"I try so hard to hide everything I'm really feeling, from people who probably need to know my true feelings the most. And I'm only just realizing that the things I hide in my heart are what eat me alive. So maybe it's time to let it all out. To share myself with her the way I probably always should have. So that my heart can breathe freely again.

Because lately everything has come crashing down around me, and she's been the only one to make me feel like myself again. She helps me get away from it all. Away from the reality that so easily consumes me and makes me angry to know where I've come from and will forever be the thing I can't get away from.

I thought it was over. That part of my life that changed everything. Even though we have been away from him for five years, he's trying to storm his way back in, reminding me that five years isn't long enough to get over it. 

I thought I was over it. So many things in life have changed since then. Everything has been happier and easier and we've moved on. I've grown up from that scared kid I used to be, but since the second I heard his voice again, the only thing that seems to make me feel okay is her.

And I've realized I don't need magic. I need her arms around me at 3am, when the dark is consuming, and I need her to be real when nothing else is.

Because she is a storm — not the kind you run from. The kind you chase.

Boy_Undiscovered"

I've hidden away in the library the last few days at lunch hour to do my homework that I've fallen behind on. Sometimes things at home keep me from being able to concentrate on the more important stuff, and I find myself sitting in the farthest corner of the library at lunch hours just to get it all done.

But my mind has been preoccupied, as I try to work out these equations for math sitting in front of me, about my date with Niall, and I wonder how I'm going to tell Harry about it, or if I should. I thought for sure, people would be talking about it by now, because Niall was overly joyed that I accepted to go on a date with him and it seemed like something he would run to his friends about and tell them right away. But maybe Niall has figured me out enough to think this is just another one of those things I want to remain a secret. Because no one has said anything to me about it yet.

And that is just fucked up!

Harry never mentioned it either, both nights he came over since Sunday. I struggled with not telling him about it, which I felt was odd, because I never seem to have issues with keeping secrets or care to tell people anything. And yet, I hated that I had been keeping it from him, as if something inside of me was saying I was doing something wrong.

It was something that I have become confused about over the last few days. Was it wrong that I had accepted to go on a date with Niall? I had no plans to hook up with him, or even kiss him for that matter. And yet, despite the fact Harry and I are not in any type of relationship, I'm starting to feel like this is breaking the rules even though I know it isn't.

The rule of it just being me and him, consists of sex and sex only. He's still able to be the flirt that he is, with whomever he pleases, and whatever we do on our own time — well, that's been our own business. I don't know what he does on nights that I don't see him and not that I have much of a life apart from him, he doesn't question who I see or what I do either.

So why do I feel so bad about this whole date?

Maybe because he's been abiding by my rules quite nicely this week. Even on Sunday when we were together for such a long period of time, our no late night conversation rule became no daytime conversation. And while he came over two of the last three nights to have sex, he never tried to talk or overstay his welcome. He simply got what he came for and left.

I know that he's having trouble following the rules. I can see it in his eyes when he looks back at me as he climbs out my window. I can sense that there's something lingering on the tip of his tongue that he wants to let out, but he's doing what he can to respect my wishes.

And my wishes —my rules —are starting to make me uncertain about everything. Because I put them there for a reason. They have to be there because I started this by throwing away my heart. I didn't want to feel anything. And the more two people talk, the more you're capable of feeling something, especially if there's some kind of click — some kind of spark. And I had begun to realize that through us talking, we were slowly letting each other in, more so than just seeing into each other's eyes, and I started to feel something. I felt the honesty in every word he spoke to me.

And honesty has always been at the top of my list of things that my heart wants. And so, no words equals no honesty and no lies. Therefore, my heart is somewhat safe from feeling anything — I hope.

I've been staring off into space the last little while as I fight with myself over all of this. I'm not really looking at anything, but I can sense the presence of people walking around the library, listening to their hushed tones and keys typing at computers, as I tap my pencil on the table.

The sound of a book closing loudly in front of me brings me back to reality, with a jump and a harsh intake of breath. I look up to see the one guilty of scaring the shit out of me is Kate, as she sits down at the table across from me.

"Thought I'd find you here," she says, staring at me. "Doesn't look like you've done any work. Why are you even here, if you're just going to waste your time daydreaming?"

I shrug my shoulders as I close my notebook, knowing the math is going to go uncompleted for sure as of right now.

She leans in on the table, as she looks at me with wide brown eyes. "I heard something about you," she whispers yells.

Why am I not surprised?

"Why are you whispering?" I whisper yell back as I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Because it's a secret," she whisper yells again.

"Do tell," I tell her, returning to my normal tone of voice, leaning back in my chair. I already know what she's going to say, but the look on her face is priceless at the moment, so I'm determined to hear her say it out loud.

"You're going on a date with Niall?" she exclaims through another whisper yell. Her eyebrows are raised as far as they can go, making lines appear across her forehead as if she can't believe what she just said to me.

"It's not a secret," I tell her. "But yes, I am."

