First Christmas

Christmas Day-

Jessica hadn't slept at all that night. Her nightmares were coming back, even while staying at the lake house. But this time they were even more vivid. Jessica could see Danny so perfectly each time. As much as she hated the nightmares, she was able to 'see' Danny.

When she woke up, she had a horrible pain in her stomach, she had been upset. She knew it was Christmas, maybe that was why. A year ago today Danny was in Disney world with his sister and kids, him and Jessica had just got back together. Right now Jessica should be in New York with Danny, waking up Christmas morning, exchanging gifts, and listening to Christmas music. That was their dream.

A couple months back-

Jessica and Danny were walking around a flea market set up in the park. It was their day off from work. On days off they liked getting out of the apartment and doing different things. Today was their first time at a flea market.

"Look at this hideous sweater!" Jessica chuckles holding a hot pink sweater with feathers all over.

Danny chuckles "That is terrible. My eyes burn." He says

Jessica sets the sweater down and takes Danny's hand as they continue to walk past tables of things.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" He asks

Jessica nods "A flea market in the fall, it's pretty nice."

"And we are together. That makes everything ten times better."

Jessica stops and hugs Danny.

Then, he spots a table with all types of Christmas decorations.

He runs to it like a child who found a toy in the store. Jessica follows after him.

"Just a few more months before Christmas! Think about it, our first Christmas together since high school." He picks up the different ornaments and smiles.

She sits back and watches. "Mhm." She mumbles with a smirk.

"We are going to have an over the top Christmas. Decorate everything with colorful lights, get one of those big ass trees that's too tall, an have a themed tree. Christmas morning we will dance to music with hot chocolate... what do you think?"

"I think you pulled that right out of a cheesy Christmas movie."

Danny wraps his arms around Jessica and kisses her non stop, causing her to giggle.

"I want my wife to have the best Christmas ever with her best husband ever!"

Jessica rolls her eyes then smiles at Danny's cuteness.

"I don't have any Christmas decorations, so let's start getting some now." She says pointing to the table.

"Yes! I thought you'd never agree!" He says in a funny tone.

//-//

She started to cry, thinking back to when Danny had wanted so desperately to have a wonderful Christmas and make it the best one yet. Those dreams were crushed, now Jessica was crushed.

Day by day Jessica felt even more guilty. She kept asking herself if she did her part in giving Danny an amazing life. They had their falling outs and fights. At the moment those fights came back to haunt her. She thought about all the times she ever hurt him. One that really killed her was when she left Minnesota after high school.

If Jessica had never left, her and Danny would have been together all these years. She would have been able to give him the perfect Christmas he wanted with his wife.

She hated herself for all the times she messed up. She just wanted to turn the clock and go back.

//-//

Christmas morning Dorthy drove to the house to pick up Jessica. She was having all the family over for gift opening and breakfast. She didn't want Jessica to miss out.

Jessica got ready then headed to her mothers. She was of course quite which was to be excited by everyone.

When she got to Dorthy's she helped her mother make breakfast while she waited for everyone to arrive.

When they did it was super overwhelming for Jessica. Everyone was in great spirits, loud, cheerful, and excited. Jessica wasn't finding any joy. She didn't want to ruin everyone's time, so she tried to stay clear of the chaos.

Having everyone in one room was a lot too. They all wanted to talk to her, see how she was, all at once. It was beginning to become too much, so she snuck upstairs into her room.

She laid on the bed curled up in a ball. She couldn't get Danny off her mind.

Then, she hears a small knock on the door. It slowly opens. She didn't want to see anyone. But when she saw her nephew Quinn standing there alone she sat up.

"Quinn, What are you doing here?" She asks

Quinn closes the door behind him and sits next to Jessica. He wraps his arms around her and gives her a long hug.

"You need a hug." He says

Jessica takes in his embrace and smiles. "Thank you"

"I know you're sad. Things are crazy down there. You probably feel overwhelmed?" He asks

Jessica nods "Yeah. A bit. But I want you to go downstairs and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about me." She says

"No, I don't want you alone. I remember when Dad died you were there for us. You helped me through it. It's harder for me to help you through it, because I'm young. But I get it. Yeah, I didn't lose a husband, but I've experienced loss. We all have... and I remember you telling me that even though Dad may not be here, he's here. And he'll be waiting for me, when my time comes. Also, you told me to keep my chin up, because even after a really bad storm, there will always be sunshine again."

Jessica tears up. Her nephew just made her day... he reminded her that there was going to be good, maybe not now, but soon. It all just takes time. Also, Danny is here with her. Knowing that gave her comfort.

She holds her nephew in her arms. "I love you, Quinn."

"I love you too, aunt Jess."

"You're very smart..." She giggles

"You are too. Sometimes you just need a little reminder." He says poking her head

It makes her laugh.

"What would I do without you?" She asks

"Maybe not have to chase me for the last roll." He says standing up

"Ohhh, it's on!" She says standing up and running out of her room.

//-//

After spending some time with the little ones, Jessica's spirits were boosted a bit. It was incredible how they managed to put a smile on her face, even during the toughest time.

Jessica spent the day at Dorthy's. Later, Zoe invited Jessica over for Christmas dinner.

She was excited to see Danny's family. She loved them like her own, and again felt more connected to Danny.

Zoe had made up a big dinner. All of Danny's siblings, nieces, and nephews were there.

They had dinner. Durning dinner it didn't feel the same now that Danny's gone. He was the light of the table. He always cracked he funniest jokes and made the best conversations. It was dull. Everyone could feel it. His brothers managed to boost up everyone's spirits. They began telling stories of Danny. At first Jessica was okay, but then it became too much. She excused herself from the table and ran into the kitchen.

Once they had realized they made her upset, Angelica and Zoe ran after her.

She hung herself over the sink and began getting sick. This happened a lot now. Jessica would overwork her body so much that she'd get ill.

Zoe held her hair back while Angelica put ice on her neck.

When she was done they helped clean her up them comforted her.

"I'm sorry, Jessica... we didn't mean to-" Angelica says

Jessica puts up her hand "I should apologize. Just because I can't keep myself together doesn't mean I should ruin your dinner and time to talk about Danny.... I should leave." She cries

"Don't be silly, Jessica.... we love having you. You didn't ruin anything."

"I feel as if I've always been ruining something lately. I just can't keep it in. I try, I really do."

"We aren't asking you to keep anything in, Jessica. We are always here to talk and comfort you." Angelica says

"Are you feeling okay? You look very sick." Zoe says with concern as she pats a cold towel around Jessica's pale face.

She nods "this happens when I get worked up."

"Oh Jessie..." Angelica says

"It's okay, I'm fine..." she says

They both give her a hug and kiss her cheeks.

"Thank you for being so good to me." She says

"We love you like family, Jessica..." Zoe says

Angelica nods in agreement.

"You know who else loves you?" Angelia asks

Jessica looks up at her.

"Danny... god, he loved you to the moon and back. It was insane... I wish my husband looks at me the way he looked a You..." Angelica says

Jessica smiles and wipes her tears. She knew Danny loved her. He told her everyday. He always made her feel so loved at appreciated. She felt the same way towards him. She knew she was lucky to have a guy like her, who loved her to death.

"He had heart eyes every time he looked at you." Zoe adds

"Mhm... He was a lucky guy."

"I was a lucky girl..." Jessica says to herself

//-//

The good stuff is coming, I promise!!

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