35

River did the only thing she could rely upon. She made tea.

After the initial 'hello', Celeste had sat in the same spot where she had sat the first night that she and River had really talked. The night when everything had changed. River wasn't certain Celeste did that on purpose or not, but Celeste was a student of human nature. She could very well know that replicating those circumstances could allow a flood of emotions to smash their way through River's mind.

"It's just ordinary tea. Nothing special." She placed the tray upon the table wondering if Celeste would see some message in the choice of tea. "It was the first I grabbed. I'm not making a statement, or not not making a statement. It's just tea. I wasn't trying to ... I ... How was the flight? China?"

"It was okay." Celeste watched as River poured the tea from a standing position, delicate, long fingers playing with her spoon. "I don't think the Yellow tea is a viable option. The expense of importing it would be ... Sorry. It's automatic. I'm not used to uncomfortable emotions."

Celeste's hand rose to her chest, rubbing the place where the necklace and ring of her father usually dangled, her plum-coloured blouse unbuttoned to the top of her cleavage. She realised she had made the movement and whipped her hand back to the table, but River had noticed. She hoped Celeste hadn't stopped wearing the ring because of her.

Hesitating, River moved to sit down, stopped, stood again and berated herself before sitting down, her legs angled to the side allowing her the freedom to run for the door to the upstairs, should she need to. She hadn't looked at Celeste's face since the woman had entered the shop. Now, she glanced up and then away, pursing her lips as she caught sight of Celeste's eyes.

"I've come to a decision." She shuffled her legs under the table and then shuffled them back to the side before hunching her shoulders and picking up her cup of tea. "Then I changed my mind. And then I changed my mind again. And then ... Well, you get the picture. You know, if you'd said right away what you were thinking, it would have saved a lot of drama!"

The cup clinked against the saucer, tea slopping over the side. A tremor had begun in her hand as she started talking and she couldn't trust herself not to spill tea all over her skirt. She placed her palms upon the tabletop, spreading her fingers and trying to calm herself down. If only Erisa were here.

River could have used her calming influence. Her steadfast, no nonsense way of looking at things with her keen lawyerly mind. Her ability to slice through the useless elements of a conversation and come right down to what needed saying. River had none of that. She fussed and stuttered and obfuscated about everything, especially when flustered. As she was at this moment.

Now that Celeste was right here, sat only feet away, memories of that kiss flooded River's mind, clouding her thoughts and pushing aside concerns about her shop and the possibility of a franchise. Celeste's perfume drifted across the table, sending River's heart aflutter. She could see those perfectly manicured nails as Celeste held her teacup. Nails and fingers and hands that had held on to River. Soft. Warm. Comforting.

"You're right. Of course. I should have told you." Celeste ran a hand through her hair, that fell back into place like dark, soft feathers drifting to the ground. She sat back with a sigh, crossing legs encased in perfectly tailored trousers. "I don't know why I didn't. It started with just a thought and before I knew it, I'd started doing what I do. Spending hours working out how to make it work down to the tiniest details. And then ..."

"And then ...?" River filled in the silence as Celeste paused, her thumbnail tapping her front teeth in thought.

"And then ... You. And then you." Legs uncrossed, elbows rested upon the table and then Celeste sat back again, as though uncertain how to sit. Uncomfortable. "Through an interminable car drive, you were you the whole time. Bright, funny, blessed with life and happiness. I've never ... I mean, I've had crushes before, but ... I've been with men ... I ..."

With a snap movement that caused River to jump in her ever-present flight response, Celeste rose to her feet. She flipped her open jacket aside, placing a hand on her hip as she began to pace. It seemed clear to River that Celeste was not used to this kind of conversation. River didn't doubt that, had Celeste made a slide presentation about this, she would have spoken in cool, calm, relevant sentences, showing how much passion she had for this 'project'.

As it was, Celeste was not in her element. In fact, she appeared so far out of her element that her element must look like a tiny little dot upon a far flung horizon and River didn't know how she could help Celeste to say what she wanted to say. Instead, she remained in her seat, trying to hide the fact that she moved her legs back under the table to help Celeste feel more comfortable.

