Book Name: Ardent Affections
Fandom: Diabolik Lovers
Author: _escapingreality
Contents: 36 Chapters (RD)
POV: 1st/ 3rd person
Status: On Progress
Remarks: Prologue + 4 mini chapters
Review Duration: 42 hours

A.) Cover

....1) Font (A)
....2) Colour Scheme (A)
....3) Relevance (B)
....4) Image (A)
....5) Implicative Aspect (A)
....6) Resolution (S)
....7) Impact (A)
....8) Meaning (S)

B.) Introduction
....1) Style (S)
....2) Relevance (S)
....3) Allure/ Mysticism (S+)
....4) Originality (S)
....5) Neatness (A)

C.) Storyline
....1) Length of Part/ Chapters (A)
....2) Prioritization (S+)
....3) Spotlights (S+)
....4) Composition (B)
....5) Presence of Plotline (A)
....6) Originality (B)
....7) Efficiency (A)

D.) Characters
....1) Accuracy [Fandom bound]
.......a) Behavior (S)
.......b) Delivery of Lines (S)
.......c) Mannerisms/ Talents (S)
....2) Description
.......a) Style (B)
.......b) Vividness (B)
.......c) Impact (A)
....3) Presence
.......a) Scene Distribution (A)
.......b) Impact to the Story (S)
....4) Amount (A)

E.) Dialogue
....1) Accuracy
.......a) Based on Character (S+)
.......b) Based on Atmosphere (S)
....2) Density/ Weight (A)
....3) Language
.......a) Related to Time (B)
.......b) Related to Character (S)
.......c) Related to Scene (S)
....4) Richness
.......a) Description of Actions (C)
.......b) Linear to the Scene (B)
.......c) Creativity (A)
...5.) Length (S)
...6.) Neatness (B)
...7.) Attack (Delivery) (A)
...8.) Tags (B)

F.) Setting
....1) Direction (S+)
....2) Numbers of Locations (S+)
....3) Scenario (A)
....4) Names
.......a) Locations (S)
.......b) Characters (S)
.......c) Others (A)

G.) Technical
....1) Errors
.......a) Punctuations (A)
.......b) Grammatical (C)
.......c) Typographical (A)
....2) Arrangement (C)
....3) Length of Story (S)
....4) Encapsulation of Idea (S)
....5) Mood/ Temperature (S+)
....6) Spacing (B)
....7) Chapter Titles (S+)

-

---------
-Verdict-
Book Name: Ardent Affections
Book Rating: 8.69/10.00 (A)
Potential: +64%
-----------
<Computation>

Cover - 8.465 (A)
Introduction - 9.268 (S)
Storyline - 8.588 (A)
Characters - 8.720 (A)
Dialogues - 8.21 (A)
Setting - 9.213 (S)
Technical - 8.374 (A)
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Cross-Examination:

★Cover
Most of the aspects below this one got an average rating because of several factors. Only the latter three got the highest ones.

The font colour in particular, was good enough for the Title to appear against the black background. However, the font seems weak to me, it doesn't make the Title of the book bound by the meaning and the story behind it..

After I read the book, the statement above became more reasonable at my standpoint. I mean its about the feels ("Ardent Affection" in this book I believe means "Passionate Love")

The story behind the title has a good footing, yet the font was somewhat neutralizing the effect..

Using my available fonts at hand, I recreated the title on a black back splash:

And yeah, that's the closest font I can imagine at the book. Picking the appropriate font could draw the aura of the book cover and will bind together with the image used.

The image used at the cover was placed at the right angle and the way it agrees with the title really worked out great. (And I believe that's Rumi)

The implicative aspect of the cover was a mixed signal: the relationship of the font and the image doesn't seem to get along and the image was the one that was drawing all the mysticism or the beauty of the book.

★Introduction
Actually what can I say to this aspect? The book has really a good intro and the way it was written was like amazing.

But again, there is a catch.

A little bit of error caught my attention:

The underlined part there has a problem: its incomplete.

It was left like that and I got confused.

Rumi was accepted by him as what?

The answer to that question could be anything and that is the thing that must be taken care of. Besides from little tweaking of the sentences and restructuring them, I can't see any problem to this aspect.

★Storyline
The way this aspect played in the book was really good and the one thing that ruining it is the Technical and the Dialogue sides.

