Everything shifted the second I agreed with Harry about him staying in my hotel room with me. And maybe I realize now that it was stupid of me to think otherwise. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to mess this up, and knowing just how much time I spent on bettering myself, the last thing I want to do is fall back into that dark hole because I've gone and done something I can't take back.

By the time we walk back to my hotel, it's already two in the morning. Harry packed a back pack, stuffed it with clothes and his tooth brush and he's already changed and is laying in bed with only plaid pants on and the tv remote in his hand. He's flicking channels when I walk out of the bathroom, ready for bed, and I quite like the scene before me.

Good looking, shirtless boy in my bed, with a smile on his face as he watches me climb into the bed next to him. It's strange, us in this position. We've been in it before, yet it almost feels foreign. Brand new and exciting and it's good to feel hopeful about him again. About us. For the first time we don't have to worry about who knows if we're together. We don't have to hide. Or even care what people think about it all.

It's nice to know that none of that matters anymore. It's just him and me. And not so much the stars, now that we're in New York City. I wrap my fingers around my necklace, the necklace Harry gave to me before prom, knowing it will always be him and me and the stars no matter what, and I smile at the thought.

"I can't believe you still wear that," he says, turning himself over on his side and looks at me. "I thought you would have thrown it out the window driving down the highway or something," he laughs.

"I've never taken it off," I admit. "There were times when I felt like I should have, but I always wanted to keep you close to me, somehow."

"Says the girl who wanted to do everything on her own," he smiles.

I playfully smack his shoulder and roll my eyes. "I still did it on my own," I yawn.

"Should we turn out the light?" he asks and I scold myself for yawning. But I nod knowing that when I wake he will still be there. I don't have to stay up all night, fearing that in the morning, he'll be gone.

With the lights and the tv off, his body shifts closer to me, wrapping his arm around me. He gently presses his lips to mine and in the darkness, I can tell he is looking at me. "Jayde?" he says, quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for letting me stay with you tonight," he says, letting out a breath. His hand gently starts to run up and down my back slowly and I love his touch.

"I'm sorry I was hesitant about it."

"Why were you?"

"I don't know," I shrug. "I'm afraid of fucking it all up. I know in my head, my journey's destination was never you, it was me. But I think I always knew in my heart, I always wanted to end up in New York with you. And as much as I needed to figure out who I am on my own, I also wanted to make sure I was a better person for you." I sigh.

"You.."

"Not a better person," I interrupt. "Just better. Get over everything that hurt me and not be so damn miserable. I worked so hard to get to be where I am, comfortable with myself and who I am as a whole. And I've spent so much time alone, so much time without you, I just want to make sure that we fit in each other's lives first. Before we jump right in and realize we don't."

"You'll always fit in my life, Jayde," he tells me. "I am so much better with you, than I am without you. I just hope you feel that way too."

This honest conversation gives me reason to believe that for now, everything will be just fine. As long as we keep communicating this way, I can't see why it wouldn't work. But it's only been a few hours and I don't want to think too much about it yet. All I can do is wrap my arm tightly around him, to show him just how perfectly he fits.

*

I've told myself at least five time already today, that if I had known it would be this way when I came back to Harry, I would have come sooner. But each and every time I think that way, I realize it wouldn't have been this way if I came here before now. I wouldn't be who I am right now and my negative mind would have probably taken over. And none of this would've been the same.

I awoke this morning to Harry pulling open the curtains, but instead of any sort of sunlight, dark clouds invaded the sky and rain poured against the windows. It didn't change Harry's apparent good mood though. No, he still jumped on the bed to wake me and told me I needed to get up so we could have breakfast in bed, like he promised.

I joked about how his promise was crap because this room is under my credit card and I'd be paying for this breakfast he promised, which seemed a little unfair. I know I didn't care in the least, I'd gladly pay for room service if it meant he was actually here with me, smiling like an idiot. It was funny to see his face fall at the thought, which just made me laugh.

As soon as room service granted us with breakfast and we hopped back into bed with our trays, I was reminded of the morning he had a hangover and I made him the worst breakfast and a smoothie. He had been so distant that morning, all because of what he thought he had done the night before. I pushed those memories from my mind the moment he looked over at me and smiled. Because this time isn't like the last time.

As much as I wanted to go out and explore the streets of New York City with Harry like he mentioned last night, I'm happy that it's been raining all day. The dreariness outside didn't put a damper on our day inside whatsoever. It's allowed for us to stay in bed all day, wrapped up in each other, watching movies and making love and laughing. There's no way that outside the walls of this hotel room, is anything better than what I have inside of them right now.

We just ordered room service for dinner and we finally got out of bed to eat at the table. We've turned off the tv for the first time today and it dawns on me throughout the silence as we eat, that he has something on his mind. The way he stares at me in thought as I swirl my spaghetti on my fork. I'm pretending I don't notice, but I'm actually staring at him through my peripheral vision, focusing on him and not on the noodles. He looks away every time I look across the table at him.

