New Year's followed Christmas into the past as mid-January rolled around and the cold really set in. There was no snow out, but it was frigid outside. Too cold for them to play basketball, they were often in the house and spent time doing other things.

After Maggie realized that Julian had Nathan using his window as a mode of transportation, she unlocked his door to promote safer travel for everyone involved. The whole reason he'd been isolated to begin with was that, thus far, he'd had a hard time interacting normally with people.

Maggie was happy that Julian was doing a lot better than when she had brought him here, but very unhappy that he'd been sneaking out of the house. Nathan assured Maggie that Julian had been well behaved and even pleasant to spend time with, so she had forgone punishing him. Even with the room open, Julian still spent most of his time up there.

Today, Nathan was in the car again. It had been slow going, as Nathan was nervous of more than just being in it with Ian. Driving was something he'd never really done. Nathan had gotten his permit in high school, but he'd never actually been behind the wheel of a vehicle. They'd been out every day this week, so it wasn't like he was awful, but it had taken time.

They'd rolled around a vacant lot for his first outing, and Ian had nearly laughed him out of the car for not knowing where everything was. Now he knew where most things were, but he was having issues telling where his car was relative to the curb and other cars. When he pulled up to the side of the road, he was still a foot off from it, and while he could stay in his lane, he managed to park with the line directly under the car every time.

The more hopeless he was, the more Ian enjoyed taking him out. Ian was a good teacher. Patient, soft-spoken, and calm, he was amazing, and Nathan really appreciated it. Ian had toned back his space invading, so while the man still made him uneasy at times, he didn't force him into any corners nearly as much.

It was pleasant.

Life was really starting to get pleasant.

"So when do you think I'll have my license?" Nathan asked as he stopped at a stop sign. He was getting better at not hitting the breaks so hard that the car jerked back. They were rolling through some of the less populated backstreets to avoid him rolling over a person.

"Is never an answer?" Ian laughed, leaning against the window to watch how close he was to the edge of the street.

"I'm getting better," Nathan argued.

"The light's red," Ian said quickly, and Nathan hit the brakes. There was no one at these intersections right now, but he had almost blown it while looking at Ian.

"Dammit." Nathan shifted into reverse and pulled himself back out of the intersection with a sigh. Ian laughed next to him, and Nathan threw a mint at him. They were stacked in the center console holder, and Nathan had been enjoying weaponizing them.

The light turned green and Nathan rounded the corner, but the sound of a siren chirping made him jump. With a groan, he pulled as close to the side of the road as he could manage and eased on the breaks before he turned off the car.

Why were there even police officers in this area? It was broken down and no one lived out here anymore. And where had the car come from? There was no one behind him, so it had to have been parked on the side of the street. Nathan glanced over to Ian and he looked more annoyed than concerned, so he calmed down and waited for the officer to come over.

When the knock on his window sounded, Nathan pressed the button and rolled his window completely down. It let in a rush of cold air, and Nathan shivered as the officer bent down to eye level.

As their eyes met, Nathan let out another groan.

"Sir, do you know that you backed up at a stoplight?"

"I hadn't noticed," Nathan said tightly back to him.

"You giving me attitude, sir?"

"Yes?"

Allen chuckled. Leaning on the window's edge with both arms, he smiled, but it fell as he saw Ian in the other seat.

"Do you have any drugs in the vehicle? Been drinking this afternoon?" Allen asked, looking in the car.

"Why are you even here?" Nathan smiled, though his annoyance tainted the expression with his lowered eyebrows.

"I got reports of someone driving erratically, so I came to check it out."

"You did not," Ian immediately said, and Allen laughed.

Shit. For a second, Nathan had actually believed him. What a jerk.

"Maggie said you were learning to drive," Allen offered the truth. "I would have been more than happy to help. You didn't have to stoop so low as to have a convicted rapist teach you."

"I'm a good motivator," Ian said, snaking his hand over and pulling Nathan as far out of his seat as the seatbelt would allow. It surprised Nathan enough that he squeaked like a girl. "If he blows a stop sign, well... I get jealous and make him blow me when we get home."

Allen didn't look amused by Ian's joke, but he also wasn't taking them seriously. With how everyone outside of the pen wanted to shut it down, it was enlightening when Allen instead pulled out a hand held Taser and relaxed on the window again.

