Chapter 36: Recapitulation

Who is this cat? He looks sincere enough, but then again, so does Ash. Does he look familiar? No... I've never seen any cat like him before, I'm sure. So why do I feel that I've met him? Why does it feel like the memory is trapped? My head hurts...

Jay let out a sigh as she tried to ignore her spinning thoughts. This Dust Howl character, what was he about? She watched him suspiciously as he talked calmly with Amelia about such things as how well the prey was running and when the next snow-fall would come.

What was she to do? Adder was watching her intently while Ash and Raizel seemed to be trying to slowly sneak away. All six of them were sitting beneath a heather hedge where they were sheltered from too curious eyes and the biting wind.

With a second sigh she turned to the young yellow tom on her right, "Adder, why do you want to join me all of a sudden? You didn't want to when I asked you before, or any other time when we ran into each other." She had to admit she was confused, Adder had always seemed uncomfortable around others and not terribly invested in a cause that involved others. Even now he seemed uneasy around so many strangers.

But he didn't hesitate in his reply, "I was investigating some things and now I'm ready to help. I have my own reasons for wanting the StarReaders gone, and I'm prepared to help to the fullest of my capabilities." His brown eyes were steady and sure, they seemed reminiscent of another cat Jay had known before.

"And what about your new friend, he's a StarReader," Jay growled, eyes narrowed. The thought that this cat had played a part in the terrors unleashed on the valley fueled an unjust anger against him. And when she thought that he had been part, or at least done nothing, while Swoop and Crag were tortured onto death, she barely kept herself from tearing his perfect pelt apart.

The brown tabby tom looked up from his conversation with Amelia, "I, too, want my cats to leave this valley."

"My cats?" So he still considers himself one of them, this isn't a regular deserter. "And why is that?" Amelia gazed calmly upon him.

"This valley is not our home. We are only happy among the stone, water, and the stars. Since we have come here we have become tainted, granting outsiders knowledge of secrets that our ancestors and those before them guarded with their lives," Dusk Howl's dark gray eyes shone with an internal light, Jay knew it came from a faith in a higher, if not impossible, thing.

"And what do you hope to gain by taking a stance against your cats?" Jay asked. If he left his cats and fought against them, even if he thought it was for their own good, he would never have a place among them regardless of what happened. Was he a martyr? Those types were dangerous.

"I want to return them to their rightful home. Our mission is not to conquer the world as Blanche and Lune proclaim, but to converse and safeguard the secrets of the stars," his voice took on a deeper meaning. It itched at Jay, she knew she had seen this cat, but she knew at the same time that she hadn't. What was bugging her about him? Who was this cat?

"Do you believe in killing others and offering them as 'gifts' to the stars?" This was an important question that Jay had to ask. She could never, ever, take a cat to her camp who agreed with such a vulgar act.

Dusk Howl shook his head slowly, "That is another path which we have stepped off of. These things never occurred until Blanche succeeded her father, or so my parents told me. It is only out of selfishness and greed that these terrible sacrifices are made. I wish to end it and all those who have participated in it."

"What is the purpose for these sacrifices?" Amelia asked.

But the tabby tom shook his head, "That is a secret. I could not betray the stars."

Jay's tail thumped against the ground, "If you want us to trust you, you can't have any secrets."

Dusk Howl set his jaw firmly, "I will not budge on this. If need be, I will find another way. I can tell you many things about my cats, however, and it may aid the cause that we are parallel in pursuing."

Jay tilted her head, considering. It would be good to have some other cat to get information from aside from Ash. But this was a StarReader, an enemy. What if he was a spy? If she took him to the ravine, would he run back to his cats and mount an attack where her kits were?

She hadn't forgotten that white cat that had been speaking with her kits when they wandered off, and they had stolen Midnight's kits once, was she willing to risk something so precious for information? But he was with Adder and she did trust the young tom to not act stupidly, if nothing else.

"Adder," she turned seriously to him, "Can you vouch for his sincerity in this cause? That he will do nothing to harm us or our young?"

Adder straightened up, as if trying to seem more grown-up. "I can, and I believe his help is not something to be taken lightly. I trust him fully." Jay didn't know how good a judge of character he was, but she didn't have much else to go on.

Turning to the two young toms she dipped her head, "Welcome to the team."

......

Blue shadows cast by the mountains stretched over the snow, Jay's paws were frozen numb and her nose was crusty where her breath had frozen over her muzzle. Her ears were flat against her head and she kept as close to the other cats to share in their warmth as was practical as they traversed the valley.

