Chapter 27

I slowly opened my eyes and saw the concerned faces of my best friends. My legs were propped up on Amihan's shoulder while I lay on the ground with her jacket beneath me.

"I need to follow Kaeda," I uttered, but Yan, who was beside me, gently stopped me from standing.

"You need to sit for a few more minutes, Solana," Amihan instructed in a concerned yet authoritative voice.

Naalala ko ang mga nangyari; bumagsak ang mga luha ko.

Akmang pipiglas ako sa hawak ni Yan pero umiling siya. "Please don't be stubborn."

A few minutes later, an ambulance arrived.

"Okay lang ako," sabi ko sa dalawa. "Hindi na kailangang dalhin pa 'ko sa hospital."

Tiningnan lang ako ni Amihan at nilapitan kami ng paramedics. Wala na akong nagawa nang isakay nila ako sa ambulance. Pagkarating sa Haya Medical Center ay hinayaan ko na lang sila sa kung anong gagawin sa akin.

The doctor was speaking to me, but I could not focus on him as my mind wandered to Kaeda. After conducting some tests and finding no underlying medical conditions, the doctor advised me to go home.

Pauwi sa condo ay nag-uusap sina Amihan at Yan sa sasakyan pero wala akong inintindi. Dumeretso ako sa kwarto at sinundan nila ako.

"May gusto ka bang kainin?" tanong ni Amihan.

Umayos ako ng higa habang nakatingin sa kawalan.

"Sol." Umupo siya sa tabi ko at hinaplos ang buhok ko. "Wala ka pang kinakain simula kaninang umaga."

I was unsure if I had told them or if they overheard the doctor asking whether I had eaten something, which was why they were aware of it.

"Please leave me alone. I don't want to eat. I don't need anything."

"Hindi pwede." Tinanggal in Amihan ang kamay sa buhok ko. "Kailangan mong kumain kahit konti."

Tumingin si Amihan kay Yan at lumabas ito ng kwarto. Matagal nawala si Yan at pagbalik niya ay may dala na siyang pagkain na nakalagay sa tray. Most of the food on the tray consisted of vegetables and fruits.

Sinubukan ni Yan na pakainin ako pero hindi ko magawang ibuka ang bibig para tanggapin ang pagkain.

"Can you help me find her?" I asked them, causing Yan to withdraw her hand from trying to feed me. "Please?" My voice trembled.

"We'll help you," Yan said. "But first, you need to eat."

I shook my head. "I can't eat, Yan. Para akong masusuka."

Yan placed the tray of food on the bed and held my hands. I closed my eyes tightly as tears threatened to spill.

"I will do everything to bring her back to me. She left, but that doesn't mean I won't find her."

Hanggang sa dumilim ay hindi ako iniwan ng dalawa.

"Sol," tawag ni Amihan, may dala na naman silang pagkain dito sa kwarto. Inilapag niya ito sa bedside table pero hindi ko ito pinansin. "Kahit tatlong subo lang, please?"

Inangat ko ang tingin sa kanya. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I leaned into her shoulder.

"Nasa'n na kaya sila ngayon? May nakakakain kaya sila? May matutuluyan?" Tumingin ako sa drawer kung saan ko nilagay ang mga gamot ni Kaeda. "Hindi niya pwedeng makaligtaan ang mga gamot niya."

Kumalas ako sa yakap at lumapit sa drawer. Binuksan ko ito at mariin akong napapikit pagkakita sa mga bagong biling gamot ni Kaeda.

I took the pill organizer where I put the medicines after she took her meds last night. My hand shook as I looked at it and showed it to Amihan and Yan.

"Naiwan niya. Anong iinumin niya ngayon?"

I saw a tear fall from Amihan's eye, but she quickly wiped it away before I could see it; however, it was too late.

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi para pigilin ang mga luhang nagbabadya pa rin pagbagsak pero tulad ni Amihan ay bigo ako.

My knees became weak, and I eased down to sit beside the drawer, leaning against the wall. "What if she experiences an episode today? Who will hug her? Who will try to calm her down?"

