"Please come out," Pansy said through the door again. I was staring blankly at the wall with my knees pulled up to my chest and my chin resting on top of them.

 "Leah, they're going to think you're depressed," Thane hissed.

 "Don't say that!" Pansy whispered frantically, and I heard a smacking noise.

 "Do not touch me," he said and I almost heard Pansy rolling her eyes.

 "I don't wanna come out," I said dully.

 "I have to leave soon," Pansy said.

 "Then you can say goodbye through the door," I said.

 "Oh forget this," Thane muttered, and he kicked the door so that it flew open. That bastard broke my door!

 "Get up," he ordered. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my torso.

 "Leah, he didn't even break up with you yet," Thane said exasperatedly.

 "Thane, you don't understand. He's the first person she ever cared about. This is really hard for her...she's not used to caring," Pansy sighed.

 "I don't care," Thane shrugged.

 "Get up, now," he demanded and I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

 "Leah, what are you guys doing?" Violet asked. I heard the door open and soon I saw Violet peek around Pansy.

 "Are you sick?" she asked with a frown.

 "Go away," Thane glared.

 "I don't have to," she glared back. Thane gave her the death stare and turned his attention back to me.

 "Fine, waste your time here acting like a dementor kissed you; see if you ever get out of here," Thane said, shoving the half-closed door out of his way and walking out. I looked over at Pansy who was close to tears.

 "Please Leah, just get up. Shake it off and worry about it later; I don't want you to be here forever," she said, offering her hand. I hesitantly took it and stood up.

 "Act like you're okay," Pansy said softly, hugging me.

 "I have to go sweetie; I'll see you in two days," she said, blowing me a kiss as she walked out the door. I looked at Violet who raised her eyebrows at me and I shook my head.

 "You don't wanna know," I said, and we walked out to go get dinner.

***

Day Four

I have my final observation today and around noon I might get out of here! This is the happiest I've felt in two days. It's not exactly happy, but it's halfway there. I walked down into the room where my observation would be and sat down.

 "Hello Leah," Dr. Greyson smiled, walking in.

 "Hello," I managed a smile.

 "You've been very quiet these past few days," he chuckled.

 "I'm just bored," I lied.

 "It can get boring here," he agreed with a smile.

 "Well, I have some good news. You are being released from St. Mungo's, and we have no reason to send you to Azkaban. There won't be guards at Hogwarts, but the teachers will be keeping an eye on you, so just be careful. One minor slip up and you might end up here again. Other than that, you can resume your life again," he smiled. I felt a small amount of relief flood through me, and I wondered why the Power of the Phoenix never showed up on my tests. I'll have to look it up at school or at the Manor...oh God. The Manor.

 "You can have your clothes back that you were wearing the first day, and we have your wand," he said, and Nicole brought out the box unlocking it. She handed me my wand, which made me feel almost complete again. I nodded to her and took my clothes from Katarina (along with my journal wrapped in them), walking out of the room.

 "We're going to give you floo powder so you can go to the Manor on your own," Xavier said, walking up and I nodded.

 "Thank you," I said, walking into the rec room.

 "I've been released," I said to Violet and Thane, who were playing COD.

 "That's great!" Violet smiled, pausing the game and hugging me.

 "Do not hesitate to write...and um...could you tell my sister I love her?" she asked.

 "Who's your sister?" I asked.

 "Luna Lovegood," she sighed. Slight shock coursed through me, but I didn't say anything about it.

 "Okay," I nodded. Thane looked at me and sighed.

 "Good luck," he said, hugging me.

 "Thanks," I nodded.

 "I might be getting out of here soon; fingers crossed," he sighed and I gave him the smallest of smiles.

 "I'll see you guys soon, I hope," I said, and then walked out to go to the Manor.

I walked out of the fireplace to find an empty living room. I set my clothes down and looked down at my white sweats I had on from St. Mungo's. I don't feel like myself, but yet again, there are several reasons behind that. I looked around and listened for the sound of voices, but I didn't hear any. I walked up the stairs to my room and brushed my fingers across the bedspread and the familiar walls. I looked in the mirror and saw that I had lost my shine and bubbly personality. My entire attitude has faded from my posture and eyes, so I really did look depressed. I dug out my makeup and put on foundation and blush. I added lip gloss to my dull lips and sighed, looking through my closet. Not eating for four days made me lose a couple of pounds, but it wasn't anything I couldn't fix. I found a black corset dress with a slight poof in the bottom half and then put on my fancy heels. I was beginning to look like myself, but I just didn't give off my usual vibe. I had to slightly tailor the dress to my smaller figure, but I didn't care; it really wasn't a big deal. I walked back downstairs and into the kitchen where I let out a scream.

