Chapter 42: The First Step
Dean dreads going back to school the next day. He hopes and prays that Katie didn't say anything, not wanting his secret to be out. Also, he's nervous about seeing Elisabeth, but that's for a completely different reason.
"So? You ready?" Copeland asks.
Dean inhales and exhales slowly. "Yeah...I guess."
"It'll be fine, dude," Mitch says, laid back. "Just go in and apologize, maybe Katie won't be so bad."
"OR...she'll dump you and you can date Elisabeth!" Dakota chirps, grinning lightly as she claps her hands together.
Dean shoots her a glare. She returns with a smug look that tells him that she doesn't regret her words. Asher runs a hand over his hair as he fixes his glasses.
"Well...either way, I hope it works out for you," he says.
"Thanks Ash." Dean smiles lightly. "I hope it goes well too."
There's a brief beat of silence as they stare at the school. Copeland lets out an obviously fake yawn and adjusts her guitar case on her shoulder.
"I'm gonna go and find Tiki, from where we will probably go chill and fiddle around with my baby," she says, patting her guitar case. She salutes and heads off. "Later, dudes!"
"Bye!" Mitch calls. He perks up. "Oh! That reminds me! Nixie said she wanted to try out something new...said it was French." He frowns a little, but then shrugs. "Ah well, guess I'll find out later."
He practically skips away, leaving Dakota, Asher, and Dean staring at the front steps. The twins smile at their oldest cousin and each pat one shoulder.
"Good luck, Captain. We're here for you," Asher says.
"Have fun," Dakota adds, smirking a little.
They spin around, waving to Kelly and Lukas as they dash off to join their friends. Dean takes another deep breath and heads into the school, hoping he finds Katie before he finds Elisabeth.
Sure enough, he finds his girlfriend near her locker. She's oddly quiet, her hair done up in a multicoloured braid that's slung across her shoulder.
"H-Hey Katie," he greets her.
She looks up, and to his surprise, she laughs. "Hey Dean!"
"Um...yeah, hi. You seem happy," he comments, put off.
She giggles. "Oh, I'm just thinking about last night."
He stiffens, trying not to fall into the row of lockers as his knuckles turn white around his backpack strap.
"Y-You are?"
"You got me so good! Oh man!" She laughs even harder, earning a few weird looks from passing students. "I mean, seriously? A wolf-raven?! That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen you come up with...EVER!" she exclaims, holding her gut. "You looked so terrifying too, like woah! You definitely got your nerd cousins to help you out with that one, or it was that stupid blond one, right? Right?"
"Yeah...a prank," he repeats, shocked.
"You are so funny! I didn't know you had anything besides a pretty face, really."
He doesn't respond. She keeps giggling, oblivious to his obviously hurt feelings.
How dare she just brush it off as some silly prank. How dare she call him terrifying, call him a monster. She didn't even let him explain anything! She just ran for her life like he was some baby-eating maniac! Then she has the nerve to be this...this...idiotic about it.
Dean slackens a little, realizing what Mitch observed a long time ago. Katie only ever complimented his looks; his hair, eyes, muscles, etc. She doesn't like the real Dean, she likes the humanized fake Dean with secrets to keep.
"Babe? Deanie? Hello?" Katie's voice snaps him back to reality.
He forces a smile. "Yes?"
"You spaced out. Like...Space Invaders spaced out."
He grits his teeth. "Space Heroes."
"Oh, you're still into that show. I forgot."
He stares at her, his teeth gritting as he clenches his hands into fists again. Suddenly, he doesn't care about grade nine or ten anymore. He doesn't care that, at one point, Katie was nice and had the audacity to realize when she was being a bitch and when she wasn't. No, Dean doesn't care at all anymore. All he cares about is the fact that this Katie right now isn't the girl he had a crush on two years ago.
"We're over," he says shortly.
She blinks. "Huh?"
"We're done," he repeats. "I'm done. See you around."
He turns and heads down the hallway, burying his hands in his hoodie pockets and forcing himself not to look back at her reaction. Now, he just has to find Elisabeth and get up the nerve to talk to her.
Maybe he'll wait until the school day is over.
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Elisabeth looks up from her book as someone taps her shoulder. Dean smiles hopefully at her, making her also smile lightly as she removes her headphones.
"Hey Dean, what's up?" she asks casually.
The teen boy exhales, running a hand over his hair. "Listen...about that thing last night..."
She nods a little, as if waiting for him to continue. He breathes deeply, looking around the almost empty student's lounge. He settles himself down in the chair next to her, drumming his fingers on the armrest.
"Did you mean it? What you said?" he asks.
"About liking you for you?" she confirms. She rests her hand over his and stops his nervous tapping. "Of course I did."
He looks up, her deep brown eyes meeting his. Her lips twitch a little, almost making a smile.
"I don't know if you heard..."
"You broke up with Katie," she finishes. "Everyone heard. Believe me."
He groans and cups his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, Liz. I was so stupid for dating her, and liking her...I was just...distracted by how pretty she is."
She smiles weakly. "You're a teenage boy. You make mistakes."
He looks up at her, his breath catching in his throat. "Thing is...um...would you want to..." He rubs the back of his neck, sweating a little too much for his liking. "Would you want to go out sometime as more than friends?"