"Everyone goes through it, at some point in their lives." She followed Celeste's pacing with her eyes and wondered if she ever looked as lost as Celeste did now. "Some, like me, learn early on and it's not easy, even then. Not even in these times of inclusion. You look at someone, some girl, and feel the way that your friends say they feel about boys and you simply can't understand why you feel different. But it's not wrong. Sometimes, it takes a while to realise what, exactly, you feel."

"Is it just you, though? That's what I keep asking myself." Celeste had never shown herself afraid to look anyone in the eyes, but she did now. Everything had flipped and now River appeared the calm, cooler one of the two. "Is it just a crush? Am I making a fool of myself over something that isn't real? Or, is it very real and now I have to learn what all that entails?"

"No-one can answer that for you. You just have to be honest with yourself, either way." River didn't want to make it more difficult for Celeste. She didn't jump up and try to hug her, no matter how much she wanted to. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Take your time. Explore your feelings. Deep down inside, you'll know. You might come out with a lot of 'buts' and 'what-a-bouts', but you know. Whether it's men you like, or women, or both, you just have to work it out as best you can."

Celeste still looked confused, her forehead wrinkled, but at least she looked towards River, now. After a second or two, she drifted back towards River, holding out her hand and River clasped it with her own, giving Celeste a little squeeze. After a while, she allowed Celeste's hand to fall away and the willowy woman returned to her seat.

A silence fell between them in which River realised the tea had grown cold. She absolutely could not allow that and swiftly gathered up the cups and saucers, spoons and teapot and moved back behind the counter. This time, she reached up for one of her best black teas. A leaf from India that had a strong, but pleasant taste that reminded River of the tea that her Nanna had enjoyed. Soon, the kettle began to heat up.

She wasn't certain what to do anymore. Not with Celeste, or with 'Leaves'. What she did know was tea and she knew, no matter what happened, she would always love her favoured beverage. For the first time in a long time, she didn't feel flustered around Celeste. Her words had emerged from her mouth like the words of a normal person. She wasn't entirely certain she liked it, but, what she was certain about was that she wouldn't rush Celeste.

Right now, Celeste needed to find out what she actually felt and River would never stand for anyone, not even herself, pushing someone into something that may not be right for them. Plenty of people had suffered a conflict within themselves about their sexualities. Some proved to be gay, or bisexual, but there were those that simply had mild crushes that never went anywhere. She knew what she hoped Celeste was, but she could never try to influence her, either way.

As she turned back around, she half-expected Celeste to have disappeared. She had done it before. With almost a sigh of relief, she found her still sat at the table. Only, now, she had taken her laptop from her luggage and had started it up, already at the desktop, waiting for River to return.

"I presumed too much when I started working on the franchise idea. Here ..." Celeste moved her finger on the trackpad and pulled up a list of files on the screen. "... is everything. All the research I've done. Every file. Every graph and slideshow. Everything. If you want, I can delete it all. I'd still have to delete it on the cloud, too, but this is symbolic. Don't worry, I'll find another project. I always do."

River put the tray down and stared at the screen. There were dozens of folders. Hesitating, she clicked on one folder, opening it and seeing dozens of files within. Hundreds. And she didn't doubt that the other folders had similar amounts of files and documents and pictures. Celeste had put so much work in to the project that the sheer amount of time she must have spent boggled River's mind.

"I'm not sure. That ... that's a lot of work." She closed that folder and opened another, with even more files within. She widened her eyes, mouth moving involuntarily. "I mean, a lot! Wow! That's a lot. So much work. That's ... I don't think I've written that much in my entire life! And you do this amount of work for every project? I mean, that's, wow!"

"That's why I get paid so much. I do the research and I do it right." Celeste's normal personality had flowed back to her with ease as soon as she began to talk about her work. Such a telling difference. "So, what do you say? Do I delete it all? Or do you want 'Leaves' to become known the whole world over as the best beverage franchise?"

"I ..." River closed down the list of files, returning to the desktop screen before closing the laptop's lid. She took a second to centre herself before continuing. "I don't want that for 'Leaves'. At all."

She could see a hint of disappointment in Celeste's eyes, but, as River had said to Celeste, she had to be honest with herself and, in all honesty, she simply didn't want 'Leaves' to be anything other than what it was: a cute, simple little teashop.