The phone rang interrupting everything this bed had to offer. Roger and I figured it was most likely hotel front desk staff calling to ask how our night’s sleep was and if they could do anything for us. We let it ring…and ring… and ring…“Mmmm…you better get that…” I mumbled, not wanting Roger to move even a half-centimeter away from me. However, that stupid phone had rung four times.

 “Hello?” Roger answered the phone half yawning and half asleep.

 “Where the hell are you!? It’s 9:30!” I could hear Freddie’s voice on the other end.

 “What do you mean where the hell am I? I’m in bed.” Roger answered, nearly pulling the phone off the nightstand as he attempted to roll over the opposite way and mostly on me.

 “We have a press conference at 10:30! Elektra is picking up us at 10:00! Didn’t you read the itinerary!?” Freddie said rather panicky. Roger yawned again.

 “What itinerary?” he asked.

 “The itinerary that’s in the fucking Elektra Records portfolio!” Freddie shrieked to him. Roger covered the receiver of the phone.

 “Lyd, is there some kinda’ Elektra Records portfolio layin’ around here with some stupid itinerary?” he asked. I sighed a little and pushed myself up.

 “Mmmm…I don’t know…what would it look like?” I asked, sleepily.

 “What does it look like?” Roger asked, Freddie huffed, rather irritated with him.

 “I don’t know, Rog! It’s a fucking binder thing!” he said. “And why does that matter!? Get down here!” he said. Roger covered the phone receiver again.

 “Okay, he says it’s a binder thing. Do you see a binder thing?” Roger asked me. Shit. This meant me getting up from my cozy little spot and putting forth an effort. I sighed and crawled out of bed.

 “Freddie, where would this binder be located?” Roger asked.

 “I don’t know! Just…in your room somewhere! Jesus, will you just trust me that you need to be out of bed and DOWN HERE ON THE CLUB LEVEL FOR BREAKFAST!” Freddie yelled into the phone.

 “Okay, okay, okay. I’m gettin’ up. I’ll just have Lyd order room service to save some time and…”

 “Fine, whatever! Tell Lydia that Mary says to meet her, Veronica and Chrissie for Breakfast at 10:15 on the club level.” Freddie instructed Roger, cutting him off.

 “Oooh yeah…here it is.” I said to Roger while he was still on the phone and finding the itinerary that Freddie had been bitching about. “My god, Roger! Did you realize we could drink for free downstairs?” I said to him, looking over the itinerary very briefly. I didn’t pay most of it attention. “Hey, do you need your suit pressed for the premiere? My gown is supposed to be delivered sometime before 5:00. If you want your suit pressed I need to…ROGER! Sweetheart, you have a press conference! Get up!” I said, going back over to Roger seeing as he had hung up on Freddie without as much as a goodbye and dozed off.

 “Huh? Wha…oh shit…shit okay, okay. I’m up. I’m supposed to tell you to meet Chrissie, Veronica and Mary for breakfast at 10:15.” Roger said, relaying the message.

 “Oh, good! Alright, now do you want your suit pressed or not?” I repeated, bringing the Elektra binder to bed with me while Roger got up to get dressed. I moved myself over to the point where I was lying in his spot and reached for the phone and the room service menu.

 “Yeah, have it pressed. Why didn’t I just send it off with your gown yesterday?” Roger asked. I had poured far too much thought into that very question. I didn’t answer as room service picked up on the opposite end of the phone. Roger had exactly a half hour to be downstairs so I ordered the fastest deliverable item I could find on the menu. Upon ending that call, I then phoned the front desk to have someone come pick up his suit for the premiere tonight. That’s when it dawned on me that I would need to get up and get dressed myself. “What else was on that itinerary?” Roger asked of me.

 “Um, I skimmed it quickly but it looks like there’s a signing today at some record store.” I said, reluctantly pulling myself out of bed again. I looked through the closet for something I could throw on in twenty seconds that required no effort at all. I typically wasn’t the type that let myself leave the house without being put together. However, there was a hand-beaded snow-white Alexander McQueen being steam-cleaned somewhere in this hotel. I was saving all my energy and effort for tonight...me and McQueen. I have to admit, my Jimmy Choo’s looked awfully lonely sitting there in the bottom of the closet. I was certain we girls wouldn’t go exploring LA. The itinerary appeared to be dictating the day.

