About this time, we were holding hands as the evening glow signaled around towards us like a lighthouse and we were adrift anent it like moths.

In reality, we were not holding hands since her slender fingers did not wrap around my numb ones in a terribly affectionate and trusted way but her right forearm just wedged into mine whilst we strolled about a grassy path.

We were out at a wedding and the host was Junith and by some grave mistake, she sent me a letter of invitation to come. It wasn't just me since Jordan and Percy were also enjoying themselves under the dazzling lights of delicate men and women as her friends were at every corner table clinking glasses, admiring the bouquets, having intimate conversations with them like couples at weddings were seen to do.

I wouldn't have come entirely for my health was in a questionable state but someone on the long social list sent a bottle of Whiskey that I received on Saturday morning and I became a bit too carried away. I was afraid if I were to be left alone which had the large possibility, I would without a doubt, fall to the swelling pits of alcoholism. So I took the social shackled way of a precaution by coming to the wedding and promising myself to disperse before the singular drinking began.

She had coaxed me up on her escape when I fell into a mumbling excuse as she granted me a long look and departed towards me. In the midst of flowery white dresses and sharp tuxes, the only way to fall invisible if a pair of man and woman were to be walking together tightly since the scene was too common to stand out.

" There's always that sort of loneliness in these weddings. " She didn't mean to be vague as we passed the first flower diseased gate.

" Do you know what I mean? " She asked without looking and I answered humorously, " Of course. But you wouldn't mind explaining to see if we are on the same page. "

She quirked a silent laugh then turned slightly away from me to the gate to spot if the dusk had attracted any curious pair of eyes but since we were the only ones to explore, she let go off my arm in a slow but anxious action.

It took little strain to make sense of her move because her act was already provoking some ideas in my head when she disappeared in some corner of this huge country club when it was time for her to say a few words, when Junith avoided the exchange of marriage filled conversations and then lastly liberated herself behind my shadow to the empty garden, a safe haven where she did not have to maintain a long, hard forged image.

I knew my position as someone who knew about it and at the same time, some dark part of my untamed curiosity threw me the idea to abuse this power, this stance of knowledge to slip under her skin. To know more.

" What's wrong? " I asked with the tension in my voice reduced to low.

" Uh . . . nothing. " She answered with a shake of her shoulders as the fake smile emerged from her deceptive lips.

" Something is. You don't have to dance around it. Not with me at least. " My vigorous ballad of confidence caught me in a surprised aspect of myself, of how absorbed this simple mystery had made me but without my caution, the confidence tempted her to say a bit more.

" I know how to take a hint. "

Suddenly, she felt busy looking at her shoes when her hair crept down to earth and managed to hide away the clinging emotion for a mere moments. Then she ventured the idea of communication and I forgot what cruel satisfaction I intended to find from it.

" I don't think the counselling is working. To be honest, I don't know what I am even doing there sometimes. It's all a . . . "

My questioning eyes made her say a bit more as she swooned from side to side in a haughty manner of unrest.

" It's just talk and talk. About the past. Then the future. Then some meaningless present. It's torturing. "

She sighed at the multicolored sky then walked around frustratingly before deciding that a stroll on the grass might lower the heaviness of her shoulder but it did not do so since I followed around and found the signature of the plump pain in her voice which had just appeared for the first time in our meetings.

" It's alright. It's fine. " I interrupted as she stopped to stare back and then remarked reflexively.

" How would you know that? "

" I noticed that you were fidgeting around in there. It wasn't too hard of a puzzle to understand that you don't enjoy the . . . wedding scenery that much now. "

She might have wanted to walk away alone as to let solitude take care of the garbage of her analytical mind, tugging and scratching at anything to grant some lonely wish of understanding. But she did not as I had exposed the secretive motive of her thoughts, like a fortune teller before she could expose it herself.

" Maybe you are just homesick. Even missing Mr. Chambers. You are walking here with me on a Sunday's wedding evening so I am going to take a blind shot and say that he isn't here. "

The glister of tears were absent from her eyes, just as the saddening disposition finally conquered her mental tantrum and established its dark imprint on her cheeks, along with the guilt and inflated disappointment gloated to the surface.

" I'm not homesick. Well, maybe a little. But not like a child. " She coughed the words then turned away but ended herself back on the stone walk with me.

" He was here. A week and a half ago. " She informed bluntly as if it was one of those annoying incidents, like losing your luggage in the airport then began with the rest.

" We ran around the city. Like were were tourists. And all of those days, I couldn't relax but think of what Dr. Carson said to me and what I said to him. The past, thinking of the future and. . ."

" The lousy present. " I finished her sentence as I joined her side to the walk.

With every word she was drawing out of the coffin she kept herself in. A secret, that had become so grotesque and guilt ridden that it was forbidden to her own conscious to ponder about it, let alone talking to an unsolicited soul like me.

" You were just restless. It happens to everyone at some point or another. "

" I got help, didn't I? It was supposed to be fixed. "

" How long were you even there? 6 or 5 sessions? " The adverse cynicism about her lack of knowledge to the prolonged period of recovery portrayed in my voice without my permit.

" 8. " She answered with a riotous bodily thrust before dispersing a balked smirk out of her lips and to herself as if she was having a conversation with her and I was just the imaginary safe presence.

" I don't mean to argue with you but. . . if you want results, you have to stop being such a perfectionist. "

She was stumped to hear an aggravated response from me since her mind was busy in signing the retreat from her rationality as her eyes began to dazzle for the crude presence of my unholy mind.

The voices of couples and bridesmaids produced a cautionary signal for us as she startled briefly then organized herself in small careful steps.