They were two cats shorter than when they had sat together under the heather bush. Amelia had opted to stay in the valley and so had Raizel. Jay had tasked Amelia with keeping an eye, or an ear, on the StarReaders. If something like what had happened to Swoop and Crag occurred again, she wanted to know.

Which brought up an uneasy question. Had Amelia been aware of what had happened? Did she really believe what Amelia said about her hearing? And if she did, what did that mean? That Amelia had known everything that was happening in the valley and hadn't told her? It was difficult to comprehend the repercussions, and Jay found herself only believing in the power when it was convenient for her.

Ash too had told Raizel to keep close attention on anything regarding the StarReaders and asked that she cooperate with Amelia should it be necessary 'for the benefit of the cats in the valley.' And so they'd left the two she-cats behind and the remaining group of four continued up into the mountain and down into the valley, where they now were.

"I'm impressed you were able to find our home, normal cats shouldn't be able to find it," Dusk Howl mewed, looking a little disconcerted as he gave her an admiring glance.

Jay exchanged a look with Ash and he rolled his eyes, "It's better not to let him know that its common knowledge that the StarReaders are from here," Ash whispered to her. "They think that the path to the valley can only be seen by cats chosen by the stars, namely, themselves."

Jay rolled her eyes, such egotistical thinking, exactly what she would expect from cats like the StarReaders. "I imagine you used that thinking to your advantage," she whispered back.

Ash smirked, whiskers twitching deviously, "I couldn't let such an opportune piece of information to go to waste."

Shaking her head, Jay stepped lightly through the snow, using the trail she'd made when leaving the valley. The cats walked quietly past the gray dens that were formerly the StarReaders, but Jay noticed Dusk Howl looking at them with wistful longing in his gaze.

"You cats don't live in the valley?" he asked as they passed by the camp without stopping.

Jay didn't bother to turn around to look at him, "No, we live in the ravine," she mewed. Dusk Howl didn't answer, but she thought she heard a relieved sigh. Probably didn't want strangers stinking up his sacred place.

They climbed up the short rock-strewn path into the ravine and Jay felt her shoulders relax as the scents of her new home washed over her. Not to mention the snow was much lower and the pines were like a cover that kept out the oppressing cold of the wind.

"Where are your cats?" Dusk Howl asked, looking around as if he expected creatures to assimilate from the shadows.

"Further in, who would live right here?" Jay growled, wishing he could be quiet like the rest.

He looked at her as if shocked by her rough tone, "I do apologize for asking so many questions, but how else do you expect me to learn?"

Jay jerked her head forward again and ignored him, though she spat spitefully in her mind, perhaps you try observing like you aren't an impatient snob that deserves to know everything? This isn't going to last long if he keeps this up.

They managed the rest of the journey in silence and Jay purred as a pack of kits came charging out to meet them. Her three kits launched themselves at her, Flint scrambling onto her back while Ice tried to knock him off and Hail weaved between her legs. Ash's kits cautiously approached him, looking as unsure of what to do as Ash.

Eagle hung back, even though he had charged in as excitedly as the other kits. It seemed he had noticed Dusk Howl and was eying him suspiciously. They all congregated by the oak tree where Crow had been sleeping and soon Silver and Thunderstorm appeared, with the former leading the latter.

Silver and Thunderstorm hung back and Eagle joined them while Dusk Howl introduced himself to Crow and respectfully asked for his acceptance. Adder was hanging back behind the group, looking uncomfortable as he gave his chest a few quick licks and then scratched himself behind the ear.

Jay took a deep breath, it seemed she would have to make some sort of announcement. Launching herself onto the lowest branch of the oak tree she let out a loud mew and attracted the attention of all the cats beneath her. "As I'm sure you've noticed, I've returned with two new cats; Adder and Dusk Howl."

Silver let out a protesting growl, glaring up at her, "He's a StarReader! What are you thinking?!" Thunderstorm nodded solemnly while Eagle hid behind his brother. The other kits, however, looked at Dusk Howl in amazement. Midnight's kits didn't remember much of their captivity and Jay's kits had only heard the name of StarReaders by eavesdropping on hushed conversations.

"He wants to help us-" Jay began but Silver cut her off.

"We don't need his help!" Jay gave a cough to let Silver know she was being rude in front of strangers but the she-cat didn't seem to understand. "And now that he knows our location, we have to leave!"

"We aren't going anywhere," Jay mewed soothingly as the cats began to panic. "Dusk Howl and Adder will be joining us and aiding us in our efforts."

