"There was never a good time for the truth to come out. And trust me when I say I didn't want her to know. I know she has this idea of who we are in her head, and outing the truth was not in my plan. But at the time, I wanted her to see that every nerve in her body was in denial. For I know she feels the same. And if I was just honest, maybe she would let me in and allow herself to feel something.

But I was wrong. And now I sit here in silence. Days have felt like weeks and I hope that weeks don't turn into months. For every minute without her, feels like hours. And every time I get to look into her sky colored eyes, knowing that I can't kiss away the pain her features show, the time just seems to pass even slower, and she feels even farther away from me.

I wish I could tell her that I need her more than I show. That every time my father calls and tries to make things right with me, I want for her to be there and tell me that keeping my distance from him is the right choice. So far, she has been there with me every step of the way, without even knowing it. She has gotten me through all the times I've needed her.

She is the only thing that helps me to forget. She's the only thing that keeps me going. And without her, knowing that she knows the truth, that inside of me is a heart consumed with all things her, I don't want to think that she would just give this all up.

Because nothing in life feels right without her. And I need to see the smile on her face. I need to feel her heartbeat race against my skin, touch her soft lips with mine. There has always been some electrified force that always brings us back together, and all I can hope for, is that this force never burns out, and she will come back to me.

Boy_Undiscovered"

This week has been a relatively hard one on me. It's only Thursday and it already feels like weeks have passed since Harry told me how he feels. Starting my job at the bookstore wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and it gave me a reason to forget everything for a few hours. The manager, Tenley is upbeat and friendly and a nice change from what I deal with at school. I've only worked two shifts and now have a few evenings off to focus on writing my report for English class along with other homework, before I have to go back to work on the weekend.

I've kept my distance from everyone at school over the last few days. Catching up on everyone's blogs was something I probably shouldn't have done, because reading their words hurt more than I could have possibly imagined. The whole date with Niall backfired on me and now it's just something for everyone to laugh at me for, knowing that I wouldn't sleep with him and lost my date for prom. Their written words shouldn't have hurt as much as they did, for I know that I should be proud of myself for not being like the rest of the girls in this town. But hearing whispers and seeing the stares in the hallways made feeling proud impossible.

The only person I've allowed myself to talk to, is Kate. And I've come to realize that she's the only real friend I have left, other than Carter, who I haven't had a chance to see. At this point, I'm having a hard time keeping mine and Harry's secret, wanting someone to talk to about it, needing help with trying to figure out what I should do.

I don't know my feelings. I don't know how to feel about Harry's. I don't know if continuing on with what we're doing is a good idea or not and I know something more is out of the question. I feel as if I'm at a loss when it comes to him. He confuses me. One day he doesn't love me and the next he confesses that there are feelings there. And I hate it. I hate it more than anything.

But he's giving me the time that I need to think about it. He's giving me the space I asked for. He hasn't bothered me like I thought he would, and he's left me alone. I have felt his eagerness every time our eyes have met during class. He's been bouncing his knee far too often in anticipation and tapping his pencil on his notebook, and every time I walk out of class or leave my locker, I can see his shoulders slump from the corner of my eye. 

And as bad as I feel for making him wait, I feel that this is something that needs to be well thought out. It's not something that can be decided within a moment's time. Because feelings are involved, and the last thing I ever want to do, is hurt him.

I walked home slower than usual today. With my eyes cast in the direction of the ground before me. Too many thoughts coursing through my mind and not wanting to go home. Surrounded with too much reality at once and nothing to help me escape it all.

I let out a sigh once I climb through the window, my house eerily quiet. I decide not to waste any time, throwing my backpack on my bed and sitting down to start my homework. But the longer I sit here in the silence, the more my mind wanders.

Harry.

This week has been long without him. I wish he hadn't ruined who we were together and never admitted his feelings. Despite the fact I've had to work the last two evenings, we could have easily used our time afterwards wisely. I know that deep down, I have been missing him. I miss our playful secret glances in class at each other. I miss our arguing. I miss seeing him smile. I want to run my fingers through his most amazing curls and feel his lips against mine. I want for him to whisper in my ear and gaze into my eyes as little beads of sweat glisten his skin.

Maybe — just maybe — this can still work. He did say he still wanted to continue with the way things were. If he gets hurt in the end, that would be his own fault. And I won't have to know, at least for a little while longer, what it feels like without him for good.

I pick up my phone, deciding that I will call him with what I've decided, not wanting to wait any longer to be with him. My heart starts to pound, pressing my finger on his name, feeling nervous and anxious with what he'll have to say.

