Expectations.

It was an intimidating word indeed and funny how a few letters put together like this could trigger the source to somebody else's misery. This is the keyword here: Somebody else. Because one doesn't set an expectation he knows he can't meet- well unless he's super competitive in life but the point is, it's usually the expectation another person has on you that makes you uneasy; drowning in that endless worry and fear of disappointing said person.

And with the life choices that Taehyung had made so far, the heavy expectation set on him to become a successful journalist was a lot. From his parents mainly but he already accepted that his almost non-existent career as a journalist would only go so far as attending events, taking pictures and writing reports. Furthermore, he'd been slacking so much lately. His previous enthusiasm to work hard in this field was dissipating more and more.

So when Mr Han called him into his office one morning, Taehyung imagined the worse. Was this about the three reports he submitted in late? Fuck! What excuse could he give his boss? No matter how hard he thought about what to say, Jeongguk successfully managed to occupy about ninety percent of his headspace right now. Taehyung smiled sheepishly as he walked in the direction to Mr Han's office. Would he dare... You see, I'm too in love with my boyfriend that a second I spend with my hands not on him is a life-threatening situation. Hah, it'd be a miracle if he still had this job after saying that.

No, focus Taehyung... excuses. Okay. What excuse-

He then felt the person leaving Mr Han's office at that moment bump rather roughly into his shoulder- almost on purpose. Taehyung turned around, fixing his gaze on the culprit to see Ki-woo storming away. He thought about it for a while. What had gotten Ki-woo in a bad mood? Didn't he make it his mission to be as friendly as possible to Taehyung everyday?

Something must've happened he guessed...

With Taehyung's eyes still following Ki-woo's movements, he blindly walked forward pushing through his boss' office door. Only when he entered the room did the nervousness from before fill him. The pile of papers usually crowding Mr Han's desk had decreased to about half the amount giving the older man a clear perspective to what was in front of him.

He wasted no time in getting up from his seat. "Taehyung, I'm very disappointed in you."  

Oh no. The reports! Taehyung's heart started thumping hard in his chest, close to a flashback to that one time he was sent to the principal's office for skipping almost an entire week of school to avoid the new calculus teacher who clearly had it in for him. "S-Sir I..." He stammered. Right, he hadn't come up with an excuse yet and sadly the only thing that entered his mind at that moment was, "You see, my dog died. It devastated me. I-I'm still trying to get over it."

He was really making use of the figurative pet dog he had that always seemed to be dying in every scenario.

"What are you talking about?" Mr Han now stood in front of his desk, head cocked to the side in confusion. 

Taehyung stilled. "Uh... what are you talking about?"

"I'm disappointed in you because you didn't apply for that job-opening as a news anchor at Sunday News" 

Oh.

"About that..." Taehyung raised a hand to scratch the back of his head. He didn't know what to say as he honestly never thought about going after that job. Yes, the interest to be a news anchor was there at first, very briefly though then it disappeared. It's understandable, he hasn't even been taking his current job seriously. One of the reasons for that was he liked how things were right now; with everything, his relationship with Jeongguk, the fun they had spending each day together and when it came to this job, it was tolerable, it didn't stress him out.

It was something he'd gotten used to- it was safe and Taehyung liked the comfort he got from that safeness. Above all that, he acknowledged how long it took for things to become this way so the last thing he wanted was change.

To him, change was never easy.

A sigh pulled Taehyung's attention to the man standing before him. "Taehyung," Mr Han called clearly. "Are you really gonna pass up on this opportunity? How long do you plan on staying here?" He gestured with a hand up in the air. "Look around, this company is small. It's never going to grant you the recognition that you need as a rookie journalist."

All Taehyung could do was listen and stare at the ground. Every single word from Mr Han were true and what made matters worse was that he just couldn't find it within himself to want this opportunity genuinely. From the start... this- this was never his dream. 

"Taehyung." Mr Han was standing right in front of him now with a hand on his shoulder causing him to lift his head, drained of any emotions. "You're the best journalist here, I'll give you that. This career path might not have been the one you originally chose but you're good at it so I don't want you to give up. Especially not now..." 

