Smokescreen's p.o.v

It's been six days since I've escaped the Nemesis, that means one more day and I'll be in the clear to use my alt-mode to fetch Eve. Right now I was lying down on my berth in my berthroom and staring at the ceiling. The others were either out on patrol or doing their own stuff while Jack, Miko, Raf and Eve were at school.

It sucked that I couldn't go out. Is this what Bee felt like when he lost his T-Cog? Gosh, I hope Eve doesn't mind.

Oh yeah, Eve.....my crush.......

I groaned and buried my helm in the pillow. I wanted to tell her so badly that I love her Primus damn it! But.......I'm so scared. So many things could go wrong.

For all I knew, I was just kidding myself. Does Eve really like me back? Look, I know Bee and Bulk are anything but liars and I know they'll always watch my back heck, I'd trust them with my spark but.....what if they just told me that Eve liked me back just to make me feel better?

What if they were being honest but were wrong either ways? What if Eve just thinks of me as a friend- a close friend like Arcee and Jack? What if she rejects me? What if she ends up thinking I'm a weirdo or some kinda perv if I confess? She might just end up thinking I used this whole guardian as an excuse when it sure as the Pits isn't the case!

I sighed. That wasn't all. What terrified me the most is the prospect of her ending up hating me.....ok, maybe she won't downright hate me like the way Buckethead hates Optimus but she might look at me differently.

What if she doesn't want to be my partner anymore if I told her the truth? What if.....what if she doesn't want to even be my friend if I do this? In all honesty, I already treasure the way things already are between us.

But.....I.......should I turn our relationship into something....more?

I love her. I mean, she's kind, she's funny, she's spunky, she's loyal, she's as brave-maybe braver than any soldier I've ever known, she's smart, she's beautiful on the inside and out, she always manages to see past people's mistakes and look deeper- she's everything any guy could've asked for!

I love Eve for who she was. I loved Eve as Eve. Simple as that.

I sighed and sat up. In a battle you never know what the next minute- what the next second will bring; You don't know when the nest blast will be shot, you don't know when the next punch will be thrown, you don't know whether it'll hit, you don't know where it'll hit.

It's unpredictable.

Right now, this dilemma of mine was just as unpredictable as any battle, scratch that, it was even more complicated and even more confusing!

I took a datapad out of my subspace and turned it on. I then began to flip through the various pictures on it. I needed something to distract me, to take my processor off this before I lose it.

This datapad is actually more precious to me than the Phase Shifter, well, sentimental value wise. But seriously, this datapad wasn't just any datapad- it was a datapad from my home, my real home back in Praxian on Cybertron.

Before it got attacked and turned into a warzone, before my sire and carrier went offline. This datapad was actually the only thing the Autobots managed to scavenge from my home. I slowly flipped through all the pictures, my optics sucking in all the details.

I've gone through it hundreds of times but I never get sick of it. It's the only thing that gives me some form of connection to Cybertron. The datapad was filled with pictures of Cybertron during the Golden Age- of soaring skyscrapers that seem to stretch all the way up to the stars; of Cybertronians from various cities of various builds and occupations mingling together and having fun, treating one another as equals; of parks filled with colorful lights that could light up the darkest nights and so much more.

So much that I wished I could actually see with my own optics. I wanted to be able to stand there and take it all in, not just through a picture on a datapad. Primus, I know I may not act like it but I miss Cybertron so much! I miss the oil baths, I miss the Iacon Hall of Records, I miss Praxian and all the other familiar cities, I miss seeing the magnificent architecture, I miss my family even if I only knew them for a while, I miss my friends who I don't even know are still online and I miss Alpha Trion.

I suddenly became aware of something dripping down my faceplate. Scrap, I'm crying again. I quickly wiped them away. I decided to skip through some of the other pictures to look for one in particular....there!

It was a picture of a couple. One was a mech with white and blue plating like me, but orange accents instead. He was smiling and had one of his servos wrapped around the shoulders of another femme who also had white plating but red accents and a light pink finish, she was smiling and her body seemed to have a natural gracefulness to it. They both had the Praxian door wings like me.

My sire and carrier. Who else could it be? The mech looked like a slightly older version of me honestly. It was too much of a coincidence. They looked familiar and at the same time, they were strangers to me.

I can only vaguely remember them. I can only remember bits and pieces of them. I can still remember that 'once upon a time' I had anything any sparkling would ever need; I remember those times when I had someone to hug or kiss or say 'I love you' to; I can remember those few nights when my carrier would sing me to sleep; I can remember those few solar cycles where my sire would take me out for a drive- when he'd speed through the streets without a care in the world and I...I remember how my carrier would tell me stories or.....did my sire tell me stories too? Both of them maybe?

