"Welcome, my brothers. Today all of us have gathered here because..." Jin paused dramatically. The three youngest members leaned forward, apparently having no clue what was happening .

"...because we're all driving each other crazy in here and need some new fucking rules." Yoongi continued for him, not having the patience to wait out his hyung's antics.

"Language. Children are present." The oldest scolded him.

"Not a child." Jungkook's quiet protest was barely audible and he hid his face behind his banana milk immediately after.

Their leader scoffed.
"You're all children. Apart from our favourite swearing grandpa."
Jin seemed quite smug, until Namjoon turned to him. "And you're the biggest child of all, so let's get this done."

He took out a sheet of paper and a pen, writing the oldest's name in big letters on top.
"Any suggestions for Jin?"

A moment of silence.

"Glitter is forbidden starting now." Yoongi's hard gaze was fixed on his roommate. Who gaped at him in return, obviously offended. "Don't you dare fight me on this. I had glitter in my underwear drawer. And my laptop needed special cleaning since glitter slipped underneath the keyboard. And remember last week when I sparkled all day because of the glitter on my headphones?!"

Jin leaned back, admitting his defeat but pouting. "It did make you cuter."

Namjoon nodded, writing down the demand.
"What else?"

Suggestions came faster now, mostly about the permitted singing times and concerns regarding experimental cooking before important interviews or, even worse, a tour. Nobody wanted a repeat of a previous accident that ended with all of them puking the whole night before a concert. Jin was a great cook, but some things were not meant to be brought together in a pot.

Next up was Yoongi. Again nobody wanted to speak first, until Jimin cleared his throat.
"Please don't lock yourself in your room or the studio, return at ungodly hours and scare the shit out of us?"

All of the others nodded, different amounts of past trauma visible on their faces.
"You nearly made Hobi-hyung cry that one time." Taehyung added with a slight smile. He apparently enjoyed the memory.

"How about he's not allowed more than two days without showing up and has to be back before ten in the evening?" Namjoon asked, already writing it down under his second hyung's name.

"And he has to eat with us."
"And actually talk."
"And play video games with us sometimes."
Suddenly the maknae line seemed quite engaged in the conversation. Yoongi started to look slightly traumatized so Namjoon decided to spare him.

"How about he tries to be more social, although he already did improve a lot. But please don't make him play games with you it ended in tears the last four times. Just accept he has good reflexes if he wants to."

Willingly ignoring Yoongi's smirk he scrabbled down the next name. Hobi's smile got a little more forced.

All six others turned to him at the same time.
"Don't ever rearrange the living room to make room for dance practice again!"

"But why?" The accused whined.

He shouldn't have asked. One after the other, oldest to youngest, gave him a piece of their mind.

"You got everything dirty, there was a mess around every single plant and my orchid died because you put in the shade."

"I wanted to take a nap, instead I had to witness you working out! During our break time!"

"I tripped on the couch table and nearly broke my toes! You know I finally got the layout of the dorm down to walk around without hurting myself."

"Seeing you practice makes me want to practice and then hyungs scold me again. Not fair!"

"You tore down some of my tin foil I arranged. It took forever to put back up."

"I wanted to work out with the furniture again but you took up all the space and then blasted the music so loud I couldn't hear my teammates in overwatch!"

Hoseok shrank down in his seat.
"I might have been a bit too motivated there...but they blocked the practice room at the agency, what was I supposed to do."

"Maybe take a break like they suggested. Especially since moving around the furniture stirred the few bugs we have in here and you screamed for half an hour while Yoongi and Jungkook threw them all out the window." Namjoon stayed matter of factly.

"My heroes!" The dancer beamed at his saviours. Jungkook reveled in the praise.

"Next in line, Jimin. Comments?"

Tae and Jungkook exchanged a glance. Then Tae took Jimin's hand, sporting a grave expression. Jungkook just turned red like a tomato.

"We know you worked hard. And that you're deeply in love. But for our Jungkookie's sake, stop lifting your shirt and checking your ab progress in front of every reflecting surface. He's picking up bad habits."

Everyone burst out laughing. Jimin didn't seem bothered at all, just giving them his stage look.
"Just appreciating what's good."

They moved on to Taehyung. Namjoon clicked the pen with a sigh.
"Tin foil."

Tae gave him his signature boxy grin, not guilty at all.
"It helped, didn't it?"

"Helped with what exactly?"

"To keep away negative messages."

"Was that the intention? That's why you covered the whole dorm in tin foil?"

Tae furrowed his brows.
"Well at first I only wanted to see how much tin foil was in one roll. Then I thought it looked kinda pretty and got more foil. And afterwards I noticed I received less stressful or mean messages so I concluded that tin foil keeps away negative things."

Jin smiled gently.
"Tae, darling. You probably didn't get any annoying messages because you don't receive any messages through tin foil."

The younger's eyes widened comically.
"Ooo that explains why I didn't get manager-nim's message for the schedule change."

