Here he was. Laying in the arms of the man he loved and no matter how hard he tried to enjoy their last night he couldn't. He felt terrible for acting like everything was alright but he wanted to have Magnus one last night before he would let him go. Alec loved Magnus so much that Magnus happiness was more important than his own happiness and he thought with him by his side Magnus could never be totally happy. Alec was scared that his scares would effect Magnus too and one day take his happiness away. He never wanted the big smile in Magnus face to fade but he had to do what was best for Magnus even he didn't know that. Breaking up would hurt like hell but it was the kind of hurt Magnus could recover easier than from the pain of being tired by Alecs pain. Magnus told him many times it was no problem and that they would get through that together but Alec was drowning and only pulling Magnus with him. These thoughts were messing with Alec right now and he wished he would be able to enjoy Magnus touches but he was constantly told by the cold voice that he didn't deserve this. Alec started to regrett that he pulled Magnus in all this mess because everything would hurt way less if they wouldn't be so attached to each other. "You want to eat something?" Magnus spoke after it was silent for more than 20 minutes and Alecs heart jumped a little when he heard this angelic voice. "No...I'm not really hungry but if you are hungry we can get some food." Alec answered slowly distangling himself from Magnus hold and sat up in his bed. Alec didn't feel hungry at all it more felt like he ate way to much and upset his stomach with that but he knew what was happening. He was already taking in the fact that by tomorrow the light of his life wouldn't be his light anymore and he already started to feel that lost. Magnus looked with a concerned look at the other man and sighed a little because he knew something was off. Usually Alec could always relax in his arms and get his mind off but this time Magnus felt that Alec wasn't totally comfortable which scared Magnus. He was scared to lose Alec more than he feared the lost of other people in his life. Sure the death of Jadon hurt like hell and Magnus was so lost at first but he was sure if he ever lost Alec he would never be happy again. Alec gave Magnus a kind of happiness that was too special to be found twice and Magnus didn't want to experience this kind of pain. "It's only 6pm... maybe we could go and have dinner in a restaurant?" Magnus suggested because he thought that fresh air could help and a romantic dinner was maybe good to show Alec there was always something good no matter how awful the day was. "Don't be mad now...I would prefer to eat here." Alec didn't want to leave the house and he would actually like to stay in his room forever. In his room he was alone...no one to tell him what to do...no one to judge him and no one to hurt him. "I'm not mad, Sunshine. I would never be mad about something as simple as that. Then... maybe I can cook for you and your family." Magnus tried to sound a bit enthusiastic even the mood was pretty depressed right now and a small smile tugged on Alecs lips. Alec decided that he could at least force himself to enjoy the last  moments with this wonderful man and  pushed all sadness away. He was good in pushing his emotions away and after a few deep breaths he simply nodded. "That sounds good." He answered feeling his heart warm up when he saw a bright smile flashing over Magnus face and Magnus placed a soft kiss on Alecs cheek. Why he didn't kiss him on the mouth? Sadly but honestly he didn't feel allowed to kiss him there right now. Magnus felt like he wasn't allowed to do a lot of things that he was usually doing every two minutes. They walked downstairs but didn't hold hands which wouldn't be weird if they didn't do that all the time as they walked downstairs. And the more Magnus thought about it the more it felt like the beginning of the end?... //tbc oh noo 😢😢😢😢❤️ leave me a comment down below please 💜💔