He breathes, feeling proud that he got it out. Elisabeth doesn't respond immediately, looking away from him as she places her bookmark inside the pages of her novel and shuts the book.
"Dean," she says, her tone soft.
He smiles eagerly. "Yeah?"
She squeezes her eyes shut as she clutches the book to her chest briefly. "I...I'm sorry, but I can't."
That little orb of hope inside Dean's chest seems to pop, as if stabbed by a thousand tiny pins. He goes rigid, willing himself not to collapse into the chair and curl up for a while.
"You...you can't?" he repeats, hoping that her words aren't true.
She sniffs a little, her eyes growing watery. "Dean, drama follows you everywhere you go. I just...if we did start dating, what could happen to our friendship? I don't want to lose you." She stands up, packing away her book and headphones.
He stands up too, grasping her wrist gently as he turns her towards him. "It's me, isn't it? I know I was an idiot, I probably hurt you more than I can imagine, but I just-"
She places a finger over his lips, silencing him. "Dean, I love you...a lot, okay? You're my best friend...and a part of me does want to say yes." She looks away as she lowers her hand. "But I can't, for the sake of our friendship."
He doesn't say a word, the confession of her feelings making him feel like he's both dying inside and flying through the galaxy at the fastest speed his wings can take him. She wipes her eyes, zipping up her backpack as she flicks her long brown hair over her shoulder. Just before she can swing the pack onto her back, Dean grips her shoulders and turns her towards him again.
"Can...can I just do one thing?" he asks softly, his deep blue eyes swimming with hurt. "Please?"
She nods her head once, not knowing just what he plans to do. Her unasked question is answered when he leans down and presses his lips to hers gently, one hand falling to a spot on her back as the other rests on the back of her head. She shuts her eyes, her hands resting on his shoulders as a few tears run down her face.
He pulls away, blinking rapidly as he tries to keep a straight face. She smiles weakly and brushes the back of her hand over her cheeks again, grabbing her backpack and heading off down the hall. Just before she's out of earshot, Dean calls out to her once more.
"Elisabeth?"
She stops and turns around, curiosity and confusion in her eyes. He puts his hands in his pockets as he manages a weak smile.
"I love you too."
She almost laughs, a sad noise of something halfway between laughter and a sob the only sound leaving her lips. She turns away and runs the rest of the way out of the school, a hand over her mouth. Dean sighs, his head lowering as he too heads for home.
The ache in his chest doesn't leave.
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"Dean? Honey?" Destiny calls softly, knocking on the door of his bedroom.
"Go away," his voice snaps, thick and broken.
She ignores his request and pushes the door open, seeing her oldest son laying with his back against his mattress. He holds a picture against his chest as he stares at the ceiling, tears dribbling down his face.
Destiny moves to his side and sits down, a smile softening her brutally scarred features.
"Copeland told me about what happened," she says. "Apparently...the whole school knows."
Dean nods shortly, pressing the picture closer to his heart as his eyes shut. A sad sound escapes his lips, like the sound a wounded dog would make. His mother scoots closer, her tail swishing.
"I, for one, am proud of you. That takes guts, especially if you really did like her," she murmurs. "But...I can tell that's not all that's bothering you."
He nods again, rolling onto his side with his back turned to her. With a shaky hand, he holds the picture out to her. When she looks at it, she's surprised to see a selfie of him and Elisabeth together, wearing Space Heroes shirts and being goofy.
"I asked her out..." he croaks. "She said she loved me...but that she couldn't be my girlfriend." He makes a weak choking sound and hugs his pillow. "And...I do love her, mom. I just didn't realize that until...until I missed my chance."
Destiny opens her arms to him, and he doesn't hesitate to sit up and bury his face in her shoulder. He cries, clinging to his mother as if she's the only thing keeping him rooted to the ground in this moment.
"I'm sorry for everything, mom. I'm sorry I'm not a better son," he sniffles.
She shakes her head and strokes his wolf ears, gently kissing his forehead. "You're going to be alright, Dean. Just you wait," she murmurs. "There's no one else who I'd want as my son, just know that."
He nods, still not releasing her from the hug. She doesn't pull away, staying and holding him comfortingly.
"I remember tears streaming down your face,
When I said, 'I'll never let you go.'
When all those shadows almost killed your light..."
She sings softly, the words barely audible and the tones almost non-existent, but they're there. Dean doesn't mind, finding comfort in his mother's embrace, in her soft voice.
"I remember you said, 'Don't leave me here alone.'
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight."
He breathes softly, his cries lessening as he keeps his eyes shut. For a moment, he just tries to forget. He doesn't need to think about Katie, or Elisabeth, or anyone else for that matter. All that counts is right now, where he feels more loved as he ever has been before.
"Just close your eyes.
The sun is going down.
You'll be alright.
No one can hurt you now.
Come morning light.
You and I'll be safe and sound."
He tightens his arms once more around Destiny releasing her. She smiles weakly and brushes his face clear of tears, a sad look inside her sparkling green eyes.
"Keep you chin up, okay?" she asks. "I love you, Dean."
He doesn't smile, but he nods. "I love you too, mom."
She kisses his forehead, getting up and leaving him alone again. He lays back down on his bed, hoping that everything will resolve itself in time.
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