Before I can really dive into “Seduction Signals”, I need to explain to you what exactly sex means to a man. So, I guess in the most literal sense I’m going to “Mansplain Men.” Yay!

What Sex Means to a Man

Here is something you probably didn’t already know about men. We get the same physical release from masturbation as we do from sex. Yep. The same burst of endorphins, testosterone, & oxytocin wash through our bodies & brains. In fact, it’s a helluva lot easier for a man to watch porn & masturbate than jump through the hoops it takes to have sex with a woman.

When a man says he wants to have sex, what he really wants is intimacy & physical connection with you. He wants to feel vulnerable & powerful. He wants to feel in control sometimes & other times he may want to feel dominated. But it isn’t just about the physical act. It’s about the emotion, the contact, & the power dynamics.

By the way, research professor & self-help badass Brene Brown says porn represents 5 minutes where men get what they feel they need with no risk of rejection.

Men need to feel like they are wanted, & being rejected sexually is an ultimate form of male shame.

When You Reject a Man

There’s nothing wrong with saying “No” to sex. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t feel like it. Yet ask yourself, “Why don’t I feel like it?” Am I holding something against him? Do I think he should plead for it? When a man experiences sexual rejection over & over, eventually he’s going to stop pursuing you for sex or physical affection. Soon after he’ll stop pursuing you for emotional attention as well. He doesn’t mean to, it’s just how we’re wired.

If you want your man to worship you, & be truly devoted to you, give him that physical connection he desires. You will be rewarded by the boomerang effect. You give him what he wants & you will get what you want from him.

The most powerful, intimate moments in most relationships happen during & after sex. “But can’t we just have an incredible, romantic relationship without sex?“ Yes? Maybe? But not likely.

To be clear & recap, when you say “no” to sex, over & over, he’ll stop pursuing you physically & eventually emotionally. Then you’re potentially at risk of losing him in the long run.

“But What If He Doesn’t Deserve it? He Hasn’t Earned It.”

Ooooh, the old, “he hasn’t ‘earned’ it” argument. Okay, I hear you. You could be peeved that he doesn’t take out the trash, or he leaves his gross underwear all over the house. Maybe he spent too much money on his last business trip. None of those are really good reasons to reject his sexual advances.

You keep score in basketball. It’s just not fair to keep score in relationships. There’s no referee, no penalties, no point system, & no buzzer to beat. & don’t forget, if you keep score, it’s only makes sense for him to keep score too. This goes back to our talk about perfection. Measuring your man against some standard of perfection will result in your continued disappointment (& his continued frustration).

When you expect a man to “earn” sex, he’ll never do enough to “earn” it. How is he supposed to know that you’re mad about the trash, something that happened with the kids, or last week’s dinner kerfuffle? & what does ANY of that have to do with whether or not he gets the intimacy he needs?

A man’s brain (also known as his meat computer) has all that other stuff — family, money, work — in a different file. As for sex, that’s in a separate hard drive!

Now, if you really don’t feel like it, don’t have sex. Having sex when you absolutely don’t want to will only lead to bad sex & resentment. But find a way to give him the intimacy he wants from you. This could be oral sex, a hand job, or even a caressing massage.

What if He Doesn’t Seduce Me Like He Used To?

Men don’t understand subtle hints. Most men can’t interpret women’s “code” to figure out when you’re receptive to sex or when you aren’t.

What I’m giving you here today are some Seduction Signals that you can use any time you want to draw him in to you…physically.

Men are hardwired to easily decode these seduction signals. When you use them properly, you’ll have him eating out of the palm of your hands…or wherever you want, for as long as you want.

Don’t worry. They’re easy to learn with a little practice.

So how do you get him to seduce you?
What are these “seduction signals” you can deploy, which will have him seeking out your flesh like a heat sinking missile?

Technique 1 – Pavlov’s Boomerang

Step 1

 Surprise him with unplanned sex. For example, step into the shower when he’s about to soap up & touch his body. Press yourself up against him & give him the kind of hot, steamy, shower sex that would rival a porn scene. If the shower sex isn’t logistically possible pull him onto the bathroom floor and screw him. Ideally you should be on top of him, but go with the flow.

Step 2

While you’re screwing him, find ways to talk about his body & reaffirm his masculinity. Talk about his penis like it’s a beautiful painting worthy of being “hung” in a museum. Change it up each time you have sex, but pick one word or phrase that you use every time you make love. Kiss his erotic, sensitive zones as you say this phrase. Every time. Say (or scream!) the phrase when you orgasm.

What we’re doing here? You’re creating a Pavlovian response, or an imprint, in his mind. When he hears this word or phrase, he’ll recall what his body was doing the last time he heard the phrase. He’s going to think of your naked, wet body on top of his, & he’ll get horny.

Now that you’ve established this imprint, you can start subtly (or not so subtly) letting him know when you’re ready to be seduced… Look at him, touch him, & say your “seduction phrase.” (Watch the bulge in his pants rise. Let him know if you want him to take control or if you want to be in control. “So…. how do you wanna do this?” Then see what happens.)