"Jayde!" I hear my name being called from downstairs. As nervous as I just made myself, this sudden interruption makes me jump, my phone landing somewhere on the other side of my bed. "Can you come down here, please!"

My heart starts to pound even harder, the sound drumming in my ears as I move slowly across the room to my bedroom door. Although Dad didn't sound angry, I'm afraid to make him wait too long.

I quickly make my way quietly down the hall and take a deep breath before heading down the stairs. I can't imagine what he's calling me downstairs for, but realizing that it's Thursday, stiffens me up halfway down the stairs.

"Jayde!" Dad calls again. "There's no point in stalling, I know you're there."

Dammit.

I make my way down the rest of the stairs and slowly into the living room. And nothing could have prepared me for the sight I'm taking in before me. It makes me freeze on the spot. The world around me suddenly in slow motion, my mother's cries muffled through my ears. Her shirt is torn and her lip is bleeding and one of her eyes, the skin colored blue and purple, is swollen shut, and I can't seem to move. Or breathe.

That is until my eyes meet Dad's, who's standing closer to me than I would like at this moment. I panic when I see the anger written on his face, and wonder why he has called me here at this moment. I know that this isn't something new. I'm sure her face has been discolored multiple times, her clothes torn, and I'm more than certain there's more scars on her skin than I'd like to imagine. But why am I here now? Why this moment? I'm afraid I don't want to know the answer.

Run! Run! Run!

I'm taken by surprise when I do as my thoughts tell me to but Dad pulls on the back of my shirt, flinging me back towards him. He spins me around quickly, grabbing onto the front of my shirt, glaring into my eyes. 

"Nice try," he says. His blue eyes suddenly appear darker. Scarier than I have ever seen them before. I feel smaller with him standing this close to me, and somehow he seems to have grown a few sizes with his animosity. His breath fans across my face every time he breathes out, his eyes flicking angrily back and forth between mine.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask. My entire being is shaking, terror bolting through me wondering how I got myself into this situation and how I can get out of it. "What did I do?"

"Seems no one knows how to listen to me in this house," he growls.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your little boyfriend came over for dinner," he tells me. "After I clearly said I didn't want him here."

"It was just dinner, Dad," I say nervously. "He came for his report and left."

"Shut up!" he shouts at me. "Because I know you don't know how to keep your mouth shut either."

I stare at him, confused. My breathing getting heavier as he tightens his grip around the neck of my shirt. I don't know what he's talking about. What the fuck is he talking about?

"Your little boyfriend's Mommy came for a visit today," he tells me, when he realizes I'm not going to reply as he gives me an evil grin. His voice is lowered with a dark husky rasp, making the little hairs on the back of my neck stick up. My eyes widen, terrified of what might happen next after hearing this bit of information. "She apparently had a very nice chat with your Mother about how nice life would be if she would think of her daughter first. How easy it would be to get away from here. Nice woman, isn't she, thinking you would be more important than me?"

I gulp, deciding to stay quiet. How could this have happened? This is quite possibly the worst possible thing imaginable.

"I came home just in time to see her out," he goes on. "Maybe next time you'll keep quiet."

"I never said anything to her!" I cry. "I don't know why she came here. I didn't say anything, I swear!"

"Don't — lie!" Dad screams. There's a space in time, I don't have a second to protect myself. My head is being slammed against the wooden banister, hearing a loud bang as it collides with the hard surface, making me grab a hold of it to keep myself from falling. Tears have welled up instantly from the pain, my legs trembling from below me wanting to give out. My head is pounding, the world around me spinning as I try to open my tear filled eyes. "Maybe that will teach you not to talk."

I take a few moments to collect myself. To allow my breathing to go back to normal and my heart to stop racing. When I realize Dad has walked away, I slowly stand to my feet and gradually make my way up the stairs holding onto the banister, trying to keep my focus carefully on each step all the way up.

My entire being is fuming. Enraged, as I slam my bedroom door and lock it. I want to throw something and punch the wall, for allowing this to happen to me. This was never supposed to happen. He was never supposed to lay another hand on me.

I walk into my bathroom, needing aspirin to rid the pounding inside of my head. Turning on the light, I am greeted by my horrifying reflection in the mirror above the sink. I can't seem to look away, appalled by the disturbing appearance that looks back at me. Tears start to well up in my eyes again, the anger fading as shame starts to set in.

Different shades of blue now surround my eyes, making me look slightly like a raccoon. I can only imagine how I will look as time passes, knowing it's only in the beginning stages of bruising. And a bump the size of a goose egg resides just between my eyebrows.

