It's a common thing for people to chase happiness. It made sense that this mattered a great deal to most of us- to be happy in life, surrounded by the people you love. And when we were kids, it looked like all our parents did was in effort to keep us happy. Maybe they didn't intend for us, at that age, to notice the tears in Mom's eyes as she stormed out of the kitchen, leaving our enraged Dad behind... nor the yelling that filled the house after they'd tuck us in at night with a magical bedtime story... or even the bruises we'd accidentally glance at on Mom as she leaned in to give us a kiss before we left to school. None of these unfortunate things were for us to find out but kids pick up on things...

They get curious and wonder about stuff...

And when they get older, they finally understand it all.

That happiness wasn't going to always be there in life- that we needed to feel sad sometimes, we had to let our tears out, bawl out and scream on top of our lungs. Then, there finally comes a moment where we realize that the happiness we once felt was merely a temporary distraction... and we find out what life really has in store for us- just how cruel the world really is. The point is, there'll be many moments where we find ourselves staring at the wall, depressed, falling out of love with the things that used to make us happy and just mad at everything and everyone. 

But it's okay. 

We need times like these... sometimes we need to just cry it out instead of finding an instant solution to our problems.

Just like this, maybe that's what Taehyung and Jeongguk had been doing wrong this entire time. Whenever trouble arose, they rushed to solve it immediately. It's clear now that this wasn't a good thing- the wound needed to scab first. It seemed a little late to realize this only now but better late than never, right.

It was that annoying ray of sunlight that awoke Taehyung from his deep and troubling slumber. He peeled his eyes open with a headache forming at that one spot at the back of his head. Before his thoughts could've spiraled into a whirlpool of questions and doubts in relation to the unpleasant argument he had with a certain someone yesterday, a presence next to him stole all his attention. Instantly, his heart began its racing as his eyes stung with unshed tears.

He didn't expect to face him right away like this.

With that fragile and sullen look painted over Taehyung's face, he slowly lifted himself to sit up, well-aware of the pair of eyes next to him watching his every move. Words- words should be spoken right about now. Yeah, say something! Each second that ticked by only acted as a catalyst to aggravate the flame of guilt burning inside him and the only thing Taehyung could do was stare back at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk who had been obviously waiting for him to wake up- Taehyung knew he was waiting because the book that the younger man always read to kill time was sitting quietly on the bed there next to him. 

Taehyung's chest was heaving up and down uncontrollably. It was all starting to be too much- the flickering of a few scenes from yesterday in his head; the screaming, the front door slamming shut before he was left alone, everything he said and did after that. More importantly, what a complete jerk he'd been to Jeongguk. He had hurt him so much and yet...

Here Jeongguk was... right next to him as he didn't even dare to disturb Taehyung from his sleep. How- how could someone be this loving to him? The somber energy dispensing into the air from this situation was making it harder to breathe now and Taehyung felt so sorry. Although he wasn't sorry for the trouble he'd stirred up... no, he was feeling sorry for Jeongguk. 

He felt so sorry that Jeongguk had to put up with someone like him.  

Then, just when he seemed to be at the edge of that cliff with guilt cornering him into a promised fall, Jeongguk finally spoke. 

And what he said-

"Are you okay?" 

This was it.

Taehyung's limit.

"No..." He cried out, his bottom lip trembling as more tears streamed down his face. "I'm not okay."

He was falling now; off that cliff... into Jeongguk's arms. Taehyung felt two arms make their away around him before he was pulled closer to the other man. On Jeongguk's lap he sat, crying into his chest. A hand weaved through his hair in comforting strokes while Taehyung clutched onto his boyfriend harder than ever before. There was nothing more he wanted right then.

Just to be held like this. 

Until the sadness inside him left him entirely, along with his tears.

. . .

The afternoon presented itself in pearly white clouds guarding the sun, allowing only a little bit of its light to shine through. The icy breezes blew past every now and then, also with a plentiful amount of snow caking the railings and outdoor furniture arranged there on the unsheltered terraces of the apartments. The day seemed darker than what a sunny afternoon was supposed to look like but it probably didn't matter 'cause it was still the weekend and everyone stayed inside anyway- in the warmth of their homes.