 "Surprise!" everyone yelled, smiling like idiots. I just stared at them in shock and they laughed.

 "Leah!" Bellatrix smiled, hugging me.

 "Um," I said, gently hugging her back.

 "You lost weight," she frowned. I just shrugged and she pulled me over to the table that had cake and snacks.

 "Eat something," she urged and I glanced at everything.

 "I'm not hungry," I said and everyone fell silent.

 "She probably just ate," Narcissa laughed and everyone began talking again.

 "Severus told your father about St. Mungo's and we decided to throw a party for your return," Lucius said, and I looked at all the death eaters before finding my father. He walked over and hugged me tightly.

 "We'll talk later," he said firmly and I nodded. I saw Mikey next, who was standing beside Pansy with a smile. Pansy gave me a small smile and then I saw Draco who was smiling brightly. Before he could make his way over, Mikey enveloped me in a bear hug.

 "Never scare me like that again!" he said and I nodded.

 "Okay," I said, and some people shared glances. They knew that I was different. Draco nudged Mikey out of the way and hugged me, giving me a sweet kiss that I didn't deserve.

 "Thank God they let you leave," he smiled and I felt guilt wash over me like a tidal wave. I managed a smile, but it didn't reach my eyes and he could tell.

 "So, are you off the hook?" he asked and I couldn't meet his eyes. Instead I looked at everyone as a whole and sighed.

 "Yeah, I just have to kind of watch myself around school," I said and everyone made noises of approval.

 "That's great!" Blaise said, walking out from the crowd, giving me a hug.

 "We didn't want your mother to be here because we weren't sure if you two were fighting," Severus said and I rolled my eyes.

 "Yeah we are," I said dully. 

 "Are you alright?" father asked.

 "You seem..." Narcissa hesitated.

 "Off..." Bellatrix finished with a frown.

 "I'm just tired," I lied.

 "Did you have to wake up early?" Mikey joked.

 "Yeah," I managed a smile. Pansy was looking at me sympathetically and I hugged my torso again.

 "Well at least your home for Christmas," Bellatrix smiled.

 "I didn't get anyone gifts yet," I said and everyone laughed.

 "We didn't expect you to!" Narcissa smiled.

 "Christmas is tomorrow, we knew you would be stuck at Mungo's; there's no way you could've bought presents," Blaise chuckled.

 "We don't mind," Lucius said. I was glad to see that Celeste was not here; maybe father finally killed her. That would make me slightly happy. Bellatrix looked at me and sighed.

 "Let's let her sleep, she's obviously not with it today," she smiled.

 "Yeah, I'll see you all tomorrow," I nodded and Pansy gave me a look.

 "Draco, can I talk to you really quickly," I said, looking over my shoulder.

 "Sure, love," he said, looking confused. Father looked at me and I knew he hadn't forgotten what he'd seen that night. I didn't either. We walked up to my room and I took off my makeup which was pointless to have put on in the first place.

 "You look ill, are you alright, Leah?" he asked, taking my hands and I gently pulled away.

 "I messed up, Draco," I whispered, tears forming again.

 "Leah, what's wrong?" he asked, moving closer. I took a step back and shook my head, the tears falling down my cheeks.

 "I-I-I," I sobbed, not being able to form a proper sentence.

 "I'm sure it isn't that bad," he said soothingly.

 "I kissed someone else," I cried, collapsing to the floor, crying into my hands. Draco fell silent and the only sound I heard was my own sobs. After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke.

 "You cheated on me?" he asked in strained voice. I cried even harder and after a few seconds I felt his anger creep across the room.

"Leah," he snapped, and he pulled my hands away from my face.

 "Explain," he said, looking glassy eyed. I placed the memory in his head and I saw betrayal fill his features. I couldn't stop crying and after he was done watching the memory he just looked at me.

