"You know what I don't get? Why when you hear a strange noise upstairs and you're home alone, you don't just run out the door and to the neighbors, and ring the doorbell like you're going to try and convert their faith, so you can get them to call the police," Anthony said. He was eating some popcorn.

"More like see if anyone has a gun to arm yourselves with so you can shoot whatever the hell is in your house," Pepper said, waving her box of Sno-Caps around.

"I know," Vivian agreed.

They were in the media room at the Gilmore mansion, watching movies together since they were spending the night.

"My worry is how you're going to explain that to the cops. If all of you were murdered and I'm the only survivor, I'm the one that's going to be in handcuffs," Skye stated. "I doubt they're going to believe that a disgusting murder lake guy killed almost everyone and I'm the only survivor."

"Ooh, that's a good point," Cassian told her.

After the movie was over, which was early in the morning, Anthony, Pepper, and Skye took off since they had things to do like do homework, so it left Cassian and Elsie behind.

"I was thinking we can watch Silence of the Lambs," Elsie told Cassian.

Cassian thought about it, "You just want to watch Buffalo Bill dance around naked, don't you?"

Elsie felt her face warm up, "So?" She added, "I'd fuck him. I'd fuck him hard."

Cassian snorted, "No, you wouldn't. You would probably run away from the creep if he came at you."

"Yeah," Elsie admitted.

After the movie was over, Elsie led Cassian out the front door. He had taken her by the waist and kissed her. Elsie put her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. She knew that she shouldn't because making out with him usually leads to them wearing a lot less clothes and her grandparents were inside and Elsie rather not have her grandparents hear that.

She felt someone stroking her hair, which caused her eyes to snap wide open.

"I'm next," a man said. "That's why I got in this line."

She knew that voice. She pulled away and looked at her dad. "Christ, Dad."

Christopher laughed, "I'm kidding, Eloise."

Elsie removed her arms from Cassian's neck and hugged her dad.

Christopher put his arms around Elsie and looked at Cassian, "So...you've been making out with my daughter for months?"

Elsie felt her face warm up, "Dad!"

"I think I have the right to know who my daughter is kissing," Christopher said, looking over Cassian. Christopher will admit that the boy had great taste in music, judging from the various patches on his vest. "You drive a motorcycle?"

"No," Cassian replied confused. "My dad thinks they're death traps. He knew a girl who died while driving one because the semi-truck turned and crashed into her."

Christopher nodded, "You use condoms?"

"Uh..." Cassian wasn't sure what to say.

Elsie exclaimed, "Dad!" She tried to get out of her dad's arms, but he held on.

"No, no," Christopher told her, tightening his hold. "I haven't seen you in almost a year; I think I deserve to smother you with affection." He looked at Cassian. "Well?"

"Yeah..." Cassian said slowly. He faltered, "I mean no! There's no sex." He chuckled nervously.

"Relax," Christopher told him. "I was your age once..."

"Cassian," the teen said.

"Cassian," Christopher added, finally letting go of Elsie. He shook hands with the teen. "I'm Christopher Hayden."

"Mr. Hayden," Cassian said.

"Chris," the man corrected.

"Chris," Cassian corrected himself.

Elsie asked, "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I was here to take you to breakfast," Chris said. "But I guess I can take Cassian with us to get to know your boyfriend."

Elsie and Cassian looked at each other.

They went to a restaurant for breakfast, which was kind of awkward, considering that it was Chris this time, instead of Emily and Richard. They knew him, but they wanted to 'meet' him as Elsie's boyfriend.

Chris asked, "How long have you two been dating?"

"Since my sixteenth birthday," Elsie told him.

Chris nodded and looked at Cassian, "And where do you plan on going to college?"

Elsie almost groaned, "Dad, couldn't you have started off with 'what's your favorite band'?"

Cassian looked at Elsie, mostly because he probably would make Chris like him if he said Anal Cunt. Maybe if he showed Chris their album Picnic of Love, then maybe...

Richard had grilled Cassian with 'where do you want to go to college', 'what do you want to study' and 'what are your grades?'

It was embarrassing, but at least Richard approved of Cassian.

"I was planning on going to Louisiana to study chemical engineering," Cassian told him.

Elsie tried hard not to grimace at the thought of having to break things off with him in a few years.

