'Kidnap me from my reality
and crushed pieces of my soul
color me outside the lines
until my shattered heart is whole'
-perry poetry

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The beating explained

Sadhvi’s POV

We were making our way back to the farmhouse when I felt my stomach lurch the first time.

I ignored it.

“You have space for dinner?”
I asked him looking at my wrist watch, it was eight forty and by nine I suppose we will be home.

“Not even a bit. You still hungry?” he asked looking at me. The bags in his hands rubbed together making plastic-y sound.

With the shake of my head incredulously I said,
“You kidding? Dahi bhalle, jalebi, milk and then another round of sweet corn, how can you expect me to have more space left?”

He laughed saying, “That is because I ate most of it, you were just pecking like a bird”

I hit him on the arm without a second thought and when I realized what I just did, I looked at him in horror.

“I am so sorry. I promise I'm no violent person that was purely my...”

Avrudh looked at me with a straight arrogant face and said,
“You fractured me!”

I deadpanned looked at him, “You are so funny Avrudh that I might kiss you right now”

He bent his head to my level saying, “Then why don’t you?”

I looked him in the eyes replying,
“Because kissing assholes is so old fashion”

Avrudh gasped dramatically keeping his hand that was carrying one of the three shopping bags on his heart.

“I am so going to complain about you abusing me to your mom.”

I laughed, “What are you? Five?”

“Says who?”

“Says the toddlers wife!” i said keeping my hands on my hip

“Hahhh” he shot back on my face

I mimicked making a dying rat’s sound and resumed this time downhill walking.

A laughing Avrudh trailed behind.

.

We arrived at the house in the night when my phone rang displaying my father’s contact details.

It was his regular time of calling me, to check upon me, few habits never change. Just like I am used to of informing about my whereabouts he is used to of asking me when I will be home.

Suddenly my stomach knotted agian but it was tolerable for now, I planned to take an antacid to digest the undigested food I had. Milk never sets right with my system.

I fished the phone out of my pocket and took the bag of things we brought for kitchen from Avrudh and walked inside the kitchen.

Uncle and Aunty were talking to Avrudh about what our plan for tomorrow is.

“Namaste papa ji”

“Namaste beta, how was your day?” he asked

“Fantastic, just came back. We explored the local market, I bought mummy and Meheka something. What do you want me to get you? I looked for something but couldn’t find anything.” I whined

“I don’t want anything bête, just give me your smile” I pouted

“I miss you” I said taking the box of peanut butter out of the bag when something in my stomach didn’t felt right

“We miss you too” he said on the other line when I rushed upto Avrudh and he looked at me with a start.

“What happened?” he asked me with wide eyes when I covered my mouth with my palm

I handed him the phone with the other and ran inside our bedroom in the direction of the bathroom.

I heard footsteps behind me, I hurled everything out of my stomach as soon as I slide upto the open bowl of the toilet seat.

Swarna aunty rubbed my back holding my hair out of my face. “You okay beti?”

I took a breath in when I hurled it all out once again.

With watery eyes I looked at Avrudh crouched beside me too with a concerned look on his face and hand holding the phone to his ear, “Sadhvi?”

“Don’t look…” I managed to utter when an empty hurl escaped me, my throat was aching already

“I don’t know papa ji what happened she was fine just a minute ago.” He said on the phone to assure my father. Avrudh is going to be dead if my father lost his calm.

I pushed my hair out of my face sitting back, the dead taste in my mouth, everything felt acidic.

More than anything I was concerned about Avrudh looking at my watery red eyes and sunken face, I covered it up with both of my palms.

“Are you preg…?” Swarna aunty, scared but attempt to ask. She didn’t want to step into our personal space.

I shook my head and from my periphery saw Avrudh’s face turning red looking at her.

I curled myself resting my elbows on my knees, my palms resting on my crown now with face down.

“No mummy , we just had chaat and then milk- jalebi for dinner… Yes, milk… what?”

There it goes.

I sighed trying to get up when my stomach churned again and once again I pushed myself into the bowl.

“She never told me about that” Avrudh’s voice on edge. I was so dead.

“You feeling okay?” aunty asked me rubbing my back, she made me to stand where Avrudh followed glaring at me. I saw Rajender uncle standing at the door frame awkwardly.

I whispered a thank you to Swarna aunty, who looking nothing but concerned and then I looked at my husband through the mirror who was shooting daggers at me.

“I will do that, yes mummy. Yes. She will be fine by the morning.”

“Sure papa ji, this won’t happen again, I didn’t knew. Yes, bye.” he said disconnecting the call and keeping my phone in his pocket to add the effect.

Avrudh turned to Swarna aunty and thanked her for taking care of me. He asked her to make one glass of lemonade before leaving and then he turned to look at me as soon as they left the room.

“Brush your teeth” a pissed Avrudh barked

Pursing my lips I suppressed a cry. I did what I was asked to not meeting his eyes.

My eyes were so threatening to leak loose the water works that it took me many blinks to push them back. I inhaled a snotty breath brushing the front of my teeth.

Avrudh shifted looking up at that, searching my face, which I clearly avoided.

Once done brushing my teeth I turned to walk out of the room when he held my wrist stopping me mid track.

I was suddenly drowned back to memory of our first meeting, where he stopped me just like this. When I was walking out on him the day I confronted him.

How fast the time flies right?

“Sadhvi...”

I inhaled the same snotty breath but this time with tears escaping my eyes. I didn’t turn though.

I knew I looked pathetic.

I wasn’t feeling sorry nor was I embarrassed, I didn’t tell him about me unable to digest raw milk because I didn’t wanted to ruin his enthusiasm.

He was so happy about it, I hoped that I might be able to digest it since it’s been so long than the last time it happened.

Avrudh tugged me to him my fist against his chest, with stumbling steps I was standing in front of him, with a pout on my lips and eyes shedding tears.

“Look at me” he asked cupping my cheeks with both of his hands and kissed my forehead

“You need to learn to say no, Sadhvi” he said applying pressure on both of my cheeks with his palms making my lips puckered.

I still didn’t met his gaze continued shedding tears and inhaling snot.

With his thumb he wiped my tears and pulled my face up for me to look at him,
I did.
He ducked a little to match my level,
“You need to tell me if something doesn’t fit fine with you. You come first. Okay?”

I said nothing the muscles of my chin wobbled with my silent cry.

He flexed his head to the side looking at me with so much love that I almost cried again. I ruined it, I ruined the mood all.

“Promise me, you will say no if something doesn’t feel good for you. Even if its mom or my father or your father or your mother or hell even me. Promise me”

Avrudh cupped my cheeks a little firmly at this forcing me to cave in and I nodded against his palms.

“That’s like my Sadhvi” he said and hugged me.

He hugged me like no other. The squeeze he gave to my person was comforting in a way that the aftermath of puking my guts out went out of the window.

Avrudh snaked his arms under my arms and lifted my person up so that I was now standing on my toes and his face buried itself in my neck. Inhaling me in he embraced.

I was half in the air without even me making any effort. I was floating physically, mentally or even emotionally.

His arms on my back wrapped me whole, the part of back where my rib cage terminates was engulfed completely by him, with his one hand only and it was the day I realized how perfectly fit I was under him.

That was my side of rock bottom and I was definitely going to keep coming back for more.

Wrapped in him with him.

I was meant to stay with him that way. Forever.

_________________________

'Why else love
if not to feel stars
exploding in our veins'

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All I have got to say is...
Mujhe bhi chahiye!!!

So my dear readers I hope you liked the update. It's not much I know but atleast we have something.
Lol.
I promise I will make it up to you.

With love,
Ankita 🐿️