Chapter 38 | Peace

I wanted to help them on finding Math. A week passed and we still couldn't track him down.

Sa loob ng isang linggong iyon, they forced me to rest. I didn't let myself confined just to show my saddness. Oo, ikinalungkot ko ang nangyari at hanggang ngayon ay nag-aalala pa rin ako.

I was consistently vomiting like crazy. My sense of smell and taste changed weirdly and I couldn't help my sudden burst of emotions.

I didn't get out of the room. I couldn't afford to even speak with them. Hindi ko sila kinibo. I would sleep all day and just wake up to get the food from the outside of my room.

Within a week of confinement, I was able to rest. I somehow felt better so I decided to get out today.

I got up from the bed and went straight to the bathroom. I bathe and adjust. I also noticed that my hair was long and I had a hard time drying it. I also noticed that my eyes were still swollen from my nonsense crying session.

Ngayon, kailangan kong ipagpatuloy ang aking buhay. My life without Monjardin. I still couldn't accept it but life must go on.

I came out of my room after preparing myself. I heard their voices from the living room kaya roon ako dumiretso. Mom got stunned seeing me. My brothers got alerted and stared at me.

"Oh? Ang lalaki ng mga mata ninyo. Kwago?" asar ko nang nakangiti.

"Ewan ko sa 'yo!" sabi ni kuya Trojan at agad akong inatake ng yakap.

Sumunod si mama at humuli si kuya Marcus.

"Sus! Na-miss ninyo lang ako!" sabi ko.

"Sinong hindi, ha?" kuya Marcus said.

"Buti naman at kinain mo ang mga iniiwan namin sa harap ng kwarto mo. Nag-alala ako na baka nagpakamatay ka," kuya Trojan joked.

"I told you, hindi gagawin ni Minah iyon. Matatag 'yan," si kuya Marcus.

"Kanino pa ba magmamana?" ani mama.

That made me look at her. I immediately noticed mom with her sad eyes even when smiling.

"Ma, may problema ba?" I asked with so much concern.

Nakita kong nagkatinginan ang dalawa kong kapatid pero agad ring nag-iwasan ng tingin. May problema nga.

"Anong mayro'n, ma?" I asked again.

"May kinalaman ba ito kay..." I couldn't continue the question but I was hoping that it was about him.

"Hay nako, Minah. Hindi pa oras para malaman mo. Kalalabas mo lang tapos sasalubungin ka ng problema-"

"Okay na ako, ma," I assured her.

Tumingin si mama sa dalawa kong kuya. Tila sila mga ipis na nagko-communicate via there own senses.

"She needs to know, ma. Gusto siyang kausapin ni papa," si kuya Trojan.

In that cue, alam ko na agad na may kinalaman ito sa aking ama. Tama ba ang narinig ko? Tinawag ni kuya Trojan na papa ang aming ama?

"A-Anong nangyari?" nauutal na ako lahat-lahat ayaw pa rin nilang ibahagi!

Mama sighed.

"Pupunta tayo mamaya sa hospital, Minah. Sa ngayon, gusto ko ay bumawi ka muna ng enerhiya. Nagkulong ka ng isang linggo, magpa-araw ka muna o ano para naman magmukha kang tao. Daig mo pa ang zombies sa The Walking Dead." Sabi ni mama.

Talagang ininsulto pa ako.

Pero hospital? Bakit na sa hospital si papa?

"Okay, fine... pero bakit na sa hospital si papa?" I asked but they just turned their backs on me and did their own thing.

"Aba't... kuya Marcus! Bakit nga?" pangungulit ko.

"Shh. I'm busy," he said and tucked himself into his laptop.

"Kuya Trojan?"

Inilingan niya lamang ako.

"Ma?" I turned to her ngunit sinagot niya lamang ako ng...

"Mukha kang zombie, Minah."

Fine. Fine. Ayaw nila ng spoiler.

I busied myself to look human again. Dumating ang hapon at napagdesisyunan na nilang pumunta sa hospital. We were all silent and I didn't bother speaking at all. They were like clouded with their own thoughts and I was the clueless one.

It was a hospital owned by the Zenesis. I knew their family because they were also rich and famous at Ilocos Norte. This hospital was built for literally private patients and serious matters... kaya bakit nandito ang aking ama?

Was his illness serious? Dinaluyan ako ng kaba dulot ng mga inisip. Napaka-nerbyosa ko sa mga nakaraang araw. 

We got off the car and they led the walk towards the hospital. Walang nagsalita at dahil tahimik ang lugar, halos marinig ko na ang hangin sa tahimik.

I never felt silence this heavy.

We stopped in front of a white door. There were men guarding it and I immediately realized... they were men from our spy organization.

We never knew about the organization because it was built to keep as a secret. Nalaman lamang namin ang tungkol dito noong umalis si Serin upang mag-aral sa ibang bansa. Tito Niko ordered us to stay silent about it so we did. They only informed us of it to open our minds about the family.

The men let us in after a few talk.

Kung malamig na sa hallway ng hospital, mas malamig dito sa kwartong kinabibilangan ni papa.

Nakita ko sa loob ang pinsan kong isang spy, si Armagidon kasama ang kanyang amang spymaster na si tito Dominiko. Tito Dominiko looked like he didn't aged at all yet I felt different being around him. He felt different or maybe it was just me?

"Tito..." I called.

"Hi, Minah. You have changed so much," Sabi ni tito at niyakap ako.

Even his touch felt foreign. For a second, I thought I was hugging another man. Tito Niko was the closest brother of my father kaya naman malapit at pamilyar ako sa kanya.

"Musta?" my cousin, Armagidon, asked.

"Cool. Ikaw? Siga pa rin?" I grinned to lessen the pressure.

"Nagtino na ako," he answered.