Chris asked, "So, what is your favorite band?"

Cassian looked like he was mulling it over, before saying, "Uh, Elsie got me really into Slipknot."

Chris nodded his approval, "Good choice." He drank some coffee, "You've been to any concerts?"

"I've seeen Megadeath at the Xfinity Theatre in '98," Cassian told him.

"Where they any good live?" asked Chris.

"I thought they were amazing," Cassian replied.

Emily wasn't happy when Elsie got home.

"I called Bitty to see if you went home with Cassian," Emily said. "And she told me that you two never showed up."

Elsie started explaining, "We went out for breakfast—"

"Richard! Elsie and I are heading out!" Emily called to Richard as she took her arm and led her out of the house.

Elsie asked, "Where are we going?"

"You're getting a cell phone," Emily told her as they got in the car. "I need to know where you're going since you can't be bothered to tell me where you're going with Cassian."

"I'm sorry, Grandmother," Elsie said. "Dad showed up and we went out for breakfast with him."

"Christopher showed up?" asked Emily, surprised.

"Yes," Elsie said, "He wanted to formally meet Cass, so we went out for breakfast. He's going to Stars Hollow."

They went to a store and got Elsie a Nokia 3310 phone.

Although, after getting the cell phone, they went out for lunch and when they got home, Emily called Lorelai to tell her that Christopher was in town.

Christopher asked Lorelai, "She has a Dean?"

"She has a Dean," Lorelai replied.

Christopher was a bit curious, "How did this happen?"

"Well, a single-celled organism crawled out of primordial ooze and that pretty much lead to Dean," Lolrelai told him sarcastically.

"I need a beer," Christopher said, exhausted. His two daughters were growing up, one way to fast for his liking.

"Hey," Lorelai called to him.

Christopher looked at her, "Yes, dear?"

"Just so you know, Eloise has a Cassian," Lorelai told him. "And there's a lot more than an earlobe resemblance there."

"I know," Christopher replied, thinking about the patches on Cassian's vest. "I met him. Is Rory's Dean like Elsie's Cassian?"

"I don't know," Lorelai admitted. "I haven't met the headmaster's son."

Christopher said, "So, he's the headmaster's son?"

"Yeah," Lorelai replied. "That's all I know about him."

"Oh," Christopher replied. "Really?"

"But with Eloise, I definitely win with the resemblance," Lorelai told him. "She looks a lot like my younger self. Definitely kind of acting like me."

"Oh, don't worry," Christopher told her. "I doubt that Cassian is an idiot and will get her pregnant."

Elsie didn't hear anything more about Chris 'til the next evening when Emily wanted Elsie to get dressed because Christopher, Francine, and Straub were coming over for dinner. She even wore her dark blue Fabergé egg necklace to go with her outfit.

So, Elsie sat on a chair while Emily and Richard rushed around to get ready for the special occasion. 

"Hello?" called Lorelai, "Anybody home?"

"Oh my god!" replied Emily. "You're here." She looked at Christopher, "Christopher, look at you!" She hugged him.

"Emily – as always, perfect," Christopher said and then hugged Elsie when she opened her arms for a hug.

"I am so glad to see you," Emily said. "I didn't hear the doorbell."

"We didn't ring the doorbell," Lorelai said.

Emily seemed confused, "You let yourselves in?"

"Its okay, Mom," Lorelai said. "Look, not a rapist among us."

That was a slightly morbid thing to say and wasn't a thing to joke about. Elsie had read Clarissa and Tess of the d'Urberbvilles and Speak so she knew how awful it could be.

"Hi, Grandma," Rory greeted with a smile, "Hi, Elsie. I like your shirt."

"Thanks," Elsie replied.

"You usually knock," Emily told Lorelai.

"Not since you gave us a key," Lorelai replied.

"That is for emergencies," Emily told her.

"Well, Mom, I'm starving to death," Lorelai replied. "Is that enough of an emergency for you?"

"Well, Richard's in the living room; come on it," Emily said. "He's dying to see you."

Elsie cringed, remembering how Richard ended up in the hospital due to minor angina and went to the living room with Rory following.

"Well, here they are," Richard said, going to kiss Rory on the cheek.

"Hi, Grandpa," Rory said.

