"I'm looking for a place to start

And everything feels so different now.

Just grab a hold of my hand

I will lead you through this wonderland"

"Yellow Light" -Of Monsters and Men

Ophelia sat in the field, wind blowing through her loose hair. She rarely wore it up, she preferred every part of her to be as free as it could. The late spring breeze was warm, and Ophelia had a light layer of sweat on her olive-coloured skin as she squinted at the paper before her. Shuri told her how they could do this type of learning a lot quicker if she was in her lab, using the technology that she had in there, but Ophelia liked the feel of a notebook on her lap, a pen between her fingers. Her inexperienced penmanship still showed, and Shuri often had to double check what Ophelia was trying to write, but there was something beautiful about the art of writing.

"This would go a lot faster if you would just use the beads like I told you," Shuri mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in the grass. They had a large blanket underneath them.

"I don't like them," Ophelia told her.

"I know, I know. But if you just used them when you slept, you would learn the language with ease!" Shuri argued, even though it was fruitless.

"I am not particularly fond of the idea of something speaking to me in my sleep, then waking up understanding it. It is too much like what HYDRA would have done. I know you are not HYDRA, Shuri, but you must understand that such... ways of getting into someone's head, it frightens me."

Shuri sighed, admitting defeat again. "How... How is your head?"

Ophelia looked up from her notebook and offered Shuri a gentle smile. "The pain is there. I don't think it'll ever go away. But the joy I get from living, from being here with all of you, it makes up for it."

"Is it getting worse?" Shuri asked. She reached over and grabbed a frond of grass, pulling the seeds that were clustered at the top of it, then letting the wind carry it away.

"Mm, I don't think so," Ophelia told her. "Why?"

Shuri nodded. "Let's practise some more, alright?"

***

Ophelia headed towards the home she shared with Bucky after her lessons with Shuri. She clutched the notebook between her breast and her arm, the pen shoved down the spiral spine. Also in her hand were a few children's books in Xhosa, which she was to read out loud every night. Bucky would lie back on their bed, arms crossed behind his head, eyes closed, not understanding a word she was saying, but she knew he was listening. Once she mastered Xhosa, she would have more languages under her belt than him.

When she opened the curtain, which was all they needed for protection from the tame Wakandan weather, she was met with a surprise.

"Sam!" she exclaimed, putting her books down and rushing towards him. 

He embraced her tightly; Ophelia had been alive for three months now but had only seen Sam when she first returned to the living. Their encounter had been brief at best, and hindered by the sadness of truly losing Captain America. Now everyone had had time to recuperate from the loss, accept that they had so much in return for losing Steve.

"You look well, Ophelia," Sam said. "Bucky says you fit right in here."

Ophelia beamed at Bucky, who smiled confidently.

"It is good to see you two getting along," Ophelia pointed out.

"Sam was telling me how taking on the role of Captain America is harder than it seems," Bucky said. "I'm glad it's not on me."

"It's not that the role is hard to take on, per say, even though it feels like it's someone else's... It's that right now? The world doesn't need Captain America," Sam explained. "Anyways, I'm here for a bit of a much needed break, and T'Challa informed me that there is one hell of a celebration coming up soon. Wanda and I decided it would be best to get away from everything, even though we were here... well, what feels like only a few months ago..."

"But was actually five years ago," Bucky finished for him.

"Look, you're finishing each other's sentences," Ophelia quipped.

"Like an old married couple," Sam replied with a hearty laugh.

"Steve and I used to do that a lot," Bucky admitted.

"All that end of the line stuff." Sam dipped his head, as though in silent thought of Steve. He didn't have that sort of connection with Steve, but his connection was something different from Bucky's. It was strong in a way Bucky and Steve's never got to be. Steve and Sam got to really embrace being partners, soldiers together. Whereas Bucky and Steve had been friends to the core.

"Wanda is here?" Ophelia said, delayed, but only just realizing what Sam had said.

"Yeah, she wanted to visit Vision's resting place."

Suddenly Bucky looked at his hands. "They buried him by you, O."

"What?" Ophelia cocked her head to the side, not having heard this information before.

"I went there," Bucky admitted, not meeting O's eyes. "Sometimes I'm scared you're still not here."

"I want to see it," she said sternly.

Sam averted his eyes. "I'll uh... wait here?"

No one said anything for a moment; then Ophelia gestured to the exit. Bucky followed, unsure whether to be worried or not. His sanity was hanging on a thread, but it was getting easier every day. Ophelia was out there living her best life and trying to always improve herself in every way, and Bucky was still trying to accept that she was real.

They walked in silence, Bucky eventually taking the lead because Ophelia had no idea where she was buried. Her jaw was clenched tight, she was scared she was losing Bucky -she had only just gotten back, she didn't know what to do if Bucky lost it. Before they arrived at the burial grounds of her and Vision, Ophelia stopped and turned around, facing Bucky.

He looked sheepishly up at her through his loose hair, which hung over his face.

"What do I have to do to prove to you?" she asked in her most desperate voice.

"It's not about you, O, it's my head. I've been... I've been ripped apart again and again in every way. I've had HYDRA in my head for most of my life, I've been under the control of horrible people-"

"So have I!" She shouted, not meaning to raise her voice and quickly covering her mouth. She'd never raised her voice at Bucky before. "My whole life was spent under the control of bad people. Since I was an infant. And I can tell what's real and what's not... Bucky... You can't use this as an excuse to push me away."

Bucky stepped up to her and placed his hands on either arm, squeezing slightly. "I'm not trying to push you away, O."

"Then why does it feel like it?"

"Come with me," Bucky said. He grabbed her hand and guided her the rest of the way to the graves. Two small gravestones, no names, were side by side. Ophelia stared at her grave. She stared at the place her body was buried, and she began to understand.

"After you died, I went under. I told Steve it was because of what HYDRA had in my head, and I didn't want to be a threat to the world anymore. I dreamt of you for a long time when I was under. The Shuri decided it was time to wake me, and I thought about... Ophelia I thought about ending it."

Ophelia's lips parted, quivering, but nothing came out. Not even a whimper.

"I only felt life was worth living when I fell asleep, because you visited me in my dreams. You ripped me apart, O, but it was the only time I felt anything. Shuri gave me something to get inside my dreams, to be able to control them. I had two options; enjoy dreaming and being with you there, or say goodbye to you. God, it broke you when I did that. When I told you it was time to leave... It shattered you, O... But I felt peaceful."

"You no longer wanted to..."

"End it? No, I came to terms with it. Then there was Thanos, and you saw all that... So, please tell me you understand how hard this is for me."

She nodded. "I just want things to go back to the way they were, Bucky."

"I want to give that to you; I just need time."

Ophelia looked at her grave, then marched over to it and yanked the embellished stick out of the ground. She threw it into the woods.

"There's step one. Pretend I was never gone."

"You know..." came Wanda's voice from behind her, "that was Vision's."