 "You're sorry?" he asked bitterly.

 "I didn't make the move... I was shocked..." I cried and he clenched his jaw.

 "You know what, Leah? I hope Thane's little prophecy comes true," he sneered.

 "I'm sorry, Draco!" I said and he gave a humorless laugh.

 "It isn't like I continued it," I cried.

 "You didn't stop it until his tongue was down your throat," he said angrily and I let my head fall into my hands again.

 "I don't know why you're crying!" he yelled, and I heard footsteps. I felt people watching and I knew that the door was open; people had come to see the show.

  "Because I messed up!" I yelled.

  "Yeah you did, and now you have to pay the consequences," he said.

 "Draco," I sobbed.

 "This is a joke right, you didn't actually do this to me?" he asked, a small amount of hope in his voice.

 "No, it happened, but it isn't like I did it!" I said.

 "Yes you did! I knew that asshole was bad news!" he said angrily, and I heard him hit the wall.

 "Draco," Pansy said lowly and I looked up to see father, Bellatrix, Severus, and Pansy at the door. Father looked sorry for me and Bellatrix had a shocked look on her face. Severus was just watching curiously and I tried to ignore them.

 "He just wanted to tell me the message," I tired reasoning.

 "Oh yes, obviously!" Draco yelled.

 "Draco, you are the one being a asshole!" Pansy yelled angrily.

 "Stay out of it!" he snapped.

 "I can't believe, after I showed up and said how much I couldn't wait for you to get out, and I loved you, that you would turn around and do that!" he said, hurt clearly in his voice.

 "But I do love you," I said, clutching my stomach as I cried.

 "Those are just empty words now," he said, pain filling his expression.

 "They aren't," I sobbed.

 "Was this a joke to you? I was your place holder for you to toy around with until you found a more powerful wizard; someone who was more like you?" he asked and I shook my head, tears blurring my vision.

 "He's only my friend," I choked out.

 "Yes because friends make out on roof tops," he said sarcastically.

 "We didn't make out," I moaned, hiding my face again.

 "I saw it!" he screamed, and then his hand clamped around my arm, bringing me to my feet.

 "Look my in the eyes and tell me that you didn't cheat on me!" he said fiercely and I did look into his eyes; the eyes that had always given me comfort. They were now cold and angry.

 "I can't," I whispered.

 "Why?" he asked lowly.

 I looked away.

 "I wish I could've seen how much of a slut you were before I fell in love with you," he shook his head bitterly. I instantly felt the fire inside me flare, but it was dulled by the overwhelming wave of sadness that engulfed me.

 "I'm not a slut," I cried, new tears running down my cheeks.

 "Yeah Leah, you are. We're over," he said, letting go of my arm and pushing through the small crowd of people. As I collapsed to the ground, Pansy ran over and hugged me, sitting on the floor with me and stroking my hair. I clung to her, crying into her shoulder. I knew that the others were still watching, and I faintly heard Draco's door slam shut so hard that it shook the walls.

 "Leah... I..." I heard Bellatrix say, and I heard father make a noise to cut her off.

 "We'll be downstairs if you need us," father said softly and I heard them leave. Pansy sat with me as I cried into her shoulder and I finally pulled back to look at her.

 "I told you," I whispered.

 "He's just angry right now, he'll get over it," she soothed.

 "You're wrong," I whispered and she gently brought me to my feet. She sat me down on my bed and closed the curtains. I watched as she rummaged through my closet, getting me pajamas and shoving them into my hands.

 "Put them on," she ordered and I did as she said.

 "Pansy...am I a slut?" I asked quietly.

 "No sweetie, you just made a mistake," she said firmly.

 "Okay," I said, not believing her. She pulled down the covers and made me lay down.

 "Go to sleep sweetheart...I could stay with you if you'd like," she offered.

 "No, I wanna be alone. Thanks Pansy. I love you," I said.

 "I love you too, sis. I'll be downstairs if you need anything," she said, turning off the light and walking out. All I felt was sadness wash over me, time after time, and I could've sworn I heard crying coming from Draco's room. I only felt guiltier at that, and I wanted to feel anything besides sadness or guilt. I walked into my bathroom and rummaged through the drawers, finally finding a straight pin. I sat down on the floor and brought it deep down into my wrist, dragging it along my skin until it drew blood. The stinging pain in my arm brought my attention away from the sadness, and I watched as the blood trickled down my arm. I fell asleep as I did this, and I was glad the sadness was replaced; even for a moment.