The way the chapters were divided are justifiable, has that suspense factor and its really cooperative with the chapter title.

Prioritization was strong and the vantage was never left at the sight of the main characters. The vantage was always there whenever the main characters was.

Same comment for spotlights. The author really focused well on the main character to further introduce the important details that was essential to the development of the story.

Composition, on the other hand, needs some balancing and I believe the amount of characters present had influenced the way the division of these components (narration, dialogue, action) reacted in the book.

On the aspect of originality, I can say that the storyline is a default one (because of the story plot set by the creator of Diabolik Lovers) and the author just added some personal cheesiness to make it boom to make the fangirling aura explode bigtime.

I am really impressed on how the heck did the writer manages these scale of characters, on how the writer juggles all of them and keeping in track.

★Characters
The way this certain aspect worked out in the book is great enough to fit the storyline and dragging along the Plot.

In Accuracy, I would say that the way the characters move on the story has a participating role and not just an accessory. The way the round up per scene was merely balanced.

Regarding the Description area, this aspect had the least performance because of the way it was executed.

When one has a problem, the other two will be dragged down too.

Character description based in style was, as I always say and see from other authors, was not that impressive.

Not good in the sense of how the description took place and how it was written down.

I may assume that the author is attempting to make a very clear picture of the characters by really getting into detail when in terms of how they look or dress or what ever needed to be known. But in this book, besides of the hair and the attire, I see less variation on how to describe the same character.

On the field of Character Presence, like I said at the beginning, was great even though the characters are more than seven. Still, this area performed well.

★Dialogue
By the way this one acted fortified the characters' identity in the book. Their dialogues really showed what type of character they were.

Most of them are well established, except a few characters like:

• Koizumi Rumi (because of irregularities regarding on how she was interacting with the characters on some parts)

• Sakamaki Kou (because of how he engages Rumi and the other characters in the scene. Some dialogues were a little off to be his lines)

• Sakamaki Tougo (because on how he dealt with Rum I at the story and how he act parallel to his age, physical stats and external agents such as the church.)

• Komori Yui (because she seems so clueless even though she knew what was happening around. Her character was not so convincing based on what I read, especially when she responded to help Rumi)

Some of them are close to perfect such as:

• Sakamaki Kanato (even though drunk, he still in character and the way he speaks really sticks to his personality.)

• Mukami Yuma (this character convinced me so much when attended Rumi at some parts of the story. His personality doesn't sway so much; just right to his character.)

• Sakamaki Reiji (yeah, those eyeglasses lifting sorta kinda mannerisms. Reiji convincing because of how he speak towards other characters, he seems so cultured enough to have a discipline even though her other brothers aren't)

Language wise, the relation of dialogue based on the time is not that close. Its feels like it modern yet the atmospheric feel is way older than that.

On the next area, the diversity of dialogue in description of actions were repetitive (as seen on the notes below) and crowded.

When I read the book an see those stuff, I assume that the author have the idea on how the characters should act in sequence, the only problem was how to do it smoothly.

Whenever I am reading their dialogues, I feel like I'm driving on a rocky road and shaking myself at my seat. It feels so rough and too complex in build like the one below.

If that line above will be translated the result will be:

Ruki will say his line in a deep exhaling manner while standing and crossing his arms simultaneously.

If the same line would be rearranged, this should be the output:

Ruki let out a deep sigh as he stood up from his seat, crossing his arms. "Very well then, I believe we start with the main things now."

As far as neatness is concerned, sentence reorganization is necessary to loosen up some congested areas of the story and make a clear, smooth reading of the dialogues.

On the dialogue tags, I understand that the author wanted to make the lines distinctly as possible. But because of the adverbs and conjunctions attachments, the author's true purpose of getting the proper message across is overshadowed by these minor technicalities in terms on how will the outputs of the said dialogues would be.

Adverb reduction and making the sentences in an active manner could solve this.

★Setting
Even though some areas of the story had experienced problems, the way I see this aspect heading is just right where it should be.

It is there, it is present, from start till the current update, you can see the progress of the story.

If I will use the reference I had, the scenario, even if others deems it as overused and not that surprisingly different, will work because that is the way it should go. It will always come at that point and based on what the creator had set in place.

★Technical
This was the worst performing part of the book because of numerous reasons.

Punctuations were less used in this book as a phrase divisor but used mostly as a break (or pause) in dialogues and narratives.

