HB: Pilot

In the second circle of the Pride Ring is a town called Imp City, housing the hell-born imps who are considered to be the lowest class of Hell's society. Inside of an office building stands an office room located on the seventh floor with the door being labeled 'I.M.P. (Immediate Murder Professionals). The head of I.M.P. Blitzo is having a lecture with his employees: Imp couple Moxxie and Millie and a hellhound named Loona. 


Blitzo: Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... *looks at Moxxie*  Moxxie.

Moxxie gave his boss an incredulous look.

Blitzo: Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

Moxxie: *eyes sparkling* What about a car wash?

Blitzo: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? *thinks for a second* Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?

Moxxie: *rolls eyes* We can't afford a billboard, sir.

Blitzo: *wraps his arm over Moxxie's shoulder* Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. *pushes Moxxie away* Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

Blitzo turns on a TV to show them individually murdering people in the underworld. 

Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches.

Blitzo: Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

Millie: People love musicals, sir. 

Blitzo: Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. *does jazz hands* Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Sir-

Blitzo: 'Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: *flirtatiously* I thought I knew you.

She playfully sticks her tongue out at him as Moxxie blushes and rolls his eyes affectionately.

Blitzo: I can't believe you, Moxxie! After I made you employee of the month.


Moxxie: *defeated* Okay, sir! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Millie: I liked it!

Moxxie: Do not-- *points at Millie* Do not agree with him in front of me!

(Scene Change)

Back at (Y/N)'s place, he is going through the various channels on his television and stops on the commercial for I.M.P.

https://youtu.be/fLVQ2LVN1tA


(Y/N): ... (I think I might have to be a bit wary about them.)

Teivel: I think it's best if you do, (Y/N).

Astin: Well you never know if we can earn their mutual trust.

(Y/N) senses something outside and goes to the balcony of his bedroom. Looking through the distance, he sees a white orb floating in the sky. Before it can turn around, the orb was shot down by (Y/N) when he brought out Ivory. 

(Y/N): I'll keep your words in mind. 

(Scene Change) 

Back in the boardroom, Loonie is hearing a song from her earphones which happens to be (Y/N)'s first song and in the video description, it currently has about 98,521 views and 746 likes. 

Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.

Loona: *not looking up* Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

Moxxie: YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!

Blitzo: Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?!

[Blitzo hugs and nuzzles Loona, who snarls at him in response.]

Blitzo: She didn't do anything wrooooong~

Moxxie: ...Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!

It is then shown various scenes involving the female Hellhound. One was when MIllie called about herself getting wounded, but Loona hanged up while she was reading a newspaper about the hooded figure during the Extermination. When Blitzo gave her a surprise adoption anniversary gift which turned out to be a small box filled with little spiders. One was when Moxxie thought Loona gave a flyer to join a weight loss club while she was watching Charlie's performance from 666 News. And there was also that one time where she ate Moxxie's avocado salad and ran out to the streets and kicked a baby. 

(Scene Change)

(Scene Change)

Loona: Bliiiitzo! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y.

Blitzo: *throws his cup of water on the floor* Oh, GOD, it was one time! *crosses arms* If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.

Moxxie: *stares in stunned silence* ...You what?

(Scene Change)

[The scene cuts to a flashback of sleeping naked in bed. He is hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitzo, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand.]

Blitzo: *to himself* Got the booook, got the booook! Got this fuckin' heavy book!

[Blitzo reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony.]

Blitzo: Oh- Oh, SHIT!

He then lands onto a cake that Stolas' wife and her friends were having. 

Blitzo: *to Stella* Sorry, I fucked your husband. 

(Scene Change)

Loona: BLIIIITZO!

Blitzo: I HEARD YOU ALREA--!

(Scene Change)

Cutting back to (Y/N), he is inside of a dance studio he has set up in one of the larger rooms located on the second floor of the mansion. 


He then plays a song on his laptop and does a choreography to it. 

https://youtu.be/3YbZ8J-h7NI


(Scene Change)

Stolas: You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?

Blitzo: Oh, shit. Here it comes.

Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!

Being visibly disturbed, Blitzo ended the call, snapped his cellphone in half, destroyed it with a desk phone, put the little pieces into a blender and made a smoothie out of glass, metal, and wired electronics.

Blitzo: Eat this!

He gave the drink to Blitzo as she drank it.

Blitzo: And you know that bridge right over the freeway?

Loona: Yeah?

Blitzo: Shit off it!

(Scene Change)

Adam: Where was that one drone again before it was shot?

Lute: The last broadcast was it looking over the northwestern region of the city. Another damn thirty thousand dollar property gone. 

Adam: Seems like our hooded piss ass is still wary.

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