"Hello, Rory," Richard said and looked at his daughter, "Lorelai." He looked at Christopher and shook his hand, "Christopher, old boy, how are you? My gosh, it's good to see you!"

Christopher asked, "How are you Richard?"

"Well, I'm better than most, not as good as some," Richard replied.

"And annoyed with all," Christopher finished.

Elsie went to sit on the couch across from the other couch that Rory and Lorelai were occupying.

"Aha! You speak the truth young man! I have made martinis," Richard said, getting two glasses. He passed them to Christopher. "So, Christopher, tell me about your business."

Christopher handed one glass to Emily.

Emily said, "Oh, Richard, let the poor boy relax." She went to sit next to Elsie.

Richard gave Christopher another glass, "Well, I simply want to find out how it's going."

"It's uh – it's going great, Richard, Christopher replied, passing a martini glass to Lorelai on his way over to sit next to Rory on the couch. "I'm almost afraid to jinx it by tell you how good it's going."

Elsie narrowed her eyes at Christopher. It sounded like he just lied to Richard about it.

"Oh, that is wonderful," Richard said. "I always knew you had it in you. You have a splash of greatness as my mother would say. You've always had that splash of greatness. I bet that Elsie got it from you."

Elsie inwardly cringed. If her theory was right on Christopher's business not going so great, she didn't want Christopher's 'greatness.'

"Mm," Lorelai hummed, "I'd like another splash of greatness if you don't mind." She went to get another martini.

"Oh, Richard," Emily said. "Isn't Rory the spitting image of Christopher?"

"I just hope you inherit your father's business sense also, my dear," Richard told Rory.

"I know one thing for sure – you certainly have your father's musical talent," Emily said. "Elsie didn't inherit her father's musical talent, sadly."

"Oh, wait just a minute," Lorelai started.

Emily looked fond, "I still remember that day she got in trouble for hitting Trevor's son with a clarinet in the third grade."

Elsie looked down, her face turning red from embarrassment.

Christopher and Rory laughed at that.

Rory asked, "Whose son?"

"Trevor Daley," Emily said. "You don't know him. He, his wife, and their son moved to Cleveland."

Rory asked Elsie, "Why did you hit his son with a clarinet?"

"He put gum in my hair," Elsie muttered.

"Mom," Lorelai cut in. "Neither of these two have any musical talent. Apparently Eloise doesn't either."

"Hey," Christopher said offended. "I play guitar."

"You know the opening lick to Smoke on the Water,'" Lorelai told him.

"And I've since mastered the opening lick to Jumping Jack Flash," Christopher retorted.

"I'm a...Chuck Berry man myself," Richard stated. Lorelai laughed, choking/spitting out her drink, making everyone look at her. "Something wrong?"

Lorelai said, "I would never have guessed that that last sentence would ever come out of your mouth."

Richard asked, "And why not?"

Lorelai asked, "Chuck Berry?"

"He has some good songs," Elsie said, even though she couldn't think of one.

"He was all the rage when I was in school," Richard explained.

"So we're talking pre-'My-Ding-A-Ling'?" asked Lorelai.

"I believe I am," Richard replied.

Emily asked, "Do you remember when you two were what – ten and you put on that adorable show for us?"

Lorelai asked, "What show, Mom?"

Christopher said, "Lucy, Schroedor, you laying on the coffee table."

Elsie tried not to image her mother lying on a coffee table. It was weird. Although it sounded vaguely familiar to her.

Lorelai spoke to Christopher, "You pretending it was a piano." To Emily, she said, "God why is that remembered?"

"Because it was such a wonderful production," Emily said.

"I don't know if it was a production, Mom," Lorelai said. "It was just one song."

Christopher said, "'Suppertime.'"

"Did you write that? That was really very good," Richard said.

"I think it sounds like it's from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown,'" Elsie said.

"It was," Lorelai told her.

"Well, I thought Christopher might have written it," Richard defended. "He's a very talented man."

The doorbell rang and Elsie felt a little better.

"That would be Straub and Francine," Emily said, getting up to answer the door.

"Ha, hah, your turn," Lorelai whispered to Christopher.

"I haven't seen your parents in quite a number of years," Richard said. "We were practically inseparable for a while."

And then Christopher got Lorelai pregnant and that was the end of it.

"I remember that," Christopher stated.