"He tried hooking up with me, Jayde! And if Harry hadn't interrupted our heated make out session to start a crazy fight, he probably would have scored," she says. "What are you thinking?"

I shrug my shoulders again as I look back at her. "No harm in one date, Kate. Unless you like him?"

"Nah, I was just wanting some drunken fun. I told you, I don't like any of those idiots."

"Well, he's an alright guy, and he apologized to me, even though he didn't really need to. Boys around here like to hook up with lots of girls  —"

She looks at me with a questionable expression on her face. "So, you're just wanting a hook up then?"

"God, no," I laugh. "You should know me better than that! I mean, he is good looking and has great abs, but no. I'm not looking to hook up with him. It just — might be fun, ya know?"

"Fun?" she asks. "Since when are you wanting to have fun?"

Since I felt freedom and laughed until I cried with Harry on Sunday. I'd give anything to feel that again.

"Since I realized school's going to end soon and I've spent the last year locked inside of my bedroom," I tell her, using what were apparently Maddy's words, in a sarcastic tone. "Did Niall tell you? Did he say it was a secret?"

"Yeah, he passed me a note this morning in class," she tells me. "He said I can't tell anyone because it's a secret."

And  there it is. My plan has backfired. 

The one thing I wanted people to talk about, and Niall knows me better than I actually wanted him to. I suppose there's always ways for people to find out after the fact. This gives me time to figure out how to tell Harry on my own time, and he won't be able to hear it from anyone else. Because I don't think Niall will tell him, if he think it's supposed to be some kind of secret.

"So, you're really going on a date with him?"

"This Saturday."

**

I let out a long sigh, as I look at the clock during last period. It's almost that dreaded time of day where I get to go home to listen to my parents fight, in for another long sleepless Thursday night that I don't want to live through.

I look down at my phone in my lap as it lights up indicating a text has come through.

From: Harry
>>I'm going to drive you home today. I'll park up the street so no one can see.

To: Harry
>>I don't need a ride home.

From: Harry
>>Stop being stubborn and let me drive you. I'll drop you off at the path.

To: Harry
>>Okay. I guess that's alright.

From: Harry
>>Thank you.

To: Harry
>>Shouldn't I be the one thanking you?

From: Harry
>>Nope.

From: Harry
>>You can thank me later ;) ;)

To: Harry
>>It's Thursday. I will thank you tomorrow.

From: Harry
>>As you wish, sweet girl ;)

I put my phone away when the bell rings, and gather up my books to put in my backpack. I'm not in a rush to go anywhere, moving slower than usual, as everyone else piles out of the room, smiles upon their faces because school has let out, chit chatting among themselves. 

As I walk down the hall, I wonder what that feeling is like. To be happy to go home? One day I'll feel that way. But today, is just not that day.

"Are you going to be on time for school tomorrow?" Maddy asks, when I reach my locker. I don't look at her as I do the combination on my lock and pull open my locker.

"Probably not," I answer.

"Why are you always late anyways?" she asks, sorting through her books beside me.

My heart starts to pound in my chest with her question. Her and Kate used to ask me this when it first started happening, but haven't questioned me about it for a long time, and I can't for the life of me remember what my answer used to be. "Guess I'm just extra tired by the time the end of the week rolls around. I have trouble getting out of bed by Friday."

"My Mom wakes me up every day," she says. "Maybe your mom could do that. It helps so much."

I internally laugh thinking about my mother getting out of bed that early in the morning. She'd probably still be drunk if she tried to.

"My mom works late at night," I remind her of my blatant lie. "She wouldn't get out of bed to wake me up."

"Oh, right," she sighs. "That sucks. Me and my mom eat breakfast together every morning before she goes to work. It's like our little time alone. It's nice. I'm gonna miss it when I move to California, especially because she makes the best french toast and eggs with sausages."

What does she want me to do? Pat her on the back and say 'that's great, Maddy. Glad you have such a great Mom.' Fuck off already.

"Did you decide on which college you're going to?" she asks. "Ya know, since you got into all those great schools we were unaware of."

"No," I answer, stuffing some books in my backpack. "I still don't know if I'm going to college next year. I might take a year off and — work or something."

"Work?"

"Who's going to work?" Kate asks, as she approaches us.

"Apparently Jayde is, instead of going to college."

"Eww," Kate groans. "Leave the work until you're done college. Then just get a really good job!"

I zip up my backpack, looking across the hall to see Harry closing his locker. He looks over at us before he starts to walk down the hall, not looking back at us. 

"Aren't you going to say bye to Harry?" Kate asks, looking at Maddy with her face scrunched up.

"Not today," she huffs. "I saw he was texting someone in class."

"So?" Kate asks.

"The name he was texting was Sweet Girl," Maddy says.

Oh, fuck!

"Oooo, intrigue!" Kate expresses. "I knew we were right about him! This guy has some girl on the side no one knows about. I wonder who it is?"

Ha! It's me!

"Rachel?" Maddy asks. "Ya think?"