"If I Tase your balls, you won't get any pleasure out of that for a while." Allen smirked, and Ian glared at him, tightening his grip on Nathan's neck. Ian was about to spit something foul at him but was thwarted by the voice coming out on Allen's radio. "Saved by the Moceris, I guess. I have to go do real work." Allen pat the door. "See you later, Nathan. Don't let Ian give you too much shit."

Allen crawled back to his car at a languid pace for someone heading to another incident, but when he sat in it, he took off like a jet. The man even turned on his lights and sirens as he headed onto the main street.

"Allen is closer to the pen, than I thought," Nathan said, looking up to Ian. Ian had not let him go, but Nathan had relaxed into him. It wasn't like struggling got him anywhere.

"Yeah," Ian said down to him, his eyes glittering dangerously. "Allen is Maggie's adopted father. They brought us in to the pen together, so we all know him. That guy took the first chance he could to get the hell out of there, once he knew Maggie was settled in and trusted us enough not to jump her."

"Oh. He doesn't act at all like Maggie does with you guys."

Ian laughed. "That's because Maggie is one of 'us guys'. Maggie scares the shit out of Allen just as hard as the rest of us do."

"I can see that." Nathan smiled. "Maggie is a little scary sometimes."

"You don't even know." Ian hadn't released him yet, and Nathan glared until Ian relinquished his hold on him with a sigh.

After a few more loops, they headed home. Today, Ian helped him pull into the garage, which was more of him trying and Ian reaching over to jerk the wheel to the side so he didn't hit the wall and take off a side mirror. Tanner and Maggie were out, based off of the lack of vehicles in the garage, so at least he couldn't hit those.

About to jump out of the car, he was stopped when Ian grabbed his arm and hit the close button on the garage door. The light was cut off with its fall and Nathan's throat tightened. Ian unbuckled him and leaned in but stopped, closer to Nathan than he cared for, but he did stop.

"Can I ask you something?" Ian asked, as if Nathan had a choice about it either way. "What would I have to do to get you to kiss me?"

Nathan's fearful expression flattened into what wasn't heavy enough to be disgust, but also not strong enough to be annoyance. Ian was asking in earnest, and Nathan didn't know what to do about that.

"I don't like men," Nathan said with a sigh.

"I know." Ian smiled nervously.

"Then why do you want me to kiss you?"

For a moment, Ian looked to the side as if pondering it. "You know, I don't know. I've only kissed two guys, you not counting. The one in high school never came near me again after I got out of the hospital, and my ex-boyfriend had just been using me. Maybe I'm just curious, you know, what it might feel like if you kissed me back."

Nathan was not curious.

"Come on, Nat. Just once?" Ian begged.

"Once?" Nathan said skeptically, and Ian flinched back from its implication. "Ian, I like you, as a friend, but I'm never going to be attracted to you. You understand that, right?"

"Yeah, Nat." Ian's tone was low and pained.

"I'll kiss you on one condition." Nathan hated agreeing to it in any manner, but if it would serve a purpose, he could manage. The light that brightened in Ian's eyes was also shaded by suspicion at the same time. "If I kiss you, I want you to stop."

Ian cringed back.

"Not being friends, or hanging on me, or anything like that," Nathan tried to calm him. "Just..." –Nathan sighed heavily– "the trying to kiss me, and pushing me up against walls, and creepily caressing me. I respect that you like me more than I care for, but I would appreciate if you would also respect that I don't like you in that manner."

"Forget about it, Nat. I'm sorry. I didn't real–"

Nathan yanked him back by his arm, stopping Ian's words as he tried to escape out of his car door.

"I do like you, Ian. You can just get overwhelming. I want to be friends."

"What you're asking for is... difficult." Ian sighed, crossing his arms.

"And what you're asking for is any less difficult?" Nathan said. "Look, I'll do it. I'm just asking for something back that you should have given me in the first place."

"If you are going to force me to drop you cold turkey, I want a real kiss." Ian narrowed his eyes. It wasn't very funny, but Nathan chuckled anyway.

"You can't do anything you haven't already done."

"I don't want to inflict it on you. I want you to kiss me back."

"I know." Nathan crossed his arms too, letting out another long breath.