I decided to not stare at the picture any longer, it might drive me stir-crazy. Besides, for all I knew they weren't even my sire or carrier, they could just be their friends. Yet, I wanted to cling onto the hope that they were my sire and carrier. Then again, this picture could've been taken Primus knows how long ago, times can change a bot so....maybe this is a picture of my sire and carrier when they were younger?

I shook my helm. No need to go down memory lane, this was supposed to be my escape. I went through the next batch- pictures of me back at the academy.

I smiled. It was horrible and grueling and downright boot-camp environment but......in the long run, it was all worth it. I even made some friends there and met a lot of brave bots and amazing mechs.

The next picture twisted my spark however. It was a picture of me and Alpha Trion. Oh yeah, I took this picture that day as a souvenir of sorts for memories. Man, I hope Alpha Trion at least died an honorable death.

I know, I know, I shouldn't imply that he's dead but......as much as I hate to sometimes I gotta face facts. It was a miracle the cons simply took me prisoner and didn't offline me then and there honestly.

Even so, before I escaped the prison ship, I searched every nook and cranny for any sign of Alpha Trion but I was one of the few prisoners there and still online.

I couldn't exactly stay there too long so I had to book it.

This did however make me even more determined. It's all the more reason why we have to get the keys before the cons do. Alpha Trion sacrificed so much for the sake of our species, we have to return the favor. 

Then I went through the next pictures. These were more recent. They were pictures of me and Team Prime on Earth with our human allies.

There was the time Jack and I dropped all those burgers onto that jerk Vince's car, ah yes that was a good one. Oh, and the time Bee and I played that prank on the doc.....ok the doc wasn't exactly as amused as us but hey it's the thought that counts.

The next picture made me pause. It was a picture of Eve and I taking a 'selfie' as the humans call it. I had to kneel all the way down so the two of us could both fit into the frame. We were both smiling happily with our hands up in a 'peace sign'. Then there were also a bunch of pictures of me and Bee and Arcee and Bulk and all the others including the human kids and Eve- those were my personal favourite right next to the pictures of Cybertron.

There were also pictures I managed to snag during the water fight and the sleepover. Some were just random simple pictures I took for fun while some....ok, so maybe I secretly took a picture of Eve when she wasn't looking but I couldn't help it! Sometimes she just seems naturally elegant and graceful. No, I do not do this often and I am not a stalker.

Then the next was a picture of her sitting there playing the flute. She looked beautiful even in such a simple picture. I laid back down onto the berth and stored the datapad back into my subspace and sighed.

'What do I do?' I asked myself. Then Arcee's words came back to me.

"That's for you to decide. I can't say much on the matter but take my word for it. It's best if you tell Eve now while you still can. There's no telling what tomorrow might bring, especially in a war and as much as I hate to say this, not all of us may live to see Cybertron restored."

I thought about it and suddenly it struck. How many times have I nearly been killed? How many times have I nearly died? How many times has Eve been in danger? How many times has she almost been killed? How many times have both of us almost died?"

"It's best if you tell Eve now while you still can."

I know, I wanted to but....should I? What will the others think? What would Optimus think?

"However, as your leader I also want you to know that if you truly do love her, then I respect your decision."

"If you truly love her, if your spark is committed to this, then I give you my blessing to do so. The choice is yours to make, Smokescreen, not mine. It is not my place to decide."

The others didn't seem to mind either. Then I felt like smacking myself. Who was I kidding? Of course they'd support me. How could I question that after everything we've been through?

"It's best if you tell Eve now while you still can."

That line kept on repeating itself. Then I came to a decision.

Ok, that's it. I had to do something. I couldn't just sit around and keep questioning and doubting myself. That won't get me anywhere and it'll just drive my processor crazy.

There were risks and so many things could go wrong. So what? Isn't life all about sacrifices and risks? If I don't take this risk, if I'm not willing to handle the sacrifices, I may end up sacrificing the one thing I truly want and that's even worse.

Maybe she'll reject me, maybe she doesn't return my feelings but.....after everything we've been through I've seen enough and know enough.

I can't believe I actually questioned Eve. Maybe she will be weirded out but....she cares for me, she really does and vice versa. No way she'd give up on me just because of something as petty as this.

Like I said before, she's the most loyal and determined human I've ever met who'll watch your back through thick and thin.

Even if she does reject, at least.....at least if worse comes to worse, I'll go out knowing I at least tried and didn't just leave her hanging in the dark. It won't change anything. I'll still protect her, I'll still watch her back, I'll give her a shoulder to cry on and I'd still lay down my life for her.

It was settled.

I'm going to tell her.

I'm going to look at her straight in the eye and tell Eve I love her.