On the grammatical side, the way the words were formed was somewhat not linking from the rest like this passage below.

Typos in this book is rare.

Sentence arrangement got the overall lowest rating (5.51) and this is probably one if the biggest things the author must sort out in this book.

The problem at this had a broad range from the dialogues up to the narratives.

Below is one of them:

I underlined the passage into three different parts and remade the entire passage into this:

----
The way the time flew today was so fast. It felt like I just momentarily blinked, then finding myself at my room preparing things for almost three hours.

I looked upon my window and saw the vehicle that will brought me to my new home arrived, so I grabbed my suitcases by the handle, one on each hand, and dragged them carefully down the wooden staircase, keeping up with the time while avoiding to break anything in the process.

As I gone out, the driver helped me out in loading my heavy belongings to the trunk of the taxi.

Before I could even enter the vehicle completely, I noticed some persons standing just beside the entrance of the church, waiting for me to leave. Those persons were the ones dear to me, the persons that cherished and cared for me for a long time.

I silently approached then with open arms and welled up eyes for I will be moving away from my true home for the first time, never seeing them again anytime soon at the same place when I turn back and gone.

I say my farewell to them and made a faint smile before getting into the taxi and heading towards my new beginning, towards my unknown future ahead.
----

For me, story length is fine as the story progresses, it is heading straight at the right track.

Chapter titles is a great asset for this book because the chapter title really tells you what to expect on the content. It makes you see the progression of the storyline and gives a total central mood for the book in general.

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Secasen Notes:

Listed below are some of the things that must be taken care of based on my assessment where the degree was also listed alongside with it. I have listed also some details that I noticed during the review.

*Overuse and misuse of Conjunction (high)

*Unnecessary Words (moderate)
*Misuse of words (moderate)
*Broken thoughts [General] (moderate)

*Usage of numerical value (moderate)

*Adverbs (very high)
*Overloaded Passages (very high)
*"Orbs" issue (moderate)

**(Prologue) The time of the day was not mentioned until it ended. The time of the day can be found on the first chapter.

**(Prologue) There is a technical problem here:

We know it is left quadrant, but there are two of them (Q1 & Q3) and the line doesn't pinpoint exactly where.

I assume that the wound was around the upper left portion of the abdomen near the liver, just at the edge of the large intestinal tract (since most of the movie stars was preferred to be seen still at poise even when stabbed).

**The conditions of the dummies after they were slashed and stabbed were incomplete in details.

It does not bind nor would explain what Rumi saw at the dummies' state when she made her thoughts (the one underlined).

It must be described in order to support Rumi's statement and making it viable.

**When I see these two words:

I definitely sure the author was a teenager or close to the age. Also, it hints me on where in Earth does the author lives :3 (psshh... Phil-)

**Attaching the narrative, Character Action and dialogue all in one block made the passages difficult to sort out.

**Probably some of the words are beaten up to death such as:

'stated' - used as default in substitution of 'said'

'as he' - used as an alternative connector to correlate the action and the dialogue at the same time without breaking the passage into smaller manageable ones.

'and' - the most evident conjunction used and it made 85% of the whole story passages saturated.

** (Chap02) I suppose her hand should have taken the note instead of the arms.

**(Chap03) Describing character attire was not properly executed.

**(Chap06) The time in the narrative says:

"5:30 in the evening"

yet Subaru said to Rumi:

"Are you making breakfast?"

Later, Chapter 07 confirmed that the time is wrong when the scene was brought at class break.

Also, the shade of the tree suggests that the day was progressing towards dusk instead of dawn being the present time was midday.

[+] The way the flashback was done in Chapter 12 was good! Not too long and has a marker of start and end, distinguishing it from the present scene.

[+] (Chap32) The ability to fly at certain circumstances was executed based on the information provided on the Diabolik Lovers' Page and the chapter showed it.

**(Chap32) Cuss trail.

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Closing Comments:

The book actually is really good when read. I cannot argue with the scenario the author used and how the author sees the story but having two Point of View made the story a very complicated one.

Between the two, I think if the author was after the feel factor, first person POV is needed.

Otherwise, if the author is after the action and the overall story, third person POV is recommended.

I found the book interesting enough to be reviewed and to be honest I'm a little afraid to pick this one because the reads on this book is over 80k.

I hope that this review had helped both the reader and the author

- End of Assessment -