***

I woke up to find dried blood on my arm and a healing cut along my wrist. I walked over to the sink and washed off the blood that had trailed down to my elbow since my arm was elevated. My eyes were red and puffy, but I forced myself to walk back into my room and check the clock. It was five in the morning, which meant I slept more than twelve hours. Oh what a merry Christmas this is. I wasn't tired, but I instantly knew I was depressed; I just felt it deep inside. I put on a green sweater to hide my wrist and then I slipped on black shorts; I couldn't decide whether I was hot or cold. I put on socks and walked downstairs, throwing my hair into a messy bun. No one was in the living room, and nobody was in the kitchen either; everyone was sleeping. Thank god for that! I sat on the couch and made a fire, staring into it blankly for who knows how long. Eventually I heard shuffling feet and I curled up into a ball, hoping no one saw me. It didn't work.

 "Leah?" Blaise whispered and I looked up to see him in a tee shirt and sleep pants.

 "You're up early," I mumbled.

 "Actually, it's about nine," he raised his eyebrows. Wow, time flies when you're just staring at a fire.

 "Oh," I muttered.

 "How are you? Pansy told me what happened," he said sympathetically, sitting down and putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

 "I'm just dandy," I said dully.

 "You can talk to me you know," he said gently.

 "I know I can," I said quietly.

 "Okay... are you hungry?" he asked.

 "Not really" I said, staring at the fire again. Blaise looked at me closely and I subconsciously pulled my sleeve down, even though I knew he couldn't see the cut. I heard someone else walking down the stairs, and I guess they didn't see me.

 "Hey Blaise," Draco mumbled.

 "Hey Draco," Blaise nodded, and I blinked back tears. Draco went to walk over, but then he looked down and saw me.

 "Oh.... Riddle," he said in a strained voice and I flinched. We aren't even on a first name basis anymore, apparently.

 "Blaise, let's go I'm hungry," Draco said, not looking at me.

 "Um..." Blaise said, shifting uncomfortably.

 "Go," I said, attempting to push him, but I didn't have the energy.

 "You need to eat too, Leah. You visibly lost weight and you haven't eaten anything since noon yesterday. Now you barely have any energy to lightly push me," he said sternly, giving me a look.

 "I'm not hungry," I said.

 "Do not make me force food down your throat," he threatened, pulling me off the couch. Draco walked next to me, but he was stiff and refused to look at me.

 "I do not want food," I said with a glare, but not even my glare was the same.

"I really don't care," he said. He sat me down at the table and grabbed some French toast off the counter that I'm assuming Tinsel made.

 "Eat it," he ordered me as Draco took some.

 "No," I shook my head.

 "I am not afraid to force you," he threatened.

 "I dare you," I rolled my eyes. He plugged my nose and I fought to push his hand away, but I needed air. I opened my mouth, gasping for air and Blaise shoved the French toast into my mouth, making me chew and swallow. I groaned and held my stomach, not wanting food at all.

 "I hate you," I glared.

 "Eat more, or I will force you to eat again," he said lowly. I glared at him and slammed a plate down, getting more French toast and putting it down on the plate. I also grabbed a glass of water and slammed that down as well, making it splash onto the table. Apparently I still had enough energy to be dramatic.

 "Happy?" 

 "No, you didn't eat it yet," he said calmly. Draco was staring out the window blankly, but I could tell he was pained.

 "Screw you," I said. I sat down and ate the stupid food and then drank a little bit of water.

 "Okay, now that you've eaten, feel free to eat some more. You have about four more pounds to gain," he said, folding his arms. I stood up, pushing the plate back.

 "I'll be back," I said before he could protest, walking into the bathroom. I heard Draco and Blaise talking as I leaned over the toilet. Having food in my stomach made me feel sick, so I did what anyone with an upset stomach would do; I threw up. I had to force it, but I did, and then I brushed my teeth. I walked back into the kitchen and Draco instantly stopped talking.

 "What did you do in the bathroom?" he narrowed his eyes.