Ramdam ko ang tingin sa akin ng dalawa. Niyakap ko ang pill organizer at tumungo ako dahil na rin sa hilong nararamdaman. Basang-basa na ng luha ang mukha ko pero ayaw pa rin nitong tumigil, parang walang katapusan.

"Paano kapag hindi siya nakatulog?" Inangat ko ang ulo at tumingin kay Amihan. "Paano kapag lumala ang sakit niya? Kailangan niyang magamot. Kailangan niyang maalagaan."

Lumapit silang dalawa sa akin at inalalayan ako patayo, pabalik sa kama. Iniupo nila ako, si Yan ay hinahaplos ang likod ko samantalang si Amihan ay pinupunasan ang mga luha ko.

"She needs me right now." I rested my head on Yan's shoulder. "I miss her so much."

They let me cry until I felt very tired. A little while later, my eyes became heavy, and I started to feel sleepy.

As I woke up, a chill enveloped me, making me realize I was not feeling well. Iba na rin ang suot kong damit.

Nilingon ko si Yan sa kaliwa ko, payapang natutulog at malumanay ang pagtaas-baba ang dibdib. Sa kanan ko ay si Amihan, ang maamong mukha ay nasisinagan ng liwanag ng buwan na tumatagos sa kurtina.

Trying not to wake them, I quietly got out of bed, feeling how cool the sheets were as I moved. I glanced at the time; the bright digital display said it was 1:00 a.m.

Maingat kong binuksan ang pinto; nilingon pa ang dalawa para tingnan kung nagising ko sila. Magaan kong ipinikit ang mga mata bago ako tuluyan lumabas ng kwarto.

Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa bar counter. Kumuha ako ng isang bote ng whiskey, isang baso, at yelo sa refrigerator. Naupo ako sa stool, pinanood ko ang magaang pagbagsak ng alak sa baso. Mabilis kong nilagok ang alak at muling nagsalin.

"I hope you're safe, Kaeda," I whispered gently, barely breaking the silence. My eyes were drawn to the glass in my hand, where the golden liquid danced as it swirled around the ice cubes.

Naalala ko ang unang pagkikita namin noong junior high school pati ang muling pagkukrus ng landas namin sa Haya University.

I did not mind the strong taste of the liquor as I tilted the glass back and took another drink. The burn of the alcohol hit hard, but it gave me this nice, warm feeling all over. I continued pouring more, feeling increasingly reckless with each drink until I finally realized the bottle was half empty.

Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto mula sa direksyon ng kwarto ko pero hindi ako nag-abala na lumingon. I heard them silently cursing as they walked in my direction. I was about to drink another glass when Yan's hand stopped me, taking the glass from my hand.

"Solana!" mariin niyang tawag sa akin.

I looked at the liquor bottles on the shelves; a bittersweet smile formed on my lips as a tear trickled down my cheek.

Tanginang mga luha. Hindi na napagod.

"What are you doing?" Yan exclaimed. "Do you really want to make yourself sick? You fainted yesterday, and now you're sitting here drinking?"

Bumaling ako kay Yan, mababakas sa mukha niya ang magkahalong inis at pag-aalala. Binawi ko ang baso sa kanya at mabilis ininom ang laman nito. Pabagsak kong ibinaba ang baso sa counter.

"Hayaan n'yo na ako," walang emosyon kong sabi.

Nanatiling nakatayo si Yan sa tabi ko. Umupo sa kanan ko si Amihan at nagsalin ng alak sa baso. Pinanood ko ang mabilis niyang paglagok. Nang maubos iyon ay seryoso ang mukha niyang bumaling sa akin.

"Do you think she'll be happy to see you like this?" She blinked, her eyes showing a depth of sadness.

"I really hope she's here to see me," I replied. "Mas okay pa na magkasakit ako, baka sakaling bumalik siya."

The silence filled the room, each moment stretching painfully as I reminisced about our happy memories together.

"Nasaktan na rin kayong dalawa kaya dapat naiintindihan n'yo ako." Nagsalin ulit ako ng alak sa baso. Hindi na nila ako piniit nang inumin ko ito.