This isn't me. This can't be me. I'm so much stronger than this. I try to wipe my eyes, but the tears keep coming, falling down my face faster than I want them to. I know I need to do something, taking the aspirin out of the cabinet and swallowing a couple with some water.

Harry.

My eyes widen in my reflection, and not surprisingly more tears fall. Just a few minutes ago, I had the idea in my head that things could still work between us, and now — as I stare back at myself, I know that I can't keep him waiting. And he can't see me like this.

Walking out of the bathroom, straight to my bed, I rummage through the blankets to find my phone and sit down and take a few deep breaths. My hands are still shaking as I stare at my phone, still with Harry's name on the screen waiting for me to press the call button.

Wanting to get this over with, I press the button and hold the phone to my ear. My heart pounding in my chest, ready to explode.

"Jayde?" Harry says, after only one ring.

"Yeah, hey," I say. My voice is undoubtedly shaky, and so I clear my throat, hoping that the next sound out of my mouth, won't be so obviously broken.

"I didn't think you'd call," he says. He sounds shocked, and I swear I can hear an ounce of excitement in his voice, making me close my eyes and let out a long breath.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about this whole week," I tell him. "It's not fair to make you wait, when I already know what I want to say."

"No," he says, apparently understanding where I'm going to go with this conversation. "I'm coming over, Jayde. We can talk about this in person."

"You're not coming over here, Harry," I say, more panicked than I wanted to sound. I let out a long breath, feeling the tears well up in my eyes once more. "I just don't think this is a good idea anymore. I can't do it."

"You're crying," he says, changing the subject. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say quietly. Tears stream down my face unwillingly. "Nothing happened. But I can't do this with you anymore, okay?"

"But —"

"No, Harry," I interrupt. "It's done. At least for right now."

"For right now?" he asks. "We already don't have a lot of time left as it is."

"I know," I tell him. "But —I just can't. I'm sorry."

There's a long silence on the other end of the line. And I want so badly to hang up but I can't. The tears have wet my face so much now and I can barely see, and I wish there was a way I could turn back time and would have went somewhere after school instead of came home. None of this would have happened if I wasn't here.

"I know you feel the same way I do," he finally says. "We need each other Jayde. It's always been more than just sex and you know it. Why are you always trying to push me away? Why won't you let yourself feel something?"

"It was never about more than just sex for me," I tell him, raising my voice. "I used you to forget shit. I needed you to escape reality. And it was a good go. But it was never more than that. And you went and ruined it with feelings. I never felt anything for you."

"I don't believe it for one second," he says. "You're just afraid."

"We're done, Harry," I say, quietly. "Nothing you say is going to change my mind. I don't want you anymore."

I slam my finger against the End button and throw my phone across the bed, finally allowing myself to feel everything. Sobbing uncontrollably is making my head hurt even more, but I can't stop. Everything in me hurts, including my heart. I feel lost and broken and I can feel my heart shatter inside of me. I know that he was right. I'm afraid.

But more importantly, I let his Mother in too far. Enough for her to want to save me. To try and knock some sense into my own mother, only for it to come to all of this. I know this isn't her fault. She was just trying to help me. But at this second, I know that I have to keep my distance from them. I trust myself too much with them, and trusting someone ends with nothing but me getting hurt, in more ways than I ever could have imagined.

And so once again, I know that I'm back to only trusting myself. 

And Carter. I need to be with Carter. Right now.

A/N: I'm so extremely sorry for the wait on this. New York City was amazing! #NYCWattCon was incredible! I got to meet so many awesome authors from Wattpad there. Fangirled when meeting a few, and the best part - Meeting people I have become the best of friends with because of this site. I'm incredibly grateful I got to experience it all. If you ever have the change to go to a WattCon, I highly suggest it. You will feel like you're home! ♥

Also, I'm excited to announce I was asked to apply for the Wattpad Futures Program, and was accepted right before I left for New York! So, if you see ads placed between the chapters in my books, please take the few seconds to watch them, as it helps Wattpad and myself at the same time.

Anyways, I do hope this chapter was worth the wait. It's extremely hard to get back into writing once you haven't written in a couple of weeks, so if it's lacking any sort of creative ability, that would be why.

Life has gotten insanely busy the last while. I've been working a lot more and so I haven't had as much time to write as I would like. Which is why the Wattpad Futures Program will help me out, and I will be able to write more for you in the future!

Much Love,
amber
xo