Nuri's POV:

~voice in my head~

~

⚠️Tw: self harm⚠️

Cutie💜:

Kookie💓:
WOAH
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!
You're way better looking
than I am miss

Cutie💜:
Thanks-
AND THAT'S NOT TRUE

And suddenly it hit me again.
This sadness just washed over me out of nowhere. It felt like something was dragging me down to the floor.

Not something....the memories.

No one ever said that I was gorgeous besides my ex-boyfriend. 

Crazy how a single text message was able to trigger so much.
I hated it. Dramatic I know.

I just felt so happy and suddenly this huge wave of sad memories washes over me and I feel like I'm drowning in them.

Kookie💓:
May I also have the honour
to get to know your
full name?😅

Cutie💜:
My full name is
Kim Nuri.
Kookie I gotta go
Text you later!

Kookie💓:
Um..okay?
Bye!

Cutie💜  is offline

I tossed my phone to the side, walking up and down in my room, hoping it would go away, that feeling.

This familiar scary feeling that was slowly building up inside of me.

"Please", I begged for it to go away.

It was useless to beg.

"You are worthless
Stupid.
Fat.
Ugly.
Useless!"

"SHUT UP!", I yelled at the voice inside of my head, falling down on my knees while holding my hands over my ears.

"You don't deserve to live.
You are the reason why three people are dead!
You should've died instead of them", the voice said.

"It wasn't my fault", I sobbed weakly.

"Of course it was. It all was your fault. If you weren't there, they would all still be alive"

I started to scream my pain out, hoping it'll make the voice go away and hoping that someone would help me.

I felt like falling over an edge into a black abyss of sadness, darkness and emptiness.

I sniffed: "No, no, no not again! Please not again..."

I had been at this point before and it took me so long to get me out of it. I'm not strong enough to do this all over again.

I need to....

It's the only way to get me out of this abyss...
I hurried to my bathroom, desperately searching for something.

As I found one of the old blades I didn't hesitate as I put them up to my arm and pulled them down.

Repeatedly.

I stopped after the voice finally silenced and looked at my arm. Shame washed over me as I broke down crying all over again.

I didn't want this. I never wanted any of this. I thought I was finally, truly getting better. I worked so hard, tried any existing way to get me out of this alone. All for nothing. 

"When does it get better?!", my voice cracked in between my sobs.

Why did this all happen to me? What did I do so terribly wrong that the universe had to punish me this hard? 

I cried for what felt like forever, until no more tears escaped from my eyes and I felt them drying on my cheeks. 

But I soon realized that there was one thing worse than the breakdown I just had.

The start of a breakdown feels like something pushed you over a cliff into the ocean.

When you hit the surface you immediately try to swim up.
You panic and you fidget.
But after the breakdown, you give up.

You're just floating through the water, slowly suffocating, but not able to move.

The thing is, while you are drowning everyone else is happy.
Nobody cares.

Nobody minds helping you.

I somehow managed to get myself on my feet and clean up the mess I had created.
I took a quick shower, ignoring the stinging pain every time my arm came in touch with the warm water.

You deserve it.

I bandaged my arm after the shower and went back into my room, staring at my ceiling since I had nothing else to do.

I knew what I had to do. I needed to tell Senja about it.

I need help again.

I really need help.

Maybe even professional help.
None of this was normal. I shouldn't be harming myself in this way, I shouldn't be hearing a voice inside of my head...

Suddenly my phone started vibrating.

Unknown:
Hiiiiiiiiiiiii

Nuri:
Hello?

Unknown:
You are the one
Jungkook is texting,
right???

Nuri:
What the hell is
a Jungkook and who
in the name of Jesus are
you?

Unknown:
Wait.....

Caller ID:
Unknown

Accept|Decline

Nuri:
Why should I accept?

Unknown:
Trust me, please.
Just once!

Nuri:
Fine

Caller ID:
Unknown

Accept|Decline

(Video call btw)

As I accepted the call I saw a male Asian. I immediantly came up with endless theories, but the men seemed familiar.

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A GIRL, KOOKIE IS TEXTING A GIRL!!!", he shouted and smiled widely.

After staring at him for a few seconds, I recognized him. It was Jimin.

"Hi?", I chuckled at his reaction.
That was kind of cute.

"Oh, yeah sorry. I'm Park Jimin and I stole Jungkook's phone, since he was texting someone and always smiled and stuff. So I copied your number and texted you."

"Sorry, but he never tells us anything", he pouted at the screen, "and a good thing is that we can trust you!"

"Huh?", I frowned, "Trust me with what?"

"Well you could've been a sasaeng he fell for, who would leak his number. But you aren't!"

"And why do you think that?", I raised a brow, "as far as I know, you know me since 2 minutes."

"Because as I asked you about Jungkook, you pretended that you wouldn't know him!"

"First of all, I could still be one of these crazy stalker fans, but one who has some sort of different mindset. You guys should really be careful with strangers on the internet!"

"You should tell that Jungkook!"

"Well he was the one who texted me, not the other way around. Still dangerous, tho. Oh and second of all, the reason why I pretended not the know Jungkook was that I had no idea if you're a crazy stalker fan, you know?", I smiled.

"PARK JIMIN", I heard someone yell in the back.

"Oh shit. I think he found-"

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE MY PHONE?!", the other person cut him off.

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to know who you were texting!"

Then Jimin started running away and I saw Jungkook behind him.

"HELP!", Jimin shouted while laughing.

"AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO???", Jungkook asked, running behind him.

"JUNGKOOK LANGUAGE!", an unfamiliar voice shouted.

"With Nuri! I called her!!!", Jimin shouted and Jungkook stopped running.

Jimin then stopped as well breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.
Then he started to smirk.
"Yes, your girl is watching"

Jungkook didn't reply and Jimin placed the phone in his hands.
Now I was staring into those beautiful brown eyes, from the person I've been texting all this time.

I felt my cheeks burn up and I heard Jimin laugh in the back.

"H-Hi", Jungkook stuttered, with widened eyes, his cheeks red too, yet I couldn't tell if it was because of the running or because he was embarrassing.

"Hi", I replied, giving him a heart-warming smile.

"You-"

"OH MY GOD JUNGKOOK! You really have no clue how to talk to a girl, don't you?!?!?", Jimin cut him off.

"I'm sorry!!!!", Jungkook apologized.

"Nuri i-it was nice talking to you, b-but I have to go", he slightly stuttered, clearly overwhelmed with the situation.

Cute.

"Okay Kookie, bye!", I waved my hand and ended the call....

~☆~