"Efforts of what? You sound like you mean something more than hunting," Crow rasped, narrowing his old eyes.

Jay dipped her head, "I've discussed this with Silver and Amelia. We want to free the cats being held captive by the StarReaders and send them back to the stone valley. Dusk Howl wants this as well and will help us," Jay mewed firmly.

Adder was shifting his paws as the cats turned to regard the two newcomers, but Dusk Howl met the looks with a superior air that quieted the offensive murmurs. Silver raised her tail, looking a little less agitated, "Will they have a guard?"

Jay's tail twitched, "Did I put a guard on you?" she asked dryly.

"You put one on Thunderstorm," she shot back.

"That was because he is blind and in a new place, if he needed something, he would need help, as least at first," she added as Thunderstorm's hackles rose. "However, I understand the concerns and for the first moon Dusk Howl and Adder cannot leave the camp area alone without permission. If they do, it must be for a very serious reason or I will consider banishing them," that seemed acceptable to the cats, though Thunderstorm and Eagle looked nervous.

After jumping down from the tree, Jay headed for the two new cats who were looking around, seemingly a little lost as to what to do next. "Adder, Dusk Howl, I hope you don't mind the condition I gave for you two," Jay mewed apologetically, not that she felt apologetic in any way.

Dusk Howl nodded his head, "It is alright, but it is really no difficult task, I have no idea how that rule will stop us if we truly are going to betray you."

Jay grinned, "True, it is easy to disobey. But that is the point, it isn't meant to keep you in check, it's meant to build trust between the two of you and the others. If you can be trusted in little things, they will trust you with larger things," she explained.

Ash's eyes gleamed as she explained and she wondered how he had not caught that earlier, though is it that big of a surprise that he doesn't understand how to build trust? He's always so bent on breaking it... "By the way..." Dusk Howl mewed, gaze straying over to Thunderstorm, Silver, and Eagle, "Those three look familiar."

Jay glanced at them, surely he wasn't serious, yet he looked confused as he regarded them. "Yes... Silver was once a cat held captive by the StarReaders, same with Eagle and Thunderstorm, the two brothers were held much more recently," she explained slowly.

"Hey," Adder added in, "The gray one was an Ivy Cat, wasn't he? And, his brother too?"

"That's right," Ash mewed, flashing a glance at them, "But Thunderstorm is blind and Eagle is young, so neither of them participated in the fight."

"Ah, I see, that's why I didn't remember them at first," Dusk Howl's gaze cleared, "I never paid much attention to the useless."

Jay exchanged a sharp glance with Ash. Although neither of them particularly liked the tom, calling Thunderstorm useless was poor taste. "He may be blind, but it isn't like he is helpless," Jay mewed mildly, feeling like she ought to say something in defense of him since he wasn't close enough to do it himself.

Dusk Howl looked at her with surprise in his smooth gray eyes, "I'm sorry if I spoke rashly, I meant no offense."

Jay hummed and shook her head, taking a step back and smoothing some of her shoulder fur with her tongue. She didn't understand this cat at all, sometimes he seemed more civilized than a Clan cat, sometimes coarser than a rogue.

At least Adder is able to understand, he's a loner through and through. I just wonder why he's so concerned about the cats being held captive by the StarReaders, what are his purposes for being here? "I think I must offer those two my condolences," Dusk Howl interrupted her thoughts with this statement.

"What?" Jay looked at him wide-eyed and found that Ash and Adder were as confused as she was.

"Eagle's appearance reminded me. They are the sons of Crag and Swoop, are they not? I must offer my condolences," Dusk Howl mewed, stepping toward the two toms.

It took Jay a moment to register what he was doing before she was moving after him. But she had been too slow, he was already dipping his head and mewing his deepest regrets and offering his sympathies to the group of three cats.

Thunderstorm seemed disturbed and his ears were twitching nervously, Eagle looked frightened as if Dusk Howl were speaking in a strange tongue, and Silver looked about ready to claw his face off as she stood between him and the two brothers.

"What garbage are you spouting, you rat!" Silver hissed, arching her back and unsheathing her claws.

Dusk Howl seemed taken aback, "I'm not talking to you, I was talking to them. I wanted to apologize for the heinous acts taken against their parents, you must be heartbroken," he mewed feelingly.

Eagle hid deeper behind his brother and Thunderstorm seemed unable to put words in his mouth, "Are you saying that they were hurt by the StarReaders?"

Jay had reached Dusk Howl and was about to drag him away when the words fell carelessly from his mouth, "No, I'm saying that they are dead. My, how terrible it is to feign ignorance over such a serious matter, is this how you honor them?"the former StarReader admonished them.