Two mugs of hot cocoa rested on the nightstand next to the bed. Steam arose from the surface of the dark and earthy liquid in indication that the beverage was still warm- WARM yet UNTOUCHED because...

Light sounds of giggling left Taehyung as he'd just climbed on top of Jeongguk who was lying on his back. If Taehyung had one weakness (adding to that list of countless other weaknesses he had), it was that he couldn't stand to be tickled. Jeongguk knew this very well and still tickled him anyway. After squirming uncontrollably with laughter and tears escaping him, Taehyung finally managed to put an end to the harmless laugh-induced assault. Although it was obvious his insanely strong boyfriend had let him win on purpose.

Upon panting like he'd just ran a marathon, Taehyung used his entire weight to hold Jeongguk down with his palms resting flatly on the other's chest. After composing himself, he settled his gaze onto Jeongguk who was already staring at him with a small smile from below.

"Are you done?" Jeongguk asked in a teasing manner, following up with, "Have you caught your breath?"

One playful hit landed on his chest for that.

"It's not fair, you work out." 

"That's an excuse."

"Nuh-uh!" Taehyung exclaimed, his eyes getting all big. "I get tired faster than you do. Also, you're not ticklish so you have the upper hand."

Jeongguk displayed a thinking face before he broke into a bigger smile. "Okay, you're right. It isn't fair," he spoke thoughtfully, sliding one of his hands over Taehyung's that rested on his chest. By now, he'd lifted himself to sit up with the elder still straddling him. Their heights weren't exactly aligned with each other as Taehyung came out taller with a small height advantage.

"You win..." Jeongguk then whispered, gazing up at the other with a starry-eyed look. 

Taehyung was a little surprised by this (he wasn't complaining though, he liked to win) and he wasn't given much time to process what was happening with the arms currently circling around his waist. In response to that, Taehyung automatically raised his own arms to Jeongguk's shoulders, his fingers proceeding to interlock at the back of the said man's neck.

It was that long lost feeling of love and safeness and familiarity that had Taehyung sighing before leaning down closer to the other. He missed this so much... He felt his nose subtly bump into another. The two hands on his waist snuck up underneath his t-shirt (well technically Jeongguk's t-shirt) at the same time Jeongguk ran the tip of his nose along his cheek- in the way that he always loved to do so.

Their faces were so close, eyes shut and the way those fingers grazed the skin on Taehyung's body had him visibly shuddering. 

"Hahh- Jeongguk-ie..." Taehyung struggled to level his breathing. His mind was foggy and the butterflies fluttered fiercely inside him. It was all simply delightful but they shouldn't get into this right now. Later, maybe. It's just that before the tickle-battle begun- which led to this steamy scene, the two of them were actually busy with something else.

Okay, a little background story first.

So in efforts to amend their strangled relationship at this time, the couple talked it out and decided to take things slow. To solve one thing at a time and this was when Taehyung told Jeongguk about his job interview and Jeongguk told Taehyung about the promotion he got. After considerately talking about it, they were understanding toward the other's situation and respected each other's wishes nonetheless.

Taehyung accepted that Jeongguk was going to turn down the promotion.

Meanwhile, Jeongguk promised that he was going to do whatever he can to help Taehyung in preparation for the interview. He even made it clear that he would stand by whatever Taehyung decided- whether to go through with the interview or not do it at all. 

It seemed like only a little progress had been made in fixing this whole crisis but they didn't care- it didn't matter as long as they were moving forward and doing something, at least, to help their relationship flourish even in a small way.

And in relation to helping their relationship, Jeongguk and Taehyung had spent the entire morning in bed till the early afternoon arrived- they simply felt cozy in the bedroom. Jeongguk had been helping Taehyung with his interview skills. They basically did mock interviews with the materials provided by Mr Han. It was nice and Taehyung loved that it was Jeongguk who was helping him. Also, besides preparing for the interview, they had the chance to talk- to really connect.

At one point during the pretend-interview they were having, Jeongguk had stopped to ask, "Tae, can I ask... do you really want this anchoring job?"

It was a tough question and obviously, an instant answer wasn't given. Taehyung could only respond with a sad smile at first before he said, "I dunno..." He stared at his hands on his lap. "I just don't want to let my parents down," he continued in a lower volume after that. Thinking about the whole situation with his parents only promised a headache to befall him.