"This is weird," Rory said. "These are my other grandparents. I don't even know them. What do I call them?"

"Call 'em what I call 'em," Christopher stated, "Ass—"

"Chris," interrupted Lorelai.

"Sorry," Christopher said. "My tie's too tight."

"Just, us, call them Straub and Francine," Lorelai told Rory. "Call them Mr. and Mrs. Hayden. Sir and Ma'am? Why don't you just avoid calling them anything?"

Rory asked, "Elsie, what do you call them?"

"Uh, Grandfather and Grandmother," Elsie said with a shrug. "I don't see them all that much."

"Look who's here," Richard announced.

"Hello, Mother, Pop," Christopher said.

"Christopher," Straub greeted.

"Christopher, hello," Francine said, adjusting Christopher's tie.

Straub looked at Elsie, "Eloise, it's nice to see you. We haven't seen you since Easter a couple of year ago."

Elsie had to get up and hug them.

"Yeah, I remember you shoved that one boy to the ground during the neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt," Francine told her with a small smile.

"He pushed Skye out of the way to get to the egg first," Elsie grumbled.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hayden," Lorelai greeted. "Long time no see."

"Lorelai," Francine told her. "You look well."

"I am, thanks," Lorelai replied. "You remember Rory? You haven't seen her in quite a while."

"No, we haven't," Straub said.

"I think she was just beginning to speak in complete sentences," Francine said.

"So, not for two or four years then," Lorelai said. Everyone looked at her, "She's obviously been talking a long time so I was making a humorous comment sometimes referred to as a joke."

"I see you haven't changed, Lorelai," Straub said.

"No, not at all," Lorelai replied.

Francine looked at Rory, "Rory, hello."

"Hi," Rory said in a nervous tone and then curtsied.

Lorelai whispered to Rory, "Did you just curtsy?"

"Shut up," Rory whispered back, clearly embarrassed.

"Sorry, milady," Lorelai whispered.

Straub looked at Elsie, "So, Eloise, are you still taking clarinet lessons?"

"No, I quit that years ago," Elsie replied, "When I was in the fifth grade, to be exact."

Lorelai asked, "Was that after you hit a boy with your clarinet?"

Elsie looked at her.

Richard asked, "Uh, Straub, Francine, how about a martini?"

"Please," Straube said.

Richard went to make martinis while everyone went to sit down. Elsie sat in the middle of Francine and Emily.

Richard asked, "Well, Straub, how is retirement treating you?"

"Yes, do tell us about the Bahamas," Emily said.

"You can get an entire island there for the cost of a decent house here," Straub said.

That meant it was expensive for people who weren't rich.

Richard asked, "Really?"

"How about you Richard?" asked Straub. "Any thoughts of retirement crossing your mind?"

"If only Grandpa could be talked into retiring," Elsie said. "He loves working a lot."

"Elsie and I've given up talking him into retiring," Emily added.

"We're very pleased about Christopher's business success out in California," Richard said.

"Yes, it's taken a while but it seems to be finally coming together," Straub stated blandly, "Seems to be."

Elsie cringed. That didn't sound good.

"Christopher your tie, please," Francine scolded, as Christopher seemed to be loosening his tie.

"Straub and Fran – Mr. and Mrs. – um...are you enjoying your time here, um...you...two?" Rory stuttered out.

Straub asked, "How old are you and Elsie?"

"Sixteen," Elsie and Rory said in unison.

"Dangerous age for girls," Straub said, clearly referring to Lorelai's past 'mistakes'.

"Straub," warned Francine.

"Rory is a very special child – excellent student, very bright," Emily said.

"You should have a talk with Rory, Straub," Richard said. "She could give you a run for your money."

Straub asked, "Is that so?"

"That's right," Emily said.

Straub looked at Rory, who looked uncomfortable since she needed to come up with a topic to debate on.

"Well, I think my money's safe," Straub said. "She clearly doesn't share Eloise's debating skills."

Elsie had a few debates with Straub.

Once, Elsie had debated him on that cambozola was a very good cheese and the other debate she had with him, she managed to get him to change his mind on the fact that autumn was the superior season than the other three.

"I hate President Bush," Lorelai stated.

Straub asked, "What?"

"Lorelai," Emily warned.

"Oh, boy," muttered Christopher.