 "I went to the bathroom," I raised one eyebrow.

 "No, you threw up, didn't you?" he asked.

 "No."

 "I heard you," he pressed.

 "No you didn't," I said.

 "Are you trying to kill yourself, Leah?" Blaise asked angrily.

 "Yes," I said flatly, and both Blaise and Draco looked at me. 

 "You aren't serious," Blaise said cautiously.

 "What does anyone care?" I asked bitterly.

 "Everyone cares!" Blaise yelled, throwing his hands in the air angrily.

"Oh really? Who," I challenged.

 "Pansy, me, Mikey, your father, Damon, Sapphire, Bellatrix, Narcissa, Lucius, Ariana, your mum...Draco," Blaise said, and an uncomfortable silence filled the room.

 "I doubt any of you would care that much. Maybe for a day or two, but then you'd get over it. What's my purpose anyway? I'm just a pawn in this stupid war, and you know what? If I'm dead, no one wins!" I hissed.

 "If you have a death wish, you better not believe any of us are going to let you carry it out," Blaise said lowly, grabbing my arm and forcing me to look at him. 

"I'm fine! I'm just not hungry and I'm in a bad mook, okay? I'm not unhealthy," I said, my voice cracking.

 "Leah...don't cry," Blaise said softly.

 "Why is she crying?" Pansy asked, walking in. She raised her eyebrows seeing Draco in the same room as me, but her attention then turned to me.

 "She's throwing up whatever she eats!" Blaise said in exasperation.

 "Oh sweetie, that's not good," she told me gently.

 "She said she's trying to kill herself," he continued and Pansy gasped.

 "Leah don't you dare!"  She grabbed my arm and made me face her.

 "Don't even think like that! If I had known things were this bad ...honestly ... when I came to visit I would've told them to keep you there for a bit longer," she admitted.

 "You wanted to keep me there?" 

 "If I knew you'd be this depressed," she said with a pained expression.

 "You think I was happy when you were visiting?" I asked with a glare.

 "Of course not. But now that you and Draco are over... it's gotten worse," she said and I felt tears slip down my face.

 "Pansy, why the fuck would you say that to her?" Draco finally spoke.

 "It's the truth, and it may hurt, but she needs to get it through her head that she's on a downward spiral!" Pansy said almost desperately.

 "None of you care, you just wanna be able to say Leah Riddle finally crumbled. She was all big and bad, sitting on top of the world, and she finally got knocked off her pedestal," I said bitterly.

 "That's not true," Pansy disagreed.

 "Yes it is. I'm on a downward spiral? Go ahead and spread that around, I'm sure all of Hogwarts wants to talk about Leah Insane Riddle," I glared.

 "Leah, stop talking. You need a pick me up," Blaise said.

 "If that means drinking, then it isn't happening," father said, walking in.

 "My Lord, I think you should know something," Pansy said and I glared at her.

 "Don't you people understand that I am fine?" I snapped.

 "Draco isn't even as bad as you are, and he's the one that was screwed over," Blaise pointed out and I felt hot tears slide down my cheeks.

 "Why would you say that?" both Pansy and Draco yelled.

 "You guys are under the impression that she's suicidal and yet you're making her feel like shit!" Draco snapped.

 "As if you care!" I said.

 "I do care, Leah! I care a lot, okay? Breaking up with you for a valid reason doesn't mean I magically stopped caring. I just can't be with you anymore," he said, standing up.

 "You're talking about Blaise making me feel like shit, but you're going to go ahead and 'break up' with me again?" I asked in bewilderment.

 "That's not what I was trying to do," he groaned.

 "Whatever," I shook my head.

 "Can't you see that this is killing me, too? Leah, you cannot possibly believe I let go of you that quickly!" he said painfully. 

 "Good morning!" Narcissa walked in with a cheerful smile.

 "Oh gosh, why all the tears? It's Christmas!" she laughed.

 "Narcissa," father warned. Her gaze moved from my tears stained face to Draco's pained expression, and then to Pansy's obviously upset face. Blaise was gripping the countertop tightly in aggravation. 

 "Alright, well... I have indeed planted mistletoe around the house, so be careful," she said, forcing a smile. I pulled my eyes away from Draco and walked back up to my room, trying to force down the feelings that just wouldn't go away.

***