The older man went on to say a few more things but Taehyung was stuck on something that he'd said: You're the best journalist here... He called him a journalist. That label felt so far away before this but now that someone had said it out loud, it felt kinda real. This only threw him into more confliction. He didn't want to consider it before but should he now?

"...I already filled your application to that news company in regards to the new anchoring position. The interview's in a few weeks time. I'll let you know the exact date later." 

"What?" Taehyung finally processed all this and was shocked to say the least. His barely audible voice and big eyes displayed that perfectly.

"Be ready."

"But sir-"

"Taehyung, you can't expect to stay here at this job just because you're used to it. You need to move forward."

. . .

There was this unnerving feeling inside Taehyung when he left work later.

To do that interview, it seemed like the logical thing to do. When he first started journalism, he had reached an acceptance that this was the best the world would offer him; a quiet job in a company behind that computer and stack of reports. And yeah, he did wonder if he had the potential to do more but it was more fun imagining it than actually having to deal with it.

Damn it. Was he being selfish here? Was he trying to hold onto something that wasn't permanent? Was it such a bad thing that he wanted things to stay the way the were?

Because he was so afraid of change...

It wasn't only that. There was this other alarming idea that the world was pushing him into something he wasn't ready for. Taehyung didn't want to acknowledge it but the depressing thoughts within him regarding this whole dilemma were slowly shifting his mood. He just hated this feeling mainly because there was nothing he could do to make things better. 

That's exactly why when Taehyung was driving home (Jeongguk makes him take the Mini to work nowadays) and Jimin called asking to meet up, he agreed in a heartbeat. There looked to be a promised solace upon him meeting his friend. Fortunately, that was what Taehyung needed right now. There wasn't a thing he couldn't talk to Jimin about.

Minutes later after parking near some convenience store, the brisk air of the night greeted Taehyung as he advanced towards the tables and chairs arranged outside the one-storey building there. It wasn't a complete shock to see four bottles of soju resting on top of the table his friend occupied, two of which were already lying on its side. An indication that they were empty.

"Hey." Taehyung took his seat opposite Jimin, keeping his eyes on him who didn't look happy at the moment.

Was Taehyung just seeing things or was Jimin pissed off about something?

His thoughts inclined towards that possibility when there was no answer from the other man. Taehyung was starting to get worried as he watched Jimin pour some more of that colorless alcohol into his tiny plastic cup. Jimin downed all of it, still keeping up with this foreign façade. 

"Dude, what's wrong? You're really scaring me right now." 

When he voiced that out, his friend finally spared him a look. Oh man, if Jimin was too drunk to realize what expression he was currently giving Taehyung, then alright. But if he's purposely doing it for whatever reason he had, the suddenly rather suffocating atmosphere around them was beginning to hint an ugly spat about to unravel between the two of them.

"Jimin-"

"It's so funny..." Jimin chuckled bitterly.

He reached for the last bottle of soju there, still new with its bottle cap sealed. After pouring himself some of it, his heavy gaze flittered over to Taehyung who was literally on the edge of his seat, wary of every single movement the other made. The base of the soju bottle thudded against the surface of the table.

"I've been looking around like a fool this whole time," One side of Jimin's lip quivered up and down like he was trying to smile a little but couldn't. "Going crazy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong." His eyes fell downwards to where his hand fidgeted with the plastic cup in front of him.

Taehyung held in his breath without knowing that he was doing so. His attention was glued to the person sitting opposite him and when Jimin's eyes landed on him again, all the air got knocked out of him.

Why did it feel like a part of him knew-

"But now I know." Jimin mumbled. "My boyfriend's in love with someone else."

Oh god.

Taehyung's heartbeat sped up. Oh god, oh god, oh god...

Jimin's teary eyes bored into his. "And that person has been right in front of me this entire time."

Everything fell silent right then, only the sound of Taehyung's erratic breaths audible accompanied by this one guilty feeling wrecking his conscience because fuck...

Why did it feel like a part of him knew all along?