Though his habit of overthinking was cut to an early end when a hand came to rest over his. Taehyung instantly lifted his head to see Jeongguk smiling at him so lovingly.

"You're a good person for doing this." The younger spoke in adoration before his smile faltered a little. "But this isn't your dream right?"

No words were able to leave Taehyung. So he stared at the other man for a moment. Then he shook his head. 

Dreams? Hah. The whole writer thing? There used to be a time when all Taehyung could think about was to achieve his dreams- to be that successful writer he always wanted to be. However that seemed like such a long time ago- things have changed since then. He has changed. He couldn't afford the luxury to daydream about the life he wanted anymore- he needed a stable job, he needed to make money, he needed to be practical.

Man, it sucked.

But it was just how things worked.

Taehyung felt his hand being squeezed briefly and brought his attention back to Jeongguk in front of him. They sat facing each other on the bed. There weren't much distance between them and Taehyung could see the concern in Jeongguk's eyes, along with the smile on his lips before they parted and he said, "Y'know... I don't think you need to work at a publishing firm." 

Jeongguk retracted his hand back, maintaining the seriousness in his tone with, "Living your dream, it's something that makes you happy. Not anyone else, but only you. You don't need to work at a prestigious firm or have a job title or have a million fans that love your work. You write for you... 'cause it's your dream and no one," he shook his head in emphasis to those two last words.

"No one can stop you." He smiled that smile again and Taehyung's heart raced. He was utterly captivated by his boyfriend's words. Fortunately for him, Jeongguk didn't stop here. He went on to say, "Tae, you don't even have to write a whole book- just," he paused with narrowed eyes, as if to find the perfect way to phrase what he intended to say next. Then he said it.

"You're already living out your dream even when you scribble two simple words on a piece of paper- just like this, you're already a writer." Jeongguk urged, his eyes glittery and hypnotic like he desperately wanted Taehyung to believe him and all that he was saying.

"Believe me," he said after that. "I'm already living out my dream each time I get in that kitchen to cook something for you."

They took a short break from the pretend-interview after this before continuing again. In that time, Jeongguk made those hot cocoas for them and they've just been hanging around in the bedroom ever since until the tickle fight started and that led to now. 

"Taehyung." A low voice called and when he opened his eyes, he found a dark pair staring back at him. Their lips were almost touching at this point and Taehyung thrived on those warm puffs of breath fanning over his lips. It made his body shiver- in a good way of course, and his fingers tangled themselves through the raven locks at the back of Jeongguk's head. 

It was the build-up before the kiss happened and a dozen things were running through Taehyung's mind. On top of that list of things was the fact that Jeongguk had almost completely stopped calling him 'hyung'. He was calling him by his name more these days and Taehyung found it hot- so very sexy that just thinking about it made his insides burn with want for the other and he found himself desiring to hear his name being called again.

He needed to hear it.

Now.

And it was the desperation in him that had led him to accidentally grind his lower half against Jeongguk's and right away-

"Fuck, Taehyung..." A raspy voice in front of him blessed his ears. 

Then, a second was all it took.

For them to lock gazes one last time and when Jeongguk lifted Taehyung off him and pinned him to the bed with a lust-filled darkness apparent in his glistening eyes, they both knew how they were gonna 'spend' the rest of their day.

. . .

Taehyung woke up at two something in the morning later. He didn't shoot out of bed due to a bad dream or anything. It was one of those rare scenarios where he woke up with a hundred percent alertness and no trace of sleep left in him. Still, he did at least try to go back to sleep. And of course he couldn't.

Such a shame really. He felt so comfortable lying on that bed, underneath the warm blanket- snuggled against a shirtless Jeongguk. 

After accepting the fact that he wasn't going to get anymore sleep at the moment, Taehyung slowly, very slowly, slid himself out of Jeongguk's arm that trapped his waist until he was sat at the side of the bed. He noticed now that he was in different clothes- different from the ones he wore before the sex. It also looked like he'd been cleaned too 'cause he didn't feel icky in the slightest bit from all the sweat that dotted his skin earlier in the midst of them havin- well, you know. 