"Dead?" Thunderstorm echoed and Eagle gave a tiny wail. The blind cat's eyes seemed even more blank as his eyelids slid half closed and his breathing became rough.

Silver turned angrily on the newcomer but Dusk Howl turned casually toward Jay's horrified expression, "I don't understand. You mentioned their death earlier when you were determining whether to allow Adder and I to join you. Why do they seem to not know about their parents death? Are they so stupid?"

Jay felt too guilty to get angry and, besides, Silver seemed to have that emotion in full stock. "You! Get out of here!" she screeched as Dusk Howl, boxing at his ears.

"Ow! Ouch! No need to get violent, but I cannot leave camp without permission," the tabby mewed as the pale gray she-cat attacked him.

"I give you permission! Get out of here you useless flea-bag!" in the face of Silver's fury Dusk Howl quickly retreated into the pines, but not without a chuckle of how unreasonable rogues were.

"And you!" Jay felt Silver's anger turn on her, coupled by Thunderstorm's and Eagle's pain as they recovered enough to realize what was happening. "How could you keep something like that a secret?! We were just talking about needing to trust the new cats, but I don't know if we can even trust you! Do you think you were helping any cat by not telling them something like that? Do you think your kits would want it to be hidden from them if you died?!"

Jay glanced at her kits, they were looking at her wide-eyed, tears welling up as they sniffled, frightened by the anger and conflict and not quite understanding. But she knew she had been wrong, guilt was a terrible feeling, a feeling she'd tried so hard to get rid of. But this time she had been weak to her own fears and had failed others because of that.

What responsibility have I to them? I am their leader, they have to trust me. I have no reason to feel guilty. A leader can do no wrong, I was not wrong, I am not wrong. Silver is being unreasonable and noisy again... so noisy. Her guilt turned to a dry fire, being fanned by Silver's hot gust of rage. Her eyes closed, she took the insults and scoldings, seething hotter and hotter until Silver was out of breath.

"You... shouldn't... have done that... you're a terrible... cat," Silver wheezed, stumbling in front of her, anger spent as Thunderstorm regarded her with disdain in his sightless eyes. And Eagle, he looked at her with a look of broken trust, of lost friendship. Don't look at me like that, she thought, narrowing her eyes as she met Eagle's gaze.

He was imploring her to apologize, and for him, it would be that simple. As a kit, he could forgive her if she simply asked. But if there was one thing she had never asked for before, it was forgiveness, her decisions were her own and she would never regret them.

"Are you done?" her low voice masked rage. Silver looked at her in surprise but Jay didn't give her time to answer, "If you want excuses or apologies, you aren't going to get them. I did what I did, there's nothing else to say. I don't care to justify myself or try to help you understand," she held Silver's pale blue eyes in her own dark blue, nearly black, gaze.

"I can do what I like, you have no right to judge me. I never lied to them, for they never asked about their parents, and I did not kill their parents, so their death is not my fault. Taking your anger out on me is childish," Jay mewed coldly, turning away before she lost her temper even further.

No cat moved as she made to leave the clearing and no cat said anything, not even her kits came to her. With her eyes closed she walked in the darkness of her own mind. Why did she get so angry? Why did she say those things?Why was she so prideful?!

"Fox-dung!" she spat, scoring her claws across a pine trunk. Perhaps Silver had overreacted a little, but that was no excuse for her to get so angry. She must have scared the kits so much... And how was she supposed to ever get cats' cooperation like this? They wouldn't forget it overnight.

"My mentor always did tell me that I was too rash, I never really believed her though," she muttered.

"Is that so?"

Jay jumped at the voice, but she recognized Dusk Howl immediately. "What are you doing here?" Jay scowled, this was all his fault. He had to go and do unnecessary things.

Dusk Howl didn't seem bothered by her tone and waved his tail, "It seemed I needed to give the others some space, though I admit I don't understand what I did wrong. I do apologize," he mewed, dipping his sleek brown and ginger tabby head.

Jay's tail twitched, she supposed he didn't do something inherently bad. Offering your sympathies to a cat that had lost loved ones was usually something looked upon with gratitude. She sighed, "It was my fault about what happened, the others know it too, but when painful emotions are called up they want to blame someone and they were already poised to blame you."

"I hope I didn't put you in an uncomfortable situation," he mewed, gray eyes clear and concerned.