"Everything okay?" I finally ask. It's not just that my curiosity is building, I just want for us to be able to talk about whatever. I've learned throughout my journey that talking makes everything better, and being honest is the only way we'll get through anything.

"Yeah," he says. "This chicken is just really good. I haven't had a good meal like this in weeks."

"Tell me about it," I laugh. "I've basically been living off of coffee since I left home."

"Sounds like you," he says. "You and your coffee addiction. I remember before we ever got together, you'd almost never bring a lunch to school, but you always had coffee."

I smile at the fact that he knew this about me. That he really did notice the small things before he kissed me that night. The reminder that he's always been there with me, even if it was from afar, warms my heart. And I love him so much more for it.

"Can I ask you something?" I look up from my plate to see he's looking at me and the curiosity that was burning a hole in me, is back, wondering if he's finally going to say whatever it is that was so obviously weighing on his mind. I simply nod, taking a bite of a meatball. "When are you leaving?"

His question makes my heart pound. I thought I was clear last night when I said I wanted to end up in New York with him. When I mentioned my journey's end. His question confuses me. Does he want me to leave? I thought he said I fit into his life?

"I don't know," I answer nervously, putting my fork down. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering," he replies, putting his fork down as well. "You said you only had this hotel until Monday. I wasn't sure if that meant you were leaving then."

Truth is, I hadn't thought about leaving, and I hadn't thought about what I was going to do when Monday came around and my hotel room was up for grabs for the next traveler. I only decided to stay until Monday, because this room cost almost two grand for four nights and that was more than I wanted to pay.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask, deciding I need to know the answer.

"I didn't say that," he replies. "I'm just wondering what your plans are. Do you want to stay in New York? Have you decided if you're going to come to school here? Or are you planning on leaving and going somewhere else to continue on with your little adventure?"

"What's with all the questions?" I ask. I feel like I'm being interrogated and I'm feeling slightly thrown off by the way he belts the questions at me and I don't know how to answer him.

"I'm just curious, Jayde," he assures me. It's clear he's observing me from the other side of the table as I try to figure out in my head what to say. I come to the conclusion quickly, that the only thing that's going to come out of my mouth, is the truth.

"Well, I planned to stay here," I admit, finally. "I'm done with being on my own. My little adventure ended when I got here. As for school," I gulp. "I haven't given it any thought. I planned on taking a whole year off and this one just started, so I don't want to think about it just yet."

"But why do you plan on staying here?" he asks. "Is it just because I'm here, or is it because next year you want to go to Columbia?"

I don't want to overthink these questions and I don't want to ask him why he's asking them right now. "I came here to be with you," I tell him, honestly. "Sure, if you weren't here, I probably would have eventually made my way here to check out New York, but I came here for you."

"For me specifically?"

"Yes."

His eyes flick back and forth between mine in a silence following my answer, and I hope that once it ends that he's going to explain this to me. I know that he has every right to ask me those questions or any question he may have and I'm content with the answers I gave him. I just hope that he is too. 

"I've been thinking a lot lately about transferring schools and changing my major," he admits, making my jaw slightly drop. "I wanted to see if you were set on going to Columbia, because if you are, I'd just stay where I am."

"When thinking about your future, Harry, please don't think about what I want to do," I exclaim. I love that he wants to factor me in, but if he wants to go somewhere else, by all means, I'm not going to stop him. It's his life, after all, and I want for him to do what will make him happiest.

"I want you to be my future though, Jayde," he says, aggravation pouring out of him as he stands from his chair. "What is it that you don't get about that? I want for us to make this work."

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"I'm not," he says, running his hands through his hair. "I'm just frustrated that whenever the conversation of us comes up, you're so quick to make it seem like you don't want it. At least not how I do."

"I do though," I argue back. "But right now, my future is all up in the air. Nothing is for sure. You actually have something going, and you know what you want. If you want to switch schools and change majors, I'm not going to sit here and allow you to change your mind because of something I'm not even sure about yet."

It doesn't surprise me that we're arguing already. Yelling and raising our voices at each other has always been something we've been good at. I just don't want to fight with him now. We just got back together...I think? I actually don't know what we are.

"Why do you even want to change schools?" I add before he can add to the argument, not changing my tone. I don't know why I'm still talking louder than I should be. "I thought you loved it here? I thought Columbia was what you always wanted?"

"It was," he says, still matching my tone. "Until Elizabeth got me on stage. I told you this already. I came here to study the technical part of music because I was afraid to play in front of people. But Elizabeth made me see I could do it. She made me see how much I would love it. And I do. And she made me realize I don't want to be behind the scenes, I want to be the one everyone listens to."

I don't know why hearing him say Elizabeth's name seems to hurt me all of a sudden. I know they're just friends. They both told me that. But for some reason, him saying that she made him realize what he wanted, sends a pang right through my chest and that pain speaks for me before I can think straight.

"Why don't you just go be with Elizabeth then?" I shout. "Since she apparently knows you better than I do."

A/N: She's so frustrating, I know. lol Share your thoughts!

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