like what i have so far, but why not show you anyway, it's the first draft and will proabbly be deleted:

She felt good enough to wander around the house a bit. Gods, she hadn't really been anywhere besides her room since she'd moved here, and after a while the white on gray got old. Actually, Piper kind of hated it and she wanted to do something with it. But the thought of going into that room made her instantly tired. The thought of doing anything, really, made her tired. She just wanted to go back to sleep.

The problem with nectar, however, was that it gave demigods energy. It was like a thousand espresso shots. So sleep wasn't an option.

She instead went upstairs, ignoring the twisting in her stomach demanding food, and grabbed her laptop from her room, ignoring the disgust at the light gray walls. Piper turned on her humidifier and called Leo, with no answer. Then Annabeth, but Piper then remembered she was supposed to be moving into her dorm in New Rome. That cut Percy off too. And in Camp Jupiter, the day starts at 8:00 on the dot, so Hazel and Frank were probably busy at 9 in California time. Jason might have answered if he was still here.

Nope, not thinking about it. Who else could she call?

No one. Piper didn't have many friends.

Wait, actually that's not true. She grabbed her laptop off her nightstand and opened Instagram, sending a message to Shel. Piper figured that it would take a while for her to respond since it was a school day, so shed–oop, nevermind. The response came instantly.

surfingaphrodite: hi i just woke up

omg.a.shel: honestly me if my parents didn't unleash the five year old on my ass

surfingaphrodite: how are you actively texting me while in class

omg.a.shel: some people have skill, others dont

omg.a.shel: like, i am messaging you and zhade at the same time. she's currently thirsting after a skater boy you have a picture with

surfingaphrodite: lmao what

omg.a.shel: shes the literal definition of messy i love her

omg.a.shel: like, man is actively kissing someone in the photo and she still has the audacity to thirst after the girl too

surfingaphrodite: lmao go to class

omg.a.shel: i am in class, im just not paying attentin rn

omg.a.shel: also you dmed me so this is technically your fault

surfingaphrodite: what class are you in

omg.a.shel: calc

surfingaphrodite: literally yesterday you were complaining about how you have a c in that class

omg.a.shel: true, but c's get degrees

surfingaphrodite: can't argue with that

omg.a.shel: besides, we just practiced basic derivatives and had a quiz i did in like 5 secs because basic deriving is my only skill in this class. and minimums and maximums with concavity and that shit

surfingaphrodite: what in the fuck is a concavity

omg.a.shel: you know how quadratics will look like u's and n's depending on the equation?

surfingaphrodite: yeah

Piper only vaguely recalled Leo talking about the topic for exactly 15 seconds before moving on to logarithms, which he apparently found to be much more interesting (it was not interesting. It was hell, actually, but she can now do these weird precalc logarithms with her eyes closed, so...)

omg.a.shel: that's essentially concavity on a very basic scale. if it's a u, it's concave up and if its an n its concave down, but in the functions we use, there will be like five different critical points we have to find

surfingaphrodite: damn and i'm here struggling with basic trig

omg.a.shel: NAH FUCK TRIG

surfingaphrodite: lmao

omg.a.shel: NO BECAUSE WHY MUST TRIG BE EVERYTHING IT IS? GIRL GO THE FUCK HOME NO ONE LIKES YOU

surfingaphrodite: i feel as if you have some negative feelings toward trig

omg.a.shel: i could find whoever invented trig and torture them, reveling in their screams, and watch in glee as the life slowly leaves their eyes 🥰🔪

surfingaphrodite: DOES IT GET THAT BAD

omg.a.shel: YES IT GETS THAT BAD

omg.a.shel: I FUCKING HATE TRIG IT'S MY BIGGEST ENEMY AND IT'S NEVER NOT IN MY MATH CLASS

surfingaphrodite: i'm so scared for that now

omg.a.shel: you should be

omg.a.shel: godspeed soldier 🫡

surfingaphrodite: 🫡

omg.a.shel: ok we are actually doing shit in this class now, i'll call you during lunch

surfingaphrodite: bye

omg.a.shel: byeee

Piper couldn't explain it, but talking to Shel was like talking to Leo. She felt some weird, invisible weight lift off her and she couldn't help but smile while they talked, even if it was about random, irrelevant topics. In some ways, she thought it was even better than talking to Leo. Throughout the exchange, Piper imagined the way that Shel would quietly react to each message. She could see the way her brow would slightly crease and how she'd quickly purse her lips to hide a smile. Piper supposed that was one of the benefits of being a child of Aphrodite, expressions were always easy to read. She could even pick up on the silent conversations between Shel and Zhade after knowing them for only a week.

She closed her laptop and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Now what would she do? Her stomach gently reminded her that food existed by screaming at her and twisting up her insides. But she didn't want to eat much.

She sighed and got out of her bed, looking down at her now-destroyed jeans and cami-top. Piper fished out a sticky note from somewhere in her desk drawers and wrote a note to herself to put these in her ask one of my siblings to fix clothes pile. It had been gradually growing since Malibu.

She showered and washed the grime out of her hair. Despite the fact that she had always wanted to go unnoticed, Piper always paid attention to her hair. It had always been her favorite feature, and she put the work in to making it silky, soft, and shiny.

it's okay i guess, but not my favorite.

anyway, you see my issue?

one good thing is that because i have a 50 page document of planning, i don't really feel as bad about having a 9,000 word draft. it feels pretty reasonable for what i'm planning, even if it is no where near done, i'm getting to the point where i can start to get things going faster because the next scene is gonna be her and shel talking and i think they go to her house and shel gently encourages her to eat and notices piper's scars but doesn't say anything about it and now that their friendship has kind of blossomed, we can have piper's sexuality crisis literally right after that, and the next scene they have together shel finds out about the demigod shit

it doesn't flow well here, but it makes sense i promise.

another thing that i started doing was character playlists

i never really got them before because i don't think a song has character vibes within a modern context. i feel like those playlists only work in a world without modern music, like Trouble is six of crows, and Achilles Come Down is song of achilles. i understand those.

i don't understand like Riptide is percy and i realized that this is because i feel more connected to a character when i listen to what i think they would listen to

for example, people say that riptide has percy vibes, but i don't feel percy until i listen to the Reason by hoobastank, because that sounds like a song that percy would regularly listen to.

and i think that there is a clear difference between the two, but i kinda want to experiment with it, so comment what song/artist you think has gabby vibes, and i can tell you some of my favorite songs/artists just to see how they compare.

anyway, i made long ass playlists, and i really like shel's and piper's because i feel like they have a nice blend and go together in a weird way, but for the excerpt i'm giving you. even though literally no one asked for it, i'm just gonna put the songs that get me inspired the most

Piper:

Ain't Shit - Doja Cat

Why Didn't You Stop Me - Mitski

Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish

because i liked a boy - Sabrina Carpenter

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift

Deja Vu - Beyonce

Shel:

Angel - Halle

3 Of Us - FLO

Caliber - Coco Jones

F.U.C.K. - Victoria Monet

Busy Boy - ChloexHalle

Have Mercy - Chloe

holy sweet jesus this is almsot 5,000 words

it really is just like how it used to be wow

and i haven't even finished with what i want to talk about.

well, you tell me if you want more, because i have more. i'm open to chilling here again and since i don't plan on ever publishing on here again, it should be a decent vibe

anyway, i'm tired so gn

love y'all