Walang nagsalita sa kanilang dalawa.

"Kaeda..." I paused, my voice breaking. "She is the most incredible person I have ever known." I looked up at the ceiling, letting tears flow down my cheeks. "She has endured so much pain and hardship. She's so strong, isn't she?"

Kinuha ni Yan ang baso sa kamay ko. Napakurap ako nang uminom din siya sabay tingin sa unahan namin. Nagpatuloy kami sa pag-inom hanggang sa tumungo ako sa counter, hindi na kayang pigilin ang mga hikbi.

"Kaeda, where are you? Come back to me, please?"

Ramdam ko ang panonood sa akin ng dalawa.

"Miss na miss na kita," iyak ko.

A gentle, soothing hand brushed over my back, and I ended up crying even louder. Kahit magmukha akong tanga sa ginagawa ko ngayon, wala akong pakialam.

I never imagined that heartbreak could hurt like this, slowly and painfully consuming me with every passing second. I had experienced this before with her, but what I was feeling now was even more painful.

"Uwi ka na, Kaeda. Uwi ka na sa akin," pagmamakaawa ko na para bang nasa harap ko lang siya.

As the minutes passed, their quiet presence felt like a warm blanket, reminding me I was not alone.

Amihan placed her hand on my shoulder and quickly stood up when she felt how hot I was. Inangat ko ang mukha, kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-aalala.

"Sobrang init mo." Mabilis niya akong inalalayan patayo. Si Yan ay mabilis din na kumilos para lang masuportahan ako paglalakad.

As they carefully laid me down on the bed, a chilling unease tormented my body, contrasting with the feverish warmth radiating from me. Amihan hurried out of the room while Yan searched through the medicine cabinet.

After finding the thermometers, Yan selected the digital one and quickly returned to me. She took my temperature using the axillary method, placing the thermometer under my armpit.

"40 degrees," Yan read aloud as she glanced at me. Sighing, I took the thermometer in my trembling hand. "We need to take you to the hospital."

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "There's no need; we're all nurses here. My body can handle this temperature," I insisted, even though I felt very weak and ached all over.

Dinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. Saglit pa ay lumubog ang kama, tanda na may umupo rito. Binuksan ko ang kanang mata, si Amihan ay pinipiga ang maliit na towel sa isang stainless basin.

She started giving me a tepid sponge bath, and all I could do was watch her. I blinked, and suddenly, I imagined that Kaeda was the one doing it.

"Akala ko 'di ka mapapagod."

Her hand with the towel halted at the side of my neck, surprised by my sudden outburst.

"You are the only reason I look forward to going to the office. Since you reentered my life, I've become excited about what I do because I can see you every day." I swallowed hard, a tight lump forming in my throat, making it difficult to manage my emotions. "But now that you've left, I don't want to do anything anymore."

Bumagsak ang luha ko at malungkot akong ngumiti.

"Sana hindi mo ako iniwan. Sana nandito ka pa rin sa tabi ko." Mariin akong pumikit kasabay nang pagkawala ng hikbi sa mga labi ko. "Nami-miss ko ang pag-aalaga mo sa akin."

Nagpatuloy na siya sa pagpupunas sa akin, ngunit halos hindi ko ito maramdaman. Natatalo ng sakit ng dibdib ko ang init at hirap ng katawan ko.

"I miss having you lay beside me. I miss everything about you," I sobbed uncontrollably.

Pagmulat ko ay ang umiiyak na mukha ni Amihan ang bumungad sa akin.

Pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko, nanginginig ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko. "Tahan na, Sol. Nasasaktan akong nakikita kang ganito."

I bit my lower lip to suppress the tears that threatened to fall, but again, it was useless. I felt weak, hopeless, and helpless.

Nilukot ko ang harapan ng damit ko, sa tapat mismo ng dibdib. "Ang bigat-bigat, Am. Sobrang sakit," sumbong ko. "Para akong unti-unting pinapatay sa sakit nito," tukoy ko sa puso ko.