Nuri's POV:

~End my life~

~

It was 5 am when I woke up and packed the stuff I used yesterday.
The boys where still asleep, so I tried my best to be quiet and to not wake them up.

I walked down to the living room, hearing soft snores coming from the man on the couch.

I walked up to him, watching him breathing evenly. He looked so peaceful.

I whispered a quick: "I'm sorry",before leaving without saying a single goodbye.

And the reason why I did that was because I was going to my house, taht was about 3 miles away from their house.

It was not that there was someone waiting for me, it's just.....
I haven't been there for over 1 year and I didn't leave it in a good state.

I knew I would have a mental breakdown, there were so many memories.

So the last thing I needed was someone by my side giving me pity.

I walked for an hour, till I finally saw the old house.

I froze in place and as if someone pressed a button, memories came floating back.

Walking to the front door, tears blurried my vision.
The windows were still broken and the wooden door was wide open.

I open it, causing it to make a loud noise. I ignored it and went in, immediantly being confronted with a huge mess.

Just how I left it.....

*Flashback*

I am was Seoul for two months now and tomorrow would be the day where I fly back to London.

Alone.

I am angry at myself.

Mom, Dad and Jackson are...
They're gone and it is all my fault.

I just ran away from the hospital, my whole body aching from the exhaustion. I'm running to my parents house, hot tears uncontrollably streaming down my face.

I enter the house and thats the moment I completely lose it.
I am angry, frustrated, sad.

Why did I write these messages?

I walk to the kitchen, throwing all the plates, dishes, everything on the floor, letting out broken screams at every single plate.

Glass shattering, some of them cutting my skin, causing it to bleed at several areas.

I cry in pain, not knowing if it was the physical or mental pain, while walking to the walls where some pictures are with all of us.

I rip them, each of them with so much force.

I pick up some other heavy picture frames, throwing them at the windows, so that they shatter.

That's when I stop myself, having no energy left.

But I am still in so much pain.

I want it to stop, so I basically crawled into the bathroom, turning it upside down to find dad's old razor blades.

I bring the up my arm, pulling it over my soft skin.
I cut myself around 20 times, until I see nothing but blood...

*End of the Flashback*

Everything looked exactly how I left it. Nothing has changed.
Even after all these months, it still hurt like it happened yesterday.

The massive wave of negative emotions made me feel like I was suffocating.

I felt like dying.
And seeing this house made these feelings and thoughts even stronger.

I thought about doing the world a favor and just end it. Once in for all.

Who would miss me after all?
BTS didn't even know me and Senja would  think I forgot about her.

Maybe Jungkook?

No. He wouldn't even miss me, he'd be happy. If I'd be gone, he wouldn't have to pretend like he cares for me.

Walking to the living room, I sat down on the dusty sofa, coughing and sneezing a few times.

And them for 2 hours, I just sat there, staring at the old, dirty carpet my dad bought against my mom's permission.

Back then he fell in love with the carpet, but it didn't match with the color of the sofa.

My mom was so mad at him, but both ended up laughing.

Their laughs....

With each memory, more and more pain came back. My chest getting heavier and heavier from time to time until I couldn't breathe.

I decided to end it.

End my life,

End this terrible pain.

I know that I've made a promise, but I couldn't handle it anymore.
I wanted it all to stop;

The voices, the pain, these sleepless nights.

I stood up, the little movement causing dust to fload thre the air.
And just as I turned around, two people with worried faces ran into my house.

"NURI?? Are you in here?", Jungkook shouted, while running through the front door.

As he saw me standing there he didn't hesitate to run up to me, but Jimin looked around the house with widened eyes.

"What happened to you? Is everything okay? Why did you leave without telling us anything?!", he asked worried and frustrated, gently cupping my cheeks.

(A/n: tRuSfrAtEd)

His eyes were puffy, the tears reflected by the sunlight making it look like stars were shining in his eyes.

And that was when something made click.
He cared.
He was worried.

I was important to someone.

"What happened here?", Jimin whispered shocked. But I wasn't able to answer, I bursted out in tears.

Jungkook didn't hesitate, he wrapped his strong arms around my body, rubbing small circles over my back.

"I'm sorry", I managed to say under my sobs.

I say that way to often.

I'm sorry....

I'm sorry for making mistakes, for not beeing pretty, for beeing overdramatic, for existing...

"Is this your house?", Jimin wrenched me out of my thoughts.
I nodded, freeing myself out of Jungkook embrace.

"You can't stay here! This place isn't safe!", Jimin exclaimed with widened eyes.

"It's....it's okay. I'll just clean everything up and-"

"No, you'll come with us.
This house isn't safe. We don't want you to get killed or anything", Jungkook cut me off, the worried expression not leaving his face.

"Why do you even care?", I scoffed, shaking my head while looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Are you serious? You are my best friend and I can't lose you okay? I care about you!", Jungkook raised his voice, making me tear up all over again.

"Please come with us", Jimin begged, his voice rather soft.

In the end I did gave in, promising them to stay with them for a little longer, until this house was fixed.

But I still didn't feel like I was home...

~☆~