There was a moment of silence and then Ian leaned in toward him and pulled him closer. Nathan narrowed his eyes at him, not uncrossing his arms.

"Fine. I will agree to your terms." Ian's eyes darted away from his when he uncrossed his arms. "Can you try and not... be... too... disgusted by me?"

"You don't disgust me, Ian," Nathan said softly. "Consider me pretending that this is something I want to try, even if it's really not."

Ian chuckled and slid his hand gently across the side of his face. The press of Ian's forehead on his caused Nathan's heart to jump. It was a gentle touch, as was his face nuzzling his own. The smell of mint washed over Nathan as Ian lifted the center console up and pulled him against his chest. The calm way Ian threaded his fingers through his hair made Nathan want to cry. Maybe he should have never agreed to this. The way Ian cared about him broke his heart because it would never make Nathan like him that way back.

"This bothers you," Ian said into his ear, and Nathan shook his head.

"I'm sorry I can't return your affection," Nathan said.

"I never expected you to. You're a decade younger than me." Ian kissed the side of his face, and Nathan tried to calm himself from his despair. "When someone cares about someone else, they don't do it to get something in return, Nathan. You're much too innocent for someone like me." Ian brought his hand back to Nathan's face and lifted his chin gently. "I mean it, Nathan."

Without much more time to think, Nathan swallowed hard as Ian brought his lips to his. They were soft as he just treaded his skin, not kissing him just yet.

"Calm down, Nathan. I'll stop if you want. Just say so." Ian chuckled in front of him, and it calmed Nathan slightly.

Was Nathan the only one here who thought this was horribly sad? How must it feel for Ian to kiss him when he would never want to kiss him back, even if he conceded to it? Well, fuck it. Nathan was already here, so he might as well just man up and drop his guard for a moment... for Ian. Taking a few slow, deep breaths, he calmed his rapidly beating heart at least enough to meet Ian's patient ice eyes.

A smile curled Ian's lips, and he lowered them the last inch to his. Ian pressed only lightly against his own, testing to see if he was going to freak out and push him away. He wasn't. Even if he could never love Ian, he could care about him and the feelings he couldn't reciprocate. Nathan slid his arms around Ian's neck and touched his hair, and Ian froze. It wasn't unpleasant, feeling the hair sift through his fingers, but after a moment, Ian let out a ragged gasp and pulled back from him.

"Hey." Nathan yanked him back by the back of his head. It startled Ian, and his eyes were watering. "It's all right, Ian," Nathan said, lifting his lips back to his. "Let's just forget that everything really fucking sucks for a moment."

The tears slid from Ian's eyes, but he brought his face back to him. The rough press of Ian's lips on his was strangely gentle, and Ian pulled Nathan back against his chest. It was a foreign feeling, as Nathan had never kissed anyone, but he moved his lips back. It took Nathan a moment to figure it out, but Ian's slow rhythm wasn't hard to follow.

As soon as they were moving the same, Ian gripped the side of Nathan's face and slid his tongue against Nathan's lips. The feeling of pressing his own tongue against Ian's in return, wasn't as unpleasant as it had initially felt a month or two back. Even with Ian being a guy, his mouth tasted of the mints he ate like they sustained him, and Ian wrapped his tongue with his just like he hugged him. A gentle touch, but also pressing into him with the desire he'd buried inside of himself.

It was only that one moment before Ian removed his lips from his but kept his eyes averted as he pushed Nathan's chin up. Nathan squeaked as Ian pressed his lips to his throat, and his breath came faster as Ian slid his hand into his coat and up his shirt.

"Ian!" Nathan said in a harsh whisper, still too flustered to yell much of anything.

"Just give me a moment, Nathan. I won't take it too far," Ian said into his neck.

Resuming kissing the side of his neck, Ian ran his lips to his shoulder, pulling Nathan's shirt down to reach the skin on the latter. The trail of Ian's cold hand up his shirt, slid around to his back and Ian gripped him so hard against his chest that Nathan gasped air uncomfortably. For a moment, Ian ran his hands through Nathan's hair again, and then he sighed against him.

"Go in, Nathan. I'm going to need a minute." Ian released him, but kept his eyes averted. The way he was covering them, Nathan would be right if he guessed that he was crying. So, Nathan left him, shutting the door behind him quietly.

Word count: 2717 -- Edited July 15th, 2020