Okay, here's a personal question for you...

Have you felt like your with a BOY, instead of a MAN?

Like the man you fell for has retreated into that secret place back behind his eyes somewhere...& you're left out here, cold & lonely, feeling like YOU'RE the only one actually participating in this relationship

Or maybe you feel he's given up on you. Like he's just going through the motions. Like you've become his maid & his mother, instead of his lover & his partner. Maybe the sex feels suddenly rote, dutiful, paint-by-numbers, instead of hot, sweaty, spontaneous & nasty

weird behavior...fear of commitment...non-committal flip-flopping...sudden loss of interest...or just sheer plain romance laziness: 

Whatever you call it, HERE is where we need to talk about EXACTLY what men need to feel, & stay, committed to you & your happiness

Follow these three magical steps, & I swear by all that's holy, you will be SHOCKED at how simple it really is to transform even the biggest romantic numbskull into a hotblooded lion-hearted lover whose biggest desire is to make you happy...& keep you that way

Men are simple creatures. These steps are simple, too - you won't have any trouble understanding them or following them. The key is that ACTION IS REQUIRED - not a single thing will happen for you unless you actually do what I'm about to tell you

Simple. Magical. & it works

Are you ready? Let's go!

Step One: Make Us Feel Like We Hung The Freaking Moon (& No Other Man Could Do It)

It is VITAL that your man feels like he is your Most Special Person - like he is the only guy who could ever truly make you happy

Remember how we talked about COMPETITION being one of our biggest driving forces as men? Well, here is where you're going to put that need-to-win streak to work for you

Make us feel like we're the WINNER

Like we trounced all other men

Like WE ARE THE CHAMPION!

Publicly honors us & our "boyfriending abilities", brag about us, & for god's sake make sure we can tell that you feel loved & happy

Now here's the kicker: 

To be an amazing partner to you, a man absolutely NEEDS to feel that he is succeeding at being a good husband, boyfriend, father, provider, handyman, take-out-the-trasher

That means that even if you don't feel he's the only one who could make you happy right now, you still need to ACT like you do...& SHOW him that you do

Here's why:

Cause when you proudly brag, with sparkles in your eyes & a smile on your face, about how great we are & how happy we make you, it makes us run up & down the nearest mountain with a megaphone shrieking "I'M THE CHAMPION! ME! ME! I DID IT! I WON! AAARRGHHHHH!"

...& if you keep on doing this?

It gets us ADDICTED to being with you & MAKES us want to stay with you forever & ever...

...because now we know how amazing it feels to win - & we want more

Remember, guys aren't mind-readers (I don't think I'm exactly telling you anything new here); & we constantly worry that we aren't doing a good job at being your boyfriend, husband, & man

Honestly? Most of us feel like we're just making everything up as we go along, & ALL of us are constantly dreading the confirmation that, well, we kinda suck: that we can't do it right, that we left the toilet seat up again, that we're the idiot blunder who can't make our own woman happy because we suck as a man

Here's the real-life translation of these feelings:

If you belittle him in front of other people, often or openly challenge his way of doing things, or seem unhappy with him as your man, it will eat him alive from the inside & will absolutely destroy the relationship from the inside out like an insidious flesh-eating virus (eeeew)

The bottom line:  if we feel like we're not measuring up, something inside us withers & dies; & that's when we get sad, we get distance, & we give up

But if we feel like we have BEAT OTHER MEN (which, as you now know, is one of our biggest drivers in life), we will FIGHT to keep that feeling - & we will slay dragons & kill giants with our bare hands just to keep that smile on your face.

I'm not saying you need to set up an alter in your living room for us, or lick the dust off our feet with your tongue (eewwwwww) ... all you need to do is make sure we know we're doing a good job & that (here's the kicker) your PROUD of us.

Touching us oftenly & openly is a treat start.

Cupping our butts as you walk past in the morning? Excellent.

Saying things like ‘Whatever you give me, I will love’ when we ask you what flavor muffin you want from the bakery? Freaking AMAZING.

Again, this isn’t about you becoming a doormat. Boundaries and a backbone are VITAL to your happiness, healthiness, & – yes – your irresistibility to men, so for the love of god, please keep on being your sassy, feisty, self-respecting, moxie-riddled self. (Plus, I’ll say it again: men love a challenge.)

Just let us know we’re doing a good job from time to time.  Don’t immediately contradict us or second-guess us all the time. Smile at us like we hung the moon every so often.

Above all, let us know we’re WINNING. Take our competitive drive & use it to get what you want! Because to a guy, there is NOTHING more prized than something he had to beat other men to get.

Do these things, and you will be one happy lady.

Step Two: We Are Encouragement Addicts. Please Treat Us as Such.

To a guy, your affirmation is everything.

When we feel like we’re succeeding at making you happy, we can take on the world with one hand tied behind us.

& when we don't?

Our confidence drizzles out the soles of our feet, our manhood curls up and vanishes underground, & we feel about as strong, manly, & energetic as a wet sock.

