Nuri's POV:

~I knew it~

~

TW: Self harm

After I went offline, I made myself
something to eat, since that smoothie clearly wasn't enough.

I was about to get some noodles, as my doorbell suddenly rang.
I frowned, not expecting anyone at this time.

I shouldn't have been so surprised after I opened my front door and saw Senja standing in front of it.

She pulled me into a hug, before I let her in.
"Why are you here?", I asked, raising a brow.

"Am I not allowed to visit my best friend?", she scoffed, leaning on the wall across my door.

"Of course you are, but you always have a reason why. So tell me, what happened?", I smirked.

"Well I was on my way to go grocery shopping and thought I'd quickly come to see you since I realllly want to tell you the now old news!"

I frowned: "Huh?"

She rolled her eyes while I sat next to her: "The ones about BTS!"

"Ah~those news. Spill the tea I guess."

"Armys managed to find out what Jungkooks number is!", she shouted excited, a huge smile on her face, "So he now has a new one, but I still texted him on his old one. AND HE READ IT!", she yelled happily.

I felt my blood freeze that very moment.

"Oh my lord...", I mumbled, feeling any colour vanish from my face.

"He has a....new number?", I hesitantly asked, hoping I heard wrong.

"Yes, I just told you dumbass!", she laughed, but suddenly her facial expression changed.

"Hey....are you okay? You look extremly pale!", she frowned tilting her head to the side.

Shit.

"Um, yeah! Just a headache I guess, don't worry. I'm happy for you
stalker, that he read your text", I quickly changed the topic.

"I mean on the one hand I'm happy, yet after thinking about it, I honestly feel horrible. I mean he's a human too with his own privacy. But honestly you should rest now. You really look horrible!"

"Okay, then see you tomorrow I guess. Have fun grocery shopping!"

"I will!"

She quickly hugged me before she left and I closed the door.

"Please tell me I'm still just being delusional", I begged, pulling my phone out, unlocking it with my finger.

Then I went through all of our messages, to check if I'm really just delusional or if he's really an idol.

"Hey shorty, is Tae-Hyung with you?
Taehyung, his hyung. Yet it could really also just be a random dude, who's older brother or friend is called something with Tae.

"You can call me Kookie"
A random nickname since his name is

"Jungkook"
An ordinary name in Korea.

"I'm 22 years old and male"
....there are many 22 year old males in Korean named Jungkook.
At least 100

"Busan"
Well, there definitely are ten 22 year old Jungkooks who were born in Busan.

"Practise"
Yet just 3 or 4 of then who are dancers....

And probably only one who just recently changed his number.

At this point I was sure it was him. I'm not being delusional I'm being realistic right now.

I part of me thinks I should be mad at him for not trusting me enough to tell me and lying to me, but the other part knows he did it to protect himself.
He was just scared that I could link his new number.....

Oh my god....

I called him 40 year old pervert...

I let my head sink into the pillow and sighed in frustration.
It would be a lie to say I wasn't embarrassed.

And on top of all of that, I actually started to enjoy texting him.
I knew I would have to stop for my own safety, if people find out about this situation, it would cause he huge scandal.

I want to avoid him getting hate and protect myself too.

Thinking about this entire thing triggered my anxiety. And I started getting several anxiety attacks. One after another.

I hated those so much. My body reacts almost the same way if I get a panic attack. Only that anxiety attacks are caused by something else.

I started crying and sobbing, not being able to calm my breathing or stop my body from shaking.

Negative thoughts came out of no where, crashing down on me all at once.

I felt so helpless.

I thought about calling Senja, but that would just worry her more about me and no one else knew about my unstable mental health.

               ⚠️TW starting now

I somehow managed to stand up and stumble into my room, going through my drawers to search for something.

"W-Where is it?", I mumbled repeatedly, while tears were running down my face.

There...my old sharpener I never used for pencil sharpening.
I opened the tiny box, getting the tiny blade out of it, which I never screwed on again and held it between my fingers.

I then held it against my upper arm and quickly pulled it down.

Breathe

After pulling it down several times I let the blade fall down onto the floor  feeling the familiar sting.

But I was finally able to breathe again...

~☆~