 “There’s a record signing? Where?” Roger asked from the bathroom….with the water running.

 “I don’t know, sweetheart. I didn’t read it.” I said over the water before lighting my cigarette and continued to figure out what the hell to wear to breakfast.

 “What time does the premiere start tonight? Will you and I have any time?” he asked again.

 “Guests arrive at 7:30 I think. What kind of pants do you want?” I asked, having finally found something for myself. I got no response. “Rog…pants? You have twenty-five minutes to be downstairs!” I told him, balancing my cigarette between my lips and trying not to burn the hotel suite down while getting dressed myself.

 “I’m thinking.” He answered. While he so deeply thought about his pants, there was a knock at the door, which I was certain, had to be room service.  I grabbed Roger’s wallet off the nightstand to tip the staff.

 “Hello, good morning. Thank you. Do you…want the suit I called for or is that someone else?” I asked, propping the door open and taking the tray from the room service staff.

 “Someone else, Miss. If you called the desk about it someone should be up shortly, he said, giving me a smile. I nodded back to him.

 “Thank you, this looks lovely.” I tipped him and let the door close behind me.

 “What are you girls doing today?” Roger asked, finally finished getting dressed and ready to eat this breakfast in less than ten minutes.

 “I don’t really know aside from breakfast. I haven’t yet talked to them, as you know. Roger was running out of time as he bustled around the suite.

 “Shit…I gotta’ go…now.” He said noticing the clock. And he was right, Roger had burnt up what little time he had this morning and he needed to get downstairs. I had my own breakfast obligations shortly as well. 

 “Okay, bye. I love you.” I said. Roger kissed me and quickly grabbed everything he needed off the table behind the couch and headed for the door. Shortly thereafter, someone arrived to take Roger’s suit. Upon handing it over, I grabbed the room key and made my way to the club level for breakfast as instructed.

 Upon arrival on the club level, I immediately saw Veronica seated at a corner table toward the large bay windows. She waved to me, myself waving back to acknowledge her and walking her way.  “Hi!” I put a hand on her back. “How’d you sleep? You feel better today?” I asked of her. Veronica smiled.

 “Much better this morning. I needed that sleep.” She said.

 “Where’s everyone else?” I wondered, taking a seat across from her.

 “Mary is on her way as is Chrissie. I spoke with them both downstairs. Where were you and Roger this morning? It was on the itinerary…the press thing, I mean. We were all downstairs together.” Veronica explained. I rolled my eyes as a waitress came by our table. She left us a plate for the breakfast buffet as well as filled our coffee mugs.

 “I didn’t even know an itinerary existed until this morning.” I told her as Mary was the next to catch our attention across the room. She immediately took her seat beside me.

 “Did you see the buffet!? It’s to die for!” Mary said, having clearly scoped it out earlier while Freddie, John and Brian had their breakfast.

 “I can’t wait, I’m starving.” I said to her as Chrissie came bopping through the dining room to the table. She was all cleaned up in her hip-hugging jeans and ridiculously bubbly.

 “Alright, girls. Let’s go eat, shall we?” Chrissie asked, her smile making the whole room stop. Any time there was a buffet involved, I usually let Roger handle it. He would examine everything, come back with two or three plates piled to the point of no return and I would eat off them. Now, I was forced to actually make choices. Seeing this beautiful buffet now made me realize why it always took Roger so damn long to get all the way around one. It tickled me to inspect the American items on the buffet that I wasn’t accustomed to eating. It truly didn’t take the four of us long to tear through this line and give our table waitress our beverage orders. I also asked her for an ashtray, seeing as I had thrown my pack of cigarettes on the table.

 Mary sighed as she sat down. “I slept like a rock last night! That might be the most comfortable hotel bed I’ve ever been in!” Mary said.

 “Tell me about it! John had to wake me this morning.” Veronica said as she began to dress her breakfast. 

 “Last night, Brian and I were reading the itinerary on the balcony. It was so very romantic!” Chrissie said, her eyes twinkling. “And oh my god! Aren’t you so excited about the massage today!? Mary and Veronica both emphatically tried to answer between bites. They hadn’t noticed our beverages being delivered along with my ashtray. I thanked the waitress and lit my cigarette.

