Chapter 37 | Safe

Math and I had no trouble getting ready for the wedding as if it had been planned in the past. I somehow hated it because the decision didn't come from the both of us... but Math told me that night to trust him.

"What are you thinking of?" mom entered my room.

I smiled at my mother.

The room was full of my needed things. My white and well-built wedding dress hanged on a human size mannequin. Naka-upo naman ako sa harap ng malaking make-up table. My hair wasn't fixed yet dahil katatapos ko pa lamang maligo.

"Wala naman po..." I answered.

Mom sat beside me.

"You don't have to keep your thoughts from me, Minah," mom said.

I chuckled because she knew me too well.

"Are you... nervous after this?" she asked me when she noticed I won't speak.

"Kind of..." I said.

"I'm still pissed off with Math's grandfather," natatawa kong sabi.

"Ganyan talaga kapag tumatanda na, Minah," mom said.

"I love him but I don't want this to happen," I honestly said.

"I understand. Sino ba namang matutuwa sa pilit na kasal, hindi ba?" mom comforted me.

"I trust Math, mom," I told her randomly.

"You must," she said and smiled at me.

Hindi na kami muli nakapag-usap ni mommy dahil dumating ang mga mag-aayos sa akin. The make up artist started the ritual and I stayed silent. He would compliment me a couple of times but all I could afford was to smile.

I sometimes got distracted of the flashes from the cameras. Para iyon sa aming documentary at ang ibang camera naman ay para sa video. The wedding was private, iyon ang hiniling namin ni Math, kaya ang mga bisita ay pili lamang.

For a moment, I wanted to see Math kahit pa magkikita naman kami mamaya. I couldn't help to be nervous mamaya sa exchange of vows. What if I stutter or something? I was stressing over simple things now.

"Ilang taon na po kayo ni sir, ma'am?" the make up artist talked to me, which I was thankful for.

"Matagal na po kaming magkakilala," I answered.

"Wow, madalang na lang po ngayon ang nagkakatuluyan galing sa ganyan. Mabuti po at naalagaan po ninyo ang relasyon upang tumagal," he said.

I smiled.

"Hindi ang relasyon ang inalagaan namin," I shared, he was now attentive to my words.

"We took care of our feelings," I reasoned.

"That's so pure, ma'am," kinikilig na sabi ng artist.

"Label isn't necessary when your feelings are real. Kung pareho kayong sigurado sa isa't isa, hindi na kayo hihiling ng iba pa," I said.

"You really love him, ma'am, ano?" he teased me.

I chuckled, "Yes, I could even stomach my cheesy words."

"That's fine, ma'am. Naiintindihan ko po," aniya.

I remained smiling as I imagine the past we've been through.

All my life, I've been bad in other people's eyes. Iisang pares ng mga mata lamang ang nakapansin ng tunay na ako. Napansin niya ako noong mga panahong hindi ko pa kilala ang aking sarili.

I know everything starts within yourself but sometimes, we need someone to help us realize things. Kung hindi niya ako iniwan, hindi magbubukas ang aking isipan. Kung hindi niya ako pinagtyagaan, hindi ko makikilala ang sarili ko.

When the makeup was done, sinunod ayusin ang aking buhok. I personally picked my hair in a braided updo style. Madali itong nagawa ng hairstylist na aking ikinahanga.

Parang kay bilis ng oras sa araw na ito. Nang natapos sa aking buhok ay tinulungan na nila akong isuot ang magarbong wedding gown. I felt like I was a different person wearing it.

I was now looking at my own reflection. Suot ko na ang napakagandang puting wedding gown na sumakto sa lahat ng kurba ng aking katawan.

The people around me complimented how beautiful I looked. They started congratulating me instead of pressuring me. I appreciated all of their efforts to make me presentable.

The photographers were busy taking shots of my smiles and small movements. I didn't mind though because the staffs were heart warming.

An hour later, I was already riding in the bride's car. I was with tita Molin and she tried her best to make me feel light about the ceremony.

Parang isang kembot lamang, narating na namin ang simbahan. All of the invited people were already lined up outside the chruch.

At ilang minuto na lamang, ikakasal na ako.

I was more ridiculed and I started worrying over small things again. Paano kung madapa ako? Paano kung matumba ako sa kaba? Paano kung maiyak ako?

"Kumalma ka, Minah. Mukha kang natatae," payo ng magaling kong kuya.

"Palibhasa alam mo ang feeling ng ikinasal," sabi ko kay kuya Marcus.

Tumawa siya, "Seriously, mukha kang natatae. Kalma," he said.

Natatae? Ang ganda ko namang natatae, kung ganoon.

Minutes later, the people started walking in slowly. I almost recited every prayer I knew to set my worries away. This was the day every women dreamed of and here I was, acting weird and uncomfortable.

Lutang ako habang hinihintay na maubos ang mga naunang maglakad sa loob. Lagi raw kasing huli ang bride pumasok. Mas lalo akong kinabahan. Lahat sila ay sa akin ang tingin mamaya.

Their attention would be focused on me.

There were a few organizers that I saw like panicking but I didn't bother knowing more about it because I was nervous of my own worries.

"May problema ba?" tanong ng katabi kong staff sa isang staff na napadaan.

Sumulyap ito sa akin bago sumagot.

"Wala po," aniya at inabala muli ang sarili sa phone, mukhang may kinokontak.

Ubos na lahat ng mga taong nauna. Maglalakad na sana ako patungo sa gitna ng entrance ng simbahan nang biglang lumabas sina kuya Marcus at kuya Trojan.

Sabay nila akong hinila papasok sa sasakyan ni kuya Marcus.

They were too fast to stop. Ni hindi kami nahabol ng kung sino at hindi ko rin napigilan ang mga kapatid.

"What the? Anong mayro'n?" I asked.

Nagp-panic na ang loob ko ngayon.

My brother Marcus drove the car and drove us away from church.

"Kuya! Anong nangyayari? Bakit niyo ako tinakas?!" nag-aalab na ang aking puso.

"Kuya!" ang kanina kong mga pinipigilang luha ay bumagsak na.

Why won't they just tell me?

"Hindi ka pwedeng maglakad sa altar na iyon, Minah," kuya Trojan sadly said.

"Bakit?!" I asked, craving for an answer.

"Walang naghihintay sa dulo," he answered.

Uminit ang aking damdamin kasabay ng pag-iyak.

Bakit... bakit?

"What happened?" I asked them again.

"Maybe, he was just late or something!" I reasoned.

"We contacted him since yesterday, Minah. Kahapon pa siya hindi mahanap," kuya Trojan told me.

"Bakit hindi ninyo sinabi sa akin ng mas maaga?" I asked.

"I don't care about my postponed wedding. I'm worried of him, kuya," I told them.

"Minah, calm down. We'll find him, alright?" kuya Marcus tried to confront me.

God, what was Math thinking?

He told me to trust him, was that a warning that meant something? I unconsciously looked at the ring he gave me, hoping that sooner or later, I'd find him safe.