Touched by Jeongguk's affectionate habit, Taehyung turned around to get a good look at him. Aw, he looked so peaceful sleeping; thick dark bangs falling over his equally dark eyebrows, even with the lack of lighting in the room, his lips shone a bright pink hue and looked so damn inviting right now- added with all the tattoos adorning his flawless milky skin, it was suddenly so difficult for Taehyung to take his eyes off him. After a couple more seconds of admiring his beautiful boyfriend, he was finally able to look away- not before pulling the blanket up to cover the younger properly. 

Then, minding the white bandage wrapped around one of his ankles, Taehyung carefully secured his feet on the carpeted ground and proceeded to stand up. A brief reminder of Jeongguk grumbling whilst aiding to his injured ankle earlier popped into his head and Taehyung balanced his weight on his other foot as to not worsen the pain. The last thing he wanted was another lecture from his boyfriend about being clumsy. He could still remember every word from that speech. Jeongguk went... I should just carry you everywhere- seriously, it's like you have to bump into something or fall down at least five times a day. Trust me, you've definitely broken some record out there for being the clumsiest person alive...

Of course Jeongguk ended the speech with a quick 'sorry, didn't mean that'. Y'know, in a no-hard-feelings sorta way because I love you a lot and want you to stay alive long enough for us to reach our thirties, at least.

In a slight imitation of a penguin, Taehyung waddled over to the door to leave the bedroom. He made sure to be quiet as to not wake Jeongguk up. He found out that the younger man didn't sleep at all yesterday. Uh-huh, he was busy cleaning up all the mess that Taehyung made. The guilt was there even though Jeongguk had told him not to worry about it for about a hundred times. 

That was one thing- as of now, there was another thing bringing that guilt back into Taehyung.

He was moving around slow; from the bedroom to the bathroom, to retrieve something and now he found himself pushing the glass sliding doors apart before he stepped out onto the terrace. Instantly, a cold breeze blew past him and he shivered, snuggling further into the coat he'd thrown on before making his way out here. Well technically... it was Jeongguk's coat but c'mon, don't judge him- isn't this why you'd have a boyfriend in the first place? To wear all his clothes?

Alright getting back to the matter at hand... Taehyung wanted to stop after the first time but he couldn't deny how vaping actually did ease his stress a little. 

So there he stood in the cold early morning where the sky was still dark and streets empty, except for a car that would drive by every now and then. As usual, the moon was the only thing there to accompany him and it certainly wasn't judging Taehyung right? Not as he rested his elbows on the hand-railings there, looking out into the snowy night with puffs of greyish smoke departed through his lips. 

It felt nice- cold, but nice.

Vaping gave him time to think- to rearrange his thoughts without having a mental breakdown. Still, he wasn't justifying that he should be doing this nor keeping this from Jeongguk but... baby steps right? He knew- the world knew Jeongguk was going to find out soon anyway so if he could just have this short time to secretly indulge in this pleasurable act, it would help him a lot.

Like help him ponder over what Jeongguk talked to him about earlier. Their dreams. His dream. Taehyung smiled a little upon remembering the words that left the other. It made him realize something- that Jeongguk was right and he should just be content with living out his dream because it makes him happy. With the rough and eventful year that they've had, Taehyung honestly admitted that he'd lost sight of what truly mattered to him. Lately, it felt like everything's been about putting everyone else first before him and only Jeongguk...

It was Jeongguk who had been the first to tell him to put himself first.

To not care so much about pleasing other people.

Taehyung smiled wider before blowing out another puff of smoke into the air. He realized another thing and it's amazing really- the fact that getting into a relationship with Jeongguk did not only teach him how to love another person but it also taught him how to love himself and that's just... it's something that he's very grateful for.

The clock almost struck three a.m. when Taehyung got back inside. He kept the coat on as he walked towards the kitchen table where his laptop sat soundly next to a pile of his work files. With determination swimming through the glass-like surfaces of his eyes, Taehyung couldn't stop smiling. It's been so long since he felt this motivation... the hunger inside him to achieve something that mattered to him... to stop lounging around, complaining and actually do something to bring himself closer to his dream- even if it was just a tiny step closer, he didn't mind.

He was breaking out of the misery that suffocated him.

He was taking an action to better himself. 

He was finally writing again.