 “What massage?” I asked, getting my cigarette going. Just ask Roger…there is nothing better than a cigarette with your morning breakfast.

 “The couples massage? Today? It’s at 2:30 or thereabouts. It was in the itinerary, did you not read it?” Chrissie said excitedly.

 “Jesus! Why is everyone so damn worked up about this bloody itinerary. I skimmed it. I didn’t….read…it.” I admitted. “I saw something about the premiere starting at 8:00 tonight. That’s about it. I needed to know what time to begin getting ready. Wait…wait…couples massage? The hell is that?” I asked, taking another long drag. Mary laughed at me.

 “It’s at the salon this afternoon. It’s a wonderful way to relax before the premiere tonight! There are two masseuses that will work simultaneously! You face each other on opposite tables and inhale mint lavender aroma therapry.” Mary said. I glanced around the table, completely stopping on my breakfast because I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.

 “Wait….what? Couples massa....aroma thera….oh my fucking god. That is lame as hell.” I couldn’t my amusement.

 “It’s not lame! It’s so very romantic! And it brings you closer as a couple!” Sweet Chrissie tried to make her sales pitch to me.

 “I have been rubbing Roger’s shoulders down since 1973. I do a damn fine job of it. Why on earth would I get naked under a hot towel for a stranger to slather me down in some scented bullshit oil and rub all over me while porn music plays in the background while I’m looking at Roger trying not to laugh? Trust me, see how well I know Rog. He will think this couples thing is ridiculous.” I said, returning to my scrambled eggs. Veronica laughed at me.

 “Well, I don’t think it’s that bad.” She said.

 “Obviously you’re not looking for that deep look into each others eyes connection are you?” Mary asked sarcastically.

 “Roger peeled an orange in the bathtub last night. That is a very different kind of connection.” I said to Mary before taking another puff on my cigarette. She laughed and I could tell she was trying to picture it.

 “This food is amazing.” She said. We, of course, agreed and there was a silence around the table as we worked on our plates. As we sat there in the silence amongst the soft chatter of the lovely dining room; I couldn’t help but notice that Chrissie had that wild look in her eye. A look that said 'I'm dying to tell you something.' I continued to admire everything on my plate. These Americans liked muffins, not scones, cereal, not porridge. I'd never heard of grits before and the taste I had in my mouth now told me I didn't fancy them. The breakfast potatoes were better than the ones I often ate in England and their coffee...shit, no wonder Freddie had a vice. This stuff was black and strong as hell. And then there were the biscuits and gravy. My god, they were to die for and...

 "Brian and I got a little...kinky last night." Chrissie said, interrupting my biscuit and gravy fantasy. Mary and Veronica looked up to her as did I for this was a little unexpected this morning. Judging by Chrissie's expression, she had been waiting since we sat down to tell us this and instead I had to make fun of couples massage. I dropped my fork, rather excited.

 "I've been waiting for this moment. What did you do?  Blindfolds? Wax? Light a bunch of candles and blindfold each other? Hard, dirty, spanking? Did you get fucked face down with your hands tied? Oh my god! Did he bend you over the back of a drum set with one knee on the stool and the other on the floor!?" I squeezed Chrissie's hand and could feel the silent reaction around the table…maybe it was too much this morning. I looked at Mary, then Veronica and cleared my throat. "I mean..." I cleared my throat again. "...you did it with the lights on didn't you?" My face sunk in disappointment at the thought of such boredom. I let go of Chrissie's hand.

 "You got kinky, huh? I've always pictured you and Brian putting those glow in the dark press on stars and planets on the ceiling and...well...that being your idea of...kinky." Mary said. Veronica laughed at her, rightfully so.

 "Oh yeah, send me into orbit you fluffy star man." I added as straight faced as I possibly could, continuing to wipe out my biscuits and gravy. "You wanna’ taste my Milky Way?" Veronica laughed even harder. I always managed to get her all giggly until the point where she would almost snort and right now was no exception. Chrissie sat there trying to unsuccessfully keep a straight face.

 "Nooooo!" She defended herself, sweetening her coffee. "We did not do it with the lights on or have a space...thing!" She said. We all waited anxiously for her to elaborate. She took a deep breath.

