Meanwhile at Evelyn's house......

Evelyn's p.o.v

Normally when a teen has free time he or she will most probably seize this as a chance to relax, do whatever they want, have fun, reward themselves or the more boring least likely things they'd do is study or finish up a project or something.

Right now I was researching a very important and complex topic on my laptop. What is said topic?

Math? No. History? Nope. Literature? I wish. Science, Physics, Chemistry? Nada...okay maybe it has a tiny bit of chemistry involved.

Displayed on my laptop's screen were links and links of info from different websites about........

Crushes.

Yes, I- Evelyn Lila Nakadai, the one who has never given a single damn about romantic relationships and dating and boyfriends is currently sitting in her room and staring at mother loads of info on the topics I have just mentioned.

Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not about to go all.....girly girl and begin to fantasize my future where I marry some celebrity or American heart throb and get a job or become a housewife then have children and names prepared for said children already and that I'll live in some dainty dollhouse somewhere over the rainbow.

No. Nuh-uh. Nope. Ie. Non. Nu. Mei you.

(A/N: The following is 'no' in different languages. Ie- Japanese. Non- French. Nu- Romanian. Mei you- Chinese.)

Alright, I'll admit that like any other child, yes, I do occasionally dream about my future and fantasize. However, in said dream future I've never imagined myself as one who would become a princess and ride a unicorn and marry Prince Charming. No.

That was another thing that set me apart from the other girls and frankly, it was also what made me stood out a bit. It also dubbed me the 'tomboy' among the girls.

In my future dreams, I always imagined myself yes, in a Fantasy world but in said world I'm not a princess or some damsel in distress. No, in that world I'm the hero. I'm the adventurer, I'm the one valiantly travelling from one mystic land to another, and I'm the one facing the dangers head on.

And yes, my imagination was quite....wild, creative and unique as the teachers put it so yeah, I also imagined myself as an astronaut or a space adventurer.....and a Jedi Master once.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Sorry getting off topic. Anyways as I grew up and took up gymnastics and Taekwondo- my 'dream future' changed.

I imagined myself becoming a Taekwondo master and opening my own dojo; Or joining the Olympics in either gymnastics or Taekwondo or even both; And if those two ideas went down the drain then maybe I could even become a musician like Miko. Then I could retire with a good few medals and trophies and maybe even actually get married and settle down in a nice house.

But.....life threw me curve balls.

Next thing I knew, my brother and I were being sent to Jasper, Nevada- a town that seemed to literally be in the middle of nowhere.

Okay, scratch that. Technically it is in the middle of nowhere all things considered.

Looking back, I realized how I had taken everything so lightly, how I had taken all that's happened for granted in a way. Yes, I was devastated after Grandpa's passing- I still am honestly and that's an issue I did not take lightly and never will- but when I found out my brother and I were coming here, I hadn't thought much of it.

I asked my parents and they were vague as always so and trying to snoop around didn't work either so I just told myself that maybe this place held sentimental value to Grandpa- he was pretty close with Aunt Selina after all- or he wanted to visit it himself one day but never got the chance.

So, I just came here and didn't complain. Sure, England was great and I had friends but I got to see Miko and finally, leave all the pressure and expectations behind in England.

But I still thought that after what, three years? Two years? I would leave Jasper and I would go back to my normal life and continue to pursue my dreams.

I briefly looked away from the laptop as the thought struck me and I actually barked a laugh that contained no trace of humor at it. "Who am I kidding?" I asked myself.

No, I am not going mad.

But still, if some lad had told me that I would end up meeting Team Prime and get involved in a war that was literally alien and out of this world or that I would actually get kidnapped by aliens.....ok, giant robot aliens called Decepticons- I'd try to politely and gently ask the lad if he was alright or if he needed to go to the hospital.....or an asylum.

If the lad had then said I would end up developing a crush on the good giant alien robot whom was assigned my guardian- I may or may not have kicked his arse to the asylum.

Yet, here I was- sitting in my room trying to steel myself to confess to Smokes.

I slammed my laptop shut as I felt my face heat up. I've never given something like a crush much consideration. In my opinion, yes, perhaps it was.....nice in a way and a good thing to tease others about but....puppy love? Crushes? 'Crush-it is'? 'Roller Coaster Syndrome'?

They had all seemed so trivial to me and if someone were to ask me what my general opinion about them was I'd say they were all a bunch of cock and bull crap. Ok, love is what makes the world go around. I won't deny that but depending on said 'love' I think that sometimes they can be a bit exaggerated in some scenarios.

Like I said before though, a girl can dream. I have had that daydream once or twice about my own 'dream guy'.

It wasn't much. If anything I had simple, realistic expectations unlike others.

I didn't give a damn about his hair or his eyes or his body or status or what race he was. He could've been an African American for all I care. I didn't care if he was lanky or tall or fit or short or fat or nerdy or rich or poor or anything.

No, what I wanted was the personality and attitude. I wanted someone who would be there for me and at the same time, he wouldn't constantly hover over me and worry about my needs- he'd trust me to make my own decisions.

He would of course, be kind. And perhaps confident as well. That's where a border comes to play as there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance.

But.....Smokes isn't like that. He's cocky yes, but he isn't arrogant or over-confident. He just seems cocky in a comedic way to lighten things up and make things look more positive.

Come to think of it, did I include what kind of species my dream guy would be either? If not, then in came Smokescreen on the list of my 'dream guy's which was admittedly quite short.

He was a living incarnate of my 'dream guy'. He was....perfect. Not perfect perfect like....he knew everything and did everything right and all that rubbish.

