By: scarletstilettos

Package: Thistle

Summary

❝ i saw you in another's arms ❞

. . .

Sometimes, fate doesn't let two souls make a love story.

. . .

Whether he had been ready to let her go or not didn't matter in the slightest when she left. In the months after, refusing to mope around, he set out to find someone that he believed was genuine enough to mend his broken heart, unfortunately, to no avail.

But he saw her again and it wasn't a question of if she would be able to put him back together, but rather a question of whether or not he was willing to fight for someone who looked all too happy in a world without him.

Your summary gets the gist of things going, though I had to reread it a couple of times to get my head around the wording of it. It feels like it's phrased a bit awkwardly, at least it did when I initially read it, so I'd advise reading over this and perhaps editing it again. Other than that, there wasn't anything wrong grammatically, aside from the one missed capitalisation at the start of the entire summary, though I have a feeling that was done somewhat deliberately. Still, in my mind i's should be capitalised if they're on their own. If I see a book on Wattpad with all the solo I's as i's then I usually end up giving up halfway through, or I just click straight back out.

I really liked the last line of your summary there, it's a good hook, to me, at least, though the sentence itself is a bit long.

Chapter One

This first chapter was a nice read. It was short and to the point, without any sort of dialogue, so I can't comment on that just yet. I feel like I can understand the main character somewhat, and the summary is already coming into context. There's a touch of mystery as to what exactly went down between the two mentioned in passing, and I'm curious to learn more about that as I read on. The MC seems a bit down-in-the-dumps, and not very hopeful in terms of relationship prospects, which means I can sort of get inside his head and see where he's coming from. He seems not very hopeful, and yet he's not bitter about his soured romance, which I rather like. I'm not overly fond of too much bitterness about relationships.

The only suggestion I would have for you, is to be careful of padding out sentences, and to watch out for a sort of wooden structure eg:

John went to the park. He walked his dog. It was a nice day out.

(This is an exaggerated example.)

Chapter Two

Another short chapter I enjoyed. I get the fealing there's going to be little or no dialogue here, which is probably why so short chapters work here. They're nice and simple to read, and the story is easy to picture inside your head. The surprise of bumping into his old beau, the hope that she's not actually dating the man standing next to her... it all felt entirely relatable.

There are only similar things to the last chapter in terms of criticisms, since your writing style is fairly consistent, with little to no slipups.

Chapter Three

Again, similar pacing and length to the last two chapters, and I'm liking it. Your chapters for this book are short and sweet, with no dialogue, so there's nothing really to spread out. It's not a style I often come across, but it's enjoyable none the less. The only other possible improvement I'd say for this style would be to add a little more description -- but be wary of going into purple prose territory, because there are a few parts across your three chapters where it feels like you might be veering into that territory.

Well, that's one summary and three chapters reviewed (since there wasn't a chapter titled prologue), so here's the main points summed up:

What I liked:

-  Readability. Your chapters, though shorter than most, were enjoyable and easy to read, which I think worked well for the mood you were aiming for - sort of bittersweet, I'd say.

-  The situation has been introduced, and you've got me curious as to what went down between the two, and whether they'll get back together.

What could be improved:

- Description so we can all get a clearer picture of the setting, but be careful of going overboard when it comes to that.

- Sentence flow. Just make sure your sentences flow into one another so it doesn't feel as though you're reading from a textbook or a recipe book. The best way to check this is usually to read certain parts, especially when you're not too sure, aloud.

Thank you for requesting a review from me, and apologies about how long it took me to complete this.