"He's stupid and his face is too tiny for his head and I just want to toss him out," Lorelai explained.

"That is the leader of our country, young lady," Straub told her.

"Ignore her," Richard told him.

"So, Grandfather Straub," Elsie started. "Have you tried Camembert cheese?"

"One moment, Eloise," Straub said. "I see Lorelai is out of control as ever."

Francine held the martini glass to Elsie as Straub started in on Lorelai about what she was doing with her life besides hating President Bush.

Elsie took a sip since everyone was focused on Straub and Lorelai, so no one noticed.

Francine fanned herself with her bag, "Straub, please. I'm getting a headache."

"Come on, Richard," Emily pleaded. "Lead us into the dining room, now."

"If had attended a university as your parents had planned and as we planned in vain for Christopher, you might have aspired to something more than a blue collared position."

Technically, she ran an inn.

"Don't do this," Christopher said.

"And I wouldn't give a damn about you derailing your life if you hadn't swept my son along with you," Straub said.

"Honey, go into the next room," Lorelai told Rory. "Go, go."

Rory took off.

"I'm going to have to echo Christopher's call for civility here. A mutual mistake was made many years ago by these two, but they have come a long way since," Richard explained.

Straub said, "A mutual mistake, Richard? This whole evening is ridiculous. We're supposed to sit here like one big happy family and pretend that the damage that was done is over, gon? I don't care about good a student you say that girl is..."

"Hey!" yelled Lorelai offended.

Straub said, "Our son was bound for Princeton. Every Hayden male attended Princeton including myself, but it all stopped with Christopher. It's a humiliation we've had to live with every day, all because you seduced him into ruining his life. She had those babies, abandoned one, and ended his future."

Elsie looked at her converse shoes. Of course, she knew that Lorelai abandoned her, but it takes two people to tango and have a kid or kids. She knew that Straub was just too proud to admit that Christopher was also to blame, because if Christopher was to be blamed and disgraced, than the entire Hayden name is disgraced too.

"You recant that Straub!" Richard yelled, grabbing Straub's jacket.

"You're spilling my drink," Straub told him.

"You owe my daughter an apology," Richard said.

"An apology? That's rich," Straub said.

"How dare you?" Richard snapped. He had tightened his grip on Straub and started to shake him.

"Richard, what are you doing?" asked Emily appalled.

Richard yelled, "How are you come into my house and insult my daughter!"

"Let go of me!" exclaimed Straub.

Christopher asked, "Whoa, whoa, what is going on here?" He put himself in between the two men to separate them.

"Shame on you, Straub, shame on you for opening all this up again," Richard said.

"Get your purse, Francine," Straub ordered her.

"My daughter is very successful at what she does," Richard yelled.

"We're leaving," Straub told Francine.

"You're not leaving," Richard yelled, "I'm kicking you out."

"Bye Grandma Francine," Elsie told the woman, hugging her briefly. "See you on Easter." Sure, Straub wasn't in the mood at the moment, all because of President Bush, but he'll get over it eventually and apologize.

The four grandparents took off, so Elsie took that as her cue to freshen up a little before going into the kitchen, but she stopped by to see how Richard was doing.

"A member of my family was being attacked," Richard was saying. "The very Gilmore name was being attack. I will not stand for that not under any circumstances."

"Okay, well, it doesn't really matter why you did it," Lorelai replied.

"Yes, it does matter why I did! It matters greatly! Lorelai, what are you going to take away from this? That everything that happened in the past is suddenly fine because I defended you?" Richard yelled.

"No," Lorelai replied, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

"That the hell that you put your mother, Elsie, and I through for the past sixteen years is suddenly washed away? Well it's not," Richard said.

"We've all been through hell, Dad," Lorelai said.

"I had to tell my friends, my colleagues, that my only daughter, the brightest in her class, was pregnant and was leaving school," Richard stated.

"That must have been devastating," Lorelai replied.

Richard snapped, "And then you run away, leaving Elsie behind, and treat us like lepers. Your mother couldn't get out of bed for a month and Elsie kept asking if you'll return to get her and eventually stopped asking when she was five. Did you know that? Did you?"

"No," replied Lorelai.

Richard yelled, "We did nothing to deserve that. Nothing to earn that! Especially Elsie, since she was a baby!"

Elsie turned and hurried away.