"Yeah, sure. Nagtino rin si kuya Marcus noong natali," pang-aasar ko.

Sabay silang umiling ni kuya. Tito Niko caught my attention when he pointed at the bed. My father was laying on it and he looked... terrible.

His skin was pale gray. His lips were bit violet. Halos buto't balat na.

My heart felt crumpled. What happened? The last time we saw each other, from what I remembered, ay malakas pa siya.

Noon pa man, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin sa ama tuwing nagkikita kami. Kailangan ko pang mag-isip, kailangan ko pang tanungin ang aking sarili kung tama ba ang gagawin.

Ngunit ngayon ay iba.

"Pa, nandito na si Minah," kuya Marcus announced.

My father nodded once. His body was free of any injections or hospital equipments. Wala nakapalibot sa kanya o nakasabit.

"Anong nangyari?" I asked, worrying.

"You see, Minah, noon ay pumunta ang papa mo sa laboratory namin para makipag-usap sa akin. Accidentally, may nainom siyang liquid na may halong unknown drug na under experimentation ng aming scientists," paliwanag ni tito Dominiko.

"We didn't tell about it because it should be kept as a secret. Monthly, we would inspect Kyer to see its effects and to find cure of it," he added.

"Since hindi pa namin tapos ang pag-i-inspect sa unknown drugs, hindi namin naagapan. For the past first years, normal naman ang kanyang pangangatawan. Normal ang kanyang pag-iisip. But, by that time, hindi pa rin namin makuha ng tama ang nainom niyang drug," he said.

"Tapos noong nag-highschool ka na, doon namin nalamang nag-effect na ang drug sa kanyang katawan," tito paused for a bit.

"Nagbago ang kanyang pag-iisip. We also do not know why it took several more years for the drug to work. Now, kaya siya nakahiga sa puting kamang iyan ay dahil nawala na ang epekto sa kanya," he told me.

"So, wala na ang effect ng drugs? Pero bakit siya namumutla? Bakit ang payat ni papa?" I asked.

"Sadly, his immune system and other senses weakened because of the drug. Nalaman namin na malakas pala ang epekto ng drogang nainom niya years ago sa katawan ng tao. I'm sorry, Minah but your father is dying."

Shit.

Akala ko ay wala ng mga luhang papatak pa.

"Kaya ba pinakasalan niya si tita Fye dahil sa epekto ng drugs sa utak at katawan niya? Kaya ba siya nagbago dahil doon?" tuloy-tuloy kong tanong.

"Yes," si mama na ang sumagot.

"Bwisit." I whispered and started crying.

"Wala bang cure?" I asked.

"Sadly, wala. I'm sorry," Armagidon answered.

The room got filled of my sobs. My mind was now confused with many emotions.

"Minah..." I heard my father's voice.

I looked at him as soon as I heard it. My tears were still flowing like a river.

I caught him only looking at me.

"I missed you," he said, almost a whisper, as soft as a cotton, as comforting as a lullaby.

My face was covered with happiness even when crying. He missed me. Sa sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam, para na akong nananaginip.

"Pasensya na kung may mga naging pagkukulang ako sa iyo," he started.

"Pasensya na kung noon ay wala ako sa tabi mo," he apologized.

"Pasensya na kung hindi ko kinaya," namamaos niyang dagdag.

"O-Okay lang, pa," sinubukan kong magsalita.

"Alam mo bang natutuwa ako tuwing tinatawag mo pa rin akong papa kahit hindi tayo magkalapit?" he tried so hard to speak.

I couldn't talk back because I wanted to know everything on his mind.

"Alam mo bang proud na proud ako sa iyo noong umakyat ka ng stage noong grade eight ka para sa isang award? Pagkatapos no'n ay kumanta ka pa para sa madla," kumirot ang aking puso dulot ng kanyang sinabi.

He remembered that day. Kahit matindi ang naging epekto ng droga sa kanyang katawan, hindi niya pa rin nalimutan ang araw na iyon.

"Kung iniisip mong mas mahal ko si Kye kaysa sa iyo, hindi. Walang iba ang mas gaganda at hihigit pa sa nag-iisa kong anak na babae," niya.

Bakit ang sarap sa pakiramdam?

And to think that he was dying made me regret things.

"Lierre Minah, gusto kong tandaan mo, gusto kong itatak mo sa iyong isipan na mahal kita bilang anak," his voice broke, signal that he was emotional too.

"Pa, mahal rin kita even if you weren't there beside me. Ramdam kong hindi mo iyon sinasadya. Noon pa man, kuya Marcus told me na maaaring may rason ka," I said to my father.

Truly, kuya Marcus' words were real. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi iyon isipin sapagkat ito mismo ang kahulugan no'n.

"I would like to thank you, kung hindi dahil sa 'yo ay hindi ako magiging matatag. Kung hindi dahil sa 'yo, hindi ako mabubuo," naglakas ako ng loob magsalita.

"Nakakadismaya lamang dahil baka hanggang dito na lang tayo. I am guilty because I hated you before. Pa, sorry," I cried.

"It's alright, Minah," he comforted me.

"No... pa, sorry. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita," I insisted.

"Pasensya na kung pinilit kitang pakasalan si Math. Noon pa man, narinig ko na sa mga kuya mo ang tungkol sa kanya," my father said.

He weakly smiled at me, "I wanted to make it up to you... kaya gumawa ako ng paraan upang magkita kayong muli."

"Pa, you already made it up to me," I told him quickly.

"I didn't try harder to convince you to trust me before... so now, I insist, give your trust to him, Minah," he said.

"Dad, I love you," I whispered.

"Ayos na, anak."

Anak.

I looked down and wiped off my tears... when I looked at my dad again, he began sleeping peacefully.