He was anything but that. Smokes made mistakes, he had his flaws and he's had his falls. And that's what made me love him even more.

It showed that despite the fact that the Autobots were titans, maybe even god-like beings in comparison to us humans, they weren't gods and they were actually more like humans than people might think.

Smokes laughs, he cries, he gets angry, he smiles, he understands- they all do. They were humane underneath all that metal and circuitry.

I've only known Smokes for a while but I daresay he understands me better than any male friend of mine back in England.

Like I have stated many times he's friendly, funny, kind, confident and someone you would like to naturally have as a companion. But he was also loyal, understanding and caring.

Smokes cares about me, he cares about Miko, Jack and Raf, he cares about Team Prime, he cares about Agent Fowler even!

My heart raced as I thought back to how he'd risked his life to protect me when we went to Egypt, when he actually used his body as a shield to protect me from Knockout and Breakdown. Then I thought back to how he had come to rescue Miko and I when we got kidnapped.

If this was in fact- a Fantasy world, some fairy tale story then I daresay that perhaps he was in fact, the knight in shining armor.

My knight in shining armor; My Prince Charming.

Okay, maybe that sounded a bit.....what's the word? Oh, 'tsundere' as Miko called them but I swear that is not what I am.

He never seemed to doubt me either. I realized he trusts me as much as I trust him. Smokes never looked at me like some fragile violet. He accepted everything about me- my likes, my interests, my flaws and my mistakes.

He....really was my dream guy.

But I'm no fool. I know better than to just confess to him like some school girl would to her crush in a cliche romance high school movie.

Bugger, who else am I joking with? This is nothing close to that!

Smokes wasn't even the same species as me, he's an 'autonomous robotic organism' or a Cybertronian as Optimus had told me back then. He was from a planet that had been ravaged and left inhabitable by centuries- millenniums of civil war. He had bigger things to worry about.

For god's sake- he was a soldier too! Smokes was fighting a war with the fate of his entire race and now Earth and all the humans on it like oh I don't know- Miko, Jack, Raf, Ed, Aunt Selina, billions of other people including myself involved here!

Besides, while in his species' standards he was a teenager- only a few years older than Jack and I really, if you were to convert his 'vorns' to Earth years he'd be hundreds of years older than me!

His life span is longer than a human's, longer than my own. By the time 'one vorn' which is the equivalent to one aging year to him, I'd be an old granny! Smokes would have to leave eventually too. I don't want him to.

I oh so desperately wish I could ask him to just stay here on Earth with me. I wanted so badly to be able to go to Cybertron with him.

But again, I was no fool. I knew that as painful as it is, I. Have. To. Be. A. Realist. I have to accept the facts.

And all the facts add up to form the same result.

They say if you love someone, you have to let them go.

I wish I could go see the person who made that quote up and strangle him/her.

I......I know Smokes returns my feelings. I kept trying to deny it but......what if he did? According to Miko, he does in fact return my feelings.

Don't get the wrong idea. This isn't about whether or not I should tell him. I had long ago made up my mind and set it on telling him.

What I'm afraid of are the consequences of my choice. I wasn't afraid of getting rejected. If anything, I was actually preparing for it right now. I don't plan on becoming an angsty emo mess because of a rejection of all things.

I also know that while he will have to go through all this crap of rejecting me, if what Miko says is true- and chances are she is true- then that means I'll have to reject Smokes too, that is if he confesses to me first. And that's what terrifies me.

Despite what I was doing, despite telling myself over and over again that if we were to reject each other we would still be there for one another and watch each other's backs- I was no psychic.

And no amount of preparation or training can ever prepare anyone for any event/ events that the future holds. Yes, we can take precautions, yes, we can even prevent some of said events depending on what they were but in the end, all one can do is prepare for it and if possible, lessen the damage.

It was like trying to cheat death. You can exercise for years and eat the healthiest food in the world and go see the best doctors and receive the best treatments with the most advanced technology but in the end, death will eventually come anyways.

........wow I am being really poetic lately.

Sorry getting off topic again, anyways the point is- I'm still worried that in the end the damage will still be done. It's always the 'inner' wounds that leave the deepest scars.

Was I scared? No, I wasn't scared.....I was terrified. My stomach was tied in a tight knot, it felt like my organs were doing somersaults, there was a giant lump of iron stuck in my throat and my mind felt like it was going to stretch so far, it might snap.....it probably will eventually.

Yet surprisingly.......at the same time I didn't mind. If anything, all of this just added fuel to the fire and gave me all the more reason to do this.

Like I mentioned before, Smokes is goanna leave eventually. If so then....maybe just maybe I'll be able to find some solace knowing I at least got it out.

I'll be able to at least find peace in myself knowing I didn't push him away and leave him in the dark. I don't want to move on with life and keep looking back knowing what I could have, would have and should have done but didn't do anyways. 

I've made my decision.

There were risks, there were gambles and god knows what else. I could end up putting a rift between us but.....no, I knew Smokes.

He wouldn't let something as petty as this ruin it all......hopefully.

I smacked myself. Who was I kidding?! God I have got to stop doing that. I don't think so, I know so. Simple as that.

I was still scared that I may end up messing something so precious in my life but nothing is more precious than my own life than Smokes.

I've made my decision.

I stand by my decision.

I'll find some form of solace and peace from it in the end either way so I don't care, nothing is going to change my mind.

Screw anxiousness; screw rejection; screw unease; screw worries; screw risks.

I was going to look at Smokes in the eye and tell him I love him. I'm going to confess to him.

I'm going to tell him.