Roughly fifty feet forward, the oval shaped lawn met its end with the concrete cart road and behind that, the ever busy bustling networking patron of vehicles ran with their hurried lights towards unnamed destinations.

I commandeered her to the edge easily since Junith followed me without question from the mutual understanding of being invisible to the pedestrian eyes.

We both stood silently as the constant whistling sounds of a scheduled rush hour filled the air with its mechanical music. We poised till both of us became rough silhouettes to the smirking voices of men and women in the back distance.

" Marriage isn't something you can just throw under an equation and calculate the answers to. If it were that simple and easy, then my job wouldn't exist. " I started in a slow tone but shoved to a dash when she rudely interrupted my statement.

" But. " She prodded and lost.

" Let me finish. " I bolted without care and carried on.

" It might not make sense now. Most things don't give away their meaning that easily. "

I broke off and quickly dispersed a strong look towards her to check if she wanted to craft more mumbled words in haste but she restrained herself from engaging in that tired dance.

" There was this married couple. I met them when I was just starting in Colorado's firm. "

I couldn't figure out the meaning of the blank expression of her face but her tilted head with the uncliped hair informed me about her doubtful thoughts about my words.

" The Cardinal wasn't there yet. And Colorado used to see them first. So they were straight into his shabby little office. Quarreling up a storm. . . so furiously. " I paused in my gasp.

" I was afraid poor old Colorado's gonna have a heart attack there and then. Hell, you could hear them argue from the cafes down the street, I'll bet. So I got involved quickly. "

There was a chortle of a silent smile, wrapped in a breathy hint as she spoke in her attentive breath.

" Then? "

" Then the same routine. Colorado sent them to me since I was too young to develop any heart problems of my own. "

Her smirk had been promoted to a loud simper as it trickled and swept away the gravity of unanswered questions and I succeeded in catching a look at her with wondrous effect.

" But sadly, they got divorced a week later. And it was fast too. " I informed as I leaned forward to examine the similar looking drafts of vehicles as they ignored the mature beauty of this dying sun and carried on.

" I wanted to stall . . . of course, to get a fair alimony and such. But the wife hated both the husband and me enough to get away. "

Junith stood still and close even though she wondered about the destination of this story. Contemplation of what twisted moral I was supposed to present to her confused her even more but she had said nothing out of this unspoken, imaginary trust which did not feel fantasized anymore.

" I was young and curious back then. And a bit more social than now. So I decided to catch up with the husband on one morning. And she was there too. They were together. And happy. And full of knowledge and regret.

And paperwork. So much paperwork that you couldn't see the kitchen counter tile. "

I barked up a few emotionless smiles to recall the past and the relics I have managed to capture over the years from the mistakes of other humans.

" So, they got married. Again? Why? " She inquired in the rupturing annoyed tone of understanding a small portion of the wisecracked story.

" 6 years in last Friday. They were kind enough to think of me somehow. So he sent an expensive bottle of Whiskey and gave me the idea of dropping by tonight. The reasons for which I am here."

She couldn't quite grasp the force of it as she didn't join my arresting laughter and I realized it quickly to break it down in simple verses.

" The point is, we are too quick to jump into conclusions, really. And I can imagine how torturous it might feel in your head, always being around weddings and . . . perfect looking married couples. "

" Don't take the easy way out. And you didn't before so clearly, you are going the extra mile so you want this to stick. I always look for straight answers because it eliminates me from becoming a slave to the ideas. But in some cases, easy ways are not the answers. "

There was a buzz of electricity nearby as the front porch lit up after an uncertain delay with small, egg sized bulbs around the wraith filled gates and trees.

Her hair fell bewildered to the concept but the face left glowing to the past melancholy since a collection of words weren't enough to wipe away all the wrong memories. But nevertheless, the face left glowing to its own charm as I spotted the tender tip of her nose, of how reddish it had turned from the absence of tears and constant rubbing.

She looked grateful and tried not to disclose the worry which was tamed for the night as she spoke.

" I know I am being childish . . . sometimes. I wish I could tell him . . . so I wouldn't feel like a monster to think that marriage is shambles. So I wouldn't be alone with the guilt. "

It was time for me to say something comforting in response but the undead revival of a lonesome daydream pulled me away from the haze. So much to talk about and so much to say but nothing was said and no honesty was performed by me.

" I have said enough. " I answered with my nose clinched guiltily. " Carson wouldn't be pleased when he hears that I'm trying to steal his job and his clients. So do not tell him that. "

She rused a pure laughter for a few brief seconds and the hushed hum that emitted from the crowds of the couples disappeared in her serenade.

" Maybe I will. But if you insist not to. "

" I do insist. "

A gratitude formed around her lips as she hazed back at me in embarrassment but I halted as my coat brushed her elbows.

" Now, let's scoot before someone sees us in this romantic landscape and begin to have all the right ideas. "

Her twinkled eyes formed an alluring smile as she swept up her strands of runaway hair and dedicated the seconds to get rid of any evidence of this nervous turmoil whilst I pondered to the moving lights in the far distance.

She was beautiful, clever, unaware about the strength and the dirty little ways one could conquer all sorts of challenges; and lastly someone else's wife. The muddle of combination threw me in the film as the role of the antagonist and at the same time pulled me away from something regrettable and eternal.

I started my walk to the house away from her as she strolled aside but not before halting me with a hand and a line, " Meet me with Jordan before you go " then sided forth and afar to gate bound were the bridesmaids were already causing a row.

I stopped to look back at her and then blamed the romantic geography of this scenery. The dead evening glow, the grass's scent and herself, a directed view of her along with an unintended promise that only magnetized me for I was already dreaming of being involved.