"And neither did any of us that stayed in the dorm." Murmured Namjoon. All of them apart from Yoongi had been late that day. Yoongi only got the message because he had fallen asleep on his studio couch. The leader raised his voice again. "My suggestion is that you don't start any... redecorating projects without asking one of us first. That okay?"
He received an enthusiastic nod. It would probably have calmed him down more if he didn't know that Taehyung had stocked up on air dried bacon over the last week and no one knew why.

"And now finally, the Maknae. I think I speak for all of us if I say this. Please stop using all our furniture to work out. It's dangerous and sometimes we find random chairs in the bathroom."

He looked up to be met with huge begging eyes.
"But hyung, it's the perfect home training. You didn't let me keep my weights in my room after all."

"Side note, Jungkookie has to cover his arms at home since they scare me." Taehyung nodded wistfully.

Namjoon decided to ignore him. "I took your weights because your floor started to get  dented. And your room constantly smelled like sweat. Just use the gym like everyone else, please."

The begging turned to a kicked puppy look, but apparently their youngest had accepted his fate. Satisfied Namjoon put the pen away.
"I'd say that's it for now. If you have any additions to make, ask me first. I know the lists will be flooded with stupidity otherwise."

He was met with silence. When he looked up he saw the same expression on all six faces. They almost looked like wolves about to jump their prey.

"Namjoonie." Jin cooed. This couldn't be good. "Could it be you forgot yourself?"
Fuck. They noticed.

He gave the probably fakest laugh of all time. "Oh no, silly me. So, what should I write down?"

His oldest hyung leaned forward again. "We'd love to suggest you just stop destroying half our inventory. But we know that's impossible. As is baby proofing you, as we found out after putting all those sweaters on you."
Namjoon had overheated, half collapsed in the hallway, and taken down a shelf with him.
"So we decided that instead of giving you any rules you'll have to be Yoongi's personal butler for a day every time he has to repair something for you."

Namjoon turned ghostly white. He'd never live a day in freedom again. He peeked at the pale boy's face. A devious grin promised future suffering.

"Oh and you're also not permitted to give lectures of wisdom that are longer than five minutes anymore. We can't follow anyway."

After this conclusion the whole room went quiet for a few minutes. They all knew getting used to this would be torture.

It was two weeks later. Namjoon had just returned from his fourth coffee trip for Yoongi this day alone. He looked around. Jin stood in the kitchen, cooking ramen for the sixth time this week. Without any experimental cooking he lost his motivation to do anything else. There was no new glitter anywhere but somehow it was impossible to remove the older glitter from every nook and cranny and it drove them all insane.

Yoongi occupied the couch. He'd been at the studio the last two days so he had to stay home. The only way for him to not waste his burst of inspiration was scribbling down any ideas he had. Papers filled with his handwriting and sheets with scribbled melodies and beats surrounded the whole seating area. The most conversation he had with any of them was him begging whoever was close not to step on his work.

Hoseok basically vibrated on a bar stool. The practice rooms were all either in use or being renovated and the last time he had just went on a walk to spend his energy fans had recognised him and followed him around for way too long to be comfortable.

Jimin walked out of his room, wearing a jumpsuit. It was the only way he could stop himself from ever checking his abs. Resulting in creative swear words coming from the bathroom whenever he had to pee. And if course their youngest had picked up all of them, much to Jin's despair.

Taehyung kept Hoseok company. In front of them was the thirteenth package of dried bacon. Whatever he had planned to do with it, for the sake of dorm peace he had given it up. Meaning that he now had to eat all of the bacon by himself since the others didn't want any of it, only Jungkook sometimes took pity on him.

They hadn't seen Jungkook a lot these days. He only showed up to eat something, or to play overwatch and sleep. Commuting to the gym he had chosen and the usual training took up all of his remaining time.

Silently Namjoon went to the fridge where they had put up that godforsaken list.
"Oops what a terrible accident. My bad. I am soooo sorry."
He said in the most monotone voice he could muster after spilling the whole cup of coffee over the paper.
"Now you can't read the rules anymore. Does anyone remember them?"

The other members stared at him, not comprehending what he had just done.

"I don't!" Taehyung was the first to answer, shoving the bacon off the counter frantically .

The rest was fast to follow and cheers broke out. They hadn't been in such a good mood since they had had the rules talk.

Namjoon could feel his deepest dimpled smile spread on his face. Maybe their annoying habits hadn't been the worst after all. At least they were better than whatever curse they had lived under for the last weeks. All of the members seemed to agree with him, they were midway through planning a small party to celebrate their freedom after all. He could just hope all of them would try to work on their previous issues on their own now that they were aware of them. Taking a step forward to join the starting party he slipped on Tae's abandoned bacon package.

___________________________________________

Happy birthday to xmintylovex, this is way longer than what you wanted but you know I suck at keeping things short.
Thank you for letting me nag you as your editor for nearly a year now, it's been way more fun than I could have imagined.

This was written on my phone with barely any connection since I'm in the middle of nowhere and music blasting in the background, so please excuse mistakes or inconsistencies, these are thoughts and experiences coming from having to share a flat with several people for a while now and I hope you had fun reading.