 "Brian and I..." She glanced to all of us. "...talked dirty last night. I said fuck me hard!" Chrissie giggled slightly and covered her mouth like a ten-year-old. We waited...waited for the rest of the thought because it felt very incomplete.

 "Is...is that it?" Veronica asked. Chrissie shook her head excitedly.

 "Oh my god, it was so hot!" Chrissie said throwing her head back as if she were telling us about the time she blew Brian backstage at the Rainbow Theatre. I’m pretty sure that’s the most risqué thing she’s ever done in her life.

 "You said...fuck me hard? Well, what did he say?" Mary asked.

 "He said, okay baby." Chrissie elaborated. She smiled, so very proud of herself and didn't give any other details. Oh that's right, there were no other details to give! Veronica, Mary and I exchanged glances.

 "You...you call that dirty talk? That is your honest idea of how to talk dirty in bed?" I asked her.

 "Well....yes! Don't you think I was quite naughty!?" Chrissie insisted, still having that devilish glare. Thank god it was Mary who laughed before I did.

 "Oh, oh Chrissie. You really have no idea how to...to get..." I stopped Mary.

 "What Mary is trying to say, is that is not how you talk dirty in bed or be kinky. Hell! Mary was dirtier with your glow in the dark fantasy! Fucking couples massage sounds kinkier!" I said, clearly disappointing her.

 "What!? Why!? What did I do wrong?" She asked, looking to Mary, Veronica and myself.

 "Well for one you looked at him and said, fuck me hard...and you said nothing else. No elaboration, no details...just...fuck me hard." Mary explained.

 "I know! I wanted to...spice things up!" Chrissie raised her eyebrows at all of us.

 "If that's your version of spicy, remind me to never eat in your kitchen. No, Chrissie that isn't dirty talk that is...that's... That's just kind of sad. And what's worse is that Brian's reply was okay!" I said.

 "Oh no, it was okay baby." Veronica added rolling her eyes.

 "I thought it was hot!" Chrissie defended her man.

 "You would..." I mumbled. "Okay, Mary and I will demonstrate how to do it right. I laid my linen napkin on the table and turned my chair to face Mary.

 "Oh let me get ready for this." She said exhaling and flipping her hair out to the side. "Okay, I'm ready." She said.

 "Oh, God..." Veronica put her hand on her forehead.

 "Yeah baby, just like that, fuck me just like that that! Ooooh fuck it!" I said to Mary.

 "Oh, you like it rough, you little bitch? I'll fuck you rough! Get nasty with me baby!" Was her come back.

 "Shit yeah! Ooooh come on fuck me, daddy! Give it to me hard, daddy' " I said enthusiastically.

 "Ooooh you've done this before!" Mary smiled and pushed my shoulder. I reciprocated her big smile.

 "So have you!" I pointed back to her.

 "Ooooooh! Oh my god NO! NOOOOO! You do not call Roger, daddy in bed! Please tell me you don't do that!?" Veronica asked mortified.

 "Mmmmm..." I started, mid-sip on my coffee and glancing over to see Chrissie about to die in horror...which was exactly how I liked it. "....yeah. It slipped out one night when we were..." Chrissie stopped me.

 "Jesus! Lydia! You have issues! And apparently you have daddy issues! It's okay! It's okay, there's therapy for this kind of thing! Sigmund Freud said..." I lit another cigarette and cut Chrissie off.

 "Don't Sigmund Freud me! This isn't some Freudian shit! It's about power...it's about...who gives it to you....who takes care of you. It's about dominance. There is nothing fatherly or paternal related to it, my god! It's all about who delivers! I’ll tell you what it’s not about…couples massage.” I rolled my eyes.

 "Oh god, the issues are more deeply seeded than I thought." Chrissie said, slinking her head into the table.

 "You know, we have a lot of breakfasts together in which sex is the main topic." Chrissie said.

 "That's the way it should be." Mary said as she attempted to get a member of the wait staff's attention.

 "Yes, your man should be the last thing you do before you go to sleep and the first thing you do in the morning. Naturally, you then have something to talk about over breakfast." I said, pushing out my chair out. I simply had to have more of these biscuits and gravy. The other thing I loved with my breakfast aside from a good cigarette and good friends was a good sex story.