Jay gave him a wry smile, he was incredibly inept at understanding what was happening. Again, it feels so familiar. He says things without thinking, and hurtful things at that, but he doesn't seem to realize they're hurtful. His emotions flow easily and he doesn't hide them. He's a peaceful cat, but also knows and holds power in the form of his convictions.

Jay blinked, realizing as she stared at Dusk Howl that in her mind she wasn't seeing the brown and ginger tabby, instead she saw a stone gray tom with a black paw and black ear. Rainpaw... her heart ached for her brother, for a moment homesickness swept over her stronger than ever before, she shook the feeling away, but the tenderness of the memory stayed warm in her heart for a few moments.

"You remind me a lot of my brother," she mewed slowly, taking a few steps toward him.

Dusk Howl looked surprised and dipped his head, "I'm honored you find that I resemble a dear one."

Jay purred, "You don't look like him, you just have a similar... feeling."

"How so?"

"Well," Jay mewed slowly, wandering throughout the pines, focusing her memory on her brother, "You're both surprising with your convictions, I never expected my brother the choose the path he did and I never expected a StarReader to come join me."

"But many, many cats are surprising. You are one as well, a rogue that has no connection to the mountains suddenly appears and gets deeply involved with many dangerous and important aspects," he paused as she gave him a confused and pointed look. "Ash gave the StarReaders a brief report on you once."

"Humph, of course he did," she scowled. "Anyways, it's more of the way you go about it, you aren't loud, but steadily calm, steadily pushing. A slow and steady approach, I would say. You're both sensitive as well, most cats wouldn't think of giving their condolences to cats that were once their prisoners, especially when I know you look down on those who are not part of the 'chosen ones.'"

Dusk Howl hesitated behind her, "I am trying hard to not let it show," he murmured quietly. Jay's whiskers twitched, that was trying not to let it show? My goodness he's terrible. "But I do believe that those chosen by the stars are special, I won't forget it for the sake of helping my cats."

"Well, if the others notice they won't be happy, no one likes being looked down upon," Jay paused as she came to the edge of the ravine, the stone valley a valley of snow below her paws.

"But I hope you know that we weren't always so violent in asserting our beliefs," Dusk Howl added, coming up to her shoulder and staring at her imploringly.

"I'm not sure, it seemed fairly natural for you to steal kits and kill helpless prisoners, I never heard reports of protests among the StarReaders," Jay mewed dubiously.

Dusk Howl shook his head, "We are used to it now, since all of us are younger than Blanche and she has practiced this since she took leadership. But my parents were against it and they told me about how things used to be," his gray eyes misted with feeling as he looked out over the valley.

"Your parents aren't alive then?" Jay guessed, she realized that she was probably far younger than this cat. He wasn't old, but he certainly didn't seem bursting with youth.

Dusk Howl shook his head, "No, they've gone before us. I honor them by keeping alive their memories, about the previous leader and how we used to honor the stars."

"If you didn't give sacrifices, what did you do?" Jay asked.

Dusk Howl glanced at her, "Are you trying to pry secrets from me?" he asked in a light tone.

Jay shrugged, "Just trying to get a better picture, is all."

"Well, I can tell you some things. We didn't offer lives, or at least, not by forcing death. Our own lives were lived in a specific way, gathering at night to speak with the stars, going to certain places where we were closer to the stars. They told me life was bliss and death was a joy. They could see their fallen friends and foster a bond with cats that had died long before their time. And now..." Dusk Howl closed his eyes as if in pain. "All that is lost, turned over in a greed for power."

"What do you mean?" Jay asked softly.

Dusk Howl didn't seem to hear her, "I'm so sorry," he whispered not to her but almost the valley itself, ears pressed flat against his head.

Jay was silent, looking out over the white valley. He would talk when he was ready, she had a feeling there were some painful memories connected with the fundamental change in the StarReaders' existence. "It looks like it is going to snow again," she observed quietly, thick gray clouds were blocking the evening light and the shadows seemed to fall around them all at once.

"Let's go back," she mewed firmly, looking at Dusk Howl's forlorn expression. He nodded in agreement and she led the way back, a few snowflakes drifting down between the small gaps of pine branches. The cats at the camp would be cooled off and she would apologize and they would apologize and all would be forgiven. Of that she was sure.

It snowed all night and all the next day, dropping several tail-lengths of snow in the valley and effectively trapping the cats in the ravine. But in the ravine there was a suitable amount of snow, mostly just a few thick piles where the snow had broken a tree branch and sent an avalanche falling down. Now all they had to do was survive the leaf-bare together; Jay and Ash were not looking forward to it.