"Did you read what he said to this girl?" I ask, wondering if I'm going to have to let Harry know I will be walking home. I don't need to get caught getting in his car, especially because they will see that I'm the one he's added into his phone as 'Sweet Girl.' And I can't see that going down very well.

"All I got to see was him saying, you can thank me later, with a winky emoji," Maddy says.

"Oh my God!" Kate screams. "For real? Who is this chick?"

"I don't know," Maddy sighs. "Maybe that's why he doesn't like me? He's sleeping with someone already. Maybe Charlie was wrong? Maybe he is just a fuckboy."

"It could've been a joke?" I tell her. "You know Harry. That guy jokes about that kind of stuff all the time. Or he has a girlfriend from a different school, that he wants to keep a secret for some reason?"

Maddy shrugs, as she looks between Kate and I. "Maybe. But if it was a girlfriend, wouldn't he be bringing her to prom and not going with me?"

"Good point. It's probably a joke then. But remember what I told you," I say, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. "Cali State next year will have plenty of new guys and you'll be like,'who the fuck is Harry?' "

She sends me a small smile as she lets out a long sigh. "I know."

"Have you got together with him yet for your English assignment?" Kate asks. 

"Not yet," I tell them. Which reminds me, I need to tell Harry he's invited to dinner on Monday. I make a mental note to do that on the way home. Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll be too busy every night and never be able to come for dinner. "We haven't even talked about it yet. Or talked at all."

"Me and Charlie have already set up dinners at each other's houses," Kate exclaims. "I'm excited, because his family is crazy rich and I heard he has maids and everything."

Of course he does.

"You should ask him who this girl is," Maddy suggests with wide eyes.

"I don't really think that's any of my business." I furrow my eyebrows as I stare back at her. I understand her need to know, because like me, she likes to know everything about everyone, mundane details and all. And because she likes him, I can see that her need to know who this girl is, is bigger than anything else right now. "I'm not asking him, because I don't care who it is."

"Even for me?" She gives me her puppy dog eyes, which makes me roll mine.

"I gotta go," I tell them. "It's none of our business who this girl is. So, just forget about it. If he wanted you to know, he'd tell you. I'll see you tomorrow."

I don't turn back around to wave or say anything else as I walk away from them. I need them to forget about wanting to know who this girl is, knowing that it's me, and I can only hope that they listen to me about it not being our business and leave it at that. 

Before meeting up with Harry, I stop in the cafeteria to take a salad from the fridge and leave a five dollar bill on the counter by the cash register, so that I will be able to have something to eat when I get home, for dinner.

As I walk out the cafeteria doors, I spot Harry's car down the street, and I watch as he drives around the corner, making sure that no one will see me get into his car. Making my way through the parking lot and down the street in his direction, I find myself looking every which way to make sure there's no eyes on me. I'm determined to not get caught. Kate and Maddy will probably be coming out the other doors shortly, and they cannot see me.

"Hey," I say, as I get in his car. He doesn't wait for me to put on my seat belt as he drives away, keeping his eyes locked with the road. "So, Maddy saw one of your texts to me. Maybe you should be more careful with your phone when other people are around."

"It isn't my fault she's so nosy," he says.

"Just be more careful, okay?" I say, looking out the window. "I don't want to have any more awkward conversations with her begging me to ask you who this girl is when we get together for our english assignment."

"Tell her it's a girl from some other town," he says. "That should keep her off your back."

"So — um," I say quietly. I let out a long breath and turn my head to look at him. "My Mom invited you over for dinner on Monday for the assignment. Will you be able to make it?"

"Definitely," he says quickly. "I would love to meet your parents."

"My Dad won't be there," I say. "Just my Mom."

"Well, even better," he says, looking over at me, smiling. "Mom's always love me. It's probably a good thing your Dad won't be there, because I'd have a few choice words for that man."

"Harry!"

"Oh, come on Jayde!" he huffs. "I don't like what goes on in your house. I hate it, to be honest. A man should never be like that with a woman. And what the hell is this?" He takes my salad off my lap and lifts it up to look at it.

"It's my dinner."

"You're kidding right?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows. "Salad from the cafeteria is your dinner?"

"Yes."

I watch as he rolls down the window and throws it out onto the road, making my jaw drop. "What the hell, Harry?"

"You're not eating cafeteria salad for dinner, Jayde!"

I decide not to add to the conversation, letting out another breath to calm myself as I look back out the window. When he drives passed the parking lot to the path, I look back over at him, questionably. "Where are you going? Why didn't you stop at the path?"

"You really think I'm going to take you home?" he asks, as if I should already understand his thoughts. "It's Thursday, like you said."

"So?"

"So?"

"Where are we going then?"

A/N: Hey Lovies! Sorry, this is kind of a filler. Hope you enjoyed it anyways!

Any thoughts where Harry is taking her?

Thanks so much for 19.6K Reads! SO close to 20K! I can't believe it! So many awesome new readers! ♥♥

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amberlove
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