Here’s the trick: it’s all about what WE think that YOU think of us.

In other words, we can vanquish enemies, build you a castle in the clouds, lead men to victory & win battles barehanded … if WE believe that YOU believe we can.

This is a for-real self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe in us (and we know it!), we are empowered to go out & do better in EVERY area of life … because we know that when we come back home, YOU will be there to give us a hug, wipe our sweaty brow, & tell us something like, ‘Hell yeah, baby! You’ve totally got this; I KNOW you can do it!’

Step Three: Don’t Tear Us Down.

This is the dark side of the self-fulfilling prophecy: unfortunately, many women tend to focus their attention on what he’s doing WRONG in the relationship – & thereby totally undermine what you want from him most of all.

Remember, we feel like huge impostors all the time anyway. Being a guy is a constant struggle to prove ourselves – to the world, to our parents, to our friends, to ourselves, & most of all to YOU.

To get what you want from a man, focus your attention on what he’s doing right, not what he’s doing wrong.

By the way, this is also how you train dogs. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but men aren’t that much different.

Step Four: We Are Built to Do Things for You – So Let Us! 

Fact: the art and science of getting a man’s heart requires the appearance of slight uncertainty on your part.

&, it is this exact uncertainty that allows a man to feel like he is a) in control of the situation, and b) the WINNER (when you eventually let him catch you.)

Here’s how it works:

Men, as you now know, are born competitors & we are wired to TAKE CONTROL. Everything is a competition or a strategy or a gameplan – and YES, this definitely applies to romance and relationships!

This means, when you are dating a man & you leave him wondering a little as to what it is you really want from him, that’s when the idea of commitment becomes intensely desirable to him because now the ball is in HIS court & he has a chance to take control – therefore he is in charge and WINNING (ding-ding-ding!)

On the other hand, if you start probing about his ‘intentions’ or ‘where this is going’, now he feels emasculated & like you are ‘forcing’ a relationship on him.

Getting trapped by a woman who chose HIM is emasculating.

Struggling and striving to get the woman he really wants is WINNING.

See the difference?

Any time you try to instigate a ‘leveling up’, or try to move things forward, the guy will become cagey and reluctant to do so. (Btw, this remains true whether the timeframe is two weeks or ten years.)

WARNING WARNING WARNING: I am not saying you need to act cold, disinterested, or refrain from texting him cute little nothings whenever you feel like it. Flirt, charm, & smile away (& the more, the better!)

What I AM saying is THIS: at every opportunity to deepen the relationship, you have to make it HIS IDEA to do so. Men are competitors and we need a challenge & we need to WIN. Therefore, we have to chase you … until you let us WIN you.

By the way – we also need to feel like WE wear the pants (at least some of the time) in other parts of the relationship, too – not just the romantic time frame. We are built to PROVIDE for you & to do things FOR you, so let us!

Ask us to fix things for you even if you know we’ll do a wonky job and lose half the screws.

Say things like, “I could really use your opinion. Could I ask your advice on something?”

Let us pay for a meal if we want to – yes, even if we’re on welfare and you’re earning $200k a year.

If we want to do something for you, LET US. & then give us the shiny happy-eyes & say thank you like we just made your entire year. This is how you get a man to strive for your happiness day in & day out: by taking advantage of his innate desire to WIN, & then making him FEEL like a winner when he does it.

Step Five: Always, always, ALWAYS have our back.
                   (Even and especially when we’ve fucked up.)

Want to know what men are secretly afraid of?

Here it is: that we will need you … & you won’t be there for us.

If you want a man to give you his heart (& MEAN it), you must be prepared to stand by him – ESPECIALLY when he’s messed up big-time.

Yup, this is true even if your best friend, your sister, & your mom all say otherwise. Loyalty is huge to men, & if we sense that you don’t truly have our back, we will find someone else who does.

Obviously, there will be times when this is extremely tough to do. But the worst thing you can ever do to a man is to leave him high & dry when he’s asking for your support – to break your loyalty to him.

(That’s why it hurts SO MUCH when women have an affair – not only because we tend to gauge our self-worth by how attracted to us you are sexually, but also because it’s a MASSIVE betrayal of our trust.)

The world is a big, confusing & stressful place, & if we are in love with you, we NEED NEED NEED to know that you will be there for us when we need your support.

Now, obviously this doesn’t mean you turn into a doormat & give him the doggy-dinner-bowl-eyes even when he got drunk & set your car on fire.

(Psst – if you’re dating a guy who actually does stuff like drunkenly set your car on fire, that’s a big red flashing warning sign that he’s NOT a quality man.)

In all seriousness though, you can (& should!) speak your mind to him – with empathy & kindness – in the privacy of your own relationship and your own home.

But to do this publicly? That is a completely different story.

For a man to fall in love (& stay in love) with you, he must feel that you will never humiliate him, demean him in public, or turn your back on him; & that he can & should rely on you to be there by his side when he messes up.