Technique 2 – The She-Devil Smirk

She could see him staring -at his phone from the corner of her eye. When he looked up their eyes met. She looked at him with a sexy sort of half evil smile & slowly parted her lips. He knew the meaning of this glare. He got up & walked over to her, but she laughed & said, “Come & get me!” as she left a trail of crumpled blouse, bra & panties for him to follow to the bedroom. She left her skirt & heels on.

Ladies, it only takes a little spark to start a bonfire. Don’t underestimate the power of your sexy smile or smirk. Tilt your head down slightly & look up at him. Slowly blink & part your lips. If you want to be more assertive, lightly lick your lips. Now, don’t use this strategy every time. I recommend finding ways to change it up. The coy look will be your “go to” seduction signal.

Technique 3 – The Gazelle Gaze (Hint: You’re the Cougar…)

Jeff was bored.

Carrie had drug him to another art gallery opening, the third one this month. She was off talking to some art dealer. Jeff picked up a piece of cheese from the platter and wondered, “Gouda?  No…  Brie?” 

Suddenly his eyes zoomed in on Carrie.  She was on the other side of the room but… that look!  Her jade green eyes stared into his soul. He looked around wondering if anyone else noticed that they had been staring at each other for a few minutes. Maybe longer.

Jeff looked back at Carrie and she hadn’t broken her gaze. Jeff knew he had to take Carrie home & make love to her. 

He was under a spell & he didn’t care.

This is self explanatory. In a moment he’s not expecting it, stare him down. He may for a moment think, “Oh shit, am I in trouble?” If you see a worried look on his face, just crack a smile. But hold your stare. He’ll decode your intent. I promise.

“What if other people around us notice my effort to seduce him?” You could worry about that, but “Oh, she’s seducing her husband! I bet they’re going to go home & have sex!” isn’t scandalous. In fact, most people would probably give you a big high five & “Atta girl.” Don’t be embarrassed about openly seducing your husband.

Own it.

Technique 4 – Seductive Sext

Can you guess what I’m going to say here? (Ahem… Coughs, clears throat.) Remember way up there when you turned your man into a slobbering Pavlov’s dog by combining your sexual prowess with some choice words or phrases? Well warm up those fingers & start typing, cause you’re going to text him with your “go to” terms.

(Pro Tip: Probably want to go ahead & let your phone’s autocorrect know that “I want you to slap my bass & duck my runt” isn’t your real intent. Just add any dirty words to your phone’s dictionary to prevent confusion or the arbitrary appearance of farm animals & fishing equipment. But I digress…)

Now, remember, if you choose this strategy, he may not always be able to respond right back to you. If he’s driving or in a meeting it could be an hour or three before he either messages you back or bursts through the front door with a raging hard on. But be prepared for anything.

What if Your Man’s Penis Isn’t Up for It?

Oh no! Okay, don’t panic. Sometimes a man just doesn’t feel like sex. There could be a million things going on — including worries about work or money, & family struggles.

& don’t forget, men’s testosterone levels can dip as they get older. The absence of an erection doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you. He can still love you deeply & passionately.

Consider it an opportunity to deepen your intimacy. Ask about his thoughts or feelings in a “no-pressure” sort of way. Offer to give him a massage, caress his arm, or hold him.

And If You Just Want Snuggles & Cuddles for Now…

 It’s totally understandable that you want to experience intimacy with your man without sex. That’s cool, because a lot of men like to cuddle, caress, or make out. Yes, sometimes we’ll put our dicks away on a shelf. If you’re feeling like you want to snuggle up with him on the couch & just binge on Netflix, use one of the cuddle motivators.

The Cuddle Motivator Duo

Overt Cuddle: The first & most obvious way to inspire some cuddles is to simply state your intent.

“Hey hon. I think we should hang out & snuggle tonight. I love it when we just touch & look into each other’s eyes.” Any sane man will say “Hell yes” to a nicely planned snuggle session.

Covert Cuddle:  Now, in case your man isn’t completely sane, & you think you need a more subtle approach to get your snuggles, then this next one’s for you.

The Covert Cuddle is easy.

After the kids have gone to bed & things are winding down for the night, start his favorite movie, sit at the couch & motion for him to sit down next to you. It doesn’t matter if the movie is Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, Saving Private Ryan or The Notebook. Use his favorite movie or genre.

“Sit down Babe. Let’s relax & cuddle up with your movie. Want popcorn?”

Here’s the good part. Because it’s a movie he’s already seen, he probably won’t mind if you reminisce about old times or talk about the future.

“Remember when we saw this at the theater? We were so good back then. We still are.”

Go with the flow of the moment. Good cuddlers have the ability to know when it’s right to “receive” the cuddle or “give” the cuddle. Of course, the “perfect” cuddle goes both ways. Hey, get your dirty mind out of the gutter!

Deploy the Seduction Signals & Cuddle Motivators into your routine. Make some notes